Only One Child??

[Sleepy]

I only have one and for many reasons....
From childhood- My mother always showed favoritism toward my brother. We had alot of financial problems growing up and my brother and I always said life would have been better if there were only one of us.
Adulthood- Physically, I was just not meant to go through pregnancy. Having another child would mean yet another breast reduction and the possibility of risking cancer. With my husband always on deployments, caring for a child as a single mother was extremely difficult and when hubby was home, he was of no help. Financially, we struggled with one, but are at a point now where we are very comfortable and can afford to give my son anything he needs and anything we want to give him. Having another one would change that. I can give him 100% of my attention and he will NEVER know what it feels like to be favored less than a sibling.

If something gets broken I know who did it I don't have to listen to "Stop touching me".

 

[mum4jenn]

I have one child. My original intention was to never have a child but God thought of plan B!! I truly love my dd and would have her again if I could do it all over. I had her when I was 36 and I had a very difficult pregnancy and delivery so that was the main reason why she is an only child.

I am overall glad that she is an only child because we can give her things and attention that would be hard to divide up to other kids. We are not wealthy by any means and we work very hard to try to give dd most of the things she wants. I know if we had more children we would NOT be able to afford the things we do manage with only one.

Besides....she really does have a brother.....his name is Eeyore!!

 

[Miranda Danda]

Now, I wished I had brothers and sisters growing up - but I was spoiled rotten, not having any - and full attention was given to me - me - me. I have to say even now, I wish I had bro/sis's

Its a tough call to make - but I think having another child is better, IMO.

I agree. I am also a "lonely only".... I relate much better to adults and I always had problems sharing the spotlight with cousins or anythign else because I was used to getting all the attention. I always wished I had a brother or sister and I would always get mad when my friends would tell me how "lucky" I was to have none. I was often lonely, but it did make me a more creative person. I doubt I would have all that I have now if I had brothers or sisters. I got a brand new Mustang when I was 15, I got to go on MANY trips, I am getting the wedding of my dreams, my college was paid for, and I never had to work.

There are some down sides definitely, but I am enjoying the only child life right now. I do agree that I would like to have someone when my parents are gone, though. Right now I wish I had a sister to be my maid of honor, but my cousin will do.

 

[DMickey28]

I want two or three, DH wants at least three. I think we will have two. We are TTC #1 right now and just recently I realized that if we want two within 2/3 years apart, after this one we can't stop... yikees!!!!!

I have a brother three years younger. It was great, tough for the last few years but getting better. He stayed back in kindergarten so we where never in HS together but i would have liked that. I actually think I would like a year and half apart but i can't imagine that in babyhood!~!!

 

[Christine]

I am an only child and, for the most part, loved it.

I decided that I was going to have an only child. I couldn't imagine anything else because that is what I was used to.

I had my DD. Then 3 years later my birth control failed and I now I have DS. Of course, I wouldn't give him back for the world, but I would still be happy if I only had one child. My second child didn't set off any "bells and whistles" in my brain and make me realize that having more than one is "the" better way. There is no best way. It's whatever you are comfortable with.

 

[Daxx]

We have an only child and he's adopted. We had an opportunity to adopt a 2nd child, but that fell through. That was our sign to stop with the one. We are grateful for the one we have.

 

[4greatboys]

I have 4 kids. I was an only child growing up and I always wanted a brother or sister. I always wanted a large family. Both my parents died fairly young, by the time I was 35 "my family" was gone. I never want my kids to be in that situation. Atleast if something happens to they will have each other for support.
I know that having a brother or sister doesnt guarantee you a good relationship my boys are all close and get along great.

 

[aprilgail2]

Growing up I had a brother and I wished every day that I was an only child! I have one now and she desperatly does NOT want a sibling..when I mention it she freaks out about how she wants to be the only child. Which is fine with me since I only want one LOL...I can afford to take one on nice vacations every year and I can afford to pay for college for one..if I had two I would not be able to do any of that and I just don't want to give any of that up..I would hate for her to have to take loans etc and be paying for years and years to go to college!

 

[robinb]

For me, I always only wanted one child so there was no question about stopping. In addition, I was in my late 30's when I had my DD and I was pretty much over the whole pregnancy thing. Lastly, my DD has always been ... challenging ... and it turns out that one child is plenty for me .

ETA: I also hate and detest sibling rivalry. Having two of my kids fight in the house would make me crazy.

 

[MerryPoppins]

Hello fellow Okie! Haven't seen you in ages. I didn't even know you had a baby. Congratulations! Mine are now 14 and 18. They grow up so fast.

We have two children, but they are four years apart because I wanted them both to have a chance to be the baby and get a little more attention.

