odd breastfeeding question

[lovin diz]

This is one of my top 3 threads.......

In first place is the Mother in law Christmas gifts
Second goes to the farting thread
And this one gets third.

I really needed to laugh like this today!

Ilove the mil christmas gift thread...Cant wait for this year

I missed the farting thread...Someone PLEASE LINK it for me

but you forgot the one comming down the slide at one of the waterparks w/o a top on

 

[hentob]

I think when she said that she didn't realize how old the two oldest kids are. She thought people were sexualizing the nursing of the two who are under 4. In fact, she came back to say that she didn't agree with what the SIL is doing.

Whew. Thank you for clarifying that. I really did think someone was defending an 8 year old that still breastfeeds.

 

[Mermaid02]

If society did not sexualize women's breasts it would not be an issue. The purpose and function of the female breast is to feed offspring.

Our closets animal relatives (non human primates) nurse until
the babies get their first permanent molars- (For humans 5.5-6 years old )
or when they reach about 1/3 of their adult weight (5-7 year range)
or roughly halfway to reproductive maturity (6-7)

Really, I am just saying that unnatural is not the right description. Beyond societal norm-yes. Wrong?-who is to judge that.

But, bottom line. As I suggested to OP, just be honest and say that it makes others uncomfortable to nurse the older 2 in the presence of others.

Apes also feces and exhibit other primitive behaviors that we have evolved beyond. My goodness, just get the kid a juice box!
If people want to act oddly, they should confine it to their own home

Yes and our closest animal relatives live in trees, swing on vines and wipe their rear ends with their hands. That behavior to humans living in the civilized society of the US is unnatural.

Yeah- apes also eat bugs off of each other- perfectly natural for THEM but not for Human Beings.

For some bizarre reason this woman is getting attention for herself by exploiting her kids and her "ninnies" and enjoying it. Somebody needs to speak up on behalf of these children.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Let's just get to the heart of the matter, OK?

This woman is using breastfeeding to excite her audience in a sexual manner.

She can get away with it because she claims SHE has a RIGHT to breastfeed. However most people with a brain know that yes, she has that right but to do it in front of others becomes a sexual act.

Older children suckling on a breast in front of an audience frankly is kiddie porn behavior. You know that there is a chance that you are "exciting" others and if the mother insists on it then she is knowingly doing to sexually excite her audience.

Heck she could set up a website and have people pay to watch this and make bunch of money. And don't try and deny it because you know it is true.

 

[Mermaid02]

Let's just get to the heart of the matter, OK?

This woman is using breastfeeding to excite her audience in a sexual manner.

She can get away with it because she claims SHE has a RIGHT to breastfeed. However most people with a brain know that yes, she has that right but to do it in front of others becomes a sexual act.

Older children suckling on a breast in front of an audience frankly is kiddie porn behavior. You know that there is a chance that you are "exciting" others and if the mother insists on it then she is knowingly doing to sexually excite her audience.

Heck she could set up a website and have people pay to watch this and make bunch of money. And don't try and deny it because you know it is true.

As sick as it is- I can't say I disagree with what you said. She's some sort of exhibitionist.

 

[Nancyg56]

my biggest problem is that the majority of family is coming from out of town, including sil's family, and with ailing in-laws, we really wanted this to be a special get together. no one ever stands up to my sil, including my bil, because she is pretty out there with her beliefs and will practically beat you down verbally. i try to be accomodating, so i don't get all stressed out and affect my own health issues!

I would have my DH speak to his brother adn if that did not work I would make it clear that she is not the only Peanut in the Butter so for this day.......all ninnies in! I would make it clear that there will be no verbal browbeating because in my home I win and I am not tolerating the rest of my guests having to be uncomfortable in order to accomodate her need to yank em out. No 6 and 8 YO children are going to be attached to Mommy and her Ninnies in my home.......end of story...........and this would be the hill I die on.

I'm blind! I'm blind! I'm blind! Did you HAVE to actually type those words so I'd have to READ them? I am dead certain to have nightmares tonight.

