Off Disney -Anyone ever have a child that skipped a grade?

[maxtomsmom]

I love some of these suggestions and I guess that true learning does come from within, doesn't it? If you see my later posts, you'll see that I did mention something about his feelings about skipping. I think he's very interested in the idea and ultimately knowing him, I really do believe he'd do fine with the whole thing, but he is uncomfortable with the idea of being the youngest in his class since he is already one of the youngest being a September baby. I have to respect the way he feels because although me & DH are the parents and we make the major decisions for all our kids, we also have a lot of respect for the way our kids feel about situations and will always take that into consideration.
to the other poster (after this one), I certainly didn't mean to imply that there is anything wrong w/skipping for some people-it might even be the right thing to do for my DS. I didn't say or agree w/the poster who said that kids' lose time from their childhood if they skip. I guess I just can't make the decision right now, but I must say that he's been coming home with the most rediculous preschool type homework and I'm really having a hard time with it. I will give it another week or so before I address the teacher and the excel teacher again and see what we can do. He's so much more advanced than what they're doing! In a way, it's almost insulting to him and the other advanced kids in the class. DH is concerned that he may get "dumbed down" as another poster said.
To the poster who suggested homeschooling: I like the concept of it, but DS is WAY to into socializing for it-he absolutely loves going to school and being around his friends. Plus, I have 2 younger children and quite frankly, I just couldn't do it appropriately right now. It's not an option for us. But I appreciate the suggestion. I try to do at least an hour of reading with him a night (he reads about 1/2 the time) and I try to teach math, time and money throughout the day-and just other interesting facts and stuff. He's got all kinds of books and mags and educational computer games. I wish I could do more crafts with him and now that the girls are getting older I do plan to do more of that. Overall he's a very well rounded kid. Just want to keep it that way and keep his interest and love of learning up.
By the way, we live in Maine.

Given how your son feels, then you are making the best choice for now. Being happy is one of the most important things in life next to health and love. What good would it be if he is miserable or scared. He can always skip later on if he becomes unhappy. Let him know it is a choice and you will help him and have the ultimate decision, but that his feelings are a consideration. When he matures, he may ask to skip. Hopefully by then, you will have something better in place like an alternative curriculum. Something we have in our school. (I was a 5th grade teacher in a previous life BK -before kids.) Good Luck these decisions are certainly not easy.

 

[JMLBrats]

Thanks so much to everyone for all the support and advice.

 

[kcrew]

I had to make this tough decision when my oldest son was a 1st grader. I was actually pressured by my school to skip him. (It would make their job easier....) Ultimately I made the choice to stick it out for two major reasons.

I felt that skipping a grade was equivilent to skipping a year of childhood. He would be off to college a year earlier, thrust into adulthood a year earlier. I would lose a year of nuturing and enjoying my child. That year would be "skipped" for him as well as for me....

Second, if I made the wrong decision I would prefer to hear "Mom, you should have skipped me-I was bored to death" over "Mom, why did you skip me, look at all the emotional and social issues you created!"

Also I agree with a point another poster made--if your child is truly "gifted" and not just advanced, then they will always be bored. Regardless of the grade, the teacher is still teaching to the middle....A gifted child needs a gifted cirruculum, not a higher grade.

 

[barkley]

i know of one young man who due to grade skipping finished highschool before he was 15 and began attending college. he was a 'fish out of water' and totaly social inept. at 9/10/11 he was exposed to behaviours way beyond his years without the maturity to realize it and while he was academicly incredibly successful (got his masters before he was 20) he developed a reckless lifestyle (drugs, alcohol, very early sexual experiencies) that ultimatly led him to make a stupid choice that resulted in his death around age 23

i have in-laws whose kids were VERY bright and they felt the children would not be challenged in the grades the school district assigned them to-so they homeschooled for several years. circumstances changed and the kids had to go back to school-the schools tested them and while they were academicly years ahead they were socialy years behind. as a result they were placed in classes lower than their age to facilitate the emotional/social education but pulled out for higher academics. they did'nt fit in with either groups and as a result with the exception of one, they've had very difficult issues with traditional educational formats.

i have a 2nd cousin whose mom skipped her a couple of grades during elementary-and in additon she was pulled for higher classes in math and science. she was not accepted by the peers in her regular class ('she thinks she's so smart, she's the baby in the class') or the pull outs (they verbaly tortured her). as a result she left to homeschool, finished up her education early and has opted to do college on an on-line basis (she has negative opinions against any type of traditional classroom setting).

