OH my SIL at it again!

[Ceila]

So it would be ok is she removes the sig??? Would that satisfy you and others? And then we might be able to continue with the subject of the op, and not her sig?

The point isn't that the OP is talking about someone. People do that here all the time, and other posters often offer support and advice. The point being made on this thread is that the OP is talking about someone while telling the world that it isn't right to talk about people! So, she's being a hypocrite, as others have pointed out.

As far as continuing with the subject of the OP, I have yet to read any rules here requiring people to discuss only the topic in the OP. Haven't you seen lots of threads go off topic? I sure have, lol!

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

So it would be ok is she removes the sig??? Would that satisfy you and others? And then we might be able to continue with the subject of the op, and not her sig?

Nope, I'm still chuckling over that. I'm pretty sure I get to find that as ironic as I please, for as long as I please. If I put "She who laughs at the folly of others is a fool" in my sig, then posted to point out how silly my MIL is, I'd expect the same kind of feedback.

There's nothing to be said about her original post other than to, er, crap or get off the pot. Either you realize your brother is the problem and cut them out of your life or quit bellyaching about it. Here's what I hear: whine, whine, whine, my SIL is a con artist, whine whine whine. Whatever. OP isn't the first or last person with a really crappy family member. Obviously her brother is pretty worthless given that he keeps tolerating the situation and doesn't have the kids.

 

[ols386]

Nope, I'm still chuckling over that. I'm pretty sure I get to find that as ironic as I please, for as long as I please. If I put "She who laughs at the folly of others is a fool" in my sig, then posted to point out how silly my MIL is, I'd expect the same kind of feedback.

There's nothing to be said about her original post other than to, er, crap or get off the pot. Either you realize your brother is the problem and cut them out of your life or quit bellyaching about it. Here's what I hear: whine, whine, whine, my SIL is a con artist, whine whine whine. Whatever. OP isn't the first or last person with a really crappy family member. Obviously her brother is pretty worthless given that he keeps tolerating the situation and doesn't have the kids.

Well, that's nice. You just keep lyao. And of course, you can find it as ironic as you wish.

Whatever.

 

[ols386]

The point isn't that the OP is talking about someone. People do that here all the time, and other posters often offer support and advice. The point being made on this thread is that the OP is talking about someone while telling the world that it isn't right to talk about people! So, she's being a hypocrite, as others have pointed out.

As far as continuing with the subject of the OP, I have yet to read any rules here requiring people to discuss only the topic in the OP. Haven't you seen lots of threads go off topic? I sure have, lol!

Yes, I know what the point it. I just find it interesting that some are being rude and mean to the op by laughing and making fun. If you want to point out that you think the siggy is hypocritical, then fine. But some on here have done much more than simply point it out.

Of course, I've seen many threads go OT, I didn't join yesterday.

 

[Cornhusk]

Yes, I know what the point it. I just find it interesting that some are being rude and mean to the op by laughing and making fun. If you want to point out that you think the siggy is hypocritical, then fine. But some on here have done much more than simply point it out.

Of course, I've seen many threads go OT, I didn't join yesterday.

How about instead of lecturing others bringing in your own opinion of the subject the OP mentioned instead of just harping on others for an OT thread? Your (and others) ways of disparaging others for mentioning the OP's siggy is in fact just as OT.

So what is your opinion?

 

[ols386]

How about just lecturing others bringing in your own opinion of the subject the OP mentioned instead of just harping on others for an OT thread? Your (and others) ways of disparaging others for mentioning the OP's siggy is in fact just as OT.

So what is your opinion?

Yes, you are right it is OT. I can't argue with that.

But anyways, to answer your question, I think it's not really the OP's issue. If I were in the op's shoes, I think I'd try to stay out of it.

And BTW, I wasn't the only one 'harping'. There is/was plenty of that coming from others also.

I also think we are ALL hypocritical to a certain degree, including me.

