Orthodox Jewish Clothing Question

[Tigger&Belle]

My DH laughed when I told him I was posting this here, but I figure I'll get more help here than any other source.

I need to know what is acceptable dress for an Orthodox Jewish restaurant (Chinese food, and probably not "nice", but I'm more concerned with the orthodox side of things, if that makes any sense). I know no shorts, sleevless shirts, etc, but I'm wondering if a shirt that has 3/4 or long sleeves and a pair of slacks would be ok? Or does it have to be a long dress or skirt? And if I go with a skirt, how long does it have to be? It would be easier for me to dress modestly in slacks, but didn't know if that is acceptable.

Thanks! T&B

 

[mcnuss]

Is this an Orthodox restaurant or a kosher restaurant?

 

[LBAK]

If it is an Orthodox restaurant then a long skirt, mid calf is appropriate and long sleeves. If it is just a kosher restaurant you can wear what you want.

 

[CEDmom]

One of my college friends is Orthodox and I used to go out to eat with her family occasionally. I just wore something conservative like khakis and a sweater. A 3/4 sleeve top and pants would be fine. My friend dressed rather conservatively but she was by no means all covered up. During the summer she'd wear shorts like the rest of us.

 

[Cindy B]

I would personally not wear pants. I used to have Orthodox Rabbi neighbors and all the women all the time wore skirts (mid calf or floor length) and had something over thier heads at all times. (either a handkercheif/scarf/or a hat)

In fact, the women one time said to me "You're not Orthodox." I asked "How can you tell?", they said to me "You are wearing pants"

Even in the snow the ladies/girls all had skirts/dresses on.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It's an Orthodox kosher restaurant. And as strict as it could be (I forgot the term for it). My BIL and SIL and their kids will be in very conservative dress (females very covered) and always dress this way.

It's a very long story (every family has one or two of those stories...), but I have never met her or their kids because my BIL and SIL have not allowed it (didn't want us to be an influence over their children, as if I would ever say anything bad to them) and they considered me non-Jewish because I had a conservative conversion. They wanted my DH to leave me and our children. Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked (can you tell this is sort of a sore subject for me?).

The lunch is for my in-laws upcoming (July) 50th anniversary. My in-laws and one BIL will be in town from CA for my DD's graduation and we are meeting the other brother and his family for this meal (they are driving down from Boston).

We can't ask BIL about the dress because he would say to dress just like them and I should always dress that way.

T&B

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I would personally not wear pants. I used to have Orthodox Rabbi neighbors and all the women all the time wore skirts (mid calf or floor length) and had something over thier heads at all times. (either a handkercheif/scarf/or a hat)

In fact, the women one time said to me "You're not Orthodox." I asked "How can you tell?", they said to me "You are wearing pants"

Even in the snow the ladies/girls all had skirts/dresses on.

I do have a dress that would be ok, but it is old and SO ugly.

T&B

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Oh, and what about the kids? My DD will be the tough one (teens and their clothes!). My boys can wear shirts and pants, but do they have to be dress pants or are athletic type pants ok?

Here's the restaurant http://www.royalkosherrestaurant.com/royalpage.htm

T&B

 

[princess pooh]

I used to tutor an Orthodox Jewish boy and his mom would always wear a long skirt with a long sleeved shirt or sweater. The Orthodox girls I knew in college would wear the same thing but they would sometimes wear pants. I think pants are okay as long as they're paired with a very long shirt, but I'm not sure

If they're that religious I would wear a skirt. The mother of my student never expected me to dress like her but your in laws sound a bit more, um...extreme.

 

[canwegosoon]

Long skirt or dress, mid calf at least, and dark color. Also you might want to check on the hat rule(and hair). Good luck. Very nice of you to do all this.

 

[mcnuss]

I have several Orthodox Jewish friends and they dress modern - they wear pants and business suits and pretty much what I would wear except that my friend who is married wears a wig. I have been to dinner with them in Kosher restaurants and wore my regular work clothes. Everyone else there was in regular work clothes, too.

IMHO, you should not try to dress like they dress. You are not Orthodox and shouldn't have to pretend. Dress nicely and be done with it. Does your DD have a pair of khakis -- even capris? I think that plus a blouse would be fine. My DD is into all those Limited Too blouses that go over the little camis. I'd just have her button up the blouse!

When is this meal? I have an Orthodox friend in Baltimore who may have been to the restaurant and I could ask her...

 

[JVL1018]

Sorry to go off on a tangent on your thread, but this reminded me of a question.
We live in a neighborhood that has many Orthodox Jewish families.
Women are ALWAYS in a skirt(below the knee at least), always walk on Saturdays, no cars, etc.
I never saw an Orthodox woman without a hat on..until recently.
I've seen my next door neighbor about 3-4 times in the past couple of weeks out with no hat..and once was even on a Saturday.
She's not the only one, I've seen at least 10 women walking with no hat, and I know they are Orthodox.
Just wondering if anyone knows if there has been some change in the "rules".

