Hi Kristy,
I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I'm not sure what the specifics of your story are, but I also lost a baby this year, a boy named Elias, when I was twenty weeks pregnant ... my water broke for no reason and I had to deliver him, perfect in every way but too small to live. I found the month of his due date (october) the hardest to bear in many ways, but when that time came, I found that through all the grief, I was also given many gifts and signs that reminded me that his spirit was still with me.
Allow yourself to grieve, to ache and to cry. Allow your mind to think of what might have been. All of this is normal, and in its own way, is good.
I wanted to share this poem by Rumi with you. I hope you find is as beautiful as I did. You'll be in my thoughts, and I wish you peace!
BIRDWINGS
Your grief for what you've lost lifts a mirror
up to where you're bravely working.
Expecting the worst, you look, and instead,
here's the joyful face you've been wanting to see.
Your hand opens and closes and opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralyzed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting
and expanding,
the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated
as birdwings.
