# of kids?!?!

[Mic]

We have 3 girls and one son(he is not the oldest or the youngest), and everyone used to ask us when we were having another boy!! Four was more than my bank account and nerves could handle most days. My standard response to that question became "We realized after 4 attempts that we could not produce the perfect child, so we gave up. We are now looking for a perfect dog." People (especially family) can be so insensitive, even when they don't mean to be. Where we live, our family is considered large, and we have been asked more than once why we wanted so many kids. "To keep the local orthodontist in business" was a good answer a few years ago. Now that the youngest one is driving, I tell idiots it's to keep the auto insurance agents working. Just my luck, Obama will roll out a plan that requires me to cover them until they are 26!

 

[kayrosek]

It doesn't seem to matter what your situation is there are people who will be rude no matter what. I have three children from a first marriage but DH and I tried for 6 yrs and only had one pregnancy which ended in early miscarriage. I have had many people tell me I'm "lucky" we haven't been able to have more children as larger famies are more difficult. Like you these are people who know our situation. I found it extremly rude to be told that our infertility problems now somehow made us lucky. I do feel blessed to have the children I do but I am amazed at how insensitive people can be.

 

[jemgumby]

I have 3 boys as you can see in my signature and at the age of 38, almost 39, still get asked if I am going to try for a girl. Um no thanks, 3 is enough and I wouldn't trade my boys for girls any day. I grew up with 2 sisters, I know how girls can be ( no offense to those with girls). People just can't keep comments to themselves. It seems to get worse and worse what people will say.

Funny I am glad I only have a girl as I grew up with 3 brothers and know how boys can be!!!! Seriously when I was pregnant one friend of the family asked if we were having a boy or girl and I said a girl and she said"well how does your husband feel about that?" all concerned....I wanted to say something just as ridiculous back like oh yeah he is pretty dern mad about it. Blames it all me having a girl and all. He thinks we should do like they do in China and throw away all girl babies......... Duh. People will always put their nose where it does not belong and when they say something stupid and insensitive I think you have the right to be able to come back with something just as stupid and insensitive. Hugs to all of you out there who have struggled with infertility and loss of a child.

 

[MaryKLady]

Ugh, I hate when people think they can comment on such an issue. Especially when they don't know the circumstances involved. I spent 9 months out of work and on the couch with our DD. I don't think I would want to try that again.

Right after we got married everyone wanted to know when we were going to have kids. I told them the more they bugged me about it, the longer it would take ; )

Then when they asked about #2, I explained we would have #2 when THEY set up and funded a trust to pay for #2; diapers, activities, clothes, doctors, vacations, college, ALL of it ; )

DH and I know our limitations, as we say. I don't think we have the temperment for more. I like a relatively clean and quiet house. We also live in an expensive area. We are not willing to buy a bigger house(we have a very small one now) because of the costs. Nor am I willing to have #2 and not be able to do the same things for him/her as we have and will provide for #1. Call it selfish, responsible, irresponsible or whatever you want. But no one else has any weight in the matter other than DH and I.

 

[irishsharon]

Many years ago I was the nanny to triplet girls(I helped care for them when they came home from the hospital until they turned 8, they are now 16.That makes me how old)I could not believe the people who would come up and ask me what did I do to get pregnant and was'nt I to young to have kids in the first place.I would tell them I was not the mother and I had no idea about the pregnancy because it was none of my bussiness to ask.I remember talking to the girls mom one day and she told me her story and she was surprised that I had never asked, I just fell that if people where asking me all these questions I can only imagine what she must go through.I have two boys 8 &4 so I have been asked many times when will I try for a girl.I am a SAHM so right now there is not a lot of money coming in but it was a descion DH and I made before trying for kids and trust me people put there two cents in on that all the time! If I worked I could afford to have a third child I've been told.I remember telling my MIL that I wanted another child(I really always thought I would have 3) and her telling me how I could not afford it,once she watched my boys over night and her telling me just make sure you dont get pregnant tonight! I told my DH i just wanted to do it to spite her Now I am 41 and have told her I will have no more she now says at family functions that she does not know why I don't try for a girl Moral to the story Lets just enjoy the lifes we have been given and if we ever catch ourselves questioning someone elses choices stop and remember how it feels when others do it to us.

 

[tyniknate]

I cannot believe the number of people who assume that because I have three boys my life cannot be complete. I LOVE MY BOYS and wouldn't have it any other way. Nothing against girls, but I'm the queen of my castle and from what I've seen lately.....don't think I'm cut out to be raising teenage girls. So, when people say "aren't ya gonna try for that girl" I smile and say "There's a reason I've been blessed with boys."

 

[MEM]

I'm sorry, but I don't understand why some of you folks feel you owe ANYone an explanation?!?! I had my first child at 35 and my second at 36 1/2. If anyone would ask me about why I waited so long, why only 2, why so close together, whatever, I would ask them "why do you need to know?" That usually shuts them up and is my retort to any one of a number of rude questions.

 

[DisneyNutMic]

I can so understand all of this. I have ONE child. I lost one prior to having him, got my miracle son, then lost three more trying to have another one. And let's not forget the thousands of dollars it cost us trying to have a family. I don't get this anymore because my son's father is no longer in the picture (won't go there) but when we were still married, I got to the point that I simply said "God knew what he was doing when he gave me one son." That shuts people up too.

 

[jemgumby]

I cannot believe the number of people who assume that because I have three boys my life cannot be complete. I LOVE MY BOYS and wouldn't have it any other way. Nothing against girls, but I'm the queen of my castle and from what I've seen lately.....don't think I'm cut out to be raising teenage girls. So, when people say "aren't ya gonna try for that girl" I smile and say "There's a reason I've been blessed with boys."

Yes it sounds like a good thing you didn't have daughters.

 

[barbarabini]

My husband is a partner in a large firm and I am just a lawyer. We have three little kids ( the littlest a sixmonth old ) - - girl- boy-girl order.

I cannot tell you how many people asked if we were "done" after the third. Why ask? We're young, we have enough money, insurance ect. I'm not asking for their help. It was kind of odd. Maybe I am doing the world a disservice by overpopulating it?

In any case, my husband always answers that we don't know if we are "done" to which they say -- how many are you going to have? His answer. "AS MANY AS GOD WILL GIVE US". (The looks we get are priceless, because we live in the nyc metro area.)

Let them ask, because I don't have a plan.