Online dating sites...is it just me or are they an ego killer??

[Nom]

thanks - there was definitely a few things in his profile that caught my eye that we have in common - so I'll take that route in the email.

Short and sweet?

Ok, I can do this (gathering up courage)...

Yes, IMO def short and sweet. you can always post it here before you email!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I'm also in the "give it a little time before jumping in" camp. My ex and I separated in July 2006 - although the marriage had mentally been over LONG before that - and the divorce was final in February 2007. It took me over a year to even want to date again. I'm glad I took that time and just enjoyed ME.

As far as the first communications/emails...I accepted that the first ones are likely to be dorky and stupid. You're nervous, you don't know anything about each other, you want to pique the other person's interest without saying too much...I just said to myself, "Don't overanalyze it; if you say something silly, so be it, and if he's interested, you'll hear back." Just leave out politics/religion/sex/marriage/children and you should be good

 

[Molly Meow]

I just wanted to give you another hope story. On May 11, 2008, I signed up for eHarmony at my best friend's insistence. I too had been married before, and really wasn't looking forward to the whole dating thing. I never liked it, but she insisted. I definitely didn't want to rush into anything. When I received my first matches, I was disappointed. None of the profiles I saw even remotely came close to what I was looking for in a man. I was on the phone with my friend and told her that I was going to stop looking, that this was pointless. She made me go through all the matches I had. The very last one matched my profile almost word-for-word.

I'm like you - I was nervous to contact him first. But he seemed perfect, and he was cute! I decided that I needed to send a message or risk him getting away. He responded and gave me his email address. Lucky for me that I contacted him - his subscription was expiring in a couple of days and he wasn't going to renew it.

We went out on our first date on May 13, 2008. It was at Denny's. It was the only restaurant open at the time of night we could get together.

We got married on May 2, 2009. We are in the process of buying a house and trying to have a baby. I could not be happier! He is truly my best friend, and I hate to think about what I could be missing out on had I not sent that message!

I wish you the best of luck! I know that this can be hard, but if I can do it, so can you! :

 

[frndshpcptn]

I just wanted to give you another hope story. On May 11, 2008, I signed up for eHarmony at my best friend's insistence. I too had been married before, and really wasn't looking forward to the whole dating thing. I never liked it, but she insisted. I definitely didn't want to rush into anything. When I received my first matches, I was disappointed. None of the profiles I saw even remotely came close to what I was looking for in a man. I was on the phone with my friend and told her that I was going to stop looking, that this was pointless. She made me go through all the matches I had. The very last one matched my profile almost word-for-word.

I'm like you - I was nervous to contact him first. But he seemed perfect, and he was cute! I decided that I needed to send a message or risk him getting away. He responded and gave me his email address. Lucky for me that I contacted him - his subscription was expiring in a couple of days and he wasn't going to renew it.

We went out on our first date on May 13, 2008. It was at Denny's. It was the only restaurant open at the time of night we could get together.

We got married on May 2, 2009. We are in the process of buying a house and trying to have a baby. I could not be happier! He is truly my best friend, and I hate to think about what I could be missing out on had I not sent that message!

I wish you the best of luck! I know that this can be hard, but if I can do it, so can you! :

thanks for the inspiration!

 

[Pugsley]

Any btw, don’t feel like you’re not attractive because you seem to be attracting “losers”. That happens to everyone – probably the prettier you are the more it happens. I think those guys just feel like, what do they have to lose by contacting you. If they throw out enough hooks they’re going to catch a fish eventually. My on-line experience actually boosted my ego a lot. I was feeling like a total loser. I hadn’t dated for a while so I felt like something must be wrong with me. But I got so much attention when I joined match.com I immediately felt better about myself. Met my husband on there (after only being on for a couple of weeks) and we’ve been happily married for almost five years now. He would tell you that when he saw me online he thought I was WAY too good for him but he “winked” at me just for kicks, never thinking that I’d answer. But I did. I was attracted to him immediately. He still thinks I’m way too good for him, which is exactly how I like it!

