Oh me, oh my-does baby Suri really exist???update now aka "The Suri Challenge"

[tekmom]

Yeah?!?!? Where the heck *IS* the bottom of her dress?

How old is the daughter? She's awfully short??? I thought she was a teenager??

Malnutrition? Allegedly.

She's hunching over, just like katie, so she won't be taller than daddy.

 

[CindyCan]

I think the daughter is about 13? She doesn't look too short to me, if that's the case. My turning-13 DD is still not quite 5'. There are other girls iin her class that are younger than her, that are over 5'6", but she's not alone at the under-5' mark.

Katie, however, is going to have a permanent hunch!!

 

[Nancy]

Katie is either going to develope major back problems or severe neck and shoulder pain..poor thing.


I still can't figure out why they are parading the baby all over the place now. Oh yeah...publicity, just how are the DVD sales coming along???

 

[my4kids]

She's hunching over, just like katie, so she won't be taller than daddy.

Ah!, You took the words right outta my mouth!!!!! She is not allowed to get taller than her father!

 

[my4kids]

This is the cover of US this week. I can't blow up the picture of Suri...but there is NO WAY that kid is Toms...even a person I work with said...OMG that baby looks just like Josh Hartnett. (and she is not a dis'er!) Tom ight want to stop holding her all the time...it's making it way to obvious that he is not her dad.

Am I the only one that noticed the caption on the cover says "All the AMAZING photos" ?

 

[Imzadi]

She's hunching over, just like katie, so she won't be taller than daddy.

Ugh! That means Suri is destined to be hunched over too. What kind of egotistical man says or implies to their family, "Hunch over or kneel so I will look taller"?

A.B.S., the company that makes the Oscar knock off gowns the next day, has already made a knock off of Katie's dress. http://www.etonline.com/fashion/news/37844/index.html
Supposedly, there are already a thousand sold. I wonder if he's going to include directions to hunch over to get the right look.

 

[kdibattista]

I have to say I was not impressed at all with her dress...

 

[CathrynRose]

:

Am I the only one that noticed the caption on the cover says "All the AMAZING photos" ?

Wow - youre gooooood! You totally get a cookie and a glass of kool aid for that eyeball!!!

 

[CindyCan]

I'm sorry, I just had to add to the thread again...this article just cracked me up! I just want to know: who here is going by the pen name "Gretchen Drummie"? Come on, 'fess up: I know you're here, Gretchen!!

(Bolding is mine.)

TomKat Weds: Eyes Wide Shut

TomKat Weds: Eyes Wide Shut
23/11/2006 8:58:00 AM
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A weird guest list, a Scientologist at every table, a three minute kiss and the best man goes on the honeymoon? Gretchen Drummie asks: When's this one coming to DVD?

by Gretchen Drummie
TomKat Weds: Eyes Wide Shut


Pssst, did you hear Tom Cruise married Katie Holmes in Italy ...

MISSION: ACCOMPLISHED blared the headlines, making such clever word play on Cruise's latest movie. Blech. We'd say it's more Risky Business, but who are we. Or, how about Up Dawson's Creek or Disturbing Behaviour if we use Katie's résumé for the lame double entendres. The point is, they're legal and all is right with the world, now. Whew.

Or are they? Turns out the Roman blow-out was "just for show" because a Scientology wedding isn't kosher in Italy. Gosh, can't imagine why ...

Oh calm down conspiracy theorists, Cruise's PR guy says TomKat tied the knot for real in the U.S. prior to the modest $3 million ceremony, and you know we believe everything those guys say. So what if in fact they were already married when they, er got married. We think. Yeah, riiiight, big movie stars sneak in and outta City Hall all the time to get hitched with no-one the wiser. Wedding licenses are filled out every day in celebs' names and none of the clerks who are paid off by news agencies even notice. But then again, why fake it? Batting. Eyelashes.

Anyway, for those of you who live on another planet and aren't saturated to the point of a sugar coma over this "world event," we have all the gory details which we'll gloss over in a few paragraphs. And, if you don't care, then how the hell did you end up here?

