OT: Au Pairs

[flipflop]

I was wondering if any of you have had or currently have an au pair? DH and I are considering trying it out now that the triplets are 2. It would be great to hear the good, bad and ugly! I'd also appreciate a recommendation for a good agency. There are so many out there it is a bit overwhelming.

TIA!

 

[Twingle]

I looked into an au pair for a bit when the twins were newborns, but I couldn't find an agency that was the right "fit". The ones that are local to me wanted a minimum two year contract, which was longer than I thought I needed.

Although I looked for almost a year, we never were able to find an au pair or nanny that could suit our needs, again, given the area we live in it just wasn't happening.

Are there any mom's in your area that use an au pair? Maybe they could give you a step in the right direction?

Good luck!

 

[Colinsmom]

We have one, and I'm not thrilled with the experience. DH is a fireman and I work part-time (mostly at home) so we needed someone who could adapt to our weird schedule. The agencies we looked at all charge for one year (you can get a refund if you quit the program during the year, but it isn't prorated in your favor); we went with Cultural Care.

We are on our third au pair since August 2006. The first was just a nutcase. She fawned over DH (not in a sexual way) and didn't get along well with my 4yo DS. So we transitioned her out, and waited over 6 weeks for a new one. Au pair #2 was so sweet, and really good with the kids (also have a 15mo baby). But her English was very poor (it was quite good when we did the phone interview with her - if it was even her), and she had no desire to work on it. If we were gone, she could not communicate even a simple "emergency" over the phone. We really loved her, and if she had wanted to work on her English, we would have kept her. But she refused. So she moved out, and we waited another 6 weeks for her replacement.

Our third and current au pair is really good with the kids. But she's frustrated because she's not making a ton of money (never mind that she knew her salary before she started, and we don't set the salary, the US government does) and she wants to take vacations, go to a private college in the US next year, etc. She also spends a lot of time locked in her room on the computer with friends back home, which isn't positive or productive. Her driving skills are weak, so if she wants to go somewhere, we need to drive her, and she tends to be kind of demanding about when and where we need to drive her. Sorry, with two small children and a husband who works weird hours, I can't play chauffer all the time. Some of the au pairs are decent drivers (especially from Sweden and Germany) but even they need some driving practice with their host parents before taking the car alone. She says that she doesn't want to be an au pair any more, but I think that we may have talked her out of leaving for now.

I think that it is a great concept, and the flexibility and cost are wonderful, but as someone pointed out to me, you get what you pay for. We're not sure that we'll go this route again; the hassle and stress are almost more than it is worth. And with 3 2yos, I can't imagine that you have room in your life for more of that!!

 

[checkwriter]

This response may be a little OT, but this website connects sitters with parents, and allows for background checks and interviews, etc. before hiring. I'm not sure if it covers the au pair situation -- the sitters are local for the most part -- but with three little kids you might find it a good resource, depending of course on where you live:

www.sittercity.com

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I know this is a little distant from the topic, but what is the advantage of having a nanny from another country (au pair) versus a nanny who is native to our country? Is it a monetary advantage? My SIL has what she deems an au pair-however, she's a bit pretentious-the woman isn't an au pair in the true sense-she is as american as apple pie (but for SIL it sounds more impressive I guess to use that term). But for those of you who specifically want a foreign nanny, is the desire for one for your child (or children) to be exposed to different cultures and for learning purposes or do they have a distinct discipline style that you don't find at home (meaning the US, not in your home specifically)? We were lucky enough to have very involved and helpful grandparents nearby for our oldest two, but I could see possibly wanting another set of hands now that we have a two year old and the grandparents are not nearby anymore.

 

[flipflop]

I know this is a little distant from the topic, but what is the advantage of having a nanny from another country (au pair) versus a nanny who is native to our country? Is it a monetary advantage? My SIL has what she deems an au pair-however, she's a bit pretentious-the woman isn't an au pair in the true sense-she is as american as apple pie (but for SIL it sounds more impressive I guess to use that term). But for those of you who specifically want a foreign nanny, is the desire for one for your child (or children) to be exposed to different cultures and for learning purposes or do they have a distinct discipline style that you don't find at home (meaning the US, not in your home specifically)? We were lucky enough to have very involved and helpful grandparents nearby for our oldest two, but I could see possibly wanting another set of hands now that we have a two year old and the grandparents are not nearby anymore.

The short answer for us is cost and availability. We have been looking for a nanny for 9 months and in our search (using two reputable agencies) we have found one awesome candidate (on our own - not through the agencies) who decided to accept a job which allowed her to return to corporate america after taking a 7 year break to nanny rather than accept our offer (this was def the right choice for her even though we were sad!).
A nanny for us would cost between $625-700 a week (we have 2 year old triplets). We also wanted to hire a nanny who was a legal resident or citizen - more difficult. An au pair costs approximately $300 a week.

