OT ---Adoption Questions

[holden]

We adopted DD from the foster care system almost a year ago. She came to us six days after her 2nd birthday and had been in foster care since she was 10mos. old. Her first foster mom was wonderful. We had to become foster parents first in order to adopt her and we are still hoping that another child will come our way someday.

The adoption did not cost us one penny. Foster care is a wonderful way to adopt!!

 

[ZachnElli]

We adopted the beautiful baby boy pictured in my siggie! We got custody of him when he was 6 days old (got the call when he was 2 days old). We used an agency. Cost varies from state to state. Some states are nonprofit and some are for profit and those that allow profit can be very expensive and costs vary by race. The wait also varies by race and health requirements that you want. We didn't wait very long. We were first picked by a birthmom of a different race than us, but she changed her mind and kept the baby. Then we were picked by the agency (the birthmom didn't want to choose) for our Noah. He was drug exposed, but the birthmom said only twice and he shows no signs of drug abuse, we think he's a genius of course! It took us from the first informational meeting, held by our agency, to the time we held Noah 6 1/2 months and much easier than all the medical testing I had gone through earlier! Good luck and feel welcome to PM me!

 

[TanaL]

If you decide to start calling private adoption agencies in your area, you may also want to call your county. They may have both adoption and foster to adopt programs. We are involved with the foster to adopt program but just got through the training and licensing. I only mention it because in our county, there are a surprisingly high number of babies that go into the foster to adopt program, especially newborns. Sometimes folks aren't familiar with these options, so be sure to check it out.

Best of luck to you!

 

[hoosiergirl7]

Hi guys. I have a few questions for parents who have successfully adopted infant/toddlers.

We have tried to have another precious angel on our own, but it is not working. I have an appt with my OB. We got preggo with my dd the first month we tried, but this time around we are having no luck. I guess DD was our only natural that we were meant to have. Dr. seems to think my cervix in to open? I keep having chemical preggo's. SO, instead of going through all the pain of fertility, we are thinking of adoption. There are so many children out there that need a good home.

Here are my questions.

How long can we expect to wait? We are wanting a girl or boy. Infant or toddler, but infant would be better for me. I am wanting an american child. How much $$$ are we looking at? How hard is it to get a non drug baby? Do you know what the mothers life is when you adopt? Any other info would be great. We have an attorney, but do we need an adoption atty? Also, with the dateline special that was on, how do you protect yourself? I dont want to be handing over big bucks to someone and then they bail on me. I would go on a man hunt then! LOL Serious, I would get if someone tried to scam me even after a background check. How do you protect yourself


Thanks guys

Let's see here where do I begin. We've been down the adoption road once and are getting ready to go down it again. We were planning on an international adoption this time (China) but the wait has grown and it would be at least 18 months until we would be able to go to China and really don't want to wait that long for another child.

I have to agree the correct terminology is Domestic adoption and my son's biological mom is his birthmom. He's just under 3 and doesn't understand what being adopted means, but he walks around saying he's adopted. We've ALWAYS been open about it with him. How can we not be since he's bi-racial. Eventually he'll ask why he's not quite the same color we are (although I'm biased and think he's beautiful!)

We tried to do the agency adoption thing for just over 2 years. We had 3 failed adoptions through them (2 matches that were made and birth mothers changed their minds before we even met them) and a 3rd where we had a relationship with the birthmom for nearly 6 weeks before she gave birth to a girl and changed her mind about us. We don't have the whole story because the agency refused to tell us what happened. After the 3rd failed adoption we never got calls from the agency. But that's a whole other story. So we started networking on our own and 9 months after the 3rd failed adoption we adopted our son through an adoption attorney in Oklahoma. How long an adoption takes varies greatly. Like I said for us we were trying to adopt for almost 3 years before we adopted our son. We never expected it to take that long. Our 2nd adoption should we do the domestic route again could happen in a matter of months, it just all depends especially since we really want a girl. If we only have another child, we'd like to have 1 of each sex. If we decide to have a 3rd, then it won't matter because we'll have a boy and a girl.