 

[Jeanne B]

Thanks for all the great replies everyone, it sounds like eharmony would be worth trying at some point.

so I am hoping to finish up the email (which is only a few sentences!) and be brave enough (after a glass or two of wine) to send it tonight.

You may want to send it sooner than later!! The one guy that has kind of stuck out at me enough to make me decide this past weekend that I was going to contact him, is now no longer on there!!! And by the sounds of his profile it sounded like he wasn't having a lot of luck finding the right woman on there so I don't think it's that he met someone, I think he maybe gave up, so you never know when they might be there one day, and gone the next!!

Only separated for 8 months? Not divorced yet? How about you get to know "you" first then start dating.

Does your profile say single or married?

I don't really want to get into the specifics about my marriage other than to say that I was emotionally out of my marriage for almost 2 years prior to us separating so in a way I feel like I've been "single" (or emotionally alone) for much longer than 8 months. Right now I'm enjoying being single and 40, taking time for myself and I'm in a better place emotionally now than I have been in a very long time in part just because I have a huge weight off my shoulders but even though I'm in no rush to find "the one" right away I still would like to go out on occasional date just to see what's out there, and have some fun, I don't think there's anything wrong with that and who knows, maybe the right person will come along unexpectedly, or maybe it's this guy I've been casually dating but we just don't know it yet!! My profile clearly states that I'm separated and I do understand that that could prevent some men from contacting me even though I've stated that a divorce is in process.

 

[sunshine girl]

This has been interesting! For busy people, online dating seems like the most efficient way of going about things. I consider myself a very normal person (other than my Disney fanaticism... haha) and if I'm thinking about trying it, I figure there must be other normal people out there on these online dating sites too. I do like the idea of eharmony because I like that they prescreen the people for you. That sounds helpful!!

I have a friend who met her husband online. They're both great people. So that's encouraging!

In general, I agree it requires a lot of courage to do this. One must endure the short-term challenges in order to reap the long-term rewards, I guess. Good luck to you and keep smiling!!

 

[mmackeymouse]

Yeah, I think my foray into online dating has actually depressed me even more.

I joined Match.com on a whim. I was looking into eHarmony, but it was more pricy and only offered me 15 matches in the whole entire world, like 2 within 200 miles of me. Match.com seemed to offer a larger and wider variety of guys.

I have lost a lot of weight, but still have aways to go. That said, I think I rock. I don't think there is anything wrong with me or my profile, other than the fact that I am not a skinny minnie stunner.

I have tried to contact 50 guys in the last week, via email, wink, im, whatever. And I am getting nothing. No responses, at all. I don't get it. What is wrong with me?

Am I really THAT hideous? Are guys really THAT shallow? Maybe someone can look at my profile and see if there is something wrong with it?

I just dunno.

 

[CptJackSparrowsGirl]

I'm trying the date sites to, just to get out there. I love DisDates, its been slow lately, but its going to pick up again when DisDad gets back to it

 

[LoraJ]

Only separated for 8 months? Not divorced yet? How about you get to know "you" first then start dating.

Does your profile say single or married?

This woman I know from another board is in the process of splitting with her husband. Apparently she discovered that he has a match.com profile where he lists himself as single. I think that's horrible for him to start off any kind of relationship with such a lie. He still sleeps in the same bed with his wife. I think he lied about his job too, he's currently unemployed.

Be careful ladies.

 

[Tuffcookie]

After the end of a long term relationship in August of this year, I found myself trying the on-line dating web sites. I would only sign up for the shortest amounts of time so I could test the waters. I met a few men but nothing to brag about.

One of the web sites I tried was Plenty of Fish, which is free. One night I was looking at profiles of the newest users when a photo popped up of someone I knew that frequently came by my office!

I emailed him and got the sweetest response. Hi, XXXXX, I do not know much about computers. My daughter is typing in my response for me. If we go on a date, she can drive! haha. He said I could send him my phone # or if I felt more comfortable he gave me his. He is a widower of 3 years and his daughter posted his profile for him!

We have been together 1 month today! and I am smitten!

TC