Omg...my friend's dad hit on me

[DISUNC]

Who should I tell besides my parents? His wife? His daughter?.

Just tell your parents & BF for now....see what they say!

If his daughter had suspicions that he was cheating, his wife must know too. And she doesn't care. She plays the perfect kept woman role well and I doubt she wants to rock the boat.

"Suspicion" means SHE already knows....maybe not the details....but she knows! Keep quiet with her for now.
As far as the wife....I am sure SHE knows...and Knows plenty!

But again....talk to your parents & BF first!

 

[JerseyBallerina]

Well, I told my BF about it because he said I was acting weird. Needless to say, he is angry. He actually had the phone in his hand to call the guy and scream at him. I told him I was handling it in a more professional way. I'm gonna call him again tomorrow to repeat that I'm not taking the job and I'm not interested in pursuing anything with him.

My BF said if that didn't work, he would pay him a visit. That would be a sight, considering my BF is 6'3, 220 lbs and the guy is maybe 5'9, 180 lbs. But I don't want to give him any reason to bad mouth me. He would tell everyone I sent my big BF over to threaten him after he broke up with me or something.

I have two classes with his daughter tomorrow and its getting harder and harder to look at her in the same way. I feel bad for her for having such a creep for a father.

 

[blue_river]

First I want to say how sorry I am that you are being put through this.

I really think you should tell your parents. They need to know what kind of man their "friend" is.

I also think you should have no contact with him. Don't call him back and don't be left alone with him.

 

[ilovepcot]

Normally I wouldn't dream of telling a young adult to involve their parents in a personal situation such as this, however...didn't I read *way* back at the beginning of this thread that your parents are *personal friends* of this creep and his wife? Surely your parents would have some insight into this man's true colors and know how to approach this matter in the most effective way? If my daughter came to DH and me and admitted our *personal friend* had behaved in this manner toward her and she didn't know how to handle the situation...we would...I guarantee it!!!!!!

 

[JerseyBallerina]

I just want him to be held accountable for making me feel this way and I don't think he will. I would be shocked if his wife leaves him, or even threatens to leave. He'll probably lose my parents as friends but they weren't really close...more like acquitances, no big loss. And he'll just find someone else who will give in to him.

And I'm gonna be the one who has to walk on eggshells if I'm ever invited to his house or I run into him in town. He's not gonna care...he might even look forward to seeing me.

The point is, that my life is changed and his isn't and that's what really pisses me off.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Well, I hope your DBF can compose himself and not confront your friend's dad. That would only make matters worse. Your DBF could face assault charges if he went over to the dad's house to "talk" to him. It could very well start with him thinking he's going to go over and discuss the situation but, believe me, when there's anger involved it is better to stay away.

Your mom needs to be told what is going on. No matter how old you get, she is your best friend. She will deal it with the wisdom that comes with older age.

Sorry you are going thru this.

TC

 

[JerseyBallerina]

I just wanted to thank everyone for all the advice and support. You've really given me confidence on how to approach this.

 

[Seahunt]

I think you really have to deflate his big ego to get him to understand that you think he's ewwww gross

It's funny but I recently saw an old (old old!) movie with this same situation on TV OMG It's been happening forever! In this movie the older man (who was married) was after a younger girl, and he had all kinds of dreams that they would be together. She didn't like him in that way and was actually in love with his son (who was as young as she was), and in the end there was a showdown and as the guys were going to fight she grabbed the sons hand and said "Don't! He's a old man, you might hurt him!" The older man heard her say that, and just shook his head and his shoulders drooped down, realizing that she thought of him as an old geezer, and not some attractive stud.

There's no fool like an old fool.....

Maybe you could use something like this if he calls again by telling him that you talked to your boyfriend and he didn't like the situation and you had to warn your BF not to confront him because "he's such an old man, and your BF might hurt him!"

Take the wind right out of his sails!

 

[rigs32]

Talk to your mom. Then call him back - with your mom on an extension. Not talking, but just listening. I'm 95% sure he'll say something inappropriate and she'll know what's what.

Also, if you are worried about his affect on your career, then it is so much more important for you to act NOW to stop this behavior. Ignoring him or being sly doesn't seem to be working. If you can't confront him, have your parents tell him to back off. Who cares if they're friends - you're their daughter.