It's up to you as to how you want to pursue adoption. You can choose to go the agency route, but I will tell you that most agencies require that you work with them, and them only. Almost as though you are on contract. Some agency adoptions can be less expensive than private adoptions through attorneys. Our sons adoption through an attorney was in the mid-20K range. We have friends who adopted a son in FL who spent about 35K in attorney and other fees. You will need an adoption attorney if you chose that route. You cannot use a regular attorney to deal with family law. Also, avoid adoption facilitators. There are quite a few states that prohibit faciliated adoptions all together. But the biggest reason to avoid adoption facilitators is that they are not regulated by any laws the way attorneys and agencies are. Many have adoption attorneys that they work with (some that I've heard are HORRIBLE!!). Also with facilitators you pay a lump sum up front for their services. Some can be as high as almost $8500 or more and that doesn't include the legal work and any living expenses, medical you will have to pay the birth mother once there is a match. Also, the money you pay to a facilitator is usually good for a 1 yr contract for their services.

Adoption laws vary from state to state. I know when we made the decision to adopt we were going to choose to adopt from states where once the birthmother signs away her parental rights, she cannot change her mind and revoke them.

As far as money goes, adoption unless you go the international route is never a sure thing here in the US. When our agency failed us we lost 11K and up until our son's birth mother went to court to testify that she was making the right decision for her son, there was no guarantee either. We asked the attorney what would happen if she changed her mind and we had lost all that money. She said we could sue for the money for living expenses, etc, but it's almost impossible you'll ever see a dime back because they can't pay it. However, the exception is and I don't know if this is for all states, but in the state of OK if a birthmother selects another couple after she selected you, you will get your money back from the other couple. At least that's the way it worked with our attorney.

Please PM if you want to ask any more questions, etc.

 

[GoofyGolferGirl]

MayMom , can you tell me more about the little boy? We are interested in adopting another child and would not mind taking one that is older.

 

[Becky G]

We adopted our two sons through the foster care system. They were 13 mos old and 23 mos old when they came to live with us. We adopted them when they were 4 and 5.

 

[Katieplus4]

wev have three kids that we adopted thru our state child protective services
they were 6 days, 18 mo, and 2 years upon placement. they were not related until joining our family. and then we have our little bonus guy-who i ended up having the old fashioned way(didn't think we could) The program here was great and you get to find out all background info that they know and you also get to choose the children that are the best match for your family- meaning you can choose children with less or more needs as you feel you can handle. all 3 of our kids are happy, extremely smart and show no ill effects from the original situations or egg parents. There are also benefits to state adoptions that we did not know when we started the process but think are faboo- free medical care till 18, the adoptions were free, and they each have free state college education.

i would look into your local Child protective services-

good luck

 

[lovebuzz]

Hi! I just wanted to say good luck. I'm a birth Mom who decided to give her children a life that I could not provide for them 16 years ago. I decided to go through a adoption agency.

 

[popisme]

lovebuzz----- I just wanted to say Thank You....... There is not a special occasion or holiday that goes by that I do not think about my daughters birthmom and the tremendous sacrifice that she made in order to give her daughter a better life.... I can not imagine how impossible a situation it must have been for her to have made that choice.... I will forever be grateful for her courage and strength in making a heart wrenching decision that forever linked our lives.... I may never meet this woman face to face but if I could I don't think words could even begin to express how I feel..... She has given me the most wonderful and amazing person in my life and without her my beautiful daughter would not be impacting so many people's lives.... It is courageous women like you and my daughters birth mom that make it possible for women like me to be moms.


Again Thank You................

 

[loriljones]

We adopted a beautiful baby girl at 1 month old through an adoption agency who reduced fees as it was a transracial adoption and they were having difficulty placing her. We are Caucasian and our daughter is African -American. The Lord definately had his hand in our adoption and I believe he planned us for her and vice versa. The agency brought all the paperwork to my work for us to fill out,did our home study (thoroughly), ran our background checks (and got them back) and placed her in our home in less than 10 days! We have 4 sons and although I was really excited about a daughter we were not going to request a certain gender. We were just lead to adopt as we had researched adoption extensively 7 years prior to getting our daughter as we were infertile. Our infertity specialist reduced costs for one invitro try and we had twins! Then were blessed with 2 other sons. We put the idea of adoption on hold until we were at WDW in December 2002. While we were there, our sons 6,6,5 and 2 at that time were asleep and my husband and I talked about whether are family was complete and decided that we might revisit the idea adoption however we were going to take our time. That was the night her birthmother went to the hospital to have her. She was born the next day on her brother's 5 birthday. And he had made a wish at the wishing well at MK for a twin! Hope your pursuit of adoption works out well for you.

