Obsessive WDW planning

[EVE700]

My DH is planning every single minute of our upcoming WDW trip this coming June. We go to WDW at least two times a year and have been on almost every attraction at least more than once and some of them dozens of times, the very few we haven't gone on are the ones that we are not interested in, but now his obsessive planning is really getting out of hand and taking the fun out of the vacation. It is so bad that the most spontaneous thing left on the trip is bathroom breaks! We travel without children, it is just the two of us and we are middle aged. He is spending hours figuring out exactly where we will be at any given moment of the day and when I try to tell him I'd like to have some spontaneity and down time to relax and watch people, he gets annoyed at me and tells me "Then we won't be able to go on (insert attraction here)" and if I say that's alright, he gets even more annoyed at me and says that I am no fun. Does anyone else have to deal with someone like this and what do you do about it? It is getting to the point that I don't even want to go, and that is so sad.

 

[Mikie]

Oh bummer! I'm so sorry you're having negativity around vacation discussions. Unfortunately, in my house, I AM that planner. Though not as detailed, my family still got tired of hearing about my plans. I learned to read the signs of "planning nausea" and stop talking about it, but I still made plans. In action, I was able to go with the mood, though honestly we didn't change a ton.
A family I know that's a to-the-15-minute color-coded spreadsheet group, there's specifically a block for "down time" or "family choice". I know it isn't the same as spontaneous, but is it possible for you to tell him you need a couple hour block daily where he's not going to usher you from place to place and just let the two of you decide in the moment?

 

[ALA3Princesses]

I have a feeling many can relate, but in this forum are more likely to be the ones like your husband.

 

[ArwenMarie]

My two cents. Tell him you are grateful for the work that he does planning. All planners want to hear that. But then tell him you would like some blocks of time just to chill and wander. In fact, ask him if that is something he could "plan" into the schedule.

Good luck, I hope you have a great trip

 

[Acedink]

Yeah, I use this forum to be that guy.

It's a mix of reactions. The planning helps get my family excited for the trip, but my wife also doesn't like having to be at xxxxx place at xxxxx time while on vacation. I just feel like if you don't plan it out at Disney, it doesn't happen. You have to plan the meals if you want to sit down, and you have to plan the rides if you want the shortest wait. It's a love/hate thing with me. I do the planning mostly to make sure my daughter has the best possible trip she can.

 

[ArielSRL]

I'm definitely that planner! And I have really enjoyed the planning...it really has helped pass the time. However, in my defense, I pretty much know the plan will most likely go out the window several times as I am traveling with two under 5 and two over 65.

Hopefully he'll be flexible once you arrive??

 

[rwdavis2]

if you really dislike this then tell him you won't go under these circumstances. I would never put up with someone who would disregard my opinions in that way. That's the only way you will get him to change it. You said it yourself, you've done all the attractions.

OR, tell him you will agree to his way for only half of each day then you do it your way. We tend to go semi-commando in the mornings and wander around the rest of the day unless we have fastpasses.

 

[EVE700]

Well don't get me wrong. I used to be the planner and would make pretty detailed plans of where we would be, what restaurant, FPs etc, but I was always open to some spontaneity or last minute mind changing when at the park until he took over. I think what annoys ME more than anything else is that his plans are MUST-DO plans. We go to WDW so often that I do not care if we miss this or that attraction on a trip because I know we will be going back in a few months. Our trips are generally weekend trips so if we try to do everything he wants to do it leaves us no breathing room and he gets bored doing what he calls "nothing" (relaxing, people watching, etc.)

 

[NileNellie]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, and I can understand your frustration. Perhaps you can ask him to plan out time to chill/relax? This vacation is about the both of you, and you should have some say in the planning, even if it's to do 'nothing'. Some of my best memories at WDW are just sitting on a bench at one of the parks and people watching/enjoying the moment at the happiest place on Earth.

You could always suggest you guys have an alone day if he isn't willing to compromise.

 

[Merx]

My DH is planning every single minute of our upcoming WDW trip this coming June. We go to WDW at least two times a year and have been on almost every attraction at least more than once and some of them dozens of times, the very few we haven't gone on are the ones that we are not interested in, but now his obsessive planning is really getting out of hand and taking the fun out of the vacation. It is so bad that the most spontaneous thing left on the trip is bathroom breaks! We travel without children, it is just the two of us and we are middle aged. He is spending hours figuring out exactly where we will be at any given moment of the day and when I try to tell him I'd like to have some spontaneity and down time to relax and watch people, he gets annoyed at me and tells me "Then we won't be able to go on (insert attraction here)" and if I say that's alright, he gets even more annoyed at me and says that I am no fun. Does anyone else have to deal with someone like this and what do you do about it? It is getting to the point that I don't even want to go, and that is so sad.

Not sure if this would work.

But thank him for his plans and efforts, and how his plans have have enabled you two to go on lots of attractions in the past. Acknowledge his efforts, make him feel good and important. Guys like "tasks" and planning is a task.

Then challenge him to add "breaks" in his plans, work with him, let him talk about his plans and listen to his plans. Ask him if there could be a "rest day" built into his plans, saying that "rest days are probably not fun anyway, and probably won't work without your plans", play it down, but insist that "just wanted to give it a try"

Remember, guys like to feel smart and important, once they have that feeling, it's easier to talk to them

That's my two cents

 

[EVE700]

You could always suggest you guys have an alone day if he isn't willing to compromise.

This is a great idea! Maybe not for a whole day, but at least a few hours off on our own even if we are in the same park.

 

[BarbieGal457]

This is a great idea! Maybe not for a whole day, but at least a few hours off on our own even if we are in the same park.

I am the planner out of me and my boyfriend and I find alone days or even alone breaks to be really refreshing. We do plan but are mostly go-with-the-flow, but sometimes it really is nice to have a little time alone on vacation. I never really realized it or thought to take a bit of alone time, but last trip he didn't want to ride Soarin' yet I did so I went ahead and he waited behind and even just those few minutes felt really good. I absolutely understand where you're coming from because my father is the same way and it can be super stressful! I have to admit, at Disney I too am not a big one to lie by the pool or such just because I have a tendency to go-go-go but down to the second planning can be hard to handle!

 

[JaxDad]

Well don't get me wrong. I used to be the planner and would make pretty detailed plans of where we would be, what