i think you realy have to balance out the social maturity as well as the academic ability. even if a kid gets along realy well with 'older kids', what you may be seeing is only their interaction in activities wherein the older kids have a shared interest with the younger which facilitates the relationship-in a traditional classroom setting it's not often that the older kids realy want to associate with ones much younger (and they can be brutal when they see that younger outshine them academicly and perceive it to be putting them in a poor light).

we're fortunate-we've found a school that houses k-2 in one room and 3-8th in another. the students work at grade level but can work at a more advanced pace if it's evident they are ready. the younger more academic kids also benefit from getting the same lectures, discussions as the 8th graders so they can see/try taking on more tasks with assignments (the 3rd graders may be told to do only 1/2 a page of writing on a topic while the older students may be doing an entire term paper. if the youngers want to write more they are allowed to do so, but they are not permitted to leave out anything pertinant to the assignment. so if say a 4th grader wanted to do a term paper vs a 2 page report-they would be allowed to but they would be told they had to follow the correct format and use the same citations). it's worked out pretty well for us. dd is above grade level in most subjects and as much as 2 or 3 years in some. she's able to work on level in those she needs to but 'go the extra mile' in those she can.

 

[Gillian]

On the other side, sort of...

I'm a summer baby who started school when I was 5 (normal time). My mom sometimes says she thinks she should have held be back because I was always very shy.

I told her that I don't think being a year older would have made a difference, because it was the experiences I had in school and in life that made me more outgoing and confident later on, and not just getting older. Keeping me back would have delayed those experiences a year and my development would have stayed on track with my grade level. I don't think that for me an extra year of preschool would have helped me deal with 6th grade (for example) any better.

Still, I'd try to avoid skipping if it became an issue with my kids. DS is a little on the young side, and I am willing to have him repeat a grade at some point if need be, but didn't want to hold him back because I thought he'd be bored and disruptive in pre-k again. DD seems bright, but she isn't reading at 3 (yet) and I hope to be able to send her to the same school as DS, where she can work to her own level.

 

[crisi]

I was talking to my son's second grade teacher yesterday. She had one child of her own that was very bright and she elected for what she called "horizontal enrichment." Her take was that "vertical enrichment" (i.e. doing forth grade math in 2nd grade) set you up for more and more challenges in keeping them challeged - what do they do in fourth grade? While vertical enrichment - having them learn things that schools don't have time to teach nowadays (or not with depth) - languages, art, music, sports, drama, world history - gave them ample room for growth and challege. Few people really master music, or a foreign language.

 

[marciemi]

Haven't read all the replies, but will share our story too. My son was way ahead when he was ready to start kindergarten - in fact, both kindergarten teachers at the elementary school he was supposed to go to pretty much told the principal that they didn't want to have to deal with him and recommended he go right to first grade. We started him in first grade instead (and his birthday is in the summer so he was young even for a kindergartener). It went okay, but again there were a few kids in the class with September birthdays who were nearly 2 years older than my son.

The next year we put him into a multiage classroom (grades 1-2) with the goal of getting him back with the first graders. Of course he easily did all the 2nd grade work and the teachers told us he would have to go into third grade the following year. We found that he excelled academically and got along with everyone socially, but never really made any real friends.

The next year we put him into a TAG (talented and gifted) full time program in another school as a 2nd grader (the correct grade for his age). He made friends, including a best friend, was challenged somewhat academically, and fit in and related to everyone better and could work at his own speed and interests. Definitely best thing we did.

This summer we moved out of state. He is currently a 6th grader, and unfortunately the district we moved to has a 5th/6th grade Intermediate school instead of a 6-8 middle school. (We chose the district after much research heavily weighted towards high school offerings for his older siblings and him in the long run). Teachers/principals at his old school and here all recommended that this would be the ideal time to skip him a grade and put him right in 7th grade at a new school (7-8 middle) where no one would know he had skipped. Again, we just didn't want to do that. Here's my reasoning:

He took the Explore test last year (the version of the ACT designed for 8th graders) through the Midwest Talent Search. He scored better than 99.9 percent of other 5th graders who took the test (all identified as "gifted"). But he also scored better than 99.9 percent of normal 8th graders who (standardly in our Michigan districts) all took the test. So even if I skipped him to 9th grade this year (instead of 6th grade), he'd still be WAY smarter than the vast majority of kids in his class. Although I'm certain even if I did that that he would excel (still) academically (and he's athletic and musically talented as well so he'd still do fine in gym and band, etc.), socially it would obviously be murder.

