Okay, I've got to purge. And I do this here because it's WDW-related, too.
When I was married in the late 90's, my now-ex was always incredibly jealous of my independence and ability to do what I wanted to do, especially if he didn't want to do something, and I'd go ahead and do it. For instance, he was livid when I decided to go on a 2-week mission trip to Costa Rica without him. Of course, he would never have dreamed of going to "such a primitive third world nation". Haaa! So I went by myself (with a group, of course). He didn't talk to me for a week before I left, he didn't call me while I was there, he wouldn't come pick me up when I got back. What a jerk.
Anyhow, it became pretty obvious that he wouldn't ever go visit my family, either (he hadn't even met half of them). I was obligated to go to visit his family every time he went, but he never reciprocated. I had to go to my Grandmother's funeral alone because he couldn't be bothered with my family! So, I decided to go visit with them myself. I booked a trip to fly out to see my folks, and I booked a trip (10 months out) to take my then 12 and 14 yo niece and nephew to WDW for the trip of their lives. My ex didn't even care to meet them. Since I had such a bad "reception" when he knew about the Costa Rica trip, I decided to not tell him about these planned trips until very near departure, so I wouldn't have to endure his wrath. Mind you, he had already told me he would never go on such trips with me, so what was the point of filling him in and dealing with his pity party for months?
The yellow ressie envelope came from WDW on the day he picked up the mail. I know this because I found it ripped and shredded in the outside garbage can two days laters. It was addressed to me, not him, or Mr. and Mrs. Just me. Now I was livid! How could someone just destroy and throw away someone else's mail? I confronted him about it and he gave me this line about how he thought it was junk mail addressed to him. Yeah, right.
Long story made short, when I finally left him for good six weeks later, he admitted to me that he ripped up the WDW ressie notice because he knew what it was and he just knew I was having an affair. I told him had he opened it, he would have seen the ressie was for one adult and two children. Not two adults. No affair! He also accused me of having my calendar blocked at work for a week because I was going to rendesvous with my "affair guy". Haa! This was the week I had blocked to go see my parents! (We worked together...that's how he saw my calendar). He called my parent's house that entire week while I was visiting up there to beg for me to come back to him. He only talked to my Dad (I wouldn't get on the phone) and wanted to know if it would be okay if he came up to be with me. Amazing, huh? It's okay to visit my folks when we're on the skids, but unacceptable when I'm truly your wife.
Opening other people's mail is a privacy thing. It's not a secrecy thing. It's a privacy thing. There's a big difference. My parents taught me about respecting other people and their things, and to respect their privacy. To this day, my Dad still doesn't tell me who he votes for. He says it's a privacy thing, and I can respect that. We can talk politics all day, but who we voted for never comes up.
My niece, nephew, and I had a great time in the spring of 2001 in WDW (that's how I found this board). I had an ex by then and was/am much happier. He'd die if he knew I was living and working in Japan now! Much too independent for his liking.
Anyhow, Katerkat's thread just reminded me of how this act of opening, in my case WDW ressie, mail was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back in my not-so-stable-marriage. I wouldn't open anyone else's mail, spouse or not. It's a privacy thing to me.
Okay, I feel better now...thanks.
When I was married in the late 90's, my now-ex was always incredibly jealous of my independence and ability to do what I wanted to do, especially if he didn't want to do something, and I'd go ahead and do it. For instance, he was livid when I decided to go on a 2-week mission trip to Costa Rica without him. Of course, he would never have dreamed of going to "such a primitive third world nation". Haaa! So I went by myself (with a group, of course). He didn't talk to me for a week before I left, he didn't call me while I was there, he wouldn't come pick me up when I got back. What a jerk.
Anyhow, it became pretty obvious that he wouldn't ever go visit my family, either (he hadn't even met half of them). I was obligated to go to visit his family every time he went, but he never reciprocated. I had to go to my Grandmother's funeral alone because he couldn't be bothered with my family! So, I decided to go visit with them myself. I booked a trip to fly out to see my folks, and I booked a trip (10 months out) to take my then 12 and 14 yo niece and nephew to WDW for the trip of their lives. My ex didn't even care to meet them. Since I had such a bad "reception" when he knew about the Costa Rica trip, I decided to not tell him about these planned trips until very near departure, so I wouldn't have to endure his wrath. Mind you, he had already told me he would never go on such trips with me, so what was the point of filling him in and dealing with his pity party for months?
The yellow ressie envelope came from WDW on the day he picked up the mail. I know this because I found it ripped and shredded in the outside garbage can two days laters. It was addressed to me, not him, or Mr. and Mrs. Just me. Now I was livid! How could someone just destroy and throw away someone else's mail? I confronted him about it and he gave me this line about how he thought it was junk mail addressed to him. Yeah, right.
Long story made short, when I finally left him for good six weeks later, he admitted to me that he ripped up the WDW ressie notice because he knew what it was and he just knew I was having an affair. I told him had he opened it, he would have seen the ressie was for one adult and two children. Not two adults. No affair! He also accused me of having my calendar blocked at work for a week because I was going to rendesvous with my "affair guy". Haa! This was the week I had blocked to go see my parents! (We worked together...that's how he saw my calendar). He called my parent's house that entire week while I was visiting up there to beg for me to come back to him. He only talked to my Dad (I wouldn't get on the phone) and wanted to know if it would be okay if he came up to be with me. Amazing, huh? It's okay to visit my folks when we're on the skids, but unacceptable when I'm truly your wife.
Opening other people's mail is a privacy thing. It's not a secrecy thing. It's a privacy thing. There's a big difference. My parents taught me about respecting other people and their things, and to respect their privacy. To this day, my Dad still doesn't tell me who he votes for. He says it's a privacy thing, and I can respect that. We can talk politics all day, but who we voted for never comes up.
My niece, nephew, and I had a great time in the spring of 2001 in WDW (that's how I found this board). I had an ex by then and was/am much happier. He'd die if he knew I was living and working in Japan now! Much too independent for his liking.
Anyhow, Katerkat's thread just reminded me of how this act of opening, in my case WDW ressie, mail was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back in my not-so-stable-marriage. I wouldn't open anyone else's mail, spouse or not. It's a privacy thing to me.
Okay, I feel better now...thanks.