But, before we get to that, we have ten burning questions:

1. What the hell was Brooke Shields doing there? (Isn't this how Stepford started? Hope she had the Zoloft tucked in her purse.)
2. Why the hell were Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy there? (Dumb and Dumber?)
3. Why the hell did the "best man" go on the honeymoon? (Biting. Tongue. Off.)
4. What the hell was on Posh's head? (Mini space-ship. It's how the aliens get "in" and since the process had started she couldn't take it off.)
5. What the hell is Tom standing on in his wedding photo? Or is Katie crouching in a hole? (FYI Katie is two inches TALLER. Guess she's had two discs removed.)
6. Where the hell was top Sci-guy John Travolta? (No comment.)
7. Two words: Jennifer Lopez? What the hell?
8. What's up with the three minute kiss? Hell. (Think Liza and David Gest. Gag.)
9. What the hell is up with Tom's double chins, creepy bangs and penchant for suits with ew-so-tight sausage skin vests circa 1970s prom wear? He wanted Katie thin for the wedding?
10. What the hell is going on with the Beckhams as BFF's? (They're moving to L.A. and plan a remake of Bob and Carole and Ted and Alice. Just a guess.)

Alright, so we know we're going to go to hell for this, but we have to ask: Does anyone really care? Well, around Hollywood, actually, no. Our insider says the nuptials are "anticlimactic" and people in L.A. "shrug. It feels like a desperate attempt by Tom to keep his name in the news in a positive light to counteract a year of bad press. It might be big news in Katie's home town of Toledo, but in L.A. it's mid-level interest at best." Meow.

Gosh, some spoilsports are actually whispering it was all a big stunt to publicize Scientology. Gawd, no. We're sure all those Hubbardites assigned, er seated, at every single guest table at the reception were there to teach everyone the chicken dance.

Oooh-Kay then, so it seems people are still *****y about Tom Cruise.

Why can't we leave these two crazy kids alone? After all, Tom, 44, was just giving his new bride her fairytale wedding fantasy ... right down to the groom it seems: "Every little girl dreams about her wedding. I used to think I was going to marry Tom Cruise," she said foreshadowing years before it actually happened. (BTW did you see the candid photo of Katie, 27, pre-ceremony peering out a turret in the castle where she later said her lines, er, took her marriage vows? Her expression screamed fairy tale: Snow White digesting the apple.)

Jeez, can't TomKat have any privacy, even on their wedding day? Oh, right, yeah, so um, they did release every possible detail to the press WHILE it was happening ... Hmmm. People mag's website had an up-to-the-second breathless blog with such trivia as what a great dinner companion that Suri is. (Ever seen paint dry? We have. Now.) ET was so "inside" we think their reporter sat at the head table. And Good Morning America somehow had the first "official" photo of that yucky kiss. Access people. Access. To the faves. Now if you're in Podunk, you think that's nice. If you're us ... we're not in Kansas Toto.

So, we'll play. Here are the basic details: The dusk ceremony was in the stable of this 15th Century castle in Lake Bracciano outside Rome. The wedding party, including Suri, Tom's kids Connor and Isabella (do they ever see Nicole anymore or does she not like soccer game bleacher seats?), Katie's sister Nancy as matron of honor and best man David Miscavige, Scientology Boss (cue creepy organ music), were all decked out in Georgio Armani who did a perfect cameo as Wedding Planner Fraank. Both families had their game faces on, ("Smiles people, clap clap, places.") - even Katie's mom Kathleen and dad Martin (the divorce lawyer, heh heh,) bared teeth for the cameras.

Now, we don't know if Tom took the Sci-vow to provide Katie with "a pan, a comb and perhaps a cat" (purrfect), nor do we know if Katie was reminded in the ceremony that "young men are free and may forget their promises" (gee, there's a shocker). But we do know the estimated 150 extras, um, guests blah, blah, yadda, z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z ...

Nevermind. We're sure you've read that boring crap somewhere else already.

Aaand on to the dirt: Our favorite part is word that a "Scientology advisor" did in fact sit at every table to answer questions guests had about the ceremony. Bwahahahahahahaha.

The guest list: Aside from those already mentioned, the select few also included Marc Anthony (Mr. Jennifer Lopez), Chris Henchy (Mr. Brooke Shields) and Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith who've been usurped from their BFF role by those sneaky Beckhams. Sci-priestesses Leah Remini and Jenna Elfman obviously rank higher than Kirsty Alley.