 

[cheermom1]

First and foremost I want to thank everyone who has said kind words on my behalf. and to clear a few things up, I have ONLY talked about my sil and an aunt, they only ones that really seem to be crazy and as far as they are concerned I don;t care what they think as they have really screwed up their kids lives really really bad. I have occasionally talked about my dh's ex but only b/c she is really nasty and mean to mu kids and has tried to get them taken away from me and when that didn't work she tried to get them arrested but that is a whole other story! I guess to a certain extent I do believe my sig. but for some people it just seems they are WAY off the deep end. and those are the only ones I really know for sure that is that way. So what I'm saying is they don't get any sympathy from me. I don;t think that just 3 people in my life is that bad to talk about. But I do see what others are saying, I just wish that people would at least want to know the facts first and give the benefit of the doubt.

To a certain extent no this is not my problem but my brothers however I feel really bad about their kids. She has 3 kids 2 are my brothers, her oldest is with her mom and as far as I know hasn't seen her since she was a baby. My brother has the other 2 and she lives with my brother but separately and she doesn;t do anything for or with the kids. My brothers oldest from a previous marriage refuses to go her dads b/c of her but he can see her at my moms and my house or my other brothers if he wants. The last time she was at my moms for the weekend he came to see her and gave her $175 for her cheer camp and my sil stole it from her. Yes we know it was her as we caught her in the room with her stuff and my niece went to make sure it was still there and sil left in a hurry.

I guess i was just confused as to how sil could have gotten an accounting job with her back ground??? As far as me saying anything to them I don;t know the name of the company as they live about 2 or so hours from me. I can just see it now that she will be on the news yet again for fraud or embezzlement.

IF you would like to search on WHO I talk about go right ahead b/c you will only find those 3 people. I don't think I am perfect never said I was so yes sometimes I can be the problem but how am I being the problem when my sil is the one that is facing jail time not me?

 

[NHdisneylover]

she has 3 kids who need her but she doesn't want them. her parents have them. She said she doesn;t want them.

To a certain extent no this is not my problem but my brothers however I feel really bad about their kids. She has 3 kids 2 are my brothers, her oldest is with her mom and as far as I know hasn't seen her since she was a baby. My brother has the other 2 and she lives with my brother but separately and she doesn;t do anything for or with the kids.

I bolded the parts in your first post that make it sound like ALL three kids have been abandoned by their parentS with their grandmother. That is not a simple one word typo.

I know many people have the tendency to want to see their blood relatives as innocent in these kinds of situations and put all the blame on the in law, but it sounds to me like your brother is very much a part of the problem. Even if all of that first quote was one massive typo and you truly meant to say that only the one child has been left with another person to parent--you now say that child has been raised by her grandmother since infancy. Why would your brother get involved with and have children with someone who he knew had treated her first child like this? It seems to me that both parties are very culpable in the issues you describe. If your brother wants to he can take charge and care for his kids, visit his oldest without his wife in tow, be responsible for his step daughter, and/or leave his law breaking wife. However, he is not choosing that path at all based on your posts--so it seems that you should be equally upset with both of them.

As they live 2 hour away I think it makes a lot more sense to just ignore them and what is going on in their lives until (and unless) they get their acts together. If they are as bad as you say they are, do not talk to them OR about them with family. You do not need to know where she is working, or even if she is working at all. Concern yourself with the family who is in your life in a good way and let them alone. Everyone will be much better off if you do.

 

[FireDancer]

I guess i was just confused as to how sil could have gotten an accounting job with her back ground??? As far as me saying anything to them I don;t know the name of the company as they live about 2 or so hours from me. I can just see it now that she will be on the news yet again for fraud or embezzlement.

She would fit right into either Goldman Sachs or the Fed.

But, in all seriousness, she sounds like a piece of work and if your brother doesn't divorce her and try to have her visitations limited and supervised he isn't much better.

