OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[lukenick1]

Here's a good one for you all......

I hate to admit that I am one gassy Momma. I mean they are so vulgar that sometimes I gross myself out. Anyway, I took my DS 6 to our local Job Lot store to get some beauty products. I picked up some body lotion and we headed to the cashier. We are standing in line and are up next when I rubbed some lotion on my hand and asked my son to smell how nice the lotion smelled. He looks at me and says " Mom, I can still smell the stench from the fart you did in the car.....you REEK!" OMG I wanted to die....but all I could do was burst out laughing. The cashier laughed but the woman behind me looked at me with disgust! Thank God i didn't know anyone there. How embarassing!

 

[Babboo]

I have to add to this one again.

A few weeks ago @ work I went into a small conference room so I could talk with my wife for a few minutes. During that call I was hit with irrepressible gas. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it - I could not contain it for any reason - and it was A-W-F-U-L. I gagged myself and was only thankful the rooms are more or less sound-proof.

I finish with the call a few minutes later and am about to walk out of the small room. As I open the door someone coming up the aisle behind me opens the door only a moment after I leave. You could literally see her face melt as she took her first full step (and apparently breath) in the room.

Later that day in the coffee break area I noticed she would not even make eye-contact.

 

[KCK]

Haven't read through the thread but thought I'd post a joke...

Old couple is in church, when he leans over to his wife and whispers "I just let out one of those silent farts. What should I do?"

She: "Change the batteries in your hearing aid!"

 

[Hollywoodhaha]

Haha, too funny of a thread.

My family makes fun of me because I never have farted in front of them. Only as a baby I did, haha.
I only do it in my room or if no one is around me.

 

[KCK]

There is also the Fart Hierarchy. I am told this was actually documented in the ancient Indian language of Sanskrit. It does lose a little something in translation, where it is set in a poetic frame.

"The first type of fart is loud, like thunder."
"The second type is of medium sound, with a little smell."
"But the Whisper Fart is to beware of, for it makes no sound but smells so much it poses a danger to life itself!"

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Haha, too funny of a thread.

My family makes fun of me because I never have farted in front of them. Only as a baby I did, haha.
I only do it in my room or if no one is around me.

OK..now you have to really let one rip! In front of your entire family, and then come here and telll us their reaction. I am sure it will be priceless!

 

[manning]

First Dachshund, Pee-wee, he would sleep in the bed between us, and one night my DH let out a good one. Well, Pee-wee started barking, ran OUT from under the covers, out of the room, to the front door, barking ALL the way! I said "he is going to be ONE dissapointed dog when he finds out he was barking over a fart!"

I had a dog that let a loud one go too. He was curled up sleeping. He let one go, it woke him up. He jumped up turning in a circle growling, stopped to look at us and went back to sleep.

 

[Anna_Marie]

I have just read thru this entire thread and I am laughing histerically. These are great !!!

 

[karenbaco]

I had a dog that let a loud one go too. He was curled up sleeping. He let one go, it woke him up. He jumped up turning in a circle growling, stopped to look at us and went back to sleep.

Ha Ha .....our dog would let one go, would sniff his butt and get up and leave the room.....LMAO!!!!!!!

 

[TeresaBelle]

There is also the Fart Hierarchy. I am told this was actually documented in the ancient Indian language of Sanskrit. It does lose a little something in translation, where it is set in a poetic frame.

"The first type of fart is loud, like thunder."
"The second type is of medium sound, with a little smell."
"But the Whisper Fart is to beware of, for it makes no sound but smells so much it poses a danger to life itself!"

DD and I call these SBD's = Silent But Deadly!

 

[manning]

Have you ever gotten on one of those elevators that crawled from floor to floor that was crowded and someone let one go after it just started to move?

