Old Boyfriend contacted me on FB

[erincon23]

I may have just done a really stupid thing, but it's done and I'm not going to take it back. I've been married for more than 20 years, but a guy I dated for four years before I met my DH sent me a friend request on FB this morning. I don't have any problem being friends with old flames -- one of our best friends is DH's former serious girlfriend -- but this guy was something else. Truly a major bad boy. I STILL have intense dreams about him. I know that there was no choice but to break up when we did and have no further contact -- at least for a very long time -- but still I always have wondered what if??? DH knows about this, and I'm very open with FB at home -- I leave it open most of the time, so I know I won't get into anything secret or clandestine. But I can't help feeling that I might have gotten myself into something, ummm...

Erin

 

[Hillbeans]

My theory with FB is this - if you keep it on the up and up, and don't start sending each other messages and talking about the "good old days" you should be fine. If things start to get weird i'd unfriend him.

FB is a great social networking tool but I also hate it for those same reasons. Sometimes DH gets Facebook applications that people from HS send him and say things like "Were you a flirt in High School" or stupid stuff like that...it causes problems where there were none, if you KWIM.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

When you hear a little voice of caution in circumstances like this, you should listen...

 

[MIGrandma]

I've been married 34 years, but wouldn't friend an old boyfriend on Facebook. I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing it. To each their own. But sometimes, no probably always, it's best not to go looking for trouble.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

When you hear a little voice of caution in circumstances like this, you should listen...

Amen.

 

[handinpocket]

TMI. You are basically telling us, this might lead to you cheating on your husband. I say, since you are so honest with your DH, that you show him your OP on this thread and see how he feels.

 

[handinpocket]

I may have just done a really stupid thing, but it's done and I'm not going to take it back. I've been married for more than 20 years, but a guy I dated for four years before I met my DH sent me a friend request on FB this morning. I don't have any problem being friends with old flames -- one of our best friends is DH's former serious girlfriend -- but this guy was something else. Truly a major bad boy. I STILL have intense dreams about him. I know that there was no choice but to break up when we did and have no further contact -- at least for a very long time -- but still I always have wondered what if??? DH knows about this, and I'm very open with FB at home -- I leave it open most of the time, so I know I won't get into anything secret or clandestine. But I can't help feeling that I might have gotten myself into something, ummm...

Erin

Forgot the "rule".

 

[tink_n_pooh]

I'm friends with several of my ex-BF's from high school and college on FB and it's all just fine. There are some I'm not friends with on FB for different reasons and thats fine too. You are the only one that knows what is best for you. If he or you make anything of it other than a FB friends there is always the "block" button

 

[mrsksomeday]

My opinion, you broke up with him for a REASON, you moved on with your life for a REASON, what place does this old flame have in your life but to relive some of the past.

I think you are opening up a can of worms if you are having intense dreams about him then start talking to him. It all might be on the up and up now, but I have seen many people fall back into some type of relationship with a HS love because of FB and none of them ended well. Is the life you have right now worth risking over talking to this "bad boy"?

 

[erincon23]

Oh, there's no way I'd ever cheat on DH, or even meet or talk to this guy on the phone! That's just not within the realm of possibility. But I just think it might be nice to hear how he's doing. He has some great pix of his daughter, who's about 30 now -- I went to her 3rd birthday party! I may end up unfriending him -- I have no doubt that I can behave, let's see if he can.

 

[WEDWDW]

By taking the time to Post here,I think you have answered your own question.

 

[Buckalew11]

I've been married for 23 yrs. and had a BF before DH for 4 ys also. We're both on FB. I'm fiends with his aunt, his cousin, his best friends even. But not him. Before my dad died 3 yrs. ago he came over to thank him and tell him "goodbye". That meant a lot to me and I still care for him because he was a great person which is why I stayed with him for 4 yrs. But friending him on FB would not be a smart thing and I do not think it'll ever happen.

good luck.

 

[FINFAN]

"I STILL have intense dreams about him"
"I have always wondered what if"


ummmm, DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

I would probably put an end to it so there is no curious tempation for a "beginning".

 

[aprilgail2]

If you are not going to talk on the phone or meet him I don't see any issue with being friends on facebook. I am friends with about 4 ex boyfriends on my facebook. Just last night my boyfriend from when I was 16-17 friended me. He lives in another country now, has a wife and 3 kids....I am not married but have one kid. There is no way in the world I would hook up with any of my ex's even though I am single- I make sure to keep messages between us just casual like "you remember when Jimmy...." type stuff.... I have NO interest in someone elses husband so it is possible to be friends with an ex and not want to have an affair with them!

 

[Imzadi]

Just ignore the request. Just because someone asked you to jump off a cliff, (which sounds like this could be,) would you do it?

 

[mrsksomeday]

"I STILL have intense dreams about him"
"I have always wondered what if"


ummmm, DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

I would probably put an end to it so there is no curious tempation for a "beginning".

Add to that "I have no doubt that I can behave, let's see if he can."

HUGE RED FLAG!! You are wondering if he will try to cross the line.

 

[Imzadi]

Add to that "I have no doubt that I can behave, let's see if he can."

HUGE RED FLAG!! You are wondering if he will try to cross the line.

Yes, be proactive. Head off that possibility by not allowing a situation to happen in the first place.

 

[MinnieTink]

It sounds like Jiminy Cricket is trying to tell you something. Just imagine if your DH said the things you said. If my DH said he STILL had "intense" dreams about an ex then told me she just found him on FB that would make me quite uncomfortable...hurt, even. You love your DH and have stuck with him for 20 years for many reasons, I'm sure. Not everybody gets that. Value that.

 

[bumbershoot]

... but this guy was something else. Truly a major bad boy. ....I know that there was no choice but to break up when we did and have no further contact -- at least for a very long time --

If you don't mind bad language, please please please google "the facebook song". Find the youtube video that comes up with "Are you ______ Kidding Me" and you should see a woman who looks like Cyndi Lauper (just in the thumbnail, not really in the video), make sure there are no kids in the room, and play it. It will cause you to take back your agreement to his friend request quickly. "Click. Ignore." It's hilarious.

 

[Mickey Fliers]

"Hiya there Trouble. Here's your invitation"