ot any child protective workers out there?

[mommiepoppins]

I am a certified day care provider and a mandated reporter.
On friday my friend called and said that her dd5 was taking bathes with her father. ( childs father)
She had seen dd get out of the tub with the father ( who has custody)
she wanted to know if she should report that ( mind you they are on a constant custudy battle)
The mother called cps
I personally do not think that it is ok ( bath taking), however the dad is a good dad and I questioned him ( because the child is in my day care) he said that they just got back from the pool and he jumped in the tub and dd5 jumped in and he got right out when the mom found him. I do knot know what to do. I was just wondering should I also call because the child told me about it.

also what happens next.
dose cps take the children away or do they help the family. I am worried that the child will have to be put in foster care.

no flames please

 

[PaulaSue]

I am not a CPS worker but it sounds like the mom is trying to cause trouble and get you in on it.

What is wrong with a Father showering with a DD? Unless you saw some wrong (sexual) happening or questionable marks on her, of course. Just because you don't agree with it who are you to judge?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I have to say that I agree too. Unless you think there was something odd and wrong, I don't see the harm. I too get the impression that your friend just wants to cause trouble and drag you into it. I don't know the whole situation but I imagine that you do, so unless you really think there was something not right with the situation I wouldn't call CPS. JMHO.

 

[jennifer293]

I have 2 DD's one is 5 (almost 6) and the other is 2. These girls have been taking a bath with thier daddy since they were just a few weeks old. If you even mention the word "bath" the 2 yr old is stripped down to nothing no matter who is taking a bath (even the dog) The girls still take baths with their father and I haven't given it a second thought ever.

I would say if she has no proof of any sexual misconduct then I would not say anything at all.

 

[HappyLawyer]

i'll give you a legal perspective my field is child and family law, and there is nothing wrong with a 5 year old taking a bath with her dad, i would be careful in what you do, you report if you feel the child is in imminate danger, but this is not an uncommon thing. Remember not to judge others, i would not let my daughter take a bath wieh her dad at 5 but that's me, i have a friend and she takes a bath with her four year old son.

 

[emma'smom]

I'm a mandated child abuse reporter too. This doesn't sound a like a situation where you suspect abuse....and if the mother has already reported the situation, then it should be on file should CPS choose to follow-up. You did follow-up with the father and it doesn't sound like the father was doing anything intentionally abusive. I would only call if the CHILD (not the mother) said something to lead you to believe that abuse is involved. As to what would happen next, a case worker would probably follow-up with a home visit at some point. If he or she finds no evidence of abuse, then the case will probably be closed until further reports cause it to be reopened. They won't just take a child away based on your report alone...all your report does is alert social services to look at the situation to see if their is an issue. Even if an issue is discovered, the child may not automatically be removed from the home (and usually they are placed with other family members if at all possible).

 

[barkley]

mandated reporter here-if the social services agency i retired from had received a call detailing what you've said in the o/p it likely would have done a search of their child welfare data base to see if the child/parents had any record or reports/investigation and then based on what was/was'nt in the data base they would have taken the report and made a decision weather or not a home visit was warranted. if the mom just reported that dad was bathing with dd-that's not a basis for child abuse or neglect, however if she alluded or came right out and said she was concerned about sexual abuse it would likely be investigated.

cps looks at every report but they only go out on those that appear to have a valid issue with child safety/protection. there are some who may feel a action by a parent is inappropriate but it does'nt always meet the criteria of child abuse or neglect (we got lots about kids sleeping with their parents beyond a certain age-well, some cultures/parents endorse the concept of a family bed until their child chooses of their own accord to leave-it may not align with everyone's comfort level but it's not abuse).

i would realy watch out if you are close friends with one of the parent's you provide care for, esp. if they are involved in a nasty custody battle. you may be "used" as a means to document issues that could come up later in court. some parents who fear being cited by a family court judge for false allegations to cps (also fear prosecution) will take the avenue of mentioning concerns to a daycare provider in the hopes they will make a report or at least document the concerns in their records. when the provider is a good friend of one of the parents involved what may have been what the provider considered a personal moment of confiding over coffee (as friends, not as provider-client) can be brought up in court and the provider put into the position of defending why she did'nt do a referral.

 

[shaylahc1]

I don't think there is anything wrong with a 5 y.o. taking a quick bath with her Dad. Would you feel the same way if the 5 y.o. was taking a bath with her mom?

Unless you saw something with your own eyes (and not "heresay") than I don't think you have a valid reason to call CPS. Just because mom says she saw something doesn't mean it's true. Obviously if the father has custody of the child it's a sign that he's doing something right. I agree with the PPs that it sounds like the mom is trying to cause problems.