Since SIL told you to MYOB and you all want to hold down your Thanksgiving meal instead of tossing your cookies, I'd tell her it was my own business because it is my own house. And in my own house, kids that are old enough to order from a menu, read a book, do math homework, and prepare simple meals for themselves are NOT allowed to ask to suckle on mommy's hoo-hahs right in front of God and everybody because it's just not done....at least in my house. Period.

For the record, I don't care about what is done in other societies. This is America we're talking about (the OP was an American, wasn't she? ) and in our society, breastfeeding a 6 and 8 y.o. is not acceptable. Forcing others to watch it is even less acceptable. If you want to question why others find it uncomfortable, it's because they have a clue as to social conventions and have picked up on "it's not NORMAL in our society." SIL is the odd one out, not them. She's not brave....she's weird.

I'll come out and say it. I'd draw a line in the sand on this one. Someone needs to stand up to that nutcase. And as I often tell DH, "Obviously no one else is going to do it, so I guess it will have to be me." Fine. If she calls your bluff, tell her in front of everyone that you won't allow it. If she insists, tell those kids you think they are too old to nurse and it's not going to happen in your house and let the fallout begin. Since I'd be tempted to call CPS anyway, what does it matter?

Why should teenagers (or adults) have to watch something that freaking weird? Why should they be held hostage by a bully breastfeeder? I'd be tempted to have the 18 y.o. have a bunch of his buddies come over for a viewing with their camcorders/cell phones and post it on youtube.

Seriously, this would NOT happen in my house. I'll bet everyone is praying someone else will stop her......It's just that no one else has the nerve to do it. So do the world a favor and stop her in her tracks. If for no other reason, for the sake of her children.

again

You know, even if someone is in the same room as you, you are not being forced to watch her. Turn your head away. Look at something else. There are all kinds of people who do things that I don't find appealing to watch and I just look somewhere else.

I don't have a problem with older kids nursing. To be honest, it bothers me more to watch kids being fed hot dogs, chicken nuggets and french fries. So I don't look. Problem solved.

Teresa

This is like a train wreck.you want to look away but Holy Smokes! How can you? And why should I have to avert my eyes from anything happening in my home? It's my home for goodness sakes.

If you ask me, and I know that you have not, but the woman is a control freak. SHe can do whatever she feels the ned to do inher own home but sh wants to determine what happens in others homes. Not appropriate or respectful. IMO this is breastfeeding in public, it is not her own little room, it is in someone else's home and she has others as spectators. I would call the Police if this happened in Ruby Tuesday and if she did this in my home after I asked her to put them back where they came from I would have her leave. If she would nto I would be onthe phone to CPS. I would refuse to be a participant in what I consider child abuse.

sorry, but i think if i saw an 8 yr old at a resturant--"nursing", i think i would call the police...Just saying'

You said it!

 

[lovin diz]

My sister is a teacher...She has taught 2nd grade and 4th grade. The things that come out of some of those kids mouth. One little boy asked another to S##k his p###s, "because it feels good." Now days, kids learn early what s#x is, and letting a 6 and 8 yr old do that, imo is sexual and disgusting!!!

 

[bellebud]

ya know, my ds9 has "really" liked girls for a few years now (I'm gonna say from 7yo). And when he sees a teen girl or a young, attractive woman (on tv, the beach or whatever) in a bikini, his eyes pop out of his head and he can't contain his smile on his face. DH and I always secretly laugh about it (meaning not to his face)- it's just ds's natural reaction. The boy likes the b o o b i e s!

And he's not the only child this age who feels this way.

DH tells me he clearly remembers being in 4th grade, (9 years old), and talking to his friends about "girls", older girls, their breasts, kissing the girls, etc. Of course it was all *talk* and dh laughs about how silly he and his friends *talks* were, but the point is they were becoming sexually aware.

8yo and breastfeeding - that kid will be in therapy when he's older, and god forbid any friends find out - he's really going to have a miserable childhood!

 

[BELLE1109]

A juice box? HA. What a joke.

You have misunderstood my point. I was not saying that juice is an acceptable substitution for breast milk. An 8 year old is quite capable of getting the nutrition he needs from food and vitamins. Should he want something to suck on, give him a juice box not his mother's breast!!
I see this situation as physiological abuse on the older kids

 

[golfgal]

If society did not sexualize women's breasts it would not be an issue. The purpose and function of the female breast is to feed offspring.