And as a woman who is a few months away from taking the bar exam and works as a rape crisis counselor, I get really angry with the generalizations that all lawyers are scum and will stick up for each other.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Better yet, call him back. Do it with your mom at your side. Remind him you turned down the job offer. Ask him what the invitations are for then hand the phone to your mom and let her listen. Then when he has made his proposition, your mom can say, "Dave, is that you?!". Oh now that would be fun!

I'm going to quote myself. I think this would be hilarious! And it would take care of your problem too!

 

[marlasmom]

PLEASE - do not call him. Any contact you initiate could be construed (by him) as tacit encouragement. Tell your parents but no one else. Tell your bf to cool it. If he gets involved it could make matters far far worse. It is unlikely that any other lawyer you apply to will be aware that you are friends with this creep's daughter and I really think you have no worries on that score. It will be a year before you are looking for a job as a summer associate and by that time he will have moved on to someone else. Best of luck in law school.

 

[annegal]

Who should I tell besides my parents? His wife? His daughter?

I want to say something to him to give him the impression I'm gonna tell someone but I don't know how to say it so it's not like a threat.

Just because he came on to you, does not mean he is a cheater....just a dirty old man. I would tell your parents only (sorry telling the boyfriend was a mistake, in mt opinion)...their advice is what you should adhere to...not what all us strangers on the internet are saying. TELL THEM!!!

 

[JerseyBallerina]

Just because he came on to you, does not mean he is a cheater....just a dirty old man.

My friend has said several times that she suspects her dad was cheating on her mom. I don't know why she thought that, she never got into it, but his track record isn't so good.

He called me again this morning but I was still sleeping. He left a message saying how much he wanted me to work for him and how he felt like he was giving me such a great opportunity and that I was basically stupid for not jumping at the chance to take it. There's nothing inappropriate in any of the messages he's left - I guess he's smarter than that.

I have to wait until lunch to call my mom.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

He called me again this morning but I was still sleeping. He left a message saying how much he wanted me to work for him and how he felt like he was giving me such a great opportunity and that I was basically stupid for not jumping at the chance to take it. There's nothing inappropriate in any of the messages he's left - I guess he's smarter than that.

In my book, implying that you are "basically stupid" certainly counts as inappropriate! Save the voicemail. If your system will delete it automatically after a certain time, figure out how you can download the message permanently (i.e., to your computer).

He is trying to intimidate and manipulate you into taking this position - he is nothing but a SLIMEBALL!!!!!

And I think it was perfectly fine to tell your boyfriend. You may need his support later. Just make it absolutely clear to him that he is to have nothing to do with this guy. Your boyfriend's role is to give you support, not to take the guy on. Him getting directly involved would likely lead to much bigger problems for both of you. (Obviously, though, if your BF sees you being harassed, he should escort you out of wherever you are to safety - but still not get into a physical or even verbal confrontation with the guy.)

 

[CheshireVal]

I guess I'm not understanding what's so outrageous about this situation. The guy's a married creep hitting on a younger woman, but it's not the first time this has happened, nor will it be the last.

I was hit on all the time when I was 22 by guys I wasn't interested in. I just don't see what really makes this any different.

Tell him you're not interested, move on.

 

[Robinrs]

I guess I'm not understanding what's so outrageous about this situation. The guy's a married creep hitting on a younger woman, but it's not the first time this has happened, nor will it be the last.

I was hit on all the time when I was 22 by guys I wasn't interested in. I just don't see what really makes this any different.

... I was hit on by my teachers, my sister's husbands, most of my friends' boyfriends and husbands .... NOT a good position to be in but, remember, YOU are in charge.

I believe in PERIOD SENTENCES. Statement.. PERIOD. No more negotiation, no more information, no more intimidation.

You do this by knowing FIRST OF ALL that HE is the person in the wrong, not you. People like this have spent their lives using the power to make you feel trapped and insecure. Here you are, questioning your thoughts, power and actions and he's probably doing this to several other conquests. You are a thing to him, not a person.

You don't have to answer his calls. You are accountable only to yourself. Threats from young woman are probably just a turn on to this fool. The more you speak to him the more he believes you want him. I agree with the other poster. Do NOT call him.

The BF admission has been done so that can't be taken back. He's going to do the Alpha male thing so expect that. But this is your problem, not your parents, not your girlfriend or your boyfriend, yours. And YOU can end it.

Men are trained not to hear women words. You don't have to explain your reasoning to him. Don't answer his calls or approach. He'll go on to the next conquest... and believe me, he has lots of choices... and many who will not turn him down.

