One Child families ?

[KELLY]

How did you make a choice to have one child ? My daughter is 19 months and would like to have another but we just had a miscarrage. My husband want to try right away but I would like to wait til July. Only because I'm starting a new Business so I can stay at home. We just got extened hours at work so some night closing at 6 pm yuck. I would like get the business started before I get pregnant again. And then on the other hand maybe just one child? How did you make your choice?

Thanks Kelly

 

[Liltx]

Just go with your feeling. We just knew it was right for us to have another one. We also know it is right for us to try for number 3. On the otherhand we know 4 is not in our plans. I am going to have my tubes tied in the hospital after number 3.

If you need to wait then wait, two takes sooo much energy if they are close together in age. I love it though.

Monica

 

[pl'smama]

I always thought I would have three or four children, but DD is four now and time is running out. I also thought my kids would be close in age, but even if I got pregnant today my DD would be five years older then her sibling. It makes me sad to think she may grow up without the companionship of a sibling, but it is in God's hands, not mine. We just try our best to be there for her all the time, but set up play dates etc,, with children her own age. I never chose to have only one child, but if that is what happens then so be it. It will be a hard thing to adjust to but, we love our DD and that won't change.

Good luck with everything Kelly and God bless.

Suz

 

[tinaluis]

Sorry to hear about your m/c. Your doctor may want you to wair at least six months before trying again (at least that's how it went when I had a m/c). You have to do what feels right for your family as far as deciding when and how many. DH and I have 3 DDs 10, 8 and 5 (and had two m/c in between). I was sure we were done and DH always left it up to me to decide. When I turned 38 something happened and I told DH I wanted another. He chuckled, said he knew I would change my mind, and said we'd do what we could to have another. (We've had fertility issues in the past so we weren't sure if we'd be able to conceive, but I wanted to try.) 2 months later we're pregnant with #4. My DDs will be 11, 9 and 6 when our DS is born, but that's just perfect for us. Good luck whatever you decide!

 

[newholidayx2]

DS14 is an only child
we tried for 5yrs (or so) before he was conceived and another 5yrs (or so) after. No miscarriages. I just couldnt easily become pregnant.

 

[powellrj]

I always thought I would have three or four children, but DD is four now and time is running out. I also thought my kids would be close in age, but even if I got pregnant today my DD would be five years older then her sibling. It makes me sad to think she may grow up without the companionship of a sibling, but it is in God's hands, not mine. We just try our best to be there for her all the time, but set up play dates etc,, with children her own age. I never chose to have only one child, but if that is what happens then so be it. It will be a hard thing to adjust to but, we love our DD and that won't change.

Good luck with everything Kelly and God bless.

Suz

unless your age is a factor, time isn't running out! This is coming from someone who has been married for almost 30 years and has children that are 23, 16 and 10! Never say never. I never thought we would be blessed with a DD, but she came after 18 years of marriage!

 

[karemore]

My husband was sure long before I was that one child was right for our family.

But now that my daughter is almost two, I want to continue to be able to give her all the time, and energy, and patience I can.

With one child, I can afford to stay at home with her as long as I choose which is also important to us.

 

[Samismom]

We have only one child, sort of by choice due to circumstances My dd was a silent refluxer, adn we didn't know until she was 4 1/2 months old. By that time she was hardly sleeping and afraid of food. For a period of at least two years i had to basically force feed her just about every bottle and meal, and i was often the only onw who could feed her. She also rarely slept in her room, she was often on me to sleep. Just when I starte thinking about maybe havign another my brother had twins and yes theyr un in my family....I knew I wouldn't be able to deal if I had twins with reflxu so I just called it a day. There are times I feel bad my dd doesn't have a sibling, but wea re able to do a lot with her and she has a lot of friends which also helps.

 

[pooksma]

We got married when DH was 30 and pregnant when he was 35. He always said he didn't want to be 60 and trying to through the football with his son. We decided together to have one child for whom we felt we'd be able to do more than if we had more. It was an extremely personal decision and stil is. Do what your heart tells you.

 

[DisneyDizzy]

We have only one child. I have always wanted another baby however, after a couple of years of fertility treatments, it looks very unlikely we will have another. We are very content with our family. We have one beautiful healthy child and consider ourselves blessed. We've learned to be grateful that we can give him so much and are able to take a few extra vacations, save a little extra money and buy smaller cars.

It is hard to be a family of only three sometimes. I'm often jealous of friends who have kids close in age and built in playmates. More often than not, I'm the playmate of choice. Also, people constantly ask, when are we going to have another one and after several years of failed fertility treatments and the decision to be happy and grateful for what we have, this question still gets to me.

You are lucky to have the choice on the size of your family. I believe having only one child can still be rewarding.

 

[Juliet25]

The choice was kind of made for me. When DD was 6 months old, my DH was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease (cancer of the lymph nodes) and underwent chemo. He's now infertile. We did freeze some sperm, but my insurance doesn't cover any kind of fertility treatments, so we can really afford to undergo any treatments at this time. Maybe in a few years, but DD will be turning 4 soon, and I'm getting more and more comfortable with just having one.

Kids are expensive, and I sort of like the idea of putting all our resources into one child. I honestly don't know how we'd afford another.

