OT - Bday party 'gifts are not necessary' ?

[las3888]

We are new to this - DS (2) was just invited to a bday party for a fellow 3-y/o. The party is for both the 3 y/o and his bro who will turn 5 as well. The invite says "gifts are not necessary " (smiley face was included). We have no idea what to make of that. I don't have a problem getting a small gift, but we don't want to be the only one. On the other hand, if we ignore gifts, what if everybody else brings one???? What is being done these days? Any advice?????

For background, this sounds like a large but low-key type of party. The family has a pool, so kids are to bring bathing suits. They are getting a moonwalk, and food will be sloppy joes and such.

Thanks!

 

[MSSANDRA]

That is a tough one. If it said no gifts please...I would not take a gift but the wording leaves it open for question. I think I would take a modest pool toy that the two can share and can be enjoyed by all at the party.

 

[jenrein]

How about bringing a card with a gift card in it? That way you arent walking in with a present but you are saved if everyone else has brought one. Or bring something that can be shared- a candy basket maybe?

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Okay, I have done this with the "gifts not necessary" thing. Really, for me I just wanted folks to come and enjoy and help us celebrate and have a good time and not feel that in order to come to the party that they needed to pony up with a gift. If they brought one, that was fine, but if they didn't, I did not mind in the least. Do what your comfortable with regarding bringing or not bringing something.

 

[Princess Roo]

I saw that for the first time on an invite recently and also didn't know what to make of it. It was a graduation, so we just brought a $10 gift card - probably would have done $25 otherwise. To me, it really isn't the same as "no gifts, please", which I usually put on invites.
I agree that a simple pool toy or some bubbles or sidewalk chalk would be appropriate. Another option would be to make a small donation to a children's charity and note that in a card.

 

[Juliet25]

Very odd! DD was invited to a party last year and it said "Instead of a gift, please bring a new wrapped book for a book swap." I thought it was a great idea.

I personally like the idea of bringing presents to the birthday kid. I think it helps kids learn to give. I'm not sure what to make of the "gifts not necessary."

I think I would lean towards not bringing a gift. I don't think anyone would notice if you didn't bring one. I'm assuming the birthday kid would open any presents later, and you certainly can't be blamed for not bringing one.

 

[LJRJR]

You could bring a gift and leave it in the car and if everyone shows up with a gift you could go and get yours. However, I think a small gift card to a store or a donation to a child's charity is the best idea (chalk and a pool toy are great too). I went to an end of the year pool party last year with my son and I did not know what to do as far as bringing something, so I went to blockbuster and put together one of those movie gift/snack baskets, which is a big popcorn tub filled with some candy/pop corn etc. nicely wrapped in cellophane. I go to a lot of kid parties and it is always difficult to decide what is appropriate.

 

[disneylovinfamily]

Do what you feel is best in your heart. I woud bering something although small. I think the pool toy idea is great or depending on the age, Walmart has snowball makers for like $15. That could be used at the party and they make great snoballs. I would love a gift like that---my freind has one and it is on my next shopping list. I think something that could be used at the party by all would be a great idea. I am sure the mom doesn't want people strssing over this so either way would be fine.

 

[Oceana]

I went to one of those parties once.

said no gifts.

My boys though felt weird going to a birthday party without a gift so we pulled a new condition but not in package doll out of the stuff my kids dont play with and wrapped it in a cut of cloth.

we got there to a table of perfectly wrapped brand new gifts with bows and all on a giant table... I felt bad for our "hand me down" gift

the young lady who recieved it enjoyed it though and didnt seem to notice the cloth wrapping or its lack of tag

i dont know what I would do again... prob get a gift

julie

 

[Chim Chiminy]

We do this every year.
Why? Because our kids receive way too much from an overzealous uncle and their grandparents. We simply don't need any more toys or books, anything.

Instead we put on the invite that in lieu of gifts, the guests are welcome to bring a donation to whatever organization the birthday child chooses.
Last year for DD it was the local homeless shelter (8 big boxes of food and toiletries), for DS the humane society.
Everyone thought it was a great idea and the kids send out really nice thank yous to everyone who attends, just as though they had been given "real" gifts.

 

[DVCJEN]

Okay, I have done this with the "gifts not necessary" thing. Really, for me I just wanted folks to come and enjoy and help us celebrate and have a good time and not feel that in order to come to the party that they needed to pony up with a gift. If they brought one, that was fine, but if they didn't, I did not mind in the least. Do what your comfortable with regarding bringing or not bringing something.

We did the "no gift necessary" for DS birthday party last month. We have friends and relatives of various economic backgrounds and didn't want anyone to feel the had to bring a gift to come. Most people brought a small ($10 or less) gift.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

We did the "no gift necessary" for DS birthday party last month. We have friends and relatives of various economic backgrounds and didn't want anyone to feel the had to bring a gift to come.

