odd breastfeeding question

[KellyWasHere]

Wow. I nursed both of my girls to 20 months. I consider myself pretty open minded when it comes to BFing. But I would not let this happen in my house. And if it was my husband's sister he would be the one telling her. I don't even think I'd go as far as telling her it would be OK to do it in another room, with the older kids, that is. She can do any legal thing in public, but she cannot force it on people in another person's house. Seriously, the thought of this whole situation is making me feel sick to my stomach.

 

[golfgal]

When our twins were infants, our oldest son, who was not quite 3 came up to me when I was nursing the twins and said:

"Mommy, I am really hungry but I don't want to eat off your nipples (aka ninnies)". If a not quite 3 year old knows this is not acceptable, a grown adult should know too

As a side note I felt horrible because he got so little attention those first few weeks .

 

[Tinkh]

I think that the SIL is a complete nutjob and what she is doing is abuse. Her kids are so going to hate her so much when they grow up for this or they are going to be completely unable to function as an adult. I would tell her to get bent if she tried to do that in front of the other teens in the family.

 

[padams]

I'd show her as soon as she arrives a room where she can nurse in private. Make sure it's a comfortable spot with an extra blanket, a pillow, some bottled water, perhaps a DVD player or a radio with some soft music.

I'd give the teenagers and older kids a different room, preferably with a TV and some games and snacks, where they can hang out during the get together.

Obviously everyone can come together during the meal. If she decides to nurse at the table , then I'd "escort" her to her room.

 

[lillygator]

Well, extended nursing is common in my family (all sides), but I think DS wins the family prize for going right up to before his 6th b'day. And we haven't nursed in public for years. When at my brother's, I would go to another room, even when DS was tiny (though I'll admit to nursing DS right next to my brother on POTC).

My half-brothers were 10 and 12 when their sister was born, and she nursed until she was 5, and my stepmom never hid it from her sons. But I don't think they nursed at family functions (beyond the immediate family). The brothers never thought it was ANY sort of big deal at all. It's their sister and their mom, and the two of them were doing what nature allows for; Cady was just being fed.

MOST kids I know of that age who nurse in Western society know that other kids their age aren't nursing (and they get sad about it), and don't WANT to single themselves out like that. So your SIL has some STRONG kids, to nurse around peers who are disapproving! They might very well be strong adults who can handle anything! Especially since their mom is still meeting their needs without letting society dictate what they do. It's pretty awesome, if you think about it that way.


Why are the teenagers bothered by the olders nursing, but not for the youngers? Where are they getting their social dictates from? Is this truly coming from the adults? Because from my family's experiences, teens who are raised in a nursing household know very well that chests are *for nursing*, and they know how to avert their eyes. The child is being fed and comforted, no big deal whatsoever. And if their parents are reminding them that this is ALL that is happening, and that they don't have to watch, then it should be done.

You could ask the SIL to nurse everyone away from family, but that's pretty sad. I personally moved from people b/c I'm modest and my son disliked my shirt so I was in constant danger of showing my whole upper body with him, but that's ME. It's not others. A family is a place where we should be safe. And if she's asked to move, she's not safe anymore.

I think the adults need to look into their own hearts and try to figure out what skewed senses of right and wrong and child feeding and even why they think it's so very weird for an older child to want sweet sweet milk (containing antibodies and ALL sorts of good stuff) every so often. Tell the teens to avert their eyes. And leave SIL alone.

yuck......the adults?? in this situation I think some are needed.

If society did not sexualize women's breasts it would not be an issue. The purpose and function of the female breast is to feed offspring. Our closets animal relatives (non human primates) nurse until
the babies get their first permanent molars- (For humans 5.5-6 years old )
or when they reach about 1/3 of their adult weight (5-7 year range)
or roughly halfway to reproductive maturity (6-7)

Really, I am just saying that unnatural is not the right description. Beyond societal norm-yes. Wrong?-who is to judge that.

But, bottom line. As I suggested to OP, just be honest and say that it makes others uncomfortable to nurse the older 2 in the presence of others.

that may be the purpose of yours.....but NOT MINE.




this thread is sick....those 2 are going to be the next set of sociopaths.

 

[ginna74]

"johnny could you please stop being so touchy, you know how mommy gets, just get your drink and go over to your friends. Be home by 7 to get your next one....."

5 years later..............


"no it is not ok to show your friends, I am not that kind of mom, get them out of the room! Just get what you want and try not to paw me so much........then you can go out with your friends, and if you want some more just crawl in bed with mommy when you get home, just don't wake daddy"

 

[Gigi22]

If she is related to your DH, I think he gets the fun job of telling her to cease and desist while in your house. And, if she is incapable/unwilling, she should be told she is welcome to stay at her own home. After all, it will satisfy her need for drama, and will give you a peaceful Thanksgiving!

 

[arminnie]

If she does do it in front of the teenagers, they would have my permission to wolf whistle, laugh or point and stare in order to get the point across that this is just not acceptable. Good luck and please report back.

Great idea.

 

[kidshop]

What would happen if you all just ignored her and acted like she wasn't doing anything at unusual? No comments, no looks no whispering...just like she was opening mail or something?

 

[Hannathy]

As far as the teens with the wolf whistles, pointing and staring, wouldn't it be more like gasping in horror, becoming nauseous, or turning away in disgust? Considering what they must look like after 4 kids breastfeeding and until the age of 8, I mean compared to the nice young ones they are used to seeing.

