Oh boy, son in school bus fight...

[Poohgirl]

Great way to start the morning. Got a call from the school nurse on my way to work this morning. She told me my DS(13) was in a fight on the school bus and he came in all bloody from a bloody nose and cut on his elbow. She wanted me to speak to my son who was very upset, holding back tears.

He got on the phone and told me that some kid was talking "smack" and he talked "smack" back then the kid jumped him. (only side of the story I have, so far) My son has never been in a fight but has no problem running his mouth when feeling threatened (which I always told him would one day get him in trouble)

I am still waiting for the dreadful call from the principal...

Any heads-up on what I should expect and/or do?

 

[MushyMushy]

Be armed with the knowledge of the school handbook -- what they do for fights, and be prepared for a suspension if that's one of the punishments. When you speak to the principal, be conciliatory and apologetic and assure him/her you will be following up with the punishment at home. Then do so.

(take this advice from a mom who spoke to principals on a weekly, sometimes daily basis)

 

[agnes!]

If you can, get to the school. I wonder how much the school will talk to him without a parent present? Also, make an appointment for your son to see your family-doctor asap, make sure that all his injuries are correctly assessed, school "nurses" (who are usually not LPNs or RNS but are actually 'aides' of some type) can miss things.

If you can't get to the school, I don't know. Some school systems suspend all parties involved in fights. He may be barred from school-transportation for a while... I would get a hold of the Student Rights and Responsibilities handbook (or whatever your school system calls it). Make sure that any punishment fits the crime, according to the system's own rules.

And, yes, as you said, his mouthiness got him in trouble, maybe he's learned his lesson to keep it SHUT occasionally. Wonder why he didn't tell you what kind of 'smack' he was talking...

agnes!

 

[disneymarie]

Be armed with the knowledge of the school handbook -- what they do for fights, and be prepared for a suspension if that's one of the punishments. When you speak to the principal, be conciliatory and apologetic and assure him/her you will be following up with the punishment at home. Then do so.

(take this advice from a mom who spoke to principals on a weekly, sometimes daily basis)

Largest issue too, the loss of bus privelages. That sucks. Most schools have zero tolerance, Talk cannot hurt you, he should have ignored and told you today,
Escalating it by talking back makes for a huge headache and cost at times.

If he had ignored the kid, not provoked would be a better place to face the music. He could have protected himself and not faced suspension, or loss of busing priv's.

Good luck., every parents nightmare getting a call from the school

 

[Jennasis]

Just be prepared to accept whatever the school rules dictate as punishment for fights. Fights happen. So long as your kid and the other kid are okay, life will go on. It will be fine.

 

[Poohgirl]

Thanks, found the handbook...

Fighting on bus:
Up to 10 days loss of bus
privileges, parental contact,
after school detention,
suspension from school up to
5 days, legal action when
appropriate, and notification
to superintendent.

I guess thats what we would be looking at. I just wish the school would call already...

And yes, hopefully he will at least come away knowing he shouldn't mouth off every time he feels like it.

 

[mhsjax]

Be armed with the knowledge of the school handbook -- what they do for fights, and be prepared for a suspension if that's one of the punishments. When you speak to the principal, be conciliatory and apologetic and assure him/her you will be following up with the punishment at home. Then do so.

(take this advice from a mom who spoke to principals on a weekly, sometimes daily basis)

Almost all kids talk smack, just something they do. Usually it is all done in fun, but I guess in this case it wasn't.

If it does turn out that the story is true and the kid jumped him and the OP kid fought back, then I am against punishment at home. Ok, maybe a little for talking smack, but certainly not for defending himself. I have alwasy told my kids that they had better defend themselves and fight back. I will certainly tell the principle that this is what I have taught them and that in no way will they be punished at home for this. Now, that being said, if they ever start a fight, then they won't know what to think when I get a hold of them. They will be in a living you know what, with no computers, no social life , no phones, no tv. YOu get the gist of it.

 

[AristocatFan]

Does your school bus have cameras? If so then it will back up your sons story on who made physical contact first which could lesson his punishment.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Personally, I would insist that they get ALL the facts before handing out discipline. How could I possibly say anything at all until I had a chance to speak with my son personally? I would ask the Principal to hold off on anything until I had a chance to hear what my son had to say, figure out who the witnesses were and meet with him/her personally tomorrow or Monday.