 

[mommiepoppins]

Thank you all. I agree I am doing my best to stay out of it. I do not think at all that the child is being abused. My only real concern is that abuse. I do not think it is. Thanks so much

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Thank you all. I agree I am doing my best to stay out of it. I do not think at all that the child is being abused. My only real concern is that abuse. I do not think it is. Thanks so much

It isn't abuse for a parent to merely bathe with a child. Your "friend" is trying to use you, IMO. She is obviously not happy with the custody arrangement and is trying to work any angle she can to win in court next go-round. Apparently that means she is willing to jeopardize your friendship and drag you into it, too, since she thinks your mandated reporter status will carry more weight than her own complaint. I have not worked in child protective services myself, but I have worked in 3 agencies working with children "in the system" and am pretty familiar with child protective services and policies in CA, FL, MA, and RI through my work with clients. If I were you, I'd be asking myself if this friend has done things like this in the past, and if so, I'd be re-evaluating our friendship. Good luck to you!

 

[TinkerbellMama]

also what happens next.
dose cps take the children away or do they help the family. I am worried that the child will have to be put in foster care.

no flames please

You also have to think about the situation objectively: you have said he's a good dad. You know there's a custody battle. You are in a VERY bad place, being the childcare provider and also friends with only ONE of the parties in said custody battle. If you are even remotely worried that this poor child will end up IN FOSTER CARE over a call, and you don't think anything is going on, then it makes sense that you would NOT call just because Mom is egging you to do it. Foster care with total strangers vs. an innocent bath with Dad. Think about it! Good luck!

 

[petrymom]

No legal background here, just experience as a parent. I also feel that there is no abuse here in this situation. I think it is totally acceptable for a father to bath with his 5 yr old daughter. If she was 10, it may be a slightly different story.

Good luck in your decision process.

 

[mommiepoppins]

Again I am staying out. I personally feal that the system is being abused not the child. so I am staying out. Thank you for all the help!!!!

 

[littleprissboutique]

Wow, I know of a lot of daddy's that take a bath with their kiddos. My little girl is almost 4, and when daddy takes a shower with her he always wears his swimming trunks. Maybe this little girls daddy done the same thing and the Mommy just left out this key piece of info. If anything sounds like mommy is the one who is mentally abusing this little girl by the ongoing custody battle.

I think it is just aweful that the little girl has to go through this. Bless her heart.

 

[kaysmommie]

IMO I don't think the dad should be naked in front of a 5 YO DD. My DD 6 will occasionally bath with me but not her dad unless they rinsing off from swimming and he is wearing swimsuit still. DH does give our children a bath though and there is nothing wrong with that. I don't take baths with my DS 2, but if he were 5 or 6 I would certainly not bath with him. I guess it depends on what you feel is appropiate for your family. Good luck with this situation.

 

[kaysmommie]

Wow, I know of a lot of daddy's that take a bath with their kiddos. My little girl is almost 4, and when daddy takes a shower with her he always wears his swimming trunks. Maybe this little girls daddy done the same thing and the Mommy just left out this key piece of info. If anything sounds like mommy is the one who is mentally abusing this little girl by the ongoing custody battle.

I think it is just aweful that the little girl has to go through this. Bless her heart.

I agree with this! BTW my DD is also named Kaylee and she just turned 6. Your Kaylee is cute too! I guess you make her clothes? Do you have a store because we live in Knoxville TN and those are some outfits.

 

[emma'smom]

Whether or not one agrees with the appropriateness of this practice, it still wouldn't be considered abuse...as one poster mentioned, such practices do vary by cultures and by individual family practices. Some families are really much more open than others. It doesn't sound like the situation was sexual at all (and therefore not abusive). However, this doesn't mean that everyone has to approve.

 

[mrsltg]

Sounds to me like the mom is a real witch. Crying 'abuse' when there is none present simply to get the upper hand in a custody battle is disgusting. She'd rather seperate the child from her father than share custody? Shameful.

I also would not have spoken to the father about him bathing with his daughter. Wow - she knows her father has a different body than hers -so does her mother. I bathe with my girls and sometimes my dh showers with them. There is nothing wrong with it. There is a GIGANTIC difference between nudity and sexual abuse.

 

[noodleknitter]

Sounds to me like the mom is a real witch. Crying 'abuse' when there is none present simply to get the upper hand in a custody battle is disgusting. She'd rather seperate the child from her father than share custody? Shameful.

Ditto.

 

[babiesX2]

This is very common in custody battles - twisting an innocent situation into an abusive one. Your friend should be very careful because judges are not clueless. This could end up hurting her in the end. Not too long ago, there was a high profile case where a set of twin girls were removed from their mom's custody and given to the father. The mother had been claiming the father was sexually abusing the girls. She even went so far as to take them to dr.s and have them examined "down there." She finally regained custody, but it took her quite a while. Father's rights are looked at differently now than they were even 5 years ago. Watch Judge Judy every day for a week. Most likely there will be at least one case where someone made a false claim to CPS. It is very easy to prove who filed the claim. If CPS rules in favor of the accused, the accuser can be sued for damages.

My advice (for what it is worth) -- stay out of it.