So, Darma gets to go. Oprah, no. Tom dissed OPRAH? He puts footprints all over her couch and then she doesn't get invited? Ope was gracious about it. Our source says Tom's all bitter that Oprah had an "opinion" of his sofa-turn, confessing perhaps she didn't buy his over-the-top declarations of luuurve. We think Oprah was relieved to stay outta it.

Barbara Walters wasn't quite as discreet, whining on the View, "He told me I was going to be invited." Joy Behar couldn't resist noting that Tom dropped Babs "like a hot rock."

Let's see. Ope and Babs are "out." Jim Carrey, JLo and Brooke are "in"? (We get the Smiths and Beckhams since they've at least had prior photo ops, er couple outings.)

Actually, Walters observed it was "very smart of them to invite [Brooke]." Sure they mended fences after Tom apologized for his anti-anti-depressant rant, but still ... Like, they've been "friends" for nanoseconds, yet Katie's girlfriends from yore are reading second hand tabloid stories about the spectacle. WhatEVER.

"He's no dummy. He knows that was good publicity," said Behar. (BTW Brooke said it was "easy" choosing a wedding gift but didn't reveal what it was. Too. Easy.)

Speaking of gifts, it's said Nicole sent a $5,000 vase. Guess she resisted throwing it.

Alright then, where was Matt Lauer's invite? Actually, Lauer joked about it saying his lost mail was addressed to "Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt ..."

As usual, the ceremony wasn't without controversy. Bracciano Mayor Patrizia Riccioni is bummed that she got left out. (Hey lady, if Babs and Ope can suck it up ...) She's cloaking it in being upset on behalf of her villagers who think TomKat should have waved from a balcony like Chuck and Di or something. (Hmm, look how that ended up.)

"It wasn't a wedding at all. It was just for publicity," said astute priest Nicola Fiorentini.

Well, whether it was a wedding or not, and whether this whole relationship is some bizarre publicity stunt (as critics have charged), Katie Holmes' life is forever changed. According to their pre-nup Katie and Suri will get $US14.7 million if there's a split, and $US25.7 million if it goes to divorce. And each infidelity will cost $US5 million. (Gosh, we'd encourage cheating then. Kidding.)

So, now that this highly anticipated event is over and there's a few weeks to kill before the "Katie's Gone Over The Wall," and "TomKat's Toast" headlines begin - rivaled only by the bump watch - there's a marriage to put on. Dun, dun, dun.

"The odds decline for a successful marriage with every trip to the altar. This is his third wedding, and the odds get worse with every time," warns dating expert Lisa Daily, Lavalife Magazine columnist and author of Stop Getting Dumped. There's also trouble when one partner changes themselves, à la Katie, who has switched religions, seems to have quit her job, become a mom, and actually dropped the "i" from Katie, in 19 months. "If you have to change yourself that dramatically to be with someone it's like a rubber band, you can stretch that person but eventually they will snap back to who they are," she says.

"She has to make sure she's really being true to herself." (Oh THAT'S gonna happen.)

Well, seems we've come full circle, back to Hollywood and our source: "Everybody feels there's something off. It feels like they're overacting."

Aw, c'mon, doesn't everyone (allegedly) take their cult leader to bob on a yacht off the Maldives for their honeymoon? We're sure Miscavige was just flying the jet. Cruise control.

Hey honeymooners, as they say on Star Trek: Live long and prosper.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

I still can't figure out why they are parading the baby all over the place now. Oh yeah...publicity, just how are the DVD sales coming along???

i was JUST talking about that the other day to my mother. i like how they were SO secretive about showing her to the public for months and now they're parading her all around Italy?? strange.

 

[Nancy]

I have to say I was not impressed at all with her dress...

Me either, but I'm sure the guests all thought it was the most amazing and beautiful dress they have ever seen! (allegedly)

 

[Poohnatic]

Me either, but I'm sure the guests all thought it was the most amazing and beautiful dress they have ever seen! (allegedly)

Marriage licences are public record. Has anyone published it yet? I'm sure they could get it from LA county for a few bucks.