Our closets animal relatives (non human primates) nurse until
the babies get their first permanent molars- (For humans 5.5-6 years old )
or when they reach about 1/3 of their adult weight (5-7 year range)
or roughly halfway to reproductive maturity (6-7)

Really, I am just saying that unnatural is not the right description. Beyond societal norm-yes. Wrong?-who is to judge that.

But, bottom line. As I suggested to OP, just be honest and say that it makes others uncomfortable to nurse the older 2 in the presence of others.

Well just another example of what separates humans from animals-see, we can grow and produce our own food. There is no NEED for humans to nurse children that long. In the wild, when food is scarce, this is how animals ensure continuation of the species. Many animals eat their young too, should we start that practice too because it is 'natural". This has to be the SILLIEST excuse for extended nursing I have ever read.

 

[tlbwriter]

To me, it seems like the sil has chosen to make this about herself, not about what is in the best interest of her children. If she has even an ounce of social grace, she realizes that breastfeeding a 6 or 8 year old in front of others in someones elses home is not a social norm. It is something that many are going to be uncomfortable with, but yet she chooses to make it about her and do it anyway.

There is absolutely NO reason why her two older children NEED to breastfeed during their family dinner. Good grief, her oldest is probably doing simple mulitpication and division, I think he/she can understand the concept of waiting until they get home. All the mom has to do is explain that she will feed the younger two, but the older ones need to wait until they get home. Do the kids go to school? If so, they make it through the day without mom's assistance.

There is no reason it has to be this difficult, but the sil has chosen to make it difficult for the OP and the entire family. She isn't someone to respect or admire.

This. All of it. Whether or not one is comfortable with hyperextended nursing, this mother doesn't seem to be doing it for the children. She's doing it for her own reasons.

 

[Mkrop]

Unusual, but I still would not use the word unnatural. The world wide age of natural weaning is around 4 years old. That means for every under 4 there needs to be an over 4. Our society has such a negative view on Breastfeeding that it is frowned upon to nurse past the age of one.

I personally would not nurse my children that long, even if they wanted to. Fortunately, they weaned themselves around 18 months and I did not have to decide for them. I would have let them continue longer, but certainly not until 8 years old.

Is it not unnatural to drink cows breastmilk? Would it not be more natural to drink human breastmilk? When you really think about it, it does not make much sense.

It is not about where the milk came from it is the delivery. If her children want to drink breastmilk or think it is healthier than cow's milk, then that is her perogative, but the issue is with how the older children get that milk is in question.

I think your SIL is being totally disrespectful to the rest of the family by telling the OP to MYOB. Other family members have feelings that need to be respected as well.

Also peeing in your home is not illegal, it is a natural act, can that be done at the dining room table? No we have separate rooms for that function, just like the SIL could use a separate room to ffed/comfort her older children (and NO I am not suggesting the bathroom for the SIL)

 

[Hannathy]

(and NO I am not suggesting the bathroom for the SIL)

Why not ? you are kinder than I was in my post, I would send her to her car, you are at least letting her stay indoors!!!

 

[Mkrop]

Why not ? you are kinder than I was in my post, I would send her to her car, you are at least letting her stay indoors!!!

Because I am trying to be nice but actually the thought of eating in the bathroom grosses me out as well. even the little babies. She is in a home, I would think there would be another room/bedroom that she could go to. The neighbors dont need to see her in the car nursing the 8 year old YIKES

 

[NotUrsula]

I'm an extended nurser. (BTW, the WHO defines that as anything past 24 months.) DD was weaned when she was 31 mos, because she was eating a full diet of solid table food by then, and it just felt appropriate for us. I did regret it a little bit: I'm one of those lucky people who lose weight like crazy when I nurse -- but I then put it back on immediately when I stop. (I'm now 30 lbs. heavier than I was 9 months ago.)