Exactly!!!!! This was our #1 reason-we had a few that I knew would not come if they had to bring a gift because of financial constraints-I never want folks to feel like in order to come and celebrate that they have to dig into their pockets, my thought of a birthday is the family, friends and celebration-not the gifts anyway. #2 my kids have so much and they really don't want for too many things-it just adds clutter.

 

[design_mom]

Can you kind of "feel out the situation" when you call to RSVP?

One of the first parties my DS was invited to (age 2) also had some sort of generic wording on the invite like "Gifts not necessary" or "Your presence is gift enough" or something like that. It didn't say *no gifts*, so we took a small gift.

When we got to the party the mom said, "Oh...you didn't have to bring a gift." then handed it back to my son saying "Why don't you just keep this." She said it with a smile, but I was very embarrassed. Apparently she meant *no* gifts.

Now, I usually try to feel out the situation when I call to RSVP by saying something like, "We saw that your invitation said gifts aren't necessary, but DS would love to pick out something for Johnny. Is that okay?" If they say "gifts aren't necessary but if you *want* to that's fine", then we take a gift. If they just leave it at "really, no gifts are necessary" then we abide by their wishes and usually take a nice homemade card instead.

 

[lutherlovr]

I guess maybe I am old fashioned, but if I am going to someone's house, especially if they are providing food for me and my family, I bring something. I would bring a small gift. It says "not nescessary" not "no gifts". Unless you truly cannot afford to bring something and it would stop you from going if you did have to bring something, then I say get a gift or offer to bring some supplies, dish to pass, etc.

 

[Skatermom23]

I have seen this done many times where parents have a joint party and don't want you to feel like you have to bring a gift for both kids. Especially when you may not even know the other sibling. I say bring one for the child you know, or both if they are friendly with both. I don't think I could show up for a birthday party for a young one I know and not bring something.

 

[luckey-lasvegas]

How about a birthday card with a couple of movie tickets inside. Or a gift card for another activity. I remember someone here made gift certificates on their computer for a play-date outing for the birthday child I always tought that was a great idea. And it didn't have to be anything pricey it could be a picnic and feeding the ducks. That way the mom gets a gift too because your giving her the gift of time by taking the kids off her hands for a little while.

 

[las3888]

Well, I appreciate all of your responses and I pretty much agree with all of you (in other words, I go back in forth). In the end, I am going to bring a small gift. I don't think I can call to feel out the parents. I tried to do that when I RSVP'd in person, but I just didn't feel comfortable, so I let it go. I did get a big bubble type of toy for around $10. It's something all the kids could have fun with at the party if they actually opened it during the party. DH felt we needed to bring a gift too (the boy is only 3).

My next dilemma is as PP mentioned...what do I do about the other kid? The background is that these are my son's Sunday school teachers kids. My son goes to Sunday School with the 3 y/o but not the 5 y/o, although we see him from time to time at church. Do we buy him a gift as well? I don't think I could expect them to share the gift I have bought. I kind of feel like it would be a little weird to bring the one boy a gift but not the other, yet on the other hand, we don't really know that boy. Any more ideas???

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

If it were me, I'd bring something for both kids. I wouldn't want anyone to feel bad-even if my kids didn't know the other boy. I don't think it has to be something big, just a token type of gift and that way everyone is happy.

 

[rwrocksme]

How about bringing one gift that both kids can use? Like, movie tickets or a board game, etc.

Also, I personally thought that the wording on the invitation, "Gifts not necessary" was a bit odd. I didn't think gifts were ever necessary...IMO

 

[bumbershoot]

HAlso, I personally thought that the wording on the invitation, "Gifts not necessary" was a bit odd. I didn't think gifts were ever necessary...IMO

Right.

But that's the problem, in that everyone EXPECTS to take a gift, people don't feel comfy going to a party without a gift, people think other peoples' children should receive gifts, etc etc etc. So even though it isn't ever necessary, many people think it is!

I would be the wording came from a situation where they just didn't know what to say. Each year I want to put that on invitations for DS's b'day party, and each year I forget it b/c "no gifts please" is really assuming people are bringing gifts, "no gift needed" is also assuming but perhaps is as bit more gentle BUT as we're seeing it makes it seem wishywashy..." no presents but your presence" is nice but I wonder if it's too cutesie for people to REALLY understand that what we mean is "no gifts please".

And then the loop starts over with "no gifts" sounding really rude, even though it's what we want! DS is still HAPPILY playing with his infant toys and cycles through his things on his own; we really don't need new things showing up.

Luckily people are figuring out that he doesn't need things, and the number of *things* he gets is dropping. Yay!


I know the OP figured out what she's going to do, but I just wanted to give my thoughts anyway.


Oh, and the smiley face might have been to 'soften' what the parent might have felt sounded odd? Not like a *wink* to mean "no really, bring something", but just a "we're all friends here, I don't mean to assume you'd bring something, but really we don't need anything" sort of thing.