My parents live close by and are a huge help but both still work 30-35 hours a week and can't watch the kids every day, all day long. We currently bring our kids to an in-home sitter. But our sitter is now watching 7 children ages 4 and under and I am simply not comfortable with that. In addition, my DH and I have repeatedly asked that the kids be limited in their tv time and that hasn't happened. Daycare centers won't really work for us. That leaves a nanny or an au pair. My DH and I are nervous about hiring an au pair for many reasons - age, living with us, not meeting face-to-face before hiring, etc. However, there are benefits as well - no showing up late or calling out sick when they aren't b/c they live with you. I know there are detriments and I also believe that you get what you pay for in many instances but $625-700 is a ton of money and I would rather reduce my hours at my law firm and be home more with my kids and have an au pair than shell out a ton of money for a nanny. We're still on the fence about whether to proceed with an au pair or continue on with our search for a nanny. The cultural experience for the kids is a plus but not a deciding factor to us.

 

[Foxes Den]

I was an Au Pair.. (in Paris) its hard to get a good fit - between families, and an outsider - who's own culture is so different from an North American one. Now that said, I was an Au Pair over 15 years ago.. and I still keep in touch and visit the family (back and forth) from France. But it was hard, with lots of tears and anger on both sides I am sure.

Taylor

 

[ranthony]

I have twin 2 year olds and a 5 year old and I also seriously considered an au pair last year. In the end, I decided it wasn't right for us and I decided to stay home. However, through the process I came across a web-site that may help you with a nanny from the US. Here's the link: http://www.gonannies.com/gonannies/ Depending on where you live, you may be able to find someone that fits your needs.

Another suggestion given to me was to look through your church (if you have one), or churches in the area to find a mom with kids that are all big enough to be in school. Also, a recently retired teacher would be a good choice if you could find one.

I have personally lived overseas for 5 years and know the benefit of having children exposed to another culture. However, in the experiences I know of first hand, an au pair is rarely good at teaching culture to children (or anyone else for that matter). Unfortunately, many au pairs are looking for a way to bridge themselves to the US more than experiences with young children. Also, having personally experienced many cultures I have found that Americans are probably the most "vigilant" (I've heard others from other counrties call it "overprotective") parents. This is totally a genaralization and I'm not saying one way is right or wrong but there are differences here that can cause quite a bit of discontent between au pairs and their host families.

Having said all this, I will say that a friend of mine has had an au pair for many years (not the same one) primarily to help with an autistic son. As her son got older (and bigger) she began to request au pairs that were male and she swears that they have worked out better than the females.

Good luck, I hope you can find what you need. Feel free to PM me if you'd like more details.

 

[Colinsmom]

I know this is a little distant from the topic, but what is the advantage of having a nanny from another country (au pair) versus a nanny who is native to our country? Is it a monetary advantage? My SIL has what she deems an au pair-however, she's a bit pretentious-the woman isn't an au pair in the true sense-she is as american as apple pie (but for SIL it sounds more impressive I guess to use that term). But for those of you who specifically want a foreign nanny, is the desire for one for your child (or children) to be exposed to different cultures and for learning purposes or do they have a distinct discipline style that you don't find at home (meaning the US, not in your home specifically)? We were lucky enough to have very involved and helpful grandparents nearby for our oldest two, but I could see possibly wanting another set of hands now that we have a two year old and the grandparents are not nearby anymore.

For us, the advantages were mainly cost and flexibility. Au pairs are pretty inexpensive - under $300/week for up to 45 hours (not factoring in car insurance or - grrrr - fender benders) and you don't pay more for younger kids or more kids.

As far as flexibility goes, we have different schedules every week since DH is a fireman and is on 24hrs/ off 48hrs, and I work three days per week. We can set her schedule each week based on our work schedules and other plans (errands, dr appts, etc.) and she has to work the schedule we set, as long as it falls under the guidelines. I could see a US nanny getting fed up with that pretty fast and taking a job with a family who has a more consistent, M-F 9-5 type job.

There's the cultural aspect, but I haven't been impressed with how any of our au pairs have tried to share their cultures. In fact, our current one doesn't like her home country and wants to stay permanently in the US after she's done as an au pair (on her own - we are not working with her on that).

 

[Colinsmom]

Having said all this, I will say that a friend of mine has had an au pair for many years (not the same one) primarily to help with an autistic son. As her son got older (and bigger) she began to request au pairs that were male and she swears that they have worked out better than the females.

Interesting. We have two boys, so considered a male au pair down the road (if we even stick with au pairs for childcare). Having a female au pair is like having a teenage girl in the house; I think that boys are less complicated at that age!