I have one brother. It's good to have him to share the burden of my mom and her problems as she gets older. More of that falls to me because I live close, but I know he's there if I need him. I also know that I can always turn to him for an honest viewpoint on any situation. I wouldn't trade him for the world. My DH was an adopted only and yes he was spoiled. He was used to having everything go his way.

The benefits that I see of not being an only are the chances to learn to share and yes even to fight and bicker. You learn to give and take and work things out. If you don't, you get ground into a bloody pulp. If you are the only one, it's something you might be learning in elementary school. I also think you have a peer sounding board within your family. My DS talks regularly to my DD about the boys she likes. She doesn't always like what he has to say, but she listens. There are some sibling things that can't really be duplicated with cousins or friends. DH watches our kids sometimes and says "Wow, I never had that!" I also think that DH's parents tended to get too emotionally involved in his decisions, because he was their only. They didn't want to let him make mistakes - and were always trying to protect him. My parents on the other hand would talk things out with me (and sometimes told me I was crazy), but realized it was my life. They were less controlling.

The benefits of being an only are you don't have to share the attention of your parents. Parents don't compare you to your sibling. It costs less to have only one, so there would be more money for things like vacations and college.

Is one way right? No. It depends on the circumstances. But I know I wouldn't have my family any other way. And the second child is usually much easier because you are more relaxed and laid back. Good luck making your decision and PM me if you want to talk about it more.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I have two sons right now and plan on having more. I am totally in love with my children and want more, I can't even explain how I know I want more....I just do, I was meant to be a mother.

However, we are financially sound and can easily afford our children, I might feel differently if I were not in a stable place.

 

[pkasbohm]

I have to say that i am 1 of 5 kids...sure we fought growing up...i don't know what kids don't fight but i have to tell you, they are some of my best friends now...I could not imagine my life without them and thank god that i wasn't the only child.
I have 3 kids and sure they fight just like we did growing up, but I hope and pray that they are as close as my sibling and I.
Someone once told me that if you have one kid and you lose them you will have no one left. You have two kids and lose one they will be the only. You have three kids and lose one and they won't be alone. It sounds kinda morbid I know but you know really it made sense to me...and so three it is for us...it works for us and I could not imagine my life with any less!

 

[tiggerlover]

I believe everything happens for a reason and that we all have a purpose in this life. With that said, I had always wanted a few children, but I have only been blessed with one. I tried to have more, but couldn't. Over the years I have come to the realization that God gave me one child for a reason and I am blessed to have him.

 

[paigevz]

Well, I had an only child for 7 years. Ours was not a choice, we just didn't get pregnant again. My child was very verbal about wanting a brother. There were twins who lived behind us, and he would play with them, but often, they just enjoyed being only them, and at those times he would stand at our back fence and call and call to them, and be ignored. It was heartbreaking to watch. We had wanted to adopt, so just decided to go that route, but could not find a child domestically who was already free.........we didn't want to foster, as we were sure that would break his heart and ours...............So, after 3 years of the adoption game (so hard when they call you up to foster when "we're sure they'll be relinquished" and to refuse or to see the pics in the books and call to be told they're already placed and one of the main reasons we chose to stop was the requirement of coming around every 3 months, even though we had no children placed with us, and asking my poor son each time if he'd like a sibling, would he share, and on and on.......he came to me in tears after one visit and said he "KEEP telling them and I KEEP telling them that I'll be a good boy and a good brother, but WHY won't they bring me a brother? Don't they BELIEVE me?)........it was further complicated by my son wanting to be the oldest, and being quite young, but we did think he had the right to his birth order, we went to see the dr. about having a baby...........a year and a half later, we had one! My son talked occasionally about "back when we were happy, before he was born", but mostly he's had such great times having a brother. His little brother isn't easy either........gets into his stuff and his business, yells and throws things at him and his friends...........but they do pal around, and they always, always just throw their arms around each other each time they've been separated, even if just for a half hour! They always, always share everything, and if one is given something he always asks for another for his brother. I feel good now that my son will have his brother when we are gone, and the experiences I've had with my brothers make me really understand what a blessing siblings are as adults. I was all set for my only to be my only..........but I am very happy now that he isn't.