 

[EMom]

I'm blind! I'm blind! I'm blind! Did you HAVE to actually type those words so I'd have to READ them? I am dead certain to have nightmares tonight.

Since SIL told you to MYOB and you all want to hold down your Thanksgiving meal instead of tossing your cookies, I'd tell her it was my own business because it is my own house. And in my own house, kids that are old enough to order from a menu, read a book, do math homework, and prepare simple meals for themselves are NOT allowed to ask to suckle on mommy's hoo-hahs right in front of God and everybody because it's just not done....at least in my house. Period.

For the record, I don't care about what is done in other societies. This is America we're talking about (the OP was an American, wasn't she? ) and in our society, breastfeeding a 6 and 8 y.o. is not acceptable. Forcing others to watch it is even less acceptable. If you want to question why others find it uncomfortable, it's because they have a clue as to social conventions and have picked up on "it's not NORMAL in our society." SIL is the odd one out, not them. She's not brave....she's weird.

I'll come out and say it. I'd draw a line in the sand on this one. Someone needs to stand up to that nutcase. And as I often tell DH, "Obviously no one else is going to do it, so I guess it will have to be me." Fine. If she calls your bluff, tell her in front of everyone that you won't allow it. If she insists, tell those kids you think they are too old to nurse and it's not going to happen in your house and let the fallout begin. Since I'd be tempted to call CPS anyway, what does it matter?

Why should teenagers (or adults) have to watch something that freaking weird? Why should they be held hostage by a bully breastfeeder? I'd be tempted to have the 18 y.o. have a bunch of his buddies come over for a viewing with their camcorders/cell phones and post it on youtube.

Seriously, this would NOT happen in my house. I'll bet everyone is praying someone else will stop her......It's just that no one else has the nerve to do it. So do the world a favor and stop her in her tracks. If for no other reason, for the sake of her children.

DH came home last night and I gave him the rundown on this thread. He was all .

Then he started laughing and in between his chuckles, he managed to convey that he envisioned the SIL sitting in a chair with a kid at her breast. She'd have one of those "number dispensers" next to her....You know, the ones you pull a piece of paper from with a number on it and then you wait for your number to appear on the sign to indicate it's your turn. Above her would be a sign reading, "NOW SERVING NUMBER...." and all the males would be lined up, including the teenagers' friends. Quite the mental picture.

All I could think of was her someday 17 y.o. heading off for the prom, but requesting a hit off mommy's ninny before he left for his big date. And her happily obliging. Geez, if he's still at it when he's 8, when does she intend to call it quits????? That kid (and the 6 y.o.) is old enough to vividly remember suckling at her breast. I don't think it takes a psychiatrist to predict that when he starts to.....get friendly with that area.....with a young woman sometime in the not too distant future, some serious issues may arise. Because now, what is a sexual act with a sexual partner has just become confused with what he did for comfort with his mother.

Oh yeah......That has ZERO chance of messing a kid up.

 

[marthachick]

Oh yeah......That has ZERO chance of messing a kid up.

Yeah, sounds like a Criminal Minds episode in the making!

 

[Mama Mouse]

I think when she said that she didn't realize how old the two oldest kids are. She thought people were sexualizing the nursing of the two who are under 4. In fact, she came back to say that she didn't agree with what the SIL is doing.

This. Sort of.

I said what I said because when I mentioned my experience with extended nursing (to age 3.5) I was automatically lumped into the "disgusting pervert" category by Hannathy and some others. And yeah, I think it's incredibly small minded but whatevs. To each their own. I have a wonderfully well adjusted, smart 7 year old who had a lot of benefits from what I did for him so what others think doesn't much matter.

As for the 6 and 8 year old, yeah, that's well outside my comfort zone and, like I mentioned before, it sounds like there are a LOT of issues with that particular mom and confronting here probably won't work.

 

[Mama Mouse]

You have misunderstood my point. I was not saying that juice is an acceptable substitution for breast milk. An 8 year old is quite capable of getting the nutrition he needs from food and vitamins. Should he want something to suck on, give him a juice box not his mother's breast!!
I see this situation as physiological abuse on the older kids

Point taken. Thank you for clarifying. That makes more sense.

 

[wvjules]

What would happen if you all just ignored her and acted like she wasn't doing anything at unusual? No comments, no looks no whispering...just like she was opening mail or something?

I think I would find it extremely difficult to ignore a woman whipping out her ****ies for her 8 year old to suck on.

 

[Hannathy]

I think I would find it extremely difficult to ignore a woman whipping out her ****ies for her 8 year old to suck on.

Anyone who could ignore that should apply to be one of the Queens Guards! you know the ones who stare straight ahead no matter what.

 

[LiberalPrincess]

Anyone who could ignore that should apply to be one of the Queens Guards! you know the ones who stare straight ahead no matter what.

Maybe that is why the guards look that way. Did the Queen breastfeed Charles until he was eight?

 

[rie'smom]

Maybe that is why the guards look that way. Did the Queen breastfeed Charles until he was eight?

Thanks for that mental image!

 

[Pinkpony]

I wonder if she has to clean her nip between "turns." I know by the age of 6 or 8 there is no way I would have even shared a cup with my brother.

This is a great thread; I've never laughed so much.

 

[mom2cookies]

My suggestion? when she whips them out.... everyone else walks out. Many have suggested a special room for her. Give her the first choice ( tell her ahead of time its available) and if she opts not to use it, those that are uncomfortable take advantage instead. Lock the door lol