Okay, so I need some points of view from my fellow DISers. I know you will be honest, which is not something I can always get from friends, mainly because this is a sensitive issue.
My DH and I have been married for almost thirteen years, have children we adore and a fairly average lifestyle. We have been through our share of health issues, both involving us, our children and our parents. We have survived job loss and come out on top. I give you this background to show that we have survived many not so nice situations so I want to believe we can survive what I need your thoughts on.
A couple of years ago, during my pregnancy with my son, I constantly felt this distance between DH and I. I tried very hard to figure things out, despite being very sick for all of my pregnancy. I felt that whatever was bothering him had to do with the pregnancy or just me. No amount of talking would get him to open up to me. I was very hurt and began to suspect he was having an affair. Fast forward to a month before my son was born. I found out that yes my DH was stepping outside of our marriage for friendship, companionship, attention, chitchat etc., mostly on line. I beleived him when he said he had never slept with anyone else, that it was all on line. But let me just say, after being made aware of a great deal of what he did with these cyber girl friends, on line, it was just as painful as a physical affair. The communications between him and these women were daily, several times a day and not just limited to a website. They shared personal emails, photos, instant messages and phone calls. He was able to do this because he works an off shift so when I was at work he was at home and vice versa. Yes, he did stuff from work.
So, we worked things through, went to counseling and tried to keep the lines of communication open. It was hard for me to get past his betrayal. He has worked hard to convince me he is sorry and swears he would never hurt me again. I confided in my oldest and dearest friend when this was going on. I told her exactly what happened. Much to my surprise she shared with me her story about how SHE had an affair on her DH just two years earlier. She told me they did the counseling thing etc and of course they are still together.. The one thing she told me that really bothered me was that once a cheater always a cheater. She called me on my cell, after I left her home new baby in my arms, to tell me that. I was floored, but did not believe my DH was like her in that way.
In the past few weeks I have come to find out that this friend and my DH exchange personal emails on a weekly basis. My DH says it is nothing, no big deal. Yes he knows about her affair. He still says I am over reacting, that they are just friends. Now my so called friend hardly emails me. I work full time and she is a stay at home mom, whose husband, the one she cheated on, goes away for business on a regular basis. I will say that since this has come to light I have been avoiding her. I don't know what to say. I am good friends with her sister and mom and we have lots of friends in common. I am afraid of what this will do to all of those relationships whether they are sneaking around on me or not. Our families have been friends since kindergarten. Our children play together often. But she has always been "my friend". Heck, she even stood for us in our wedding!
So, am I wrong to be suspicious? Am I over reacting? Or am I being taken for a ride by both of them?
Thanks for reading and letting me vent.
S
My DH and I have been married for almost thirteen years, have children we adore and a fairly average lifestyle. We have been through our share of health issues, both involving us, our children and our parents. We have survived job loss and come out on top. I give you this background to show that we have survived many not so nice situations so I want to believe we can survive what I need your thoughts on.
A couple of years ago, during my pregnancy with my son, I constantly felt this distance between DH and I. I tried very hard to figure things out, despite being very sick for all of my pregnancy. I felt that whatever was bothering him had to do with the pregnancy or just me. No amount of talking would get him to open up to me. I was very hurt and began to suspect he was having an affair. Fast forward to a month before my son was born. I found out that yes my DH was stepping outside of our marriage for friendship, companionship, attention, chitchat etc., mostly on line. I beleived him when he said he had never slept with anyone else, that it was all on line. But let me just say, after being made aware of a great deal of what he did with these cyber girl friends, on line, it was just as painful as a physical affair. The communications between him and these women were daily, several times a day and not just limited to a website. They shared personal emails, photos, instant messages and phone calls. He was able to do this because he works an off shift so when I was at work he was at home and vice versa. Yes, he did stuff from work.
So, we worked things through, went to counseling and tried to keep the lines of communication open. It was hard for me to get past his betrayal. He has worked hard to convince me he is sorry and swears he would never hurt me again. I confided in my oldest and dearest friend when this was going on. I told her exactly what happened. Much to my surprise she shared with me her story about how SHE had an affair on her DH just two years earlier. She told me they did the counseling thing etc and of course they are still together.. The one thing she told me that really bothered me was that once a cheater always a cheater. She called me on my cell, after I left her home new baby in my arms, to tell me that. I was floored, but did not believe my DH was like her in that way.
In the past few weeks I have come to find out that this friend and my DH exchange personal emails on a weekly basis. My DH says it is nothing, no big deal. Yes he knows about her affair. He still says I am over reacting, that they are just friends. Now my so called friend hardly emails me. I work full time and she is a stay at home mom, whose husband, the one she cheated on, goes away for business on a regular basis. I will say that since this has come to light I have been avoiding her. I don't know what to say. I am good friends with her sister and mom and we have lots of friends in common. I am afraid of what this will do to all of those relationships whether they are sneaking around on me or not. Our families have been friends since kindergarten. Our children play together often. But she has always been "my friend". Heck, she even stood for us in our wedding!
So, am I wrong to be suspicious? Am I over reacting? Or am I being taken for a ride by both of them?
Thanks for reading and letting me vent.
S
I am interested to see if other posters will reply that they think that is normal behavior and that their Dh does this. I have a very close family member, whom I'll call Jane, whose Dh developed a "friend" relationship with his boy scout co-leader and constantly reassured Jane that he was just helping out and lending an ear. Jane was also the wife's friend and the families did events together, in fact her son and the co-leaders son are best friends. Jane also went to the movies etc.. with the co-leader, her mother and her sister.
Personally, at the first whiff of trouble, I would dig and dig until I had all the facts I needed to know if something is going on, but that is really my personality. I could not sit back and take the wait and see approach. I think you know enough to warrant further investigation. Sorry you are going through this. 