 

[WDWorBUST]

This has all been so enlightening After I had Sammi I told my DH that God knew what he was doing when we didn't have our first child until I was 29 (almost 30) because if I had started earlier I would have had a dozen. I love Sammi with all my heart but I had wanted three but would be happy with two because DH doesn't want three. I am the baby of three girls (one is 5 years older than me and the other is 11 years older than me) and DH is the baby of three boys. However his middle brother is 11 years older than him and when he was really little his mom and dad divorced and his mom got remarried and moved to Oklahoma and his brothers stayed in Arkansas with dad. He was raised as an only basically. But what he doesn't get is the fact that he still has brothers. Sammi is 2 years old - her two cousins on my side of the family are 20 & 18. Her cousins on DH's side of the family are 19 & 21. She has no one remotely close to her age. I had a somewhat scary delivery and that is why DH has started backpeddling about another one. He is worried about me. I don't think my delivery was that scary and the doctors never acted overly concerned. I have considered only having Sammi because of the financial issue. We do so much with her and for her that we wouldn't be able to do as much with a second. (The child is 2 and she's been to Disney 3 times and we live in Oklahoma - AND we weren't going back this year until she saw the commercial and said "Me there!! One more time??" - now we're going in September) But I do want another child. I loved pregnancy - I loved the infant stage and breastfeeding her. Yes it was hard - but so worth it. I guess the part I'm really struggling with is spacing AND my age. I'll be 32 next month and although I know women are having babies later in life I don't want to go into pregnancy classified as high risk. And Sammi will be 3 in November and I don't want them too far apart. So the decision has to be made sooner rather than later. Oh and it took us over a year to get pregnant the first time. Oh well....I just needed to vent. And thank you all so much for all your input.

 

[we3disneygo]

I'm an "only" and a parent of an "only", she's well adjusted, has lots and lots of friends, has been able to do many, many, things that if we had more kids she wouldn't be able to do with one income......I have enjoyed ever minute of staying home with her...... for us we just decided that just having dd was the right thing for us.I really think people who tell how bad it is etc. should just keep there nose out of other people's business.I had one mom tell me I wasn't really a mom till i had another child !!!!!!!!

 

[mickeyboat]

Dh has three sisters, I have two brothers. We never thought we would have only one child, it would be at least two.

We tried for a long time to get PG with Hannah, so after she was born, we were not as careful as we should have been about birth control. Emily came along less than a year later (we call her our little Houdini). So the choice was basically made for us.

But I can see once Hannah was born, that I would have really struggled with the decision of whether or not to have a second, and how far they should have been spaced. I felt guilty that Hannah was losing some of my attention, it was REALLY HARD with two babies that close together. Sibling rivalry stinks, and I sometimes think I would have been a better parent to just one child.

But now, I can't imagine anything other than the way things are now. The girls started K together, go to all the same activities, and entertain each other well. They are best friends, and are always looking out for one another.

Good luck with your decision. There really isn't a right choice and a wrong choice, many different situations work for many different people.

Denae

 

[SC Minnie]

Parent of an only here. When we got married DH wanted 3 kids, I would have been fine with 2. DD11 was born with a birth defect that required numerous surgeries until she was 6 and she may still have another one as she gets older. After going through everything we did with her DH nor I had the energy (mind or body) to have another one with possibly the same condition (it can be genetic). When she was nearing the end of the surgeries we were getting ready to move and DH and I talked about the baby stuff (do we take it or get rid of it). We both decided we didn't want to go through the bottles and diapers and ear infections etc again. We were happy and fulfulled with what we had.

I have never regretted for a second stopping at only one.

 

[Sandy V.]

I was an "only", and I can always remember wanting a brother or sister. It didn't help that there were some complicating circumstances growing up to make me feel more alone at that time (my father died in a car accident when I was 9; my mother was severely bipolar and frequently hospitalized since I was 7).

So I always knew that I wanted children, and I wanted more than one. I wanted them to have someone else in the world with a shared growing-up experience. We have DD18 and DS15. They fight like cats and dogs at times, but are very close in other ways.

Like others have said, it's a very personal choice and there is no right or wrong answer. You just need to follow your heart. Best of luck with whatever you decide!!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It's such a personal thing that it's hard to offer advice. For me personally I always knew that I wanted more than one child. For the longest time I wanted 3 girls. In reality I have 1 DD and three DSs. Not what I ordered, but I'm not complaining and I'll keep them.

I don't think that having an only child would be that terrible for everyone involved and there were plenty of times growing up that I wished that I were an only, but as an adult I am so glad that I have my 2 sisters (I also have 2 brothers, but they don't impact my day to day life since they NEVER write or call, even when I contact them). So as much as being an only child would have its advantages, I never wanted to be an "only adult".

My preference, though, and I very much respect people for whatever family size they choose. There are disadvantages and advantages to every situation and you need to make the choice that is right for you and your situation.

As far as your age, I was 27 for my first, then 30, 33, and 39 for my others. The last was planned, but wasn't in our original plans and I had problems staying pregnant, hence the age difference. The last pregnancy was the easiest in many ways. Never a perfect age to have a baby or a perfect age span. I did like the 3 year span in many ways since I could have 1 child potty trained, out of the baby stage, etc, before starting over. But there are advantages to closer spacing and also more years between. Again, these things are not black and white.