So what benefit would putting him in 7th grade serve? None that I can see. After the first couple weeks of challenging work catching him up on what he'd missed skipping the grade, he'd be right back to being bored in say science whether he takes it this year or next year as a 7th grader. But since he's about average size, he'd become one of the smaller kids. He's a soccer player and a golfer and I don't see a reason for him to always have to compete against kids a year older than him. And socially, even the 2 years he spent ahead in 1st/2nd grade, ALL the kids knew he was the youngest. Being smart is enough of a stigma without everyone always saying "he's the youngest kid in our class AND the smartest". Especially for boys, I also think it's a problem in dating if he's always younger than the girls in his class.

Having moved to Wisconsin with a Sept 1 cutoff for school from Michigan with a Dec cutoff already has made him one of the youngest kids - lots of kids here (boys especially) held back with even May birthdays. I couldn't put him a year ahead and make him 2 years younger than some of his classmates - especially when I don't even think it would help the situation at all.

I know your son is young, and really agree with the above posters that said the teacher at that level makes all the difference. Research teachers, and FIGHT for the right one if you have to. My oldest son (also gifted, but not quite as much) was put with a teacher for 2nd grade that I knew wouldn't work. I took it up to the superintendent level, but they refused to change it. It was a miserable year with the teacher insisting he was ADHD when really he was just bored out of his mind. She told me (and him) that he would not make it through 3rd grade. Well, the 3rd grade teacher I requested and he got was the exact opposite - always differentiating for the different ability levels in the class, always gave them the opportunity to go on/ahead or do something different if they knew the material. He just thrived in that class.

Meanwhile, my 6th grader is now taking an honors geometry class at the high school 1st hour before his school even starts each morning. He's placed with the gifted and talented teacher for a couple classes, and will probably take a couple classes at the high school next year. My 8th grader is also taking a class at the high school and has classmates taking 3 & 4 classes there. This gives them the opportunity to take classes in the areas they excel in, while still remaining a "true" 6th (or 8th) grader - they eat with their friends, play sports with them, go to band with them, and just do math and/or science differently - probably with the way schedules work, a good percentage of the kids don't even know.

It was even easier with my freshman this year - since he's at the high school already, he just tested into the high levels of classes; a junior chem class, a junior/senior pre-calc class. Being a bit further ahead just allows him to finish the college sequences early and fit more AP classes and more fun electives into his schedule. I'm really happy with the options offered to them and what the school does to accommodate them.

And having done it and seen it from both sides of the fence, I have to strongly agree with the above poster that said effectively you're just taking a year of their childhood away from them. If your child is somewhat gifted, a good teacher can keep them from being bored much better than just skipping them ahead a year. And if they're very gifted, skipping a year just won't do it.

I'm hoping you don't take this post at all as bragging - I'm assuming anyone reading and posting probably all have gifted kids too and want to get and share information about them so I was trying to make it as detailed as I could. Sorry it's so long! Good luck with whatever you decide - just realize it's not an "all or none" decision - you can always skip him ahead later when he starts middle/high school or let him take certain classes ahead once he gets to that point.

 

[maxtomsmom]

I was talking to my son's second grade teacher yesterday. She had one child of her own that was very bright and she elected for what she called "horizontal enrichment." Her take was that "vertical enrichment" (i.e. doing forth grade math in 2nd grade) set you up for more and more challenges in keeping them challeged - what do they do in fourth grade? While vertical enrichment - having them learn things that schools don't have time to teach nowadays (or not with depth) - languages, art, music, sports, drama, world history - gave them ample room for growth and challege. Few people really master music, or a foreign language.

Depth over Breath is a huge concept in our school district. When I use to teach, I recognized that it was better to be "experts" at learning one thing then a little bit of many things. The little bits get lost over the years. When I was in fifth grade, we had to learn about every state, it's capital, it's main source of economic income and some info about the people. Quite frankly, that bored me just having to write about it now, back then it was torture. Now, students are expected to learn about one region of the U.S. and how this region is so vital, what makes it different, its culture, its history, etc. Then they do some incredible projects like make travel brochures, a skit and a standard report just about their region. Finally, they end up doing a presentation. Because they know their region that they studied so well, it is easy for them to compare and contrast other regions. Our standardized 5th grade social studies scores are very high. It's this type of learning. Gifted children get to take it one step further by interviewing and emailing congressmen, senators and we've had a few govs. respond. They may not know all their state capitals (I don't and of course needed to know in 5th grade), but they certainly know where to obtain that type of info.