OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[Amlee]

Good Lord! I don't think I can read all 28 pages. My pup has already came over to see what was so funny.

Ok, I'll add a few myself.

My puppy is also bad to jump up and sniff himself when he farts. He has also been known to sniff himself when I let one lose. He has the "Did I do that?" look about him.

But the one that is still talked about in the family today is one I did years ago. We had gone out to eat and my stomach was KILLING me. My parents decided they needed to run into K-mart for a bit. I'm thinking ok, I'll get off by myself and let it rip tater chip. So I find an aisle that has nobody in it and sure enough I leave this very fine green hue floating in the air. I round the corner thinking the coast is clear. The next thing I hear is my dad gagging and going My God! Somebody S&%*! It seems he was following me and walked right into it. Needless to say, I gave myself away right then and there. I couldn't breath! My mother realized what happened and lost it also. I got an ear full on the 40 mile drive home.

 

[LisaNJ25]

Good Lord! I don't think I can read all 28 pages. My pup has already came over to see what was so funny.

Ok, I'll add a few myself.

My puppy is also bad to jump up and sniff himself when he farts. He has also been known to sniff himself when I let one lose. He has the "Did I do that?" look about him.

But the one that is still talked about in the family today is one I did years ago. We had gone out to eat and my stomach was KILLING me. My parents decided they needed to run into K-mart for a bit. I'm thinking ok, I'll get off by myself and let it rip tater chip. So I find an aisle that has nobody in it and sure enough I leave this very fine green hue floating in the air. I round the corner thinking the coast is clear. The next thing I hear is my dad gagging and going My God! Somebody S&%*! It seems he was following me and walked right into it. Needless to say, I gave myself away right then and there. I couldn't breath! My mother realized what happened and lost it also. I got an ear full on the 40 mile drive home.

That is priceless I am in tears.

 

[Ride Junkie]

My uncle always says "did you hear that spider bark?" whenever he farts.

My brother works fumigating warehouses, so in our family, we all say, "warehouse beetle."

 

[bridegirl]

I'm am laughing sooo hard - I just woke up DH with my uncontrollable cackling

More stories, please please

 

[Diznotyzed]

I've laughed so hard at this thread! Not sure if my anecdote measures up, but it has a Disney connection so I'll share it.

First of all, in my family I am legendary. We had an situation on a family car trip that my kids still refer to as "The Tragic Onion Incident of 2000". I get blamed even when it's not me, so I try not to add to my reputation. So anyway, my sister and I were staying at our family beach house, just the two of us. I was watching TV and she was across the room from me at the kitchen table. I figure she's far enough away that it's safe to just squeak a little one out. Just after I did she says in a sing-song voice "I hear Stinky Pete". I'm so surprised that she could even hear it and that she called it a Stinky Pete that I just lost it. So then she can't figure out what I'm laughing so hard at. Turns out that "Frasier" was the show on TV (which she can't see from the table) and she was just commenting because hearing Kelsey Grammer's voice made her think of the character he voices in Toy Story 2, which is, of course, Stinky Pete. When I explain why I'm laughing she loses it too. Two grown women laughing 'til we cried over a simple little fart misunderstanding.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I've laughed so hard at this thread! Not sure if my anecdote measures up, but it has a Disney connection so I'll share it.

First of all, in my family I am legendary. We had an situation on a family car trip that my kids still refer to as "The Tragic Onion Incident of 2000". I get blamed even when it's not me, so I try not to add to my reputation. So anyway, my sister and I were staying at our family beach house, just the two of us. I was watching TV and she was across the room from me at the kitchen table. I figure she's far enough away that it's safe to just squeak a little one out. Just after I did she says in a sing-song voice "I hear Stinky Pete". I'm so surprised that she could even hear it and that she called it a Stinky Pete that I just lost it. So then she can't figure out what I'm laughing so hard at. Turns out that "Frasier" was the show on TV (which she can't see from the table) and she was just commenting because hearing Kelsey Grammer's voice made her think of the character he voices in Toy Story 2, which is, of course, Stinky Pete. When I explain why I'm laughing she loses it too. Two grown women laughing 'til we cried over a simple little fart misunderstanding.

That is funny! But you now know you need to fess up on the "Tragic Onion Incident of 2000". Come on...spill

Yesterday, before the kids left for school, I let one rip. My DD8 says, MAMA! Why do you have to always fart in this room? Why do you have to fart in EVERY room? Why do you fart all the time?



I told her I am gassy. She then asked why they had to smell.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Our new male kitten has earned the name Fart for a reason.

Well payback is well earned.