 

[jcoffman]

We have had two Au Pairs. Our first one didn't work out, I guess the cultural differences were sooooo drastically different. We were warned not to use that country by the coordinator, but since both of our children were adopted from that country we thought it was worth a shot. She gave us nothing culturally and was in it only for what she could get. She spent most of her time locked in her room, and even if the kids were screaming would not even attempt to calm them down. She left, and we were releived, because it was her decision, she wasn't happy.
We now have a wonderful girl, who came about a month ago from a different country. We have learned more about her culture in the last 4 weeks then we did with the first girl in the 6 months she was here. This girl, goes out of her way to interact with the kids. She is not as neat as the other girl, and my house is a lot messier when I get home, but my kids are happy and safe and I can live with having to vacuum when I get home. I can work on her cleaning up the finger paint! BECAUSE SHE IS FINGER PAINTING WITH THEM! YEAH! I feel that it is more important to have a girl with a good yheart then worring about a clean floor. The first girl did NOTHING so my house was still spotless. She let them watch TV all day. BORING!!!!!!
Today our new girl called me at work to ask permission to take the baby for a walk. I was stunned. Of course she could.. That's great. She is so protective of the baby, almost to much so. I say its ok let him play and explore. He just started walking yesterday, and I know its making her really nercous. Today he had a little bruise on his head (and I mean little) and she was soooooooo nervous.

Anyway my point is this girl is working better for us. there are still things I don't love about the program, but I am hoping that this girl becomes a part of our family. I think its worth the shot.

Jennifer

 

[shelly3girls]

I just wanted to add that we found a wonderful nanny through gonannies.com mentioned above. I am surprised that everyone finds an au pair so much cheaper than a nanny. Once we added up all of the agency fees, cost of a car and insurance (our nanny drives the older kids to activities), and extra living expenses we found the cost to be about the same maybe even more than a nanny (agency fees are very high and from what I remember you have to pay them every year). We do not pay anywhere near $700/week and we live in a very expensive area and also have 3 children (although 2 are older). We hired our nanny independently not through an agency so that made it much more affordable but we found several highly qualified American citizens to interview as a nanny (some were also looking for a live-in situation). I personally like that we have our house to ourselves as I know several women who could not handle having their caretaker live in the same house. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Lastly, I just wanted to add that I personally could not stand the thought of having to find someone new each year. Our current nanny is amazing, truly a gift from God. If it is up to us she will be will us for many, many years to come. It is such a stressful experience finding someone to care for your children that I hope to never have to do it again.

 

[sara74]

My SIL used to teach child development for incoming au pairs in New York. I believe she worked for EF Au Pair. She had au pairs from that agency for several years, 6 or so. She had great experiences and the kids, who are 12 and 16 now, really enjoyed those years.

I have a friend who has her first au pair this year and she has been thrilled. She just matched for next year and is really looking forward to it.

We are considering a summer au pair (some agencies have summer programs) as I work part time and can't imagine sending the kids to day camp 5 days a week during the summer when I only work 2 days. I am still pulling DH into my camp on this one...

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Au pairs are cheaper because they are limited on the number of hours they may work, they are only here for one year, they are YOUNG, and they probably don't have a lot of experience. Think of them as foreign exchange students who will babysit.

I am a professional nanny with 14 years of full time experience, including special needs and newborns. $700 per week for toddler triplets actually sounds a little low to me, but it would depend on the number of hours. I don't know that I would trust an au pair with toddler age multiples, but that is just me.

I would recommend going to the International Nanny Association website to see if there might be some info there about au pairs or placement agencies. There are agencies who handle nationwide placements, so if the local agencies don't have candidates the nationwide agencies may. APNA is the professional association for agencies - check to see if your agents are members. The Nanny Network website has good info, as well as boards similar to these. Nanny Answers has really good info and a great sample contract.

Good luck! Finding the right person to care for your children is a huge task, and the most important task you will ever face.

 

[Amy5000]

We've had several au pairs and we have also had good and bad au pair experiences. While it's relatively inexpensive childcare, it's also another person in your house who's well-being you have to look after.

I'm too fried right now to go into detail about our experiences, but I do have one piece of advice. Au Pair in America has candidates that are qualified as "Au Pair Extraordinaries" (hope I got the spelling right). They get a higher salary and tend to have more better/more childcare credentials. (Many intend to go into early childhood education).

I would consider getting an "Au Pair Extraordinaries" candidate, especially with triplets. The nanny who posted here and said au pairs are not nannies are correct. We have had loving au pairs who are fabulous with our children, but many need more direction than you would need to give a professional nanny.

We have not used Au Pair in America, but we considered it at one point and began looking at applications for "Extraordinaire" candidates (most that we saw were from Austria) and they really were more highly qualified. (Also, a co-worker had an Extraordinaire au pair and it she truly was amazing).

Good luck.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Au pairs are cheaper because they are limited on the number of hours they may work, they are only here for one year, they are YOUNG, and they probably don't have a lot of experience. Think of them as foreign exchange students who will babysit.

Okay, that answers my question. I didn't realize there was such a huge disparity in pay from an au pair to a nanny.

 

[Aristomommy]

Has anyone arranged their own au pair? I have family overseas that could inteview a candidate and that way we could have someone here teach our children my native language. How much paperwork is involved?