Only children?

[amyren]

Are there any well-adjusted only children out there?
DD is 2 and a half and it seems like every day someone asks “when are you having #2?” or “ready for another one?”. Umm… no. I mean don’t get me wrong DD is a true joy and I love being her mommy but I’m definitely not ready for another child and I’m not sure that I will ever be. I love our life as a party of 3. I feel like DH and I provide well for DD while at the same time maintaining our own interests and hobbies.
Is that so wrong? I’ve indirectly mentioned to friends and family that she may be our only child and I get mixed responses. A few friends are supportive, but mostly it’s “oh, you’ll change your mind” or “don’t do that to her, she needs a sibling”. Generally people imply that I’m being selfish and only children are socially awkward.
Several of my friends had kids back to back. I call it the “2 under 2 club”. Hey, it works for them. Sure their lives are hectic but they are happy with their family plan. It’s just not for me and I don’t like feeling pressured into having more kids just because they did.
Does anyone feel similarly?

 

[Christine]

I am an only child and I feel pretty normal. When I was a kid and my mom would go to conferences and a few teachers (when I was in elementary school) would mention to my mom "She doesn't seem like an only child?"

I grew up with lots of cousins my age. My mom always worked as did my aunt so my cousin and I spent a LOT of time with each other so it was almost like I had a sister. I also had other cousins that I saw at least once a week.

I think that, in the past, only children used to get isolated. Maybe the mom didn't work and they didn't have a lot of family around or daycare so the only child was home alone all day with adults.

I don't think it's a must to have siblings but I think it is important that, if you have an only child, that you take every opportunity to socialize your child.

I now have two children (didn't plan on that). They aren't particularly close and each of them would be perfectly happy to be an only.

 

[tonilea]

We are a party of three, though not by choice. None the less, we are thrilled to be a party of three. DS is six and IMO very well adjusted. People don't ask as much if we are going to have another, but my standard answer is "we were married 15 years before DS was born, if it takes us another 15 years to have another, then I think not. I don't want to have a new born and draw social security at the same time!" lol

 

[cglaura]

DD18 is an only child, grew up in a single mom (divorced, absent dad) home. She is a great kid, extremely well adjusted and happy, lots of good friends. It isn't how many you have, it is all in how you raise them Trust yourself, you know what is best for your family.

 

[MIGrandma]

I'm an only child and I always wanted a sibling as I didn't enjoy being an only. I'm 53 and still wish I had a brother or sister. I'm not saying a had a bad childhood, I had a very good one, just a bit lonely at times. I didn't have many cousins in our area, but did have friends in the neighborhood and at school but still there were times I wished I had someone to play with.

When DH and I got married I did not want just one child, and he came from a family of 3 children and didn't like that (it was always 2 against 1) so he didn't want that for us, so we decided on 2. Yes, they argued with each other quite a bit while growing up (they are 2-1/2 years apart) but now that they are 34 and 31 they are quite close and I'm very happy to see that.

My best friend had just one child, a son. He made her so nervous as a baby that she just couldn't handle another.

Only you can really know what's best for your own family. And if you keep to just one child, if something gets broken you know exactly who did it!!

 

[stichy]

My DS8 is an only child. We decided that we were only having one child even before he was born. My mom didn't stop asking if we were having another until he turned 7. She figured at that time we were too used to having a more independent child to have another baby.

 

[mumom95]

Where I think being an only child is tough is way down the road, when they have to deal with their parents death. Both my parents died by the time I was 28. I was so glad to have my sister to lean on. I have a friend who is an only child whose mother passed away a couple of years ago. It was really tough time for her (it is for everyone of course), but she mentioned a couple of times how she'd never wished for a sibling in her life as much as she did then.

Rather than asking if there are well adjust only children out there, because frankly everyone who only has one is going to tell you their child is well adjusted (just like everyone who has multiple children are going to say theirs are well adjusted), maybe ask do adults who were only children wish they had had a sibling.

 

[pigletgirl]

It isn't something I would choose, but if that is what makes you happy and whatnot, then why not? I know a few only children and they are incredibly bright and well-adjusted.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

My daughter is an only child and will stay that way. Fortunately the majority of our family lives in the same area so she has a ton of cousins to play with and never feels lonely.

 

[AustinTink]

My son is a third generation only child. My husband and his mother both only children. These three individuals are the kindest, most giving, social, loving people on the planet. They are all funny and out-going... not a shrinking violet among them. The only child myth is just that.

My son is so active that most of the time when he has a bit of down time, it's more of an "ahhhhh" moment than an "I'm bored". The key is to keep them active, occupied and socialized. He has a plethora of friends and cousins that he sees on a daily basis. I hear three of them laughing and running upstairs right now, as a matter of fact.

My son will be the first to tell you he is lucky to have his parents time and attention to himself. He sees so many of his friends battling their siblings for attention and affection. My husband and I have never missed an event, and are very involved with all his activities.

As a family of three, we can afford private schooling k-12, a private college education with no loans and extensive travel. This is important to us. My son has traveled all across Europe, Mexico and the United States. He got his first passport at 6. These are things we might not have been able to do with multiple kids. I'm one of seven, so I know first hand.

OP, don't let the haters hate. They have their reasons for lashing out, just don't let it get to you. And enjoy your beautiful family.