He was sniffen were he wasn't supposed to be a few weeks ago, and got a face full, he shook his face confused, then he ran off so fast after figuring what it was he did a Wile E Coyote off the bed.

=D

I have actually NEVER heard a cat fart. To me, I think it is amazing. I've never heard a cat burp. Do they even have gas?

 

[laurie31]

Oh...I have a cat fart story! (I don't think I've posted it here already...)

I had smelled the cat before, but never HEARD the cat.

Well, one day the cat was sitting on the plastic deck of DD's Barbie Cruise ship. Just sitting there, because it was in the sun. Then I heard a noise that sounded like an atomic bomb! I mean, this was worthy of an adult male human. I couldn't believe that had come from the cat (but it was only the two of us in the room) and of course, it reverberated off the plastic which made it louder, but still :eek !

I was actually coming here to post another story. This very morning, my kids were FIGHTING over a fart!!

The kids like to come and cuddle in bed with me in the mornings before they get up. DH wakes them up, and they come get in befd with me for 15 minutes or so. Anyway, we're lying there and DD8 lets this HUGE fart. Then another and then another. THREE of these bombs fell. DD10 starts fussing at ME for it! I say it wasn't me, it was DD8. She wouldn't believe me! She then starts saying it's pretty bad of me to blame it on DD8 and she's going on and on, and finally DD8 pipes up and takes the credit. DD10 doesn't believe HER either! She said there was no way DD8 could have farted that loud. Then it turns into "I did SO!" "You did NOT!" which I found really bizarre, because don't you usually DENY such things? DD8 was mad that she wasn't getting proper credit!

 

[ClaraBug]

Laurie, That was hilarious!!


Here's mine for today......

DD6 is very feminine and turns bright red when she gets "caught" but not DD3. She lets 'em rip. This is the great part:

ME: Mj, did you beep? (Beep is code for fart in our house)
MJ: No, my butt beeped!


How do you keep a straight face?

 

[Diznotyzed]

That is funny! But you now know you need to fess up on the "Tragic Onion Incident of 2000". Come on...spill

Well, okay, but you realize that with my first story all I had to admit to was a small, practically unnoticable fart, and with this I'll have to admit to a real killer! I have the ability to take all natural ingredients and turn them into pure poison, and onions are at the top of that list. Out of love and respect for my family I try to avoid them at all costs, but sometimes I slip up. Summer of 2000 my DH had 4 weeks of extra vacation, so we took an extended family car trip down through CA and back up the coast. Lots and lots of family togetherness. We had looped over to Las Vegas and were then headed to Anaheim. The night before I'd had a teeny, tiny bit of potato salad. So there we are, traveling through inland SoCal in mid July so it's hot outside. Very hot. Air conditioning blasting in the car, and I couldn't help it, out came a real burner. At the time my girls were 16 and 13 and already thinking everything I do is pretty gross. So now I've trapped them in a green fog without being able to open the car windows. I swear to you they tried to monitor every mouthful of food I ate the rest of the trip. At least I get a little more acknowledgement for the dietary sacrifices I make now! My oldest is the one who dubbed it "The Tragic Incident..." and it's part of our family lore. They're still a little afraid to get in a car with me.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Well, okay, but you realize that with my first story all I had to admit to was a small, practically unnoticable fart, and with this I'll have to admit to a real killer! I have the ability to take all natural ingredients and turn them into pure poison, and onions are at the top of that list. Out of love and respect for my family I try to avoid them at all costs, but sometimes I slip up. Summer of 2000 my DH had 4 weeks of extra vacation, so we took an extended family car trip down through CA and back up the coast. Lots and lots of family togetherness. We had looped over to Las Vegas and were then headed to Anaheim. The night before I'd had a teeny, tiny bit of potato salad. So there we are, traveling through inland SoCal in mid July so it's hot outside. Very hot. Air conditioning blasting in the car, and I couldn't help it, out came a real burner. At the time my girls were 16 and 13 and already thinking everything I do is pretty gross. So now I've trapped them in a green fog without being able to open the car windows. I swear to you they tried to monitor every mouthful of food I ate the rest of the trip. At least I get a little more acknowledgement for the dietary sacrifices I make now! My oldest is the one who dubbed it "The Tragic Incident..." and it's part of our family lore. They're still a little afraid to get in a car with me.

Just a TEENY TINY bit of potato salad, huh? OMG!

I did that to my sister about 10 years ago, only we were in a CAR WASH!! She was clawing at the windows, and choking.

So, just this past week, my occasional gastrointestinal distress really haunted me, by way of my 7yo! we were on vacation, and i had invited my friend and her daughter to come visit for a night at the resort. her Dd brought a game where you have to answer a question by writing it down, and everyone has to guess your answer.