 

[mcnuss]

They are probably wearing wigs.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I never saw an Orthodox woman without a hat on..until recently.
I've seen my next door neighbor about 3-4 times in the past couple of weeks out with no hat..and once was even on a Saturday.
She's not the only one, I've seen at least 10 women walking with no hat, and I know they are Orthodox.
Just wondering if anyone knows if there has been some change in the "rules".

I could be wrong, but as I understand it, a married woman has to cover her head, which is why they normally wear wigs, at least in public. At home I think a scarf is ok. Not sure about the hats.

T&B

 

[lewdyan1]

I actually lived that way for a few years while I was experimenting. I give you creidt for the respect you are giving you family. You do not have to dress in an orthodox fashion, if it is not your belief, but if you opt to out of respect, a skirt covering at least past your knees, as earlier stated mid-calf is great. A shirt covering at lest your elbows should be fine, some people go more stringent in this and will say the wrist must be covered. Since this isn't your custom, 3/4 sleeves should be fine. Orthodox married women cover their head, again, since this isn't your custom, I don't see a need for you to do so.

Do you know any others who will be at the meal who you could ask how they will be dressing? I wish you luck and you definitely have my respect...

 

[lewdyan1]

I could be wrong, but as I understand it, a married woman has to cover her head, which is why they normally wear wigs, at least in public. At home I think a scarf is ok. Not sure about the hats.

T&B

Women who don't normally cover their heads will often wear hats to Shul. More observant women will wear scarves, wigs and hats with wigs. Their own hair can't be showing...

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I have several Orthodox Jewish friends and they dress modern - they wear pants and business suits and pretty much what I would wear except that my friend who is married wears a wig. I have been to dinner with them in Kosher restaurants and wore my regular work clothes. Everyone else there was in regular work clothes, too.

IMHO, you should not try to dress like they dress. You are not Orthodox and shouldn't have to pretend. Dress nicely and be done with it. Does your DD have a pair of khakis -- even capris? I think that plus a blouse would be fine. My DD is into all those Limited Too blouses that go over the little camis. I'd just have her button up the blouse!

When is this meal? I have an Orthodox friend in Baltimore who may have been to the restaurant and I could ask her...

That would be great if you could ask your friend! The lunch is June 5th.

I agree with me not needing to pretend that I am Orthodox in my dress. We've only had one other meal together over 6 years ago (not with my SIL and their children, though) and I don't remember being so concerned about dress and don't remember what I wore. There's a lot of tensions surrounding this meal, but we want it to go well for my MIL and FIL. It's all about them and everyone else involved needs to put their issues on a back burner. Easier said than done!

canwegosoon, I need all the luck I can get!

T&B

 

[rubyslipperlover]

as a Conservative Jew I don't dress by Orthodox standards. though I don't keep kosher, I've had occasion to eat in several kosher restaurants in the NYC area, some of which called themselves glatt kosher. I've worn business attire, as most of these meals were lunches with business associates. but note -- those meals were in lower Manhattan during business hours, and even though the restaurant was kosher, there were a lot of non-Jews enjoying meals there (felafel seems to be popular with lots of different ethnicities.)

if your purpose is to dress appropriately for the restaurant, you'll be fine in a nice pair of pants and a modest shirt -- sleeves below the elbow -- or a cardigan or blazer over a blouse.

if your purpose is to dress appropriately for the family... ...wear the skirt and long sleeves. if you can find a nice hat to go with the outfit, wear it.

 

[disneysteve]

I need to know what is acceptable dress for an Orthodox Jewish restaurant

First, I want to commend you for asking the question. It shows that you respect the views of others even if you don't share those views.

Second, based on the link you provided, I don't think there is anything Orthodox about the restaurant. It is just a Kosher restaurant. We have a few here in South Jersey and several more in Philly. There are lots in NYC. Being Kosher, they attract many Orthodox Jews but also attract many Conservative and Reform Jews as well as plenty of non-Jews. I see no reason to think the restaurant would have any particular dress code.

That said, I would agree that if you want to dress conservatively out of respect for others who may be dining there, that is a very nice gesture on your part. You should at least have your shoulders covered, no bare belly, and a long skirt or dress that at least covers your knees. The longer the skirt and the longer the sleeves, the better.

Relax and enjoy the meal. We're really upset because the Kosher Chinese Vegetarian restaurant down the street from us closed recently. We loved it for two reasons: we lean toward vegetariansim and DW is allergic to seafood so can't eat at most Chinese restaurants because of the risk of cross-contamination. Also, DD loved it there even though everything was made out of some combination of vegetables that she won't touch under other circumstances but happily devoured when we were there.

 

[jellymanoffspring]

I don't know if you keep kosher or not..but I noticed that it is a meat restaurant.....don't ask for milk for your coffee LOL

We had a bridal shower for my niece last year at a meat kosher restaurant......one of the guests asked for milk for their coffee..it was cute...LOL

I am sure some of the guests wore pants ..no one commented ...

( I understand about your teen...it was very difficult getting something for my teen daughter to wear to the wedding....she was understanding and looked great but will never wear that dress again!! LOL)

Hope it all goes well.......My niece converted to Orthodox Judaism....Her DH family was not too understanding at first..but now she is part of the family!!
Sounds like your BIL and SIL are REALLY extreme if they wanted your DH to leave you and the kids