 

[wdwfan16]

First and foremost I want to thank everyone who has said kind words on my behalf. and to clear a few things up, I have ONLY talked about my sil and an aunt, they only ones that really seem to be crazy and as far as they are concerned I don;t care what they think as they have really screwed up their kids lives really really bad. I have occasionally talked about my dh's ex but only b/c she is really nasty and mean to mu kids and has tried to get them taken away from me and when that didn't work she tried to get them arrested but that is a whole other story! I guess to a certain extent I do believe my sig. but for some people it just seems they are WAY off the deep end. and those are the only ones I really know for sure that is that way. So what I'm saying is they don't get any sympathy from me. I don;t think that just 3 people in my life is that bad to talk about. But I do see what others are saying, I just wish that people would at least want to know the facts first and give the benefit of the doubt.

To a certain extent no this is not my problem but my brothers however I feel really bad about their kids. She has 3 kids 2 are my brothers, her oldest is with her mom and as far as I know hasn't seen her since she was a baby. My brother has the other 2 and she lives with my brother but separately and she doesn;t do anything for or with the kids. My brothers oldest from a previous marriage refuses to go her dads b/c of her but he can see her at my moms and my house or my other brothers if he wants. The last time she was at my moms for the weekend he came to see her and gave her $175 for her cheer camp and my sil stole it from her. Yes we know it was her as we caught her in the room with her stuff and my niece went to make sure it was still there and sil left in a hurry.

I guess i was just confused as to how sil could have gotten an accounting job with her back ground??? As far as me saying anything to them I don;t know the name of the company as they live about 2 or so hours from me. I can just see it now that she will be on the news yet again for fraud or embezzlement.

IF you would like to search on WHO I talk about go right ahead b/c you will only find those 3 people. I don't think I am perfect never said I was so yes sometimes I can be the problem but how am I being the problem when my sil is the one that is facing jail time not me?

NHD pointed out that your OP and this post contradict each other.

I guess talking about your 3 stepsons just fell off your radar? They seem to be the most common complaint.

 

[cheermom1]

It was my bad when I was typing the op I meant her first kid and I guess I put an s on the end of it. sorry about that. And yes I agree that my brother is just as much the problem as she is. I never said he wasn't. As a matter of fact when my mom starts with the poor brother thing I stop her and tell her that he has had plenty of time to take care of the situation and he hasn't therefore I have no sympathy for him either.

As far as me talking about my step sons it is mainly that I am talking about my dh and I don't understand why he won't step up some times.

Geez I don;t get why people have to bring crap into something that has NOTHING to do with what is being talked about.

We are talking about my sil and how she got the job she got with her background!

i can ignore them to a certain extent but then at family get to together they are invited plus my mom is always talking about them and I have to tell her all the time I don't want to hear it. But I know my mom and she will never stop with the poor brother crap!

 

[NHdisneylover]

It was my bad when I was typing the op I meant her first kid and I guess I put an s on the end of it. sorry about that.

But it wasn't just an "s" on the end. It was a 3 before the word kids and the word them used three different times! It just did not seem like it could be a typo with some many things indicating the higher number. That is why I gave you the benefit of the doubt and figured you were doing the natural thing and "protecting" your brother as there is no other nice reason I can think of for changing your story (doesn't mean there isn't one--I just can't think of it)

yes I agree that my brother is just as much the problem as she is. I never said he wasn't. As a matter of fact when my mom starts with the poor brother thing I stop her and tell her that he has had plenty of time to take care of the situation and he hasn't therefore I have no sympathy for him either.

Glad to hear you are holding him responsible for his actions The way your post came off when you only talked about her abandoning HER children just did not give that impression. it can be hard to get your meaning across on a message board

are talking about my sil and how she got the job she got with her background!