 

[belle&beast]

We have 2 kids, but thought we would have 4 when we were planning our family. I think you just get a feeling that your family is complete. I have friends with only children and friends with 4 or more, and all are happy. It is a very personal decision and only you will know if you feel content with the size of your family.

I am very sorry about your miscarriage. I had one between my 2 kids and I wished I had waited to try to get pregnant. I became very focused on having another baby and really should have taken more time to grieve. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy to have my sweet little boy, but my pregnancy was tough physically and emotionally. Hugs to you and your family and best wishes for whatever decision you make.

 

[pl'smama]

unless your age is a factor, time isn't running out! This is coming from someone who has been married for almost 30 years and has children that are 23, 16 and 10! Never say never. I never thought we would be blessed with a DD, but she came after 18 years of marriage!

Thanks powellrj, that is some uplifting news!! I do have friends with a ten or so year age gap between their kids and I know it is not the end of the world. My age is not the factor rather health is. But I feel better after reading your post and the others that followed. It is so easy to second guess our decisions and this is one that I would not want to mess up by being pregnant and unhealthy at the same time. That is why I say it is in God's hands.

God bless everyone!

 

[KELLY]

Thanks everyone. We are going to try for number 2 in a couple of months again. I realy want two. I don't have a problem getting pregnant it seems to take a little while around five months or so. But it does hapen DH will be 36 this year andI turn 32 this year so we are getting up there in age. Dh doesn't want to be retired and still kids in the house which i understand. After number 2 I will be done. Our issue is insurance we will be switching insurance company's in July when I start to stay at home. Just not sure how that will work?

KELLY

 

[belle&beast]

Thanks everyone. We are going to try for number 2 in a couple of months again. I realy want two. I don't have a problem getting pregnant it seems to take a little while around five months or so. But it does hapen DH will be 36 this year andI turn 32 this year so we are getting up there in age. Dh doesn't want to be retired and still kids in the house which i understand. After number 2 I will be done. Our issue is insurance we will be switching insurance company's in July when I start to stay at home. Just not sure how that will work?

KELLY

Insurance could be a big issue. I quit working after my first for a short time and was planning to be self-employed. DH is self-employed, so I had been carrying the benefits for our family. We were going to purchase our insurance ourselves and had a really difficult time finding one that did not require us to pay into maternity coverage for a year prior to CONCEPTION NOT DELIVERY! This was 5 years ago, so maybe things have changed, or maybe your DH can carry your benefits, but definitely look into it and get all the details. I ended up finding a position where I could work part time and have benefits, which is what I continue to do now. Good luck!

 

[SmallWorld71]

Definitely check out the insurance first. I ended up switching insurance companies mid-pregnancy (long story). Anyway, everything was covered as they did not consider pregnancy a pre-existing condition. Good thing, since I ended up with an emergency C-section and would have had to pay over $40,000! The point is, different companies, different rules. So be careful. You never know what could happen.

 

[KELLY]

The state of Maine has Dirago Health it is for self employeed and the non employed but it is all under Blue Cross Blue Sheild which is what we have now. One is Anthem and the new one would be Dirago. We recieved the packet and it did have a spot asking if pregnant.

me dh dd 19 months

 

[MindyLuvsMickey]

First let me say how sorry I am about your loss. The choice to have only one child has not been an easy one for us. After four miscarriages and a diagnosis of cervical cancer, we decided to pursue adoption. We changed our minds when my oncologist said that I was healthy enough to try again. We went through all of the initial fertility testing and some procedures to remove a septum in my uterus, along with some cysts and fibroids. After that, I decided that I wasn't able to go through any more, despite the fact that my RE is sure we will get pregnant in no time. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted.

This is a very recent decision for us. It is definitely a hard thing come to terms with.

We have the best DS and he is truly a miracle to us. Only God knows why he is here. We will just take advantage of having only him and spoil him rotten. He's got lot's of Disney trips in his future!!

I wish you the best of luck trying to get pregnant again. Our son was conceived after my first miscarriage. It was the very next cycle and I never had my period. It just happened. He was born a happy, healthy 9 lbs, 12 oz!

 

[Worfiedoodles]

Hi OP!

I know you've made your decision, so I applaud you because I know it's tough to reason out these life-changing choices. I also wanted to express my sympathy for your loss.

We have one ds9 for a few reasons -- we can provide much more for him as an only child, I'm an only child so I don't feel guilty about a lack of siblings, and we don't want to have a child in college or younger when we want to retire. It works great for our family, and we are happy with one child.

That said, I have a friend who is the mother of a dd8, also an only. She is 50, and trying desperately to get pregnant. None of our reasons are applicable for her. It is a completely personal choice, but do know that if your child was an only, it would still be o.k. You just need to do what's right for you and your family.

 

[RachaelRol]

DS 5 is an only child. He often asks for a sibling and sometimes I want another. DH absolutely wants another. My pregnancy was difficult. I developed severe preeclampsyia and HELLP syndrome, had liver and kidney failure. I recovered fine, but due to my being sick DS was born at only 30 weeks. He was 3 lbs, 3 oz, had a collapsed lung and spent 33 days in the hospital. I worry if this could happen again and honestly don't think emotionally I could do this.

I also like being able to do lots of things for and with him. He has a college savings plan, we go on vacation yearly and have a great life. I also have a great job/career and don't want to interrupt that.

But, at the end of the day, I beleive if God wants us to be a family of 4 or 5, it will be not matter what I think now.