Off Topic Family Problem. What to do?

[IWISHFORDISNEY]

Well 2 weeks ago during chat I had to leave due to "family drama". The deal is my sister came over in the middle of chat and flat out told me she was fired after 27 years at her job (she is a nurse). Apparantly she is allergic to the floor cleaner and it gives her asthma attacks and she now is having panic attacks for fear she cant breathe. Which is all understandable. However I really think there is more to the story than she is telling me. You really dont get fired for having asthma/panic attacks. She has to have a peer review to get her job back.

My sister and brother live in the house we grew up in. I signed my inheritance over to them so they could keep my parents house when they passed away. A year ago the basement flooded during heavy rains and she never dealt with it then. I demanded now that she is off awaiting the review she get a dumpster and we clear out the basement.

This is the problem and I am totally freaked out. She must have that hoarding disorder. We filled 2 dumpsters with stuff from the basement. Crazy stuff. Like 25 wooden step stools, hundreds of shoes and pocket books all with tags on them. I could go on and on. REALLY. That is just the basement. I have to deal with the upstairs next week. I dont know if she needs a psychiatrist or counseling or what to do. I dont want to be mean she just lost her job but she is really not right. Normal people dont do this sort of thing. How would you go about suggesting treatment. Eeeekkkk. I am a nurse but this is my sister and a very touchy subject.

Thanks for letting me ramble. I am in shock and needed to get that out. I really dont have much family other than my brother and sister and I dont want her to alienate herself from me over this.

 

[Allison]

I feel for you. She very well could have some kind of compulsive disorder. My sister has had OCD for several years. Her problem relates to a fear of germs and it has wrecked her life.

I would sit down with your sister, talk about your concerns and let her know you are there to help her.

 

[DVCsince02]

Liz,
You are absolutley right, she needs counseling. Unfortunately for you she will continue to hoard until she deals. She probably holds on to everything because it's where she feels in control of something in her life.

Big hugs to you and her.

 

[Mickey_Man]

Counseling is the way to go, and maybe you and your brother should discuss this together first and approach her together about this. Do you know how he feels? Does he recognize the problem? Your sister is going through a rough time, but you are probably right that there is something else going on. Just be there for her and offer whatever support/help you can. Realize that it isn't your fault and even if you try really hard she has to want to be helped. I hope and pray things work out wel for you.

 

[tinkbutt]

I have only one sister and I know it is hard to discuss those kinds of issues.

I know for me the easiest way is to sit her down and flat out say ....I do have something I think we need to discuss.

tell her this is not an attack on her and that you are just concerned for her. You might want to ahead of time write out exactly what it is that scares you and why so that you do have hard facts when you get to the actual discussion. I just know it helps to have a one on one and maybe have it over her favorite cup of tea,coffee, or whatever. and most of all say it is out of love that you think this issue needs to be addressed.

good luck and remember she could very well get defensive or extremely emotional but know that in your heart this discussion has to happen.

 

[calypso*a*go-go]

This is a really tough position to be in. Do whatever it takes to get her help now. I have an aunt with the same disorder and her house got so bad it was condemned because of the potential fire hazard...she has never thrown out a newspaper for I don't know how many decades (yes -- decades!), kept every piece of mail she's ever received, etc. It got so bad that she didn't even take the trash out.

Do you work at a hospital or clinic where you might be able to talk confidentially with someone that has expertise in this area before you approach your sister? Maybe they could advise you as to what the first steps should be. You must be very careful as people with this problem feel those things are their treasures...even though most people would consider it trash or junk.

 

[mommyceratops]

Family issues are hard to deal with....I have my MIL living with me right now because I opened up my big mouth and said she needed counseling and a safe place live (for a month or two)....End of story she swears it is the best thing she has ever done and thanks me daily.....but I do have my MIL living with me and in the middle of a famliy drama that makes a soap opera look boring....so I am not one to give advise counseling is a good thing and just be honest. Say your peace so you can live with yourself. Just don't invite her to stay with you for a month my MIL is going 9 months

 

[IWISHFORDISNEY]

Say your peace so you can live with yourself. Just don't invite her to stay with you for a month my MIL is going 9 months

Ha ha haha, no she is not staying with us. My DH would flip. Her and my brother who lives with her smoke and their dogs are not potty trained and pee in the house. OMG I would be divorced in a month.

 

[klam_chowder]

Perhaps your workplace has an Employee Assistanc Program (EAP) that you could contact on the best way to approach this with your sister, and they would also likely recommend some local resources/services for her. As you suggested, your sister needs counselling. When you sit down with your sis, it may help that you have some resources to which you could pass on to her.

Depending on what your relationship is like with your sister, and how much you want to get involved, you might seek commitment from her by asking her, which one she would like to contact and by when.

As for whether it is best for you & your bro to sit down with your sis about it. One or both of them might be on the defensive if feel they are being ganged up on. Also if your bro lives with her, he might dismiss it since he sees it all the time and has done nothing about it, so he might be detrimental to the conversation.

All the best to you.

cheers,

 

[eek40]

Well 2 weeks ago during chat I had to leave due to "family drama". The deal is my sister came over in the middle of chat and flat out told me she was fired after 27 years at her job (she is a nurse). Apparantly she is allergic to the floor cleaner and it gives her asthma attacks and she now is having panic attacks for fear she cant breathe. Which is all understandable. However I really think there is more to the story than she is telling me. You really dont get fired for having asthma/panic attacks. She has to have a peer review to get her job back.

My sister and brother live in the house we grew up in. I signed my inheritance over to them so they could keep my parents house when they passed away. A year ago the basement flooded during heavy rains and she never dealt with it then. I demanded now that she is off awaiting the review she get a dumpster and we clear out the basement.

This is the problem and I am totally freaked out. She must have that hoarding disorder. We filled 2 dumpsters with stuff from the basement. Crazy stuff. Like 25 wooden step stools, hundreds of shoes and pocket books all with tags on them. I could go on and on. REALLY. That is just the basement. I have to deal with the upstairs next week. I dont know if she needs a psychiatrist or counseling or what to do. I dont want to be mean she just lost her job but she is really not right. Normal people dont do this sort of thing. How would you go about suggesting treatment. Eeeekkkk. I am a nurse but this is my sister and a very touchy subject.

Thanks for letting me ramble. I am in shock and needed to get that out. I really dont have much family other than my brother and sister and I dont want her to alienate herself from me over this.

I sent you a private message, I totally know where you are coming from!
Aimee

 

[Rob&Jan]

I don't really have any better advice than what has been offered already, but I wanted to wish you good luck, we'll keep you in our prayers.