Then why did you bring up the kids? They really have nothing to do with that situation (other than it is commendable that she is working and --hopefully--trying to support her kids financially; which is a major stretch to make them fit into the narrow subject you say you want to keep the thread to).

can ignore them to a certain extent but then at family get to together they are invited plus my mom is always talking about them and I have to tell her all the time I don't want to hear it. But I know my mom and she will never stop with the poor brother crap!

Well if you have to deal with them at a family gathering once in a while fine--but don't harp on them then and certainly not after. Tell your mom you don't want to hear it every single time she does it. If she doesn't stop talking then leave (or ask her to leave, or hang up the phone, etc). Eventually she will get the hint.

ETA--I have no particular memories of anything else you have posted in the past and only vaguely recognize your username so my posts have nothing to do with whatever you may have posted about your step sons or DH or aunt or whoever and are based solely on your posts on this very thread. It seems that that is important to you--so I thought I would throw that out there.

 

[cheermom1]

But it wasn't just an "s" on the end. It was a 3 before the word kids and the word them used three different times! It just did not seem like it could be a typo with some many things indicating the higher number. That is why I gave you the benefit of the doubt and figured you were doing the natural thing and "protecting" your brother as there is no other nice reason I can think of for changing your story (doesn't mean there isn't one--I just can't think of it)


Glad to hear you are holding him responsible for his actions The way your post came off when you only talked about her abandoning HER children just did not give that impression. it can be hard to get your meaning across on a message board


Then why did you bring up the kids? They really have nothing to do with that situation (other than it is commendable that she is working and --hopefully--trying to support her kids financially; which is a major stretch to make them fit into the narrow subject you say you want to keep the thread to).


Well if you have to deal with them at a family gathering once in a while fine--but don't harp on them then and certainly not after. Tell your mom you don't want to hear it every single time she does it. If she doesn't stop talking then leave (or ask her to leave, or hang up the phone, etc). Eventually she will get the hint.

ETA--I have no particular memories of anything else you have posted in the past and only vaguely recognize your username so my posts have nothing to do with whatever you may have posted about your step sons or DH or aunt or whoever and are based solely on your posts on this very thread. It seems that that is important to you--so I thought I would throw that out there.

I'll start from top to bottom: I had a thought in my head that didn't get typed the way i wanted and thought I did. sorry about that sometimes my thinking gets ahead of my typing.

Yes I have always held him accountable as I have told him and her what I thought but of course they are going to do what they want.

I just want to add that some times I don't always get it out they way i want to say something. I think I said it the way others can understand but then come back and clear see that they are confused. I don't know how else to explain that.

Thanks for just taking what I have said in this thread and not bringing anything else into that means a lot.

Just to clarify I have never had anything bad to say about my stepsons as a matter of fact I have always said they are good kids just that what their parents let them get away with which is their fault not the kids. That has always been my frustration with that and have said so. A child is only what their environment lets them be. But as an adult they can change it.

Ex. with my kids I push them to do their best and work through their own problems and encourage them to get jobs and work their best and I guide them.
However with my stepsons they have always been taught that they are better then everyone and the world owes them (which they have told me and my kids to our face that they are better then us and always will be) now they had to get this way of thinking somewhere???

My point is that this is not the kids fault but their parents. I also want to say that I have been told though out my whole time being a step mom that I need to treat them just like my own kids but I have to tel you if I did I would be the most hated evil step mom ever. So what can I do? I love those boys and don't want to see them grow up this way it hurts me so bad to know that when they get older and if they still have the same attitude then one of them or all of them will get arrested and not understand Why b/c mommy and daddy has not taught them that is not ok to hit, lie, steal and yes they have been caught doing that and be nasty to everyone. No matter what i say or try to do it hasn't changed. I want to make one thing clear though right now I don;t consider it their fault as they were never taught it is not ok to do these things.

I also want to say that I do not consider my kids perfect as we all know they have done things that make you go , what were you thinking. But I made sure they understood that was not an ok thing to do and they were punished accordingly.