 

[TiggerTails57]

Our lives have also been blessed by adoption..........seventeen years ago we adopted our DD from Korea, she arrived at four months old weighing just 12 lbs (she was a special needs preemie) 4lbs 13 ounces at birth, six weeks early.
She is truly a wonderful daughter and we could not be prouder to be her parents.
Good Luck!

 

[tacomaranch]

It was almost 4 yrs ago that I was pg. I had my tubes tied several years earlier but somehow, someway, the worst had happen. I am older at the time 45, my husband 39, we are white, both college educated, both working, and never any drugs, wine and social drinks.

We have children who had grown up and left the home. So after a long time of praying, we decieded to put the "child" for adoption. I was on a board and was pm'd. I thought I had found the perfect family. They came out from Ohio, very nice, good folks and I truly liked them. I was very specific in what I wanted also. No medical expenses, no living costs, nothing, except a tummy tuck afterwards so I could get my body back to normal.

It is not anyone who can make a decision to put a child up for adoption. It is so hard to never get close to the child growing inside of you. Yet, we felt very strongly that we were not this child parents, that we had found the parents.

10 days before our DS was born the family emailed and said their family dog of 15 years had died and they didn't want to adopt...***!

So after having to make the decision in the first place and then this, I took it as a sign that the good Lord wanted us to be the parents.

I went into labor and there were 10 families from our small community in the waiting room who wanted this child. I did not know this. A man called my best friend and said he wanted this child and would do anything legal or not to get it for his daughter. I heard every sob story from every person who wanted a child. We were talking about the adoption on day in a restaurant and some people ease dropped and left a note with the waitress for us to call them. It was rude!

So now, almost 3.5 years later I have a wonderful, beautiful, smart, cut son who is the love of my life. Is it hard to be a mom at nearly 50 with a single child at home? OMG you bet. But he is my life and it was God who brought him to me.

That is my story.

I wish you all the best in your journey to adopt.

Wow, that is the first time I put words into what happen....

 

[loriljones]

Tacomaranch, Thank you so very much for sharing your story. Your son is very lucky to have you as his mother. The lord knew where he belongs.

 

[kaysmommie]

I have nothing to help you, but I do have a sweet little 6 year old boy in my classroom that is going on the national adoption registry. Both parents are in prison and have signed ALL rights away. He is living with a 72 year old foster mom who also has a 34 year old handicapped, wheelchair-bound, daughter. (Isn't that sad for a little boy to see every day?) He needs a family so bad.....so if anyone knows anyone.....he is a precious little boy. Please say a prayer for him, his name is Wally.

That is so sad, it makes cry that parents are so selfish like that. Prayers to that little boy.

 

[MrsJ Henry]

We are in the process of adopting right now. We are adopting from Guatemala and are presently waiting for our little Malea to come home to us.
We actually started with Foster to adopt. We did our homestudy, took the classes and were approved. However I started to be more honest with myself and my DH that if we were to be fostering and then the child went back to Her/His biological mother I would be heart broken. That is when we decided to do international.

I will say that if you are going to go the route of Social services (through your county) Call and find out all of the information.All counties are different and they will be able to help you the most. If you decide to do private. Then I would start researching agencies. Make sure you are very informed before you start this process!!!! This is not something that you want to learn as you go ( somethings will be that way)
What agency you pick is the most important decision!!!!!!
Also, You will get tons of information and support on adoption.com. They have great forums that are very similar to these!!!!!!

 

[ldbrown318]

We adopted our son from a local adoption agency. We had one failed adoption. It was absolutely horrible, but from what we heard afterwards our situation was unique. The second go was absolutely perfect. Our son was born in our city, we were there along with both sets of gandparents and my wifes grnadmother. The whole famly got to be there and that made it all the better. Our sons birthmom (the correct term IMHO) invited our whole family in to meet her. So what was to be a private thing between her, me and my wife became a family thing. It was really a special moment!

Adoption is a wonderful thing. It takes a very special person to do it and an even more special person to place their child up for adoption.

I could go on and on but ill hold off for another time. Good luck, go for it!! Its the best thing that we ever did!