OK, let's all fight about what's wrong with kids today.

[Goobergal99]

OMG it makes my skin crawl when someone says that! Kids don't need you to be their best friend, they need you to be their parent.

Yes, when they are lil but when they grow up I don't think it a bad thing to be their best friend

I hang out with my mom all the time, we are on the phone now as I type this (BTW we need to convince her to join the DIS, she is a long time lurker)

On the flip side, I always felt bad for girls who weren't close to their moms.

 

[disneyjunkie]

My mom is my best friend and I hope one day DD will be mine as well

Tell me, why wouldn't you want that relationship with your child? Would you prefer to be a dictator and have a child that resents you later in life for it?

I agree with Disney Doll.

My son is 14. He has plenty of friends.

Friends do not discipline one another. Friends don't set limits.
Friends are not responsible for raising one another.

My job is not to be my son's buddy, but to be his mother.

My parents were dictators and I don't resent them at all. As a matter of fact I'm greatful for the way they raised my sister and I.

 

[poohandwendy]

Yes, when they are lil but when they grow up I don't think it a bad thing to be their best friend

I think people are talking about the years when parents are raising their children, not when they are grown.

There is no way to be an effective parent, IMO, if your child sees you as their 'friend'. There needs to be a level of authority that just isn't possible in a friendship type of relationship. I am not talking about not being friendly, warm, loving, open to discussion and all of the other things. I am talking about having a peer view of each other. I am very, very close to my kids, but bottom line I am their mother at the end of the day. Not their friend.

This relationship is changing with my eldest DD, who is 19. Now, the needs are different.

When you are done being raised, of course you can have a friendship relationship because you no longer need the authority required in parenting.

JMHO

 

[Goobergal99]

I agree with Disney Doll.

My son is 14. He has plenty of friends.

Friends do not discipline one another. Friends don't set limits.
Friends are not responsible for raising one another.

My job is not to be my son's buddy, but to be his mother.

My parents were dictators and I don't resent them at all. As a matter of fact I'm greatful for the way they raised my sister and I.

My mom was not a dictator, thank god for that b/c I think I would have been very rebellious if she had been,

However, I can admit fault as well. The truth be told our relationship was not so great when I was a teenager and the dynamic changed because I became a parent myself. I think at that point my mom wanted to make sure that me and DD were taken care of and in the eyes of the law I was an adult at that point anyway.

I too am bothered by parents who don't discipline their children, the time out thing kinda irks me too

 

[Kath2003]

My Mum is my best friend now, but that comes out of a long-term respect for her. We are now both adults, we can now talk on the same level, she no longer is responsible for my actions - therefore we can now be friends. You cannot possibly be best friends with a child that you are responsible for raising.

 

[Quinn222]

Yes, when they are lil but when they grow up I don't think it a bad thing to be their best friend
I hang out with my mom all the time,

Oh yes! My mother, sister and I are best pals now. We got to WDW together all by ourselves! No kids, no husbands, it's wonderful thing. We have Sunday dinner together every Sunday and holidays and everything. My brothers don't live close by so it's nice my sister and mother do. I think that's one reason I am so convinced moms don't need to be best friends to kids. Your kid should (I hope) love you but also have real respect and perhaps a little healthy fear of you. My parents never took a hand to me. Not once. But the possibility was always there and we knew what was expected of us and that there would be concequences for things we did wrong. And yet, today she is my best friend.

I always remember several years ago my sister's twin boys were fighting constantly over a game on the PS2. I had it at my house for them to play with but the fighting was driving me crazy. I told them, "That's it, one more argument and I am taking that game away and you are never playing it again." As I was walking away I heard one say to the other, "We have to be careful, Aunt Quinn means it when she says stuff like that."

 

[Goobergal99]

Oh yes! My mother, sister and I are best pals now. We got to WDW together all by ourselves! No kids, no husbands, it's wonderful thing. We have Sunday dinner together every Sunday and holidays and everything. My brothers don't live close by so it's nice my sister and mother do. I think that's one reason I am so convinced moms don't need to be best friends to kids. Your kid should (I hope) love you but also have real respect and perhaps a little healthy fear of you. My parents never took a hand to me. Not once. But the possibility was always there and we knew what was expected of us and that there would be concequences for things we did wrong. And yet, today she is my best friend.