Let me clear up a few "norms" here. One: nursing a child with teeth does not hurt if you do it correctly. If kids bite, you condition them to stop; learning to keep their teeth to themselves is normal and part of nursing "manners". Two: being verbal normally isn't an issue, either. Most extended nursers develop a private nonverbal signal to be used by a child who wants to nurse. This is useful when they are little, and kids will just normally keep using the signal even after they can talk. Three: once you pass one year, nursing is not mandated by nutritional needs unless you live in a famine zone. Therefore, most extended nursers begin to make it clear to older children that nursing is something that will now begin to be a private thing, because they no longer must nurse on demand to assuage thirst. A cup of water will do just fine until it is possible to go to a private place. (By the way, that last item isn't about so much about discretion as it is about teaching a child to accept developmentally appropriate limits and develop some patience. By age two, almost all extended nursers have given up NIP.)

So, if we are talking about children who are all well over the age of one, some discretion is called for. With regard to school-aged children, extreme discretion is called for, and the kids absolutely know that. If Mom doesn't, then she has a warped sense of personal entitlement, and yes, is something of an exhibitionist.

 

[LiberalPrincess]

Because I am trying to be nice but actually the thought of eating in the bathroom grosses me out as well. even the little babies. She is in a home, I would think there would be another room/bedroom that she could go to. The neighbors dont need to see her in the car nursing the 8 year old YIKES

That brings a whole new perspective. I think if I walked by a car and saw a child that old latched on to a woman's breast I would probably call the police thinking it was some kind of abuse.

 

[punkin]

I'm an extended nurser. (BTW, the WHO defines that as anything past 24 months.) DD was weaned when she was 31 mos, because she was eating a full diet of solid table food by then, and it just felt appropriate for us. I did regret it a little bit: I'm one of those lucky people who lose weight like crazy when I nurse -- but I then put it back on immediately when I stop. (I'm now 30 lbs. heavier than I was 9 months ago.)

Let me clear up a few "norms" here. One: nursing a child with teeth does not hurt if you do it correctly. If kids bite, you condition them to stop; learning to keep their teeth to themselves is normal and part of nursing "manners". Two: being verbal normally isn't an issue, either. Most extended nursers develop a private nonverbal signal to be used by a child who wants to nurse. This is useful when they are little, and kids will just normally keep using the signal even after they can talk. Three: once you pass one year, nursing is not mandated by nutritional needs unless you live in a famine zone. Therefore, most extended nursers begin to make it clear to older children that nursing is something that they now only do in private, because they no longer must nurse on demand to assuage thirst. A cup of water will do just fine until it is possible to go to a private place. (By the way, that last item isn't about so much about discretion as it is about teaching a child to accept developmentally appropriate limits.)

So, if we are talking about children who are all well over the age of one, some discretion is called for. With regard to school-aged children, extreme discretion is called for, and the kids absolutely know that. If Mom doesn't, then she has a warped sense of personal entitlement, and yes, is something of an exhibitionist.

I agree with everything you wrote (I also nursed longer than many of the people on this thread would approve) but particularly with the bolded part. I personally would not be nursing and 8 yo (or a 6 yo for that matter) but the issue here is not extended nursing, it is the lack of common courtesy of a guest towards her host.

The posters attacking this woman for extended nursing are just as close-minded as this woman. They also believe that only their beliefs and practices are right.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

To the poster who said it is normal to BF an 8 year old, while I respect your opinion I just wanted to add it is also normal for me to show my husband how much I love him but I'm certainly not going to clear the table during dinner and make everyone watch that.

And another LOL/fall off my chair moment!

 

[RainbowBrite]

The posters attacking this woman for extended nursing are just as close-minded as this woman. They also believe that only their beliefs and practices are right.

I would hardly consider myself close-minded. 6 and 8 year old eat full meals and have no nutritional need for their mother's milk. If for some reason their mother disagrees, then fine, but it's still not right for them to be sucking on their mother's nipple. I have many clear memories of being 8 years old and I would have been horrified at just the thought of sucking on my mother's breast at that age

 

[wvjules]

I'm having rouble wording this...

At what age does br4eastmilk stop being nutritionally beneficial for a child (for the immunity and that stuff)? I know people that breastfeed for the first 6 months because that is when it is most beneficial but when does it lose that benefit? (Does that make sense to anyone but me?)