Blondie
~*~*~*~<br><font color=blue>This TF always enjoys
- Joined
- Aug 18, 1999
- Messages
- 17,306
Swan Wake: We're guessing that 2001 Best Original Song nominee Bjork wanted people to laugh with her, not at her, when she made the decision to wear a faux swan carcass to the biggest fashion event on the planet. Fashion experts flipped the Icelandic pixie the bird over her Marjan Pejoski-designed disaster ("Bjork Lays an Egg," crowed one paper), which she obstinately kept on while performing her nominated song, the appropriately titled "I've Seen It All." Quipped host Steve Martin, "I was going to wear my swan, but to me they're so last year." Still, the stuffed swan wasn't Bjork's worst style crime, since at least we appreciate its kitsch value. No, that dishonor is reserved for her droopy flesh-toned bodysuit, a fashion don't with or without a beak-accessorized tutu.
When She's Bad, She's Better: Sigh. If only Cher made the Oscar scene every year. Honestly, we're tired of those annoying stylists, who ensure that good taste rules the red carpet. What fun is that? Year after year of classy couture has made us truly appreciate, even admire, Cher's knowingly bad fashion choices. For the 1986 Oscars, the icon, who was reportedly smarting over getting snubbed for her performance in "Mask," suited up in an outrageous, flesh- and hip-bone-exposing gothic Bob Mackie original, complete with dominatrix accents and an explosive feathered headdress. "As you can see, I did receive my Academy handbook on how to dress like a serious actress," she said onstage. Two years later, she wore another skin-flashing Mackie to accept her Best Actress prize for "Moonstruck." Cher, we're faced with the prospect of another dull parade of Oscar fashion. We're begging you, come back soon -- and bring a Be-Dazzler-clutching Bob Mackie with you!
Fanny Nice: Thirty-five years before Janet Jackson busted out of her bustier, Barbra Streisand had Oscar audiences doing double-takes at her black sheer pailettes-covered, Peter Pan-collared, bow-topped Scaasi pantsuit. The diva, who won the 1969 Best Actress prize for her portrayal of Fanny Brice in "Funny Girl" (she tied with Katharine Hepburn for "The Lion in Winter"), had a moniker-appropriate moment when she tripped on her ginormous bellbottoms as she made her way to the podium. She recovered quickly, basking in her win and purring, "Hello, gorgeous." Scaasi denied that Babs' PJ-like tulle and chiffon outfit was see-through, insisting it was lined with skin-toned crepe to give the illusion of nakedness, which somehow seems much, much worse. Last year, Streisand auctioned off her famous suit for charity, selling it on eBay for $11,358.24.
One-Armed Bandit: Geez, we know there was a recession in 1990, but couldn't Kim Basinger afford a whole dress? The future Oscar winner for "L.A. Confidential" crash-landed at the Academy Awards in a white satin one-sleeved, mono-collared, half-jacketed eyesore of her own design. Where's the rest of the gown? It's a question for the ages, although Kim's pup tent of a skirt has us wondering if her then-boyfriend Prince was hiding underneath. Basinger opted to use her time onstage to criticize the Academy for overlooking Spike Lee's "Do the Right Thing," but her political statement couldn't compete with this weapons-grade ugly frock. If evil could take the form of clothing, this is what it would look like. Look away, people. Look away!
This Tux Sucks: Celine Dion gave new meaning to the term "***-backwards" at the 1999 Oscars, modeling a reverse John Galliano for Dior white tuxedo with matching fedora that made her look like a disoriented gangster. The "My Heart Will Go On" belter paired her pimptastic togs with preposterous diamond-encrusted Ray-Bans, which she at least wore for a good cause: in exchange, the sunglass company donated $50,000 to a Canadian charity. Sadly, Dior managed to persuade Celine to wear its contrary couture free of charge.
Oscar the Slouch: Gwyneth Paltrow slouched into fashion infamy at the 2002 Oscars in this embarrassingly sheer, post-modern punk Alexander McQueen getup. Her ensemble, with its wrinkly mesh top and heavy taffeta skirt, was quite a change from the ill-fitting but widely praised pink Ralph Lauren gown Gwyn wore to collect her Best Actress prize for "Shakespeare in Love" in 1999. Judgment on the actress' red-carpet choice was swift, with barbs flying over her lack of cross-your-heart support, her braided Swiss Miss hair, and her aggressively kohl-rimmed raccoon eyes. And for those who are wondering -- and you know who you are -- yes, it was a bit chilly out, and no, Gwyneth wasn't happy to see us.
No Moore Spandex: When we think Oscars, the first thing that leaps to mind is, "Hey, now there's the perfect place to show off our workout wear." No? Well, that didn't stop Demi Moore from styling stretchy -- in all the wrong places, if we may be blunt -- bicycle shorts for the 1989 awards. Her ghastly, girdle-like getup should serve as a warning for any and all celebrities who are considering designing their own duds, since the former Mrs. Bruce Willis took credit for this unbelievably unflattering cutaway creation, which also featured a loathsome backside-accentuating bustle and matching bustier. (Hey, does anyone else get a chicken vibe off of this? Must just be us). A tux-clad Bruce somehow retains a shred of dignity while standing next to Demi, who apparently never asked him one crucial question: "Does this bustle make my butt look big?"
Peep Show: Little Bo Peep lost her sheep ... so she handed over her dress to Geena Davis and made audiences weep. In 1992, the 6-foot-tall stunner, up for Best Actress in "Thelma and Louise" (she lost), bombed on the red carpet in an asymmetrical puff-ball catastrophe designed by Bill Hargate. This tiered satin tragedy set a new standard for red-carpet ridiculousness with its high hemline in front and volcanic eruption of ruffles in back. Overachieving Geena manages to make this frightening frock even worse by pairing it with oh-so-wrong black hose and clunky ankle-tied shoes.