I always remember several years ago my sister's twin boys were fighting constantly over a game on the PS2. I had it at my house for them to play with but the fighting was driving me crazy. I told them, "That's it, one more argument and I am taking that game away and you are never playing it again." As I was walking away I heard one say to the other, "We have to be careful, Aunt Quinn means it when she says stuff like that."

I definently had a fear of my mom, I initially told her over the phone when I was PG (I know not the most mature decision ) But I figured then she would have time to be mad before I had to see her again. Now I feel bad b/c she had to drive home from work thinking about that......

Well at least I know why my mom has to dye her hair so much

 

[HomeSweetDisney]

Parents are what's wrong with kids today. They don't want to parent.

They want their kid to be their "best friend". I can always remember my mother saying to one of my friend's mother "What in the world would I want with a 10 year old friend?" when this other woman was going on and on about how here 5th grade daughter was her "best friend".

They don't want to squash their child's "voice" or "crush their spirit". Well, what you call "voice" and "spirit" I call spoiled brat.

They want their child to behave like a small adult, but don't want to put in the effort to raise the child.

They don't want their child to have to face any negative situations or consequences...everything is always someone else's fault.

They don't want their child to learn that life isn't always going to be fair and that they'd better get used to it.

They don't want to take the time to prepare the child for the path.

And I think the next couple of generations are going to suffer for it.

Great post and ITA. My mom never worried about being my best friend and yet she made sure I always knew that if I ever needed to talk to her about anything, I could. There's a fine line I think. You don't have to be bff's BUT it's nice for a child to know they can always talk to you and that is what my mom did. Now that I am grown we are at the point where we can truly be friends and not just mother/daughter. It's a nice feeling

 

[grinningghost]

On the flip side of the coin, I can't stand adults who go to FAMILY friendly restauraunts and expect total peace and quiet. I mean give me a break, It's Fridays not the Ritz

Absolutely true!

 

[crazymomof4]

I don't really think kids are that different, and I really titled the OP incorrectly -- it's parents who have something wrong with them.

I saw kids stomping through flowerbeds continuously, while parents smiled admiringly.

Yes, Yes, Yes! Kids are NOT born disrespectful! Parents who allow it create disrespectful kids!

I had a 5 year old walk on to my front lawn and hang on the branches of my little (6 foot) dogwood tree while their mother watched! I was not shocked at the kid, it's a typical kid-thing to do-- I WAS shocked that the mom didn't take the opportunity to teach the kid to be respectful of other's property and of the tree (a living thing).

Now just about 2 hours ago I saw my DD5 picking at the bark of a tree in our back yard. Was she being BAD? No, but she needed to be taught that it's not good for the tree to do that- the bark is like the skin of the tree, it protects the tree from disease. I explained it to her and she had a little bit of an embarrased look on her face. I said, "It's OK. You didn't know, but now you do and you won't do that anymore." Lesson learned, took less than a minute! It's not a difficult thing to do and it makes such a difference when kids are taught things this way.

BTW- I'm not being "holier than thou". For goodness sakes,anyone can do this with their kids!!!!

 

[Christine]

Now just about 2 hours ago I saw my DD5 picking at the bark of a tree in our back yard. Was she being BAD? No, but she needed to be taught that it's not good for the tree to do that- the bark is like the skin of the tree, it protects the tree from disease. I explained it to her and she had a little bit of an embarrased look on her face. I said, "It's OK. You didn't know, but now you do and you won't do that anymore." Lesson learned, took less than a minute! It's not a difficult thing to do and it makes such a difference when kids are taught things this way.

I'm sure you've absolutely WRECKED any self-esteem your little girl had. Shame on you.

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Well, I've noticed that kids behavior went totally downhill when parents went on the NO SPANKING bandwagon.

I remember back when I was about 10years old (back when we ran around the neighborhood). There was a family on the block who had two young boys. I think when I was 10 they must have been about 5 and 7 years old. These two boys were the biggest brats in the neighborhood. We all dreaded it when they came outside.

