Old Boyfriend contacted me on FB

[kmp1191]

I've been married for almost 20 years and don't have any of my ex's on my FB. I don't go looking for them~I have no reason to.
DH's ex-live in gf of 3+ years sent him a request about 2 weeks ago. He didn't "ignore" it because he wanted me to see it. We discussed it and I told him it was totally up to him as to whether or not he wanted to accept her, but then not to question who was on my page. He made the comment that "It says she's in a relationship with XYZ"...to which I replied..."If she's in such a good relationship w/XYZ, then why is she looking you up?"
He hit ignore right then and there.

I love FB~it's great to keep in touch w/ old friends~even ex's if you want~but keep in mind~there are alot of people out there with other motives.

 

[aduck126]

this story and a few posted are exact reason why i DO NOT have a facebook. I just think its creepy.

 

[Tink888]

I may have just done a really stupid thing, but it's done and I'm not going to take it back. I've been married for more than 20 years, but a guy I dated for four years before I met my DH sent me a friend request on FB this morning. I don't have any problem being friends with old flames -- one of our best friends is DH's former serious girlfriend -- but this guy was something else. Truly a major bad boy. I STILL have intense dreams about him. I know that there was no choice but to break up when we did and have no further contact -- at least for a very long time -- but still I always have wondered what if??? DH knows about this, and I'm very open with FB at home -- I leave it open most of the time, so I know I won't get into anything secret or clandestine. But I can't help feeling that I might have gotten myself into something, ummm...

Erin

Oh, there's no way I'd ever cheat on DH, or even meet or talk to this guy on the phone! That's just not within the realm of possibility. But I just think it might be nice to hear how he's doing. He has some great pix of his daughter, who's about 30 now -- I went to her 3rd birthday party! I may end up unfriending him -- I have no doubt that I can behave, let's see if he can.

If an old BF sent me a friend request, I'd probably accept, just to see how he's doing, what he's done with his life.

But the bolded parts of your posts........as sure as you may be that nothing could happen and you could behave yourself..........well, it just sounds like he was really something to you way back when and it sounds like you kind of want to invite the trouble.......

The thing about trouble is that it's just like fire, you think you can contain it but before you know it a spark has turned into an inferno.

The ignore button is your friend in this case.

 

[BabyPiglet]

If you had to ask, then you probably shouldn't do it.

 

[disneycruising]

OMG the video was so funny!

I think it is ok to "friend' an X on FB. As long as you are honest with your DH about your communication, with this person.

I also think you have to be very clear with your X about your intentions. Make sure, if you send a message...it is clear...that you are not flirting. If he doesn't seem to get that...unfriend him.

 

[Katy Belle]

Just not a good idea... and certainly not necessary! I am friends on Facebook with one xBf... but there is one that I've stayed away from. Sounds like you need to stay away from this one. Not necessary! You've already looked at his photos... now unfriend him. Its the right thing to do.

 

[terri01p]

 

[Mermaid02]

Unfriend him. Some things are better left alone.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I think it is fine to be friends with him on FB. 25 years have passed since you two were together romantically, so that is basically in another lifetime as far as I am concerned.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

Ah yes, midlife. Clouds your vision, doesn't it? Run, don't walk - AWAY.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I think it is fine to be friends with him on FB. 25 years have passed since you two were together romantically, so that is basically in another lifetime as far as I am concerned.

But yet she still has intense dreams about him and is wondering if he can behave himself? NEXT.

 

[SydSim]

I don't believe in hard and fast rules for every occasion. No friending all exes, I don't agree with. No friending people that could potentially be a problem in your future - you betcha!

I am FB friends with my ex from high school (really nice guy - amicable break up. Grew into a really nice man). I'm also Fb friends with an ex from college (ok guy, amicable breakup. Seems to have matured since college). I have blocked myself from an ex from after college (jerk, bad break-up)

I have also been very blissfully married for almost 16 years and neither ex has interfered with that! The ex that I have blocked - he just might try, which in itself would be a pain (not that he's succeed).

Whether it's FB, MySpace or a telephone, we should realize what relationship is good or has the potential to be toxic.

 

[castleview]

When you hear a little voice of caution in circumstances like this, you should listen...

I'm with this. While I have no problem with friending an old love on FB, the fact that you still seem to have feelings or dreams about this guy makes friending him a little dangerous.

 

[FergieTCat]

My theory with FB is this - if you keep it on the up and up, and don't start sending each other messages and talking about the "good old days" you should be fine. If things start to get weird i'd unfriend him.

Completely agree with that.

A boyfriend broke up with me over 20 years ago and sent me a friend request on Facebook. He also sent a long note and I didn't want to not answer him, nor did I want to make further contact with him. So far we've had no other contact. Which is how I'd like to keep it.

Facebook is an interesting part of cyberspace.

 

[iwrbnd]

I think in your case you should be very cautious. I am fb friends with a couple of ex's but my DH knows and it doesn't bother him. I only chatted with them a couple of times and both times I was laying in bed next to my DH. We had fun laughing about it together. It was just neat to see pics of their family and know how life turned out for them. Nothing more.

 

[Nennie]

I would accept the friend request, quickly look at his pics to see what he looks like (and also his wife, LOL!) then just as quickly, I would unfriend him before he even knows what happened!! Ha ha!!!

 

[Toad_Passenger]

Before I met DW I was in a relationship for 3+ years. We were very serious, and were actively planning a future together. We had some communications breakdowns that ultimately led us to split up. The thing was we never met to have final closure on the relationship.

Because of that I used to have a "what if" in the back of my mind. I know she's on Facebook, and she knows I'm on there. She's married with kids, I'm married with kids. Neither of us try to contact each other. There is really no need to at this point. We've both built happy and healthy lives without each other, and I think there would be little to gain if we spoke again. At the time we thought the other was "the one," but that obviously wasn't true.

I've learned that any "feelings" you have towards ex's are nothing but fond memories. A lot of times those fond memories lead people to do dumb, impulsive, things. To the OP, I would unfriend this guy and keep moving forward in your life. Past chapters in life close so that the new ones can open. It's not worth "re-reading" a chapter that could alter the happiness you've created.

 

[ols386]

I think if you can be 'just' friends with an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband, on Facebook, or real life, then there's not a problem. But if you still have any kind of romantic feelings at all for that person, then a friendship probably won't work, and it's probably not a good idea to even attempt to have a friendship with them, especially if either of you are already in a relationship.

 

[*Fantasia*]

My opinion, you broke up with him for a REASON, you moved on with your life for a REASON, what place does this old flame have in your life but to relive some of the past.

I think you are opening up a can of worms if you are having intense dreams about him then start talking to him.

Agree! You have your life with your husband.. and he has his.. Just leave it like that. Don't bother finding out how he is.. just assume he is okay.

 

[Trish Bessette]

I've been married 34 years, but wouldn't friend an old boyfriend on Facebook. I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing it. To each their own. But sometimes, no probably always, it's best not to go looking for trouble.

I couldn't agree with you more