He likes the hunt ... don't make yourself the prey. And don't allow him to win by feeling like a victim. Take yourself OUT of this mess and let it go. And don't personalize it. Men like him are predators. Nothing you do will stop it. Just get him out of YOUR WORLD.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

I was hit on all the time when I was 22 by guys I wasn't interested in. I just don't see what really makes this any different.

At first I thought it just seemed creepy, but manageable. But, the OP has staed (maybe not in her first post) that the guy is a friend/acquaintence of her parents, called her mom to get her number, is pushing her to take an internship at his office, has called her several times, and the last time tried to bully her into taking the job. It's gone far beyond "hitting on her."

 

[clutter]

... I was hit on by my teachers, my sister's husbands, most of my friends' boyfriends and husbands .... NOT a good position to be in but, remember, YOU are in charge.

I believe in PERIOD SENTENCES. Statement.. PERIOD. No more negotiation, no more information, no more intimidation.

You do this by knowing FIRST OF ALL that HE is the person in the wrong, not you. People like this have spent their lives using the power to make you feel trapped and insecure. Here you are, questioning your thoughts, power and actions and he's probably doing this to several other conquests. You are a thing to him, not a person.

You don't have to answer his calls. You are accountable only to yourself. Threats from young woman are probably just a turn on to this fool. The more you speak to him the more he believes you want him. I agree with the other poster. Do NOT call him.

The BF admission has been done so that can't be taken back. He's going to do the Alpha male thing so expect that. But this is your problem, not your parents, not your girlfriend or your boyfriend, yours. And YOU can end it.

Men are trained not to hear women words. You don't have to explain your reasoning to him. Don't answer his calls or approach. He'll go on to the next conquest... and believe me, he has lots of choices... and many who will not turn him down.

He likes the hunt ... don't make yourself the prey. And don't allow him to win by feeling like a victim. Take yourself OUT of this mess and let it go. And don't personalize it. Men like him are predators. Nothing you do will stop it. Just get him out of YOUR WORLD.

I'm in total agreement here. Unfortunately, this is bigger to you than to him. By allowing yourself to get freaked out, you're actually still playing a game with him. He may be more into the chase, and you're making it fun.

Why even listen to his messages? Delete, delete, delete. If your mom or your friend asks you why you turned down the job, just tell them that it didn't feel right. Re-read Robin's last paragraph!

 

[Amberle3]

But it's not just a married creep hitting on a younger woman. It's a married creep hitting on a) a family friend that he's known for years and b) a friend of his daughter. Someone that has been raised to see him in a position of respect and authority. And now he's using that to try and coerce her into taking a job with him so that he can continue to sexually harass her.

Jersey, whenever something along these lines happens to me I always think one thing: I refuse to believe that I'm really all that special. I mean really what are the chances that he's never hit on any other of his daughter's friends and he just couldn't help himself with you? In reality chances are that he's hitting on girls all the time and no one has the courage to say anything about it. And because of that he just keeps on doing it, because he knows he can. Don't you think that he knows that he's creeped you out? That he knows you don't want to take the job offer because of his behaviour? I'll bet that he keeps trying to sweeten the deal, to see what it will take to make you commit to something you don't really want to do, because that feeds his illusion that he has the power and the control.

If he calls you again tell him flat out that you are not interested in any arrangement with him either professional or personal. If he tries to charm his way tell him that his behaviour is completely inappropriate and that you have documented his attempts to call you etc. If he slips and makes some kind of threat against you, you have him nailed. First of all he can't say that you two had an affair without opening himself up for scrutiny, and you can bet he doesn't want that. He wants to keep things quiet. He can't say that you were persuing him because your cell phone records are going to show he's the one that's been calling you. And if he does make any comment about saying anything negative about you publicly or professionally you can simply ask how many other women there are out there that he's harassed that would come forward if he did start mouthing off. That's not a threat, that's a question that only he knows the answer to.

 

[CheshireVal]

At first I thought it just seemed creepy, but manageable. But, the OP has staed (maybe not in her first post) that the guy is a friend/acquaintence of her parents, called her mom to get her number, is pushing her to take an internship at his office, has called her several times, and the last time tried to bully her into taking the job. It's gone far beyond "hitting on her."

I don't think so. He hasn't threatened her in any way. He's being persistent, sure, but nothing out of the ordinary, I don't think.

If the OP were 16, I'd say it would be cause for concern and that parents should get involved.

But she's 22!!!