My DS7 got this "I think one of the worst smells in the world is......." so, he diligently starts writing, tongue sticking out for concentration and everything. The kids all start guessing "the cat when she was sprayed by a skunk!" nope. "The stink bug in Disney's a Bug's Life attraction!" no. "skunk in the road!" uh uh.

what did my DARLING 7yo write down for all to see INCLUDING my friend? He thinks the worst smell in the world are "my moms farts"

oh yeah, it was a great moment of embarassment!

 

[OctoberNinth]

Bump.

 

[marivaid]

I've found this thread today and OMG needed it so badly !!!! Thanks for the laughs

A little Family Fart Story

We (Dad,Mom,DSis & myself) were in Nancy on the Place Stanislas... beautiful place, all lit up, we're oooing and aaaing, oh look it's so prettyyyyyy... when DMmom lets out a big one .. and everything went black.

Later we learned that they turn off the lights at exactly 8pm , but for years we told the story of "When mom's fart caused a blackout on Place Stanislas".

 

[Disney 4 Me]

What a funny thread. When DD#1 has gas, she says she burped out of her bum. It was so funny the first time she said it that we all call it burping out of our bum. I don't think my kids know the term fart.

 

[Mulan'sMom]

Oh my - what a great thread! I grew up in a family where breaking wind was considered a competitive sport by everyone except my mother (who remains appalled to this day.) One of my brothers was at work one day at a large pharma corporation here in NJ that has a very nice cafeteria on the ground floor. He had gone out the night before for a good Italian dinner, featuring some infamous broccoli rabe sauteed in garlic and oil. He was on the elevator, by himself, and let one fly. Of course, the car stops at the next floor and another man gets on. DB is mortified, but then the man who got on takes a deep breath and says "Mmmmm, I think they're making pizza for lunch!" DB ran back to his office and called DSIL, to tell her "My gas actually made a man's mouth water."

 

[laurie31]

"My gas actually made a man's mouth water."

 

[Mulan'sMom]

Laurie31 - I hate to tell you, but I think you've killed this thread AGAIN ! Okay, I've got another one...my DSIL had knee surgery, and was on a pair of crutches. She and DB lived in Chicago at the time, with their sons, who were then small children. They had taken a visitor to a local museum, where there was an Egyptian temple that you could walk through, reassembled on site. DSIL hobbled in and let one go, figuring it was as private a place as she could find in the well-trafficked exhibit. Unfortunately, the f*rt kept bouncing around inside the stone walls in the narrow walkway inside the temple, and unsuspecting visitors kept walking into it and commenting on it, to the amusement of my nephews. The best part was DSIL trying to hobble away form the scene of the crime on her crutches!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Oh my - what a great thread! I grew up in a family where breaking wind was considered a competitive sport by everyone except my mother (who remains appalled to this day.) One of my brothers was at work one day at a large pharma corporation here in NJ that has a very nice cafeteria on the ground floor. He had gone out the night before for a good Italian dinner, featuring some infamous broccoli rabe sauteed in garlic and oil. He was on the elevator, by himself, and let one fly. Of course, the car stops at the next floor and another man gets on. DB is mortified, but then the man who got on takes a deep breath and says "Mmmmm, I think they're making pizza for lunch!" DB ran back to his office and called DSIL, to tell her "My gas actually made a man's mouth water."

And my EYES are watering! OMG, I think this has to be the funniest thing I have ever heard!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I typed in "fart thread" in the search feature, and found someone seemed very insulted by this thread!!!



The thread is actually gone, but this is what showed up in the search.....

It's not that I don't want to play in their sandbox, but MY thread is over there in a great big place that I've never been.. And it's sandwiched between, a Fart thread and something...

Someone wanted her thread on the DCL forum, and it was moved to the CB....type "Fart Thread" in the search, it you can see it.

 

[TomD]

I love this thread. I haven't laughed like this in years.

Here are my 2

1. My grandmother dragged me to 5 o'clock Mass on a saturday night when I was 7 yrs old. We were sitting in the 3rd row Pew. Father Anothony was giving his sermon. I looked at my brother and winked and let let one loose. those old wooden pews amplified it and the Priest stopped his sermon. I swear to God that it lasted a good minute. Dead silence in Church with the Priest glaring at me. My grandmother gave me a slap and walked out of church. My brother and I were giggling all the way out the door.

2. This morning I was sitting at my desk reading this thread and did a silent one. I got up to go to the fax machine and came back to find my boss about to sit down in my chair. Upon sitting the cushion kicked the odor back up at him. He said " I think it is time to get you a new chair. This one smells" I could not wait forhim to leave so I could call me wife.