Opinions Wanted! Which Event Do I Attend? UPDATE post #41

[Kathi OD]

I thought about posting under another name, but what the heck...I just want opinions....

Here's the deal....

DSIL will be turning 50 on October 3rd. For months, she has talked about nothing other than celebrating by having a "girls weekend" at her house in Ocean City, MD. She is super excited about this and brings it up every time we are together, which is every weekend. She really wants me to go, as I am her only "sister." Great, I like my SIL, we get along well, and was looking forward to celebrating her special birthday with her and her other friends. Besides, it should be a fun time.

Fast forward to last night. DD(31) calls, and in the course of conversation tells me she had lunch with her cousin, who is 24. I go on about how happy it makes my sister and me, that despite the difference in their ages, they make it a point to get together occasionally. She goes on to tell me that my niece has decided to go to grad school and has been accepted to a school in Chicago and starts in September.

Then she drops the bomb and asks, "why didn't you tell me Aunt is getting married on October 3rd?" (evidently cousin - not aunt's daughter - has told her this at lunch) UMMM....because maybe I didn't know?? Aunt is MY sister!!! Evidently she is planning to get married (for the 3rd time) on the same weekend as DSIL's birthday celebration. She expects the entire family to be there for her "special" day, including the niece who will have just started school 1/2 way across the country about 3 weeks earlier (read: no money for plane fare).

DSis hasn't called me to tell me the good news, but I am sure I will get the call shortly as the date was just set over the weekend. So the big question is....which event do I attend? Either way someone is going to be hurt/po'd, whatever....GRR!

 

[My sister's princess]

I am so sorry you have been put in this situation. Honestly it sounds like you are closer to DSIL and would enjoy a weekend with her more. Could you tell your sister you are so sorry, but you already have commitments for that weekend. I truly believe family is something we create, and we don't owe those with the same blood more than we owe people who are major parts of our lives.

hugs on this tough decision

 

[My sister's princess]

I thought about posting under another name, but what the heck...I just want opinions....

Here's the deal....

DSIL will be turning 50 on October 3rd. For months, she has talked about nothing other than celebrating by having a "girls weekend" at her house in Ocean City, MD. She is super excited about this and brings it up every time we are together, which is every weekend. She really wants me to go, as I am her only "sister." Great, I like my SIL, we get along well, and was looking forward to celebrating her special birthday with her and her other friends. Besides, it should be a fun time.

Fast forward to last night. DD(31) calls, and in the course of conversation tells me she had lunch with her cousin, who is 24. I go on about how happy it makes my sister and me, that despite the difference in their ages, they make it a point to get together occasionally. She goes on to tell me that my niece has decided to go to grad school and has been accepted to a school in Chicago and starts in September.

Then she drops the bomb and asks, "why didn't you tell me Aunt is getting married on October 3rd?" (evidently cousin - not aunt's daughter - has told her this at lunch) UMMM....because maybe I didn't know?? Aunt is MY sister!!! Evidently she is planning to get married (for the 3rd time) on the same weekend as DSIL's birthday celebration. She expects the entire family to be there for her "special" day, including the niece who will have just started school 1/2 way across the country about 3 weeks earlier (read: no money for plane fare).

DSis hasn't called me to tell me the good news, but I am sure I will get the call shortly as the date was just set over the weekend. So the big question is....which event do I attend? Either way someone is going to be hurt/po'd, whatever....GRR!

My bad forgot the rule for a second.

 

[Philagoofy]

Well, a person only turns 50 once, but getting married...

It's hard to say, not knowing how you feel about your sister, her not mentioning it to you, unless it just happened and the fact that it's a 3rd marriage. If it's an early wedding & you'd really like to go, perhaps you can still make it to your SIL's that evening, if it's possible. Then you'd have that evening & the next day to celebrate with her. You did already make plans with her. It's a shame these two events fall on the same day.

 

[AprilShowers]

I think I'd go to the birthday. Dsil has been planning for a very long time and is very excited.
It's not her fault that your sister doesn't plan well. When you get invited to the wedding, simply say, "sorry but we already have plans for that day that can't be changed. I wish I had known about your wedding sooner. Good luck and I hope everything goes well for you on your special day!"

 

[HM]

What a position to be put into.
Since you've already accepted the invitation to the beach, you should keep it and inform your sister when she tells you of her impending nuptials that you will not be able to attend since you already had prior out of town plans.
That seems the only fair thing to me.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

No question - go to the birthday celebration. When your sister finally calls, just tell her that you already have a long-standing commitment for that weekend...

