OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[lookingforward]

Has anyone tried driving for hours in a car with two teenage boys? OMG! Everytime we stopped to eat I would try and steer them towards non-gassy foods. "Don't you think the turkey sandwich would be a better choice than the Killer Chicken Wings with a side of nachos?" But they always ordered the spicy, cheesy food. Then the car would fill with gas and everyone would scream and the game would commence on figuring out WHO did it. My middle child (14) finally said "Mom, a family that farts together stays together" to which my answer was "Thats because noone else would have us!".

 

[darlak]

Regarding the "he who smelt it dealt it" philosophy, my mother, grandmother and great-grandmother always used to say "Bit dog always hollers". I realize that it doesn't quite make sense, but that's what we still say at my house.

I needed this thread today! I've laughed more today than in the last week!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I have another one.

When I was pregnant with my DD, my DS was around 20 months old. I was in Walmart browsing the baby clothes. It was kind of busy, lots of women around. I could feel one building, and kind of went into a pre-fart panic until I realized I could squeeze it out silent. If you have ever been around a pregnant woman's fart, you know why I had move away from the area as fast as I could. I did not want anyone looking in my direction as the smell hit their nostrils.

I moved away quickly, but not before my beloved caught a whiff. He says in the loudest voice possible, " PEE YOU, mama, you TINK!"

 

[Narnian_Princess]

A few weeks ago I had a case of silent butt-burners. Unfortunately I had to go to the grocery store... so I would stand at the end of a row and let one fly, then scoot over to the next aisle and hope the smell didn't follow! Good thing there weren't too many people there that day...

 

[digitaldevice]

This sort of fits in this section. This radio show I use to listen to had a segment called “the stupidest thing I did this week”. Ok you get the drift; people call in and tell the dumb things they did. This is the one I remember from a lady. She was at Home Depot shopping and got thirsty so she goes over to the wall to get a drink. Puts her head down to drink hits the button and no water then it dawns on her she has her head inside a display urinal.

 

[Bethy Lou]

I had an aunt who was older and known for letting out the nastiest smelling farts. She and my aunt and mom went into a shop with a lot of little glass nick nacks and the aunt, as normal, let out one of her earth quaking farts. It was so strong it rattled some of the glass objects and a plate fell over. She refused to admit it was her that did it and my mom had to pay for the broken plate!

 

[ClaraBug]

In our house, farting is called "beeping"
b/c when daddy farts it sounds like a car horn.

My 3 yo let a loud one go and the discussion went something like this:

Me:"MJ did you beep?"
MJ: "Nope, my butt did!"

I could not keep a straight face to save my life. I was laughing so hard that trying to explain to her to say "excuse me" just would not happen!

 

[LaraK]

So one of my employees let a little blip of a fart out today....the sound didn't alert anyone, but the smell did. I immediately thought of this thread

Thought this needed a resurrection from the community board graveyard for a while...it's a zombie thread.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

So one of my employees let a little blip of a fart out today....the sound didn't alert anyone, but the smell did. I immediately thought of this thread

Thought this needed a resurrection from the community board graveyard for a while...it's a zombie thread.

Oh man! I work with someone who will go out to the back room and let one go, but then immediately comes back out to the front, and drags the smell with him! He should figure out he is not being discreet!

 

[mamaprincess]

Just filling her up!

 

[HollyTyler]

Let's see if we can revive this thread!

 

[Bethy Lou]

I absolutely agree! I teach 6th graders and if someone lets one go in class you might as well call it a day. There is no way they can get back on topic after that happens. They just giggle and make jokes! LOL!

 

[HollyTyler]

2 nights ago, I was lying in my DS5's bed reading his bedtime book to him. A silent one accidentally slipped out of me. We all know the saying, "silent but deadly". After a few seconds, I could hear him sniffing, looking around, thinking, and then he said, "Eeeewww! What smells ROTTEN in here?!" He has a stuffed bear that he carries everywhere with him. I told him, "It's your stinky old bear! We need to throw him in the washing machine!" The funny part is that he believed me!

 

[marivaid]

My parents were in Germany just walking down the street pretending to be normal people .. when my dad let out one of those "silent but deadly" things.
And then he heard a very,very loud

"BBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

There was a little girl sitting in a stroller right behind him, right at "eye" level. The kid was horrified, and started to cry.
My dad just sprinted away so he didn't have to explain in German that he had just farted right in their little girl's face.

 

[HollyTyler]

My parents were in Germany just walking down the street pretending to be normal people .. when my dad let out one of those "silent but deadly" things.
And then he heard a very,very loud

"BBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

There was a little girl sitting in a stroller right behind him, right at "eye" level. The kid was horrified, and started to cry.
My dad just sprinted away so he didn't have to explain in German that he had just farted right in their little girl's face.

 

[daisy2]

I have a couple of Uncles who could clear a room out in a matter of seconds. My one uncle was the uncle who would always say "Pull my Finger" he had the talent of farting on command. His Farts were as the quote would say his bark was worse than his bite". My uncle Neil had the "silent but deadly ones" and he would call them the Barking spiders. Well one day my dad and my two uncles come home for a building supply store. And they are laughing they were in the store and had to go down a isle and there two old ladies down the isle they were just talking so my uncle "Pull my finger" goes down the isle and lets one roll out doesn't faze the older ladies so my uncle Silent but deadly goes down there and lets one go and my dad was said you should of seen them run. My uncle Silent but deadly comes back down the isle and says okay there gone we can go down the isle. We still to this day laugh about that. My uncle Silent but deadly is gone now but we will giggle about him.

 

[daisy2]

Oh I forgot to say Great Thread keep them coming. I need a laugh every once in awhile this is great.

 

[HollyTyler]

Oh I forgot to say Great Thread keep them coming. I need a laugh every once in awhile this is great.

This is definitely my favorite thread! It gets revived once in a while and never fails to give me a good dose of laughter right when I need it most!

 

[nskjerven]

Hi Holly.

My DD, Molly was about 5 or so and she stepped on my mom's toe and my mom says "Molly, please say excuse me" DD says "why? I didn't fart"

I laughed as I typed this out, it cracks us up 5 years later

 

[staley7580]

Okay... So back in October we were at DL. It was our last night, and we were all really crabby and tired walking back to our hotel. My ds walking behind dh, and all of the sudden ds let out this yell. "EWWWWW!!! Something STINKS!!!" and he is just gagging away, and Dh stops and turns around, "Oh man!! Dude, I am so sorry!!" As he is laughing his butt off!!! He totally farted in DS's face! We all laughed all the way back to our room!