OT: 4 year old with ADHD or something?

[Alesia]

That's exactly where I'm confused in general.
I think ADHD is thrown around a lot by people who don't have any experience with it really.
In my case I am just beginning to educate myself. But, the Attention Deficit part seems not totally relevant in our case. For DS one of the big things we struggle with is that he likes things a specific way. A meltdown happens, for instance, when he has a line of cars and someone moves one. He can literally spend an hour building a complex lego structure. But if he makes a mistake on it then the world falls apart.
Or, for instance when we did gymnastics he would want to go on the different apparatus in one order. (this was 2 years ago). If they changed the order or, god forbid, didn't do one at all, he would melt down.
This sounds like just stubborness, but it's not. My niece, for instance, will want things her way and have a temper tantrum sometimes. But, she can get it back together.
And, I think this need to have things a certain way tends to cause problems in a group setting. Like, lining up can be a huge issue. Why? I don't know. In daycare he did well because he knew when he had to line up. It was all routine. And so he managed. But there was tons of one on one at daycare and that helped him.
The hyperactivity part may hold true. He does have crazy energy. But, I'm not sure how much of that is just being a 4 year old boy.
I find more it's also a lot of just wanting to move. Sitting still in an assembly is really hard. He needs to move.
And the other thing is that things will agitate him. We were in a vacation bible school today and there was a poster on the wall. It had a rip in it. He was in tears because they didn't have tape to fix it. To the point I had to take him out because he was so upset. So, again in this case, it wasn't that he had to have his way because he's spoiled - it was just that until he was completely distracted he could only focus on the ripped poster.

Anyway, thanks for clarifying what you said. It's helpful.

He sounds like a boy who was in my preschool class the last 2 years. When he first started, he was extremely difficult. He would completely melt down over anything, including accidentally getting marker on his hands. At the beginning of his first year with us, he was having about 1 good day every 2 to 3 weeks. Last year he only had a few bad days, and they were right around Christmas. I also noticed that when they were running late, he had a really difficult time. He was very sensitive to the people around him and when they were stressed, he really reacted badly.

What worked for him was consistency, consistency, consistency. We set rules and expected him to follow them - every time. When he didn't, he went to time out - every time.

 

[Alesia]

I'm no expert but the items highlighted were behaviors/issues present in students I've had that had autistic tendencies and/or obsessive compulsive disorder to some degree.

I'm wishing the best for you and your child. I think that one of the hardest things as a parent is the feeling of not always being able to make it immediately all better--however big or small the issue may be.

I agree that there are definitely some obsessive compulsive tendencies. Speaking from experience, OCD is worse during times of stress, because it is a coping mechanism. He may do better if you keep him on a regular schedule.

 

[Not so Dumbo]

Those are also some of the signs of Asperger's syndrome. The constant order, not being able to cope if something is out of sync.
Other signs may include an obsession with one particular subject.
Not paying attention to the social norm, ie doesn't play with the "cool" toys that the other kids are playing with, or doesn't care what type of clothing he wears.

 

[perkinsrose]

Those are also some of the signs of Asperger's syndrome. The constant order, not being able to cope if something is out of sync.
Other signs may include an obsession with one particular subject.
Not paying attention to the social norm, ie doesn't play with the "cool" toys that the other kids are playing with, or doesn't care what type of clothing he wears.[/QUOTE]

Some people take this age-appropriate interests/play to the extreme. A parent of a nearly 6yr old (not locked into one label but definite autismspectrum/asbergers & OCD tendencies) was told by a psychologist that they should encourage age-appropriate play.

Parents would not let him read his younger sisters board books because it was a "baby book". Bear in mind this was a Pokemon board book.(!? )Many children's board books these days are just picture books for ages 3-8 and up that have been put into a format for young hands to hold better and not be able to tear/rip----not because content is best for babies or toddlers.

---
For other parents: By the way--the cool toy thing and interest in clothes in and of themselves may be nothing. Many four year old boys could care less what they wear. My kids tend to play with toys that are not the latest and "greatest" plastic stuff from commercials and they are typically developing kids. However, if you add that issue to a list of others--certainly may be valid.

I agree social aspect is huge in autism/asbergers, etc. A big warning that something may be off is inability to play with others in peer group (with very young kids hard to gauge--would be just parallel play or playing nearby without alot of interaction). Eye contact and empathy are often challenges for kids on autism spectrum.

Also many children on the autism spectrum (as well as other kids with sensory issues AND otherwise typical kids) will have issues with clothing related to comfort level (itchiness, softness, fit-too loose/tight, etc.)

I agree consisitency important for children with need for order and knowing what to expect. However, in school there is only so much that can be done. Schedule changes happen. Things come up. In a regular 4yr old classroom of 15 kids, I had 5 special needs students. I struggled with deciding to warn a few when a firedrill was going to happen and letting it be real practice and come as a surprise. One student with OCD tendencies I had saw a therapist and parents were avoiding any medication at such a young age (4-6yrs).

 

[labdogs42]

Another book you might check out is Raising Your Spirited Child. My son is 3.5 and I think he falls into the spirited category. He melts down when things don't go the way he think they should, he can be very demanding, yet he can also be hysterically funny and he speaks much better than most children his age. He is smart and sensitive, which can be a tough combination. Work with your pediatrician and your preschool teachers and I'm sure you will find your way through all of this.

Oh, and my son responds much better to positive reinforcement or negative punishment then he does to positive punishment. By negative punishment, I mean telling him that I will remove something he likes (e.g. turn off the tv show he is watching, take away the toy he is playing with) if he doesn't stop a behavior I don't like (eg jumping on the couch, yelling, running away from me while I'm trying to get him dressed). It really works like a charm.

 

[DisneyBrat]

Those are also some of the signs of Asperger's syndrome. The constant order, not being able to cope if something is out of sync.
Other signs may include an obsession with one particular subject.
Not paying attention to the social norm, ie doesn't play with the "cool" toys that the other kids are playing with, or doesn't care what type of clothing he wears.

I agree with Aspergers Syndrome. Our son has Aspergers, Experiencing a child with Aspergers IS a difficult thing to endure. There are good days and bad. Try to focus on the child and know its something they can't help. Behavioral issues are a constant thing,even into teen years. As a young adult the brain takes growth spurts (17 - 22) Our son has started to grow out of a few of his behavioral issues. He is becoming a better adjusted young man. I would suggest the Kluge Center at University of Virginia. They specialize in Children and are WONDERFUL! Good Luck in finding out what your son needs. Don't accept ADHD as the problem. That is what our son was labeled and I knew he WAS NOT ADHD. He would read books for hours and hours. When I started to research the net I found out about Aspergers. I wish you the best!!!!

Lew

 

[momof5boys]

Some people hit on it before I did! I think you should research Asperger's. My DS 12 was diagnosed with ADHD 2 yrs ago but meds made him worse. His anxiety about bees took over in the spring while he was on meds(he obsessed about them would be in tears if he saw one) I took him off meds. Last year I requested testing through school. His 6th grade guidance con. noticed his eating habits(extremely picky) and his tearful outburst and suggested we test him for asperger's. Don't see a developmental Ped until next year!