 

[princess momma]

I'm pretty sure I'd go to SIL's birthday celebration. Third weddings are not something I really want to go to. My sister has been married twice and is working on her third victim, uhm I mean husband, so I know what I'm talking about.

If your sister gives you a hard time tell her you've already put the deposit down on SIL's party (or something like that).

 

[java]

Perhaps it'll be a different date. Don't get worried about it until you hear it from your sister's mouth.

Personally I am way closer to my sister than my SIL- so I would pick wedding- but is there any way your SIL could change the date? Of her party in OC? I am sure she would understand if you told her your SISTER is getting married on that day.

But honestly if you had plans already and your sister isn't rushing to let you in on the wedding plans- I say go to OC.

 

[wvjules]

I think I'd go to the birthday. Dsil has been planning for a very long time and is very excited.
It's not her fault that your sister doesn't plan well. When you get invited to the wedding, simply say, "sorry but we already have plans for that day that can't be changed. I wish I had known about your wedding sooner. Good luck and I hope everything goes well for you on your special day!"

What a position to be put into.
Since you've already accepted the invitation to the beach, you should keep it and inform your sister when she tells you of her impending nuptials that you will not be able to attend since you already had prior out of town plans.
That seems the only fair thing to me.

No question - go to the birthday celebration. When your sister finally calls, just tell her that you already have a long-standing commitment for that weekend...

I'm pretty sure I'd go to SIL's birthday celebration. Third weddings are not something I really want to go to. My sister has been married twice and is working on her third victim, uhm I mean husband, so I know what I'm talking about.

If your sister gives you a hard time tell her you've already put the deposit down on SIL's party (or something like that).

What they said!

Oh and two months to plan a wedding?

 

[merryweather20]

I'm guessing you've already gone to her first two so I think you are off the hook. If she REALLY wanted you there, she would have cleared the date with you first. I would have done so with, say, my Maid of Honour and my parents.

Then just add in that it was a shame she scheduled it in October so Dneice could not attend

 

[JessicaR]

Based on what you wrote I would pick the 50th. Your sister will understand that you have had these plans for 'forever'! I think your SIL would be crushed if you didnt go.

Not taking anything away from a wedding at all, but, it is her third and you have likely made the last two! Maybe you can celebrate with your sister before or after.

I hate when choices have to be made like this. Maybe your Sister can change her date? Kidding - sorta.

 

[LuvBaloo]

You've been looking forward to the 50th party for a long-time. Your sister hasn't contacted you to tell you about her wedding. It seems odd to me that she hasn't rushed to tell you, but perhaps with it being her 3rd wedding she doesn't expect much excitement from you confused3).
I would stick with the plans you already have in place, as those are more concrete than the wedding you've heard nothing about (I don't count hearing it 3rd hand). IMHO, if your sister really, really wanted you involved and at her wedding, she'd have contacted you already. If she expects you to drop major plans already made, then that's just rude or self-absorbed.

 

[My sister's princess]

I hate when choices have to be made like this. Maybe your Sister can change her date? Kidding - sorta.

The sister might consider this. My best friend since middle school moved her wedding date, she talked to me (maid of honor) before she told anyone, and when there was NO WAY I could be there, she moved it.

 

[minniecarousel]

No doubt in my mind - I'd go to the birthday celebration. It's nice that you've been tipped off; you won't be caught off-guard. (good thing it's not her first wedding, I'd feel bad NOT going to a "first", but since it's her third, no prob.)

 

[Scurvy]

You should go to the birthday getaway. At this point you have already committed to attending that one - it would actually be rude to cancel now just because you got a "better offer". When your sister invites you, just tell you you have a prior commitment. (And frankly if your attendance was that much of a priority for her, I would think you would have heard about it from her and not second hand!)

 

[Darsa]

Based on what you wrote I would pick the 50th. Your sister will understand that you have had these plans for 'forever'! I think your SIL would be crushed if you didnt go.

Yes, this exactly

 

[DebbieB]

Last fall my brother planned his third wedding for the same time I had a vacation to WDW this past May. I rearranged my vacation to the end of April (I did not have plane tickets yet). Two weeks later it got called off!

 

[sbell111]

Given the choice between an event that I have known about for a long time and promised to attend and a recently organized event that I have not even been invited to, I will go with the former.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

This would be an easy one for me, for sure I'd be heading to DSIL's house. That invite was extended long before the wedding.