 

[sunnyday123]

My son is a third generation only child. My husband and his mother both only children. These three individuals are the kindest, most giving, social, loving people on the planet. They are all funny and out-going... not a shrinking violet among them. The only child myth is just that.

My son is so active that most of the time when he has a bit of down time, it's more of an "ahhhhh" moment than an "I'm bored". The key is to keep them active, occupied and socialized. He has a plethora of friends and cousins that he sees on a daily basis. I hear three of them laughing and running upstairs right now, as a matter of fact.

My son will be the first to tell you he is lucky to have his parents time and attention to himself. He sees so many of his friends battling their siblings for attention and affection. My husband and I have never missed an event, and are very involved with all his activities.

As a family of three, we can afford private schooling k-12, a private college education with no loans and extensive travel. This is important to us. My son has traveled all across Europe, Mexico and the United States. He got his first passport at 6. These are things we might not have been able to do with multiple kids. I'm one of seven, so I know first hand.

OP, don't let the haters hate. They have their reasons for lashing out, just don't let it get to you. And enjoy your beautiful family.

Exactly. I got this question all the time when DD was younger. Some got downright rude about it, assuming she would turn out a horrible child because she was an only child.

My response was always, "I got it right the first time, I didn't have to keep trying!"

 

[zachnsamsmommy]

I think it is nosy to suggest to people to have more than one child.

Some people may not want more than one, and some might not be able to have more than one. We went thru years of infertility to have our second (and this third one I am having is our 'surprise', lol)...but it hurt when people told me we "had" to have another so DS wouldn't be spoiled...when we had been going thru lots of fertility treatments. It is NO ONE's business how many kids you want to have.

And for the record, I have several friends with only children, and none of them are spoiled in the least. Whether you have 1 or 5, it is all in how you raise them.

 

[Northstar]

I know many well-adjusted only children. And many messed-up ones, too.

I don't think being an only, an oldest, a middle, a one-of-a-huge-tribe, or a youngest has much to do with one's mental heath.

I am mom to an only, and my dad was an only. So was DH's mom. They were pretty well-adjusted.

I can understand a grandma's motives for bugging you for more grandchildren, but I've always been mystified by the way virtual strangers will get all worked up trying to persuade you to have more kids! Why do they care so much?

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Well, my DH is an only child, and he's fine.

Of course, he was adopted by his parents when they were in their late 40's, so the sun rose and set on him and he was mildly spoiled in some ways., but those circumstances aren't true of every only child.

 

[skuttle]

I'm an only child and I think I'm well adjusted. My best friend since 3rd grade was also an only so I'm not sure if that made a difference. Being an only never bothered me until I got older. I remember going through my wedding and my first pregnancy, and then seeing my cousins (three sisters) doing the same with each other and just felt like I missed out on having that bond. Also, as my parents get older, being an only weighs on me, especially since I live about 1.5 hours from my parents.

I didn't want DS to be an only for various reasons. However, it took us 4 years to get pregnant after we started trying when DS was 3. So DS will be 7.5 when the new baby is born. Wasn't my ideal age gap of 3 years, but at this point I'm taking what I can get!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I like to think I am resaonably well adjusted
People often tell me they are surprised when they find out i am an only child I really do not understand the perception that all only children are selfish but that is probably the on;y thing I really do not like about being an only child--those rude assumptions others tend to make

From time to time as a kid I wished I had a sibling or two--but not any more than I wished I had other things (like a horse or a giant canopy bed). As an adult I am FINE with not having any siblings. DH is one of four (and they do get along). I think there about as many benefits as disadvantages to having sibling as not.

 

[NMAmy]

Of course there are well adjusted only children! DD is 19, is a sophomore in college and has always had plenty of friends but also is able to entertain herself and enjoys some alone time.

She has two stepsisters but DH's dd is 10 years older and my ex's dd is 10 years younger. When asked if she wished she had a sibling who was closer in age, dd has always said she preferred being raised as an only child.

 

[Sparx]

I love being an only child.

 

[KathyTX]

DS is an only, 17 years old and pretty well adjusted. He does have a lot of buddies, and most weekends I either have no kids or a houseful of them.

We have sometimes taken his friends with us on vacation, and I feel like some of them are "my kids", too.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

So, I'm not an only. My brother is 6 years older than me (chronologically), but in reality (although he's going on 50) he's about 24 and stuck there. When something happens with mom and dad, I'm the only one that pitches in. My Dad used to say that my brother would "be in charge" when he and mom died, but now I'm the "executor...actually execturix) for their will. I'm also the one with POA for health and financial matters.

So, in short, even though I have a brother, I might as well be "an only." The two of us are as different as night and day -- and always have been -- and likely always will be.

My DS is an "only." After many miscarriages, I feel I was lucky to have him.

I guess what I'm saying is YOU (and your DH) will decide your family size and tell everyone else to butt out! When I used to get the questions, at first I would tear up because of all the miscarriages. I finally got angry and would respond (a bit nastily because I was fed up) along the lines of "I never knew you were so interested in my sex life -- is there a reason for it?" Or, "I don't know....when are you going to have your 5th?" Or, (my personal favorite), "I'm saving for artificial insemination since my husband ran off with his secretary...what about you?"

No, my DH didn't run off with his secretary....we've been married now for 21 years....but the question about "when are you going to have another" just grated my nerves raw!

So, make up your snappy answer and you'll know when your family is just how you think it should be.

Karen