OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[dvczerfs]

OMG my DH knows when I do the lean what is about to happen. I tell him they are love puffs

My biggest fear is doing it at the Gyno appt.

 

[chell]

OMG my DH knows when I do the lean what is about to happen. I tell him they are love puffs

My biggest fear is doing it at the Gyno appt.

You and me both! My other huge fear was of passing gas during an intimate time. Well it happened and of course it was the first time I had ever done that in front of my husband. I could have crawled under a rock!

 

[maymom96]

When I was in middle school, I was to the hospital for unexplainable pains. My moms friend came to visit me. The friend farted very loud, sniffed the air and then said "I wonder what I had for dinner last night. Must have been beans."

When The Secret Life Of Bee's was at our local movies, my sister and I went to watch the movie. It was a very intense part of the movie and someone behind us ripped a very loud fart. Everyone started laughing and couldn't stop. My sister and I now say that is the funniest movie we have ever seen.

 

[andysgirl360]

Back when DH and I were first married, we had gotten a new TV Stand/entertainment unit - so we had to rearrange the furniture. DH picks up our huge TV (the old style, with a tube) and tries to put it down on the floor, but the weight of the TV was so great that it kind of pushed him backwards, leaning on his stomach. It squashed the loudest farts out of him that we had ever heard. He's yelling "help me, help me" because he is pinned by the TV and can't get up.....and I am hunched over in the corner convulsing with laughter because of the farts. The more he yelled, the more farts he let out. He was laughing so hard too that he couldn't get out from under the TV. I have no idea how long he stayed like that, neither of us could move we were laughing so hard....I never laughed so much in my whole life!

We still laugh about it today, and it can bring tears to my eyes, I still think it's that funny.

He has also woken me up with farts...not the noise, but the SMELL!!! I never thought it was possible to be woken up by a fart.

 

[Explodo]

We're in line for the Pirates of the Caribbean. DW, DD(3) and Me...the victim. The line is longish, about 20 minutes of wait time. As we're standing there, the unmistakable waft of flatulence washes over the crowd. So for the next couple of minutes everyone is playing the "I wonder who farted game". This consists of cutting eyes at your line mates trying to figure out if that smell from the depths of hell could come out of that petite little flower of a lady 3 people down...You guys know the drill...

Well anyway, about 3 minutes into the game, my DD gets the scent....She curls up her face and looks at me and says (LOUDLY) "DADDY! YOU POOPED YOUR PANTS...AGAIN!"

Dammit! I didn't do it...But now I'm the center of everyone's attention...I was fully designated as the "Pirates of the Carribean Farter"...I got framed by my own!

I really wanted to reply "Not me honey, that one was Mom" but I would have faced certain maiming with that comment ;-}

 

[jmskinner]

Took my Dad to WDW, we are standing in line for PoTC, not a long line at all, we were almost to the boat when my Dad spots a CM and asks the CM "Pull my finger and see if we can clear out this line."

Same visit, we were at a muscial competition, in a standing room only room my Dad does it again to some high school kid he didn't know, "Pull my finger and maybe we can clear this place out." That poor kid didn't know what to think.

Neither one pulled his finger though.

 

[Lilybee]

I have many a story that I would like to share but I shall start with this one. It was a traditional ''Blame it on the dog''

Whilst myself and DG were round a friends house, I had the urge to release some ''gas'' As I did so it was one of those 'Long, silent, it's gonna smell' jobs on a leather couch.

Low and behold the smell starts to hit and the little staffordshire bull terrier is there, lying on his back, minding his own business. I think ''Well, he ain't gonna deny it and I ain't gonna admit it'' so the dog was swiftly taken upstairs.

The rest of the evening was smell free

 

[Dax]

He has also woken me up with farts...not the noise, but the SMELL!!! I never thought it was possible to be woken up by a fart.

Oh my DH is king of this skill..

We sleep with 2 of our pugs, which are champion farters in their own right..but a few times, one of them, Draco was curled up fast asleep against DH...who was on his side.

DH let one rip, and poor Draco jumped SO HIGH, he almost fell off the bed, then was afraid of the "area". He was skittish for the next 20 min or so...DH and I could NOT stop laughing

 

[sunnyday123]

Oh my DH is king of this skill..

We sleep with 2 of our pugs, which are champion farters in their own right..but a few times, one of them, Draco was curled up fast asleep against DH...who was on his side.

DH let one rip, and poor Draco jumped SO HIGH, he almost fell off the bed, then was afraid of the "area". He was skittish for the next 20 min or so...DH and I could NOT stop laughing

you have teo go back in this thread and read the post about the Dad and the cat running into the door. I get hysterical even thinking about it.

 

[AirGoofy]

Great thread!! These are hilarious

 

[AirGoofy]

You and me both! My other huge fear was of passing gas during an intimate time. Well it happened and of course it was the first time I had ever done that in front of my husband. I could have crawled under a rock!

While we were still dating, it was right after "this time" that future DW broke the silence and broke the first fart. I asked, "did you rip the sheet?" We both had a great laugh, and at that point, I knew that was the woman I would marry - someone comfortable enough to fart around She said she tried to slip it out easy, but I think it took the paint off the walls.

 

[AirGoofy]

Ok, in case DW finds that post, I will tell on myself. After we were married and before we had children, we went to visit her family in PA. We drove mother-in-law and let her share a hotel room to save money. Well, one can only take so many hours with the in-laws. So, I had all I could stand and can't stand no more! We were at a breakfast restaurant (served waffles) with wooden bench seats. After the millionth mother-in-law suggestion on what I was doing wrong, I leaned over and pushed out the loudest and longest fart, which the wood bench echoed throughout! I am sure it was offensive to other guests, and if you were there, I apologize, but it sure did shut her up!