I did .... the longest ride I ever experienced,

 

[PUZZLDY5]

Ok I can't remember if I posted this before or not so if it is double please forgive me.
My husband had to have a colonoscopy (sp?) and of corse they fill you up with air, do their thing and send you on your way.
On the way out of the hospital EVERY step he took he would fart. LOUD!
He would stop and walk and no matter what he did he would fart. He was so embarassed. I on the other hand was laughing hystericly

I am a pooter. I admit it. In a house full of men I have to keep up somehow.

 

[2busy4life]

Thanks for this thread!!!

I have had a busy couple weeks at work with very little sleep (work at a school and the first month is beyond busy). Today I am super tired but had not visited DISBoards in a few days maybe a week (it is all a blur).

This thread made my laugh so hard I had to stop several times to be able to read on..

I had to share this story because it is a really good one (like all the others).

My office is set up with smaller offices branching off the main reception area and I can pretty much hear everything that happens in most of these offices without needing to leave my desk. One of the teachers that is in a office to my left let one rip like you would not believe. I however tried not to react (laugh my guts off) and tried to remain as professional as possible .....until I looked at her and she says to me "I guess you heard that" well that was it she and I were laughing uncontrollably. We had to close her office door to regain our composure.

So later that afternoon the boss keeps asking what we were laughing at in the morning and I say "Trust me you do not need to know"..

Over the next day or so he keeps bugging me about it so I said to him "If you want to know go and ask her (the teacher). I am thinking that she is just going to tell him some random joke but know not only does she tell him what happened but demonstrates how it happened.....Well wouldn't you know it as she is bending to demonstrate it happened again.....I thought I was going to have to leave and go home cause I seriously thought I pee'd my pants. Not to mention the fact that the boss went beat red and was very embarrassed.

Need less to say the next time he asked me what were you guys laughing at. I reminded him not to go down that road again.

 

[tinkerbellfan6880]

I am laughing my head off reading this thread! One time my sister had our cat sitting on top of her chest with the cat's butt pointing towards my sister's face. Well the next thing you know my cat farts in my sister's face. My sister said it smelled really bad.

 

[laurie31]

http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/lizard-has-fun-in-a-tub.html

 

[Katy Belle]

We were staying at a hotel a few weeks ago. DS13 and I rode the elevator down to the first floor. There was a man waiting there to get on the elevator. So we walked off and on down the hall. We heard a VERY loud farting noise come from the elevator area. We both burst into laughter. We took the steps back to our room!

 

[Polyluvr]

too funny!!!

 

[jmskinner]

http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/lizard-has-fun-in-a-tub.html

 

[kelleyrn2000]

Had to share a recent event at work...

I work for two physicians in a clinic. One talks alot and never shuts up, and he was in the other (new physician) doctors office talking away. The door was wide open and the doc was sitting just inside the door talking away.

A coworker has the farting sounds app on her droid phone. Apparently she was bored one day at work, so she took out her phone and hid outside the door and played the farting app a few times. It was clearly loud enough for both of them to hear!

Well, the one doctor paused a couple of times, but kept on talking. Neither doctor said a word. A few minutes later the coworker came back and repeated the farting sounds a few more times. Still the doctors kept talking and acting like they didn't hear it, even though it was so loud!

Finally the talkative doctor left for the day, and my coworker asked the remaining doctor if he noticed any noises when the other doctor was in his office. He said, yes, he had noticed but didn't know what to say so he just pretended like he didn't hear it. The talkative doctor who left still doesn't know my coworker was making the noises with her phone The other doctor thought it was pretty funny though

 

[CruisinEars]

I love this thread. I have been laughing and crying and now I have to share my story. Well, at least one I can remember. We too are a very gaseous family and I have a 12 year old son, so potty/fart humor is popular here.

We were on a cruise and I was sitting in a lounger, the kind with the plastic straps, on deck reading. I put my book down for a moment and when I bent over to pick it up I let out a loud toot and it was somewhat amplified by the chair straps. I was hoping it was windy enough that the people in the chairs in front of me didn't hear anything. Nope. I was wrong. The young man (20ish) said loudly "Mom, did you just fart?" She said "no". I was mortified but pretended I didn't hear a thing.