If your kid is not the sort to get in trouble, like mine, I'd be on his side until you hear/see otherwise, and I'd tell the Principal as much. I'd be respectful but wouldn't budge on waiting until I could speak with my own child... kids need advocates and that's my job IMO. The thing is Principals have to be responsible for 100's of kids, and I only have 2 so my attention in the matter would be much more focused, KWIM.

One of the kids on our bus nearly got kicked off because some girl punched his friend. Then when my neighbors kid jumped in to defend his friend the girl started screaming 'he hit me" but he didn't. This came from my 2 kids mouths not either kid in the fight. I called the bus place and the principal offering my kids as witnesses. I guess my call was enough because nothing happened. Sometimes kids just plain lie.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would certainly want to get all the facts in as well before punishment is doled out.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I agree, tricky situation. Definitely need facts. Kids are in a Catch 22 if they're being bullied (physically or verbally) on the bus or elsewhere in school. If they don't defend themselves, they risk being teased mercilessly or even harmed. If they do defend themselves, they risk punishment. What's a kid to do?

 

[disneyjunkie]

Almost all kids talk smack, just something they do. Usually it is all done in fun, but I guess in this case it wasn't.

If it does turn out that the story is true and the kid jumped him and the OP kid fought back, then I am against punishment at home. Ok, maybe a little for talking smack, but certainly not for defending himself. I have alwasy told my kids that they had better defend themselves and fight back. I will certainly tell the principle that this is what I have taught them and that in no way will they be punished at home for this. Now, that being said, if they ever start a fight, then they won't know what to think when I get a hold of them. They will be in a living you know what, with no computers, no social life , no phones, no tv. YOu get the gist of it.

I agree. I never punished my son for defending himself. I didn't complain about the punishment the school dealt out for fighting.

Heaven help him if I found out he was the one that started the fight.

 

[Magic Mom]

If he had ignored the kid, not provoked would be a better place to face the music. He could have protected himself and not faced suspension, or loss of busing priv's.

Good luck., every parents nightmare getting a call from the school

That's not always true. In our district, if you raise your hands even to defend yourself, you are suspended as well. It was that way in WA too. Zero tolerance.

 

[agnes!]

...If he had ignored the kid, not provoked would be a better place to face the music. He could have protected himself and not faced suspension, or loss of busing priv's.

Good luck., every parents nightmare getting a call from the school

That's not always true. In our district, if you raise your hands even to defend yourself, you are suspended as well. It was that way in WA too. Zero tolerance.

I absolutely HATE that policy.

Yeah, a kid should let herself be beaten to a bloody pulp because another minor decides to physically abuse her?!? Why is it that within the school purview a minor is not allowed to defend themselves from bodily-harm?

(grumblegrumble)

agnes!

 

[sdemore]

Most schools have a zero tolerance policy which means all parities involved will receive all or some of the punishment stated in the handbook. I would not argue this point because it is fruitless. The school will not contact you until they feel they have as much information on the situation as possible. Be respectful, assure them you do not condone fighting and that you will also deal with the situation at home. Find out from your son his side, the school's version and possibly other versions-all of which will be different. Believe me as a teacher there are two sides and then there is the truth (all perspective) which is why zero tolerance has become policy. When at home make your own evaluation and deal with your son accordingly, be it a discussion of possible choices and sometimes there isn't a choice if he is defending himself from physical harm or bullying, or whatever punishment you feel is appropriate. I have seen the police meet a school bus when there has been a fight and I teach in a relatively quiet sub/rural area; so be grateful that isn't part of the equation.

 

[Poohgirl]

Wow, just got the call from the principal...really not what I was expecting.

He explained to me that they take these things very seriously and the consequences would be severe. (Im thinking, great its worse then I thought). He said that he has spoken with my son, the other child, as well as a few witnesses on the bus. He said he felt confident that my son acted in the best manner he could, trying to defuse the situation, get away from the other kid and not instigate it any further.

He did acknowledge that there was some name calling back and forth, and that he was aware that this kid has been giving my son a hard time on the bus prior to this. (I had no idea) He said he didn't have a problem with my DS defending himself verbally without threats.