 

[dvczerfs]

Ok, in case DW finds that post, I will tell on myself. After we were married and before we had children, we went to visit her family in PA. We drove mother-in-law and let her share a hotel room to save money. Well, one can only take so many hours with the in-laws. So, I had all I could stand and can't stand no more! We were at a breakfast restaurant (served waffles) with wooden bench seats. After the millionth mother-in-law suggestion on what I was doing wrong, I leaned over and pushed out the loudest and longest fart, which the wood bench echoed throughout! I am sure it was offensive to other guests, and if you were there, I apologize, but it sure did shut her up!

was that you?

 

[chell]

Ok, in case DW finds that post, I will tell on myself. After we were married and before we had children, we went to visit her family in PA. We drove mother-in-law and let her share a hotel room to save money. Well, one can only take so many hours with the in-laws. So, I had all I could stand and can't stand no more! We were at a breakfast restaurant (served waffles) with wooden bench seats. After the millionth mother-in-law suggestion on what I was doing wrong, I leaned over and pushed out the loudest and longest fart, which the wood bench echoed throughout! I am sure it was offensive to other guests, and if you were there, I apologize, but it sure did shut her up!

And I bet you shook your wife right off the seat too!

 

[tennvalgirl]

You made me laugh, OP

Now, maybe Rick Astley can make you laugh

(He's dancing in my sig)

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I have to share this story with you. When my mom, in her 60's, first started seeing my stepdad, in his 70's, we had the funniest thing to happen. We were there visiting her and he had some over to see us too. My sister and her kids were there too. Anyway, after a long chat he decides that he wants to take pictures of all of us. So he gets up to go get his camera and as he walked through the den, where our children were playing, he started to fart with every step that he took. The kids just looked at us speechless as he passed. The minute he got outside and shut the door, the whole den erupted in laughter.

Fast forward about 6 years. Now they are living together and his gas is worse than ever. He however has no clue that he has a problem. So one day they are out on the deck. From time to time you can hear cows mooing from a farm that is close by. Anyway, they are standing out there talking and all of a sudden, he lets a loud one go. Again, the kids are speechless, and he says "Did you hear them cows?". So the kids can't laugh, they don't want to embarrass him but to this day when someone farts, someone else says "Did you hear them cows?".

 

[Frye7127]

Amapola!

"first to smell it, dealt it!"

Things I have figured out...
I knew I would marry my DH when we were comfortable enough to pass gas in front of each other...Farts are never as funny until you look at them through the eyes of an eight year old boy...I will cry laughing over farts now because of him.

When DH and I were dating, we went to his cousin's wedding and all they served was Budweiser beer...never again. That was the fart all others are measured and there has been no worse as of yet, 14 years later - thank God! And, no more Budweiser - have mercy!

and,

Smellers the feller!

 

[laurie31]

We're in line for the Pirates of the Caribbean. DW, DD(3) and Me...the victim. The line is longish, about 20 minutes of wait time. As we're standing there, the unmistakable waft of flatulence washes over the crowd. So for the next couple of minutes everyone is playing the "I wonder who farted game". This consists of cutting eyes at your line mates trying to figure out if that smell from the depths of hell could come out of that petite little flower of a lady 3 people down...You guys know the drill...

Well anyway, about 3 minutes into the game, my DD gets the scent....She curls up her face and looks at me and says (LOUDLY) "DADDY! YOU POOPED YOUR PANTS...AGAIN!"

Dammit! I didn't do it...But now I'm the center of everyone's attention...I was fully designated as the "Pirates of the Carribean Farter"...I got framed by my own!

I really wanted to reply "Not me honey, that one was Mom" but I would have faced certain maiming with that comment ;-}

Goodness, I was already laughing at your story, but then I saw your user ID, and nearly fell off my chair! ROTFL!!!

I'm so gald this thread has resurfaced! One can never have too many fart stories!!

 

[TinkandAriel]

I've got a good one...hubs and I had been together a year or so, (now goin on 16.5)....we were visiting his gma in the hospital after one of her surgeries or another. The whole room is full of hubs aunts, uncles, parents, cousins, etc. Hubs gma was up out of bed and had just returned from the bathroom...hubs gpa is sitting in the chair beside her bed, where she stops and lets one rip...the longest juiciest fart I'd ever heard, right in her husbands face. He barely misses a beat and says "Nice"....omg hubs and I were crying laughing... Imagine our surprise when watching Nemo and that scene with the birds in the ocean, we were dying in the movie theater...to this day we still get the giggles...

 

[dvczerfs]

I have to share this story with you. When my mom, in her 60's, first started seeing my stepdad, in his 70's, we had the funniest thing to happen. We were there visiting her and he had some over to see us too. My sister and her kids were there too. Anyway, after a long chat he decides that he wants to take pictures of all of us. So he gets up to go get his camera and as he walked through the den, where our children were playing, he started to fart with every step that he took. The kids just looked at us speechless as he passed. The minute he got outside and shut the door, the whole den erupted in laughter.

Fast forward about 6 years. Now they are living together and his gas is worse than ever. He however has no clue that he has a problem. So one day they are out on the deck. From time to time you can hear cows mooing from a farm that is close by. Anyway, they are standing out there talking and all of a sudden, he lets a loud one go. Again, the kids are speechless, and he says "Did you hear them cows?". So the kids can't laugh, they don't want to embarrass him but to this day when someone farts, someone else says "Did you hear them cows?".

oh ya, the walkin farts! its normaly my right foot. when we eat in japan at tepen edo, ive been known to get them. very rarely will you see someone following me to close after i come out of there. (its funny to look behind you and about 100 yards back you can see people flippin out.)