I remember one day all of us kids were talking about how we couldn't stand them and one of the kids said "You know, their parents don't spank and I think that's why they are like that." Later on, I went home and asked my mom about it (because in that neighborhood all the parents knew each other). My mom says "Oh yes, there's a new theory that if you don't spank your kids they will be better behaved, less prone to hitting others, and it will make them feel better about themselves." We both kind of shrugged and broke out into laughter. Even at 42, I've never forgotten that family, those kids, or that conversation. Apparently, that was the start of the new movement and bad behavior!!

2. Parent's who defend and even reward bad behavior. It's not vandalism, he's showning his artistic ability. She's just social. I can't tell your how many times I've heard excuses like this. I'm sorry, but your child can't write on my walls and your child can't get up in the middle of class to walk over and visit her friend. A lot of my kids have no fear of any consequences that we can give. Why be afraid of a detention when your mother will make up an excuse to get you out of it. Why be afraid of being suspended when all it really means is you'll get to sit at home and watch tv for a couple of days. We even have parents who attempt to transfer a kid out of school during the last month in hopes that their new school won't notice the kid was failing and will pass them on. The sad thing is that sometimes it actually works. We only take our well behaved kids on field trips. If you can't behave in the classroom, I'm not taking you out in public. We get so many parents calling and complaining that it's not fair that their child can't go anywhere. For example we are taking 80 kids to Washington DC this week. The teachers that are going are paying for the trip by working at Jacob's Field. We chose the best of the best to go on the trip. I'm not taking anyone that I have to worry about acting crazy. I've had several parents call and ask why their child can't go and when I explain that they can't go because they've been in fights, cursed out a teacher, only come to school once a week, are failling etc. the standard response has been either I'm going to sue you or I'm going to the superintendant.

Yes. I was paddled (with a wooden paddle!) when I acted up in school. And when I got in trouble at school, I got in trouble at home. So my dad used a leather belt to spank me again. Oh gee! I must have been severely abused as a child!
Now I don't totally agree with using these items (the hand should be fine), but many people have a mindset that anyone who is spanked is being physically abused. I don't agree. And my children will get spanked if they deserve it.
Although, I know that spanking does not always phaze a child either. There are some kids that they ignore spankings. So you have to find another way to discipline the child. And this is for those that don't like the "Time Out" solution. For some kids, this is the better choice. But only if done right. Sending the child to his/her room these days is not the answer. Too many have tv's, dvd players, video games, computers, etc. in those rooms.

You should keep the child in your sight and make them sit in a corner or a spot where they are not within reach of any toys and/or media. And if they get up, pick them up and put them back until their time out is finished. And if they get up, increase their time.

This way worked much better with my sister's middle child than with her oldest one. The oldest child was content with sitting in front of the tv watching videos. The middle child always had to be moving around. So having to sit still was like torture to her. So the "time out" method does work but only if used properly.

 

[crazymomof4]

Sending the child to his/her room these days is not the answer. Too many have tv's, dvd players, video games, computers, etc. in those rooms.

Had to smile at this! We've installed a lock on the outside of the door to our teen boy's bedroom (where all the fun stuff is). "Punishment" is being locked out of their bedroom. So, they are stuck on the first floor with boring old mom until bedtime-- torture!!

 

[Stacey2grls]

I think a major factor in alot of childrens behavior is that they simply do not fear the repercussions of bad behavior. When I was a kid I knew better, I knew that if I did something after being repeatidly told to stop, I wouldn't like the outcome. Now, that may sound bad, but, I am a very normal adult, with a strong value system in place, and respect for others. While I am not that severe with my girls, they actually know to behave in public, because, I have taught them from a very early age, that proper behavior is expected from them.

 

[Marseeya]

Had to smile at this! We've installed a lock on the outside of the door to our teen boy's bedroom (where all the fun stuff is). "Punishment" is being locked out of their bedroom. So, they are stuck on the first floor with boring old mom until bedtime-- torture!!

No way! You're just punishing yourself there. We simply take all the cords to the electronics.

 

[disneyjunkie]

We simply take all the cords to the electronics.

I do this as well.

Sometime after the punishment period is over, I forget where I've stashed everything.

 

[crazymomof4]

I do this as well.

Sometime after the punishment period is over, I forget where I've stashed everything.

LOL- that's why we put the lock on! Once I stashed the controllers in my hamper and didn't find them again until the next laundry day!