He went on to say how proud he was of him to do what he has been "told" to do in such a situation versus relying on instict and fighting back. Though he is concerned what the emotional repercussions will be from other students seeing him as trying to "run away" instead of fighting back.

I was also told to be expecting a call from our local police department so that they may speak with my son regarding charges against the other child. I'm told this is mandated by the school because there is a an in-school police officer.

Im sure my DS will be fine. He does sometimes get picked on because he is small but he is well liked and has good friends at school.

Thank you for all your input. I was prepared for the worst.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Well it's good that your DS wasn't kicked off the bus. I wonder what will happen to the other kid? Hopefully he will be booted.

If the Principal is right and the other kids mess with him over running away all your DS has to say is "I wasn't getting suspended for him" and say no more. It will be tempting for your DS to defend himself verbally but with this sort of thing, it'll only make things worse for him. Since your DS is small its not like they can work it out somewhere else without your DS getting the worse end of it. As long as your DS doesn't engage the comments they'll die down.

My own DS12 happens to be on the biggish side and even so, I tell him that whenever someone talks smack to just nod and say "Alright" or "Whatever". Then the big mouth will inevitably try harder and harder to get a rise out of their prey and as long as the prey does nothing, the big mouth just looks like a bigger and bigger fool who will eventually shut up just to stop humiliating him or herself. Talking smack means nothing at all. When it comes down to it the name of the game is 'put up or shut up', words mean nothing at all.

 

[shortbun]

Wow, just got the call from the principal...really not what I was expecting.

He explained to me that they take these things very seriously and the consequences would be severe. (Im thinking, great its worse then I thought). He said that he has spoken with my son, the other child, as well as a few witnesses on the bus. He said he felt confident that my son acted in the best manner he could, trying to defuse the situation, get away from the other kid and not instigate it any further.

He did acknowledge that there was some name calling back and forth, and that he was aware that this kid has been giving my son a hard time on the bus prior to this. (I had no idea) He said he didn't have a problem with my DS defending himself verbally without threats.

He went on to say how proud he was of him to do what he has been "told" to do in such a situation versus relying on instict and fighting back. Though he is concerned what the emotional repercussions will be from other students seeing him as trying to "run away" instead of fighting back.

I was also told to be expecting a call from our local police department so that they may speak with my son regarding charges against the other child. I'm told this is mandated by the school because there is a an in-school police officer.

Im sure my DS will be fine. He does sometimes get picked on because he is small but he is well liked and has good friends at school.

Thank you for all your input. I was prepared for the worst.

You must be feeling very proud right now. It's the very rare 13yo boy who would follow the procedures recommended to diffuse a fight. I'd be there to pick him up after school today, quietly give him the choice about riding the bus home OR maybe the principal could check with him and let you know. I would be concerned about his injuries though; what further did you learn about those. Is he still all bloody? Hopefully this bully will get the full suspension from the bus and also some days out of school.

As a school bus driver, I am so greatful that I have only had a couple fights on my bus. Each one has been over a girl. Two of the three have been between friends, lol! Wonder why this kid jumped your son.

 

[Poohgirl]

I will have to talk to him more about previous instances regarding the other child. I'm curious to what those were all about.

As far as his injuries, the principal said that he would likely have a swollen nose, and black eye(s) as well as a couple other scrapes and bruises. He welcomed me having him checked out, but (as a father) didn't think it would be necessary. I will have to wait to see him myself before I decide.

ETA: The nurse did clean him up when he came in, so that it would not be as noticable to other students that there was an incident with him.

 

[ZachnElli]

Sounds like they are using some common sense! Congrats on raising a good kid!! We got a similar phone call this year. My son got off the school bus and saw another boy call his (my son's girlfriend) a name and then push her to the ground. He ran over and got in the middle, the kid pushed my DS, then the fists started flying. My son got detention for several days, not suspension because he was protecting someone else. Although, it turns out the now ex-girlfriend started it by slapping the other kid. She was a troublemaker, I'm so glad they broke up! And I was relieved that they only gave my son detention (they gave them all detention, but it was the all day Saturday detention kind, aka Breakfast club )