Suzanne

 

[Imzadi]

I wonder if it wll be as weird as Suri's birth certificate turned out to be, with phantom nurses & doctors signing it, etc.

I wonder if someone else signed the marriage certificate for Tom & Katie. Also, didn't Britney & Kevin submit theirs like 21 days AFTER their marriage ceremony?

 

[CathrynRose]

I'm sorry, I just had to add to the thread again...this article just cracked me up! I just want to know: who here is going by the pen name "Gretchen Drummie"? Come on, 'fess up: I know you're here, Gretchen!!

(Bolding is mine.)

TomKat Weds: Eyes Wide Shut

WOW WOW WOW!!! What a *great* article!!

And I agree - fess up - WHO is Gretchen????

 

[CindyCan]

WOW WOW WOW!!! What a *great* article!!

And I agree - fess up - WHO is Gretchen????

Ahh...my money was on YOU!! After all the great research you've done!!

Here's another one for you. It didn't crack me up: just weirded me out! I know this has been reported, but I still can't believe he did it.

Cruise's wedding song

Cruise's wedding song
21/11/2006 1:30:00 PM
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Tom Cruise serenaded his bride Katie Holmes with an impromptu performance of 'You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling' during their wedding reception.

Tom Cruise
Tom Cruise

(BANG) - Tom Cruise serenaded his new wife Katie Holmes with a rendition of 'You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling' during their wedding reception.

The actor put on an impromptu performance when the DJ played the Righteous Brothers' classic hit.

Tom's serenade re-enacted the scene from his movie 'Top Gun' where his character Maverick attempted to woo actress Kelly McGillis' character with the song.

Guest Leah Remini told People magazine: "Katie was completely touched. She was laughing along, loving him and really enjoying it."

The happy couple tied the knot on Saturday (18.11.06) in front of more than 150 guests at the Odescalchi Castle, in Lake Bracciano, Italy.

Guests included Jennifer Lopez and her husband Marc Anthony, Jada Pinkett Smith and her actor spouse Will, Jim Carrey and his girlfriend Jenny McCarthy, former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham and Brooke Shields.

Katie wore an off-the-shoulder Armani wedding gown with an ivory silk train complete with Swarovski crystals, while Tom said "I do" in a navy blue tuxedo also designed by Giorgio Armani.

The ceremony was performed by a Scientology minister.

 

[CindyCan]

(BTW did you see the candid photo of Katie, 27, pre-ceremony peering out a turret in the castle where she later said her lines, er, took her marriage vows? Her expression screamed fairy tale: Snow White digesting the apple.)

CathrynRose: can you find this photo? I haven't seen it & can't find it.

 

[my4kids]

WOW WOW WOW!!! What a *great* article!!

And I agree - fess up - WHO is Gretchen????

Wow! as well! Gretchen is definately here!!!!!!!!!! Show yourself!!!!!! I think it is Cathryn Rose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is why she has so much time to do "research" on Tomkat at work! She is a journalist!....

They pretty much hit everything we have said here...right down to my comment about the double chins!!!!!!!! AND the true code word at the end was when an "alledgedly" was thrown in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great article! Thanks for posting! Where was it quoted from?

 

[my4kids]

CathrynRose: can you find this photo? I haven't seen it & can't find it.

I've been looking for it too.

 

[CathrynRose]

I looked too - I could only find these 2...they dont look so "dreamy"

The first one looks like that wax statue, and the 2nd? She looks constipated...allegedly. Or fearful... allegedly.

 

[rhanditresmom]

I looked too - I could only find these 2...they dont look so "dreamy"

The first one looks like that wax statue, and the 2nd? She looks constipated...allegedly. Or fearful... allegedly.

Ok, I had to catch up on my reading...out of town for a few days!

That second pic, she looks horrified! Of course, and this is allegedly speaking of course, I would be horrified if I had to face what she was going to face. Man, she has to have realized what an alleged nut-job Maverick is! (Um, I feel like I need to keep the "Top Gun" theme running here...after all the references in the wedding, it seems only fitting.)

Poor, poor Katie....allegedly.

And, I wanna know who "Gretchen" is, as well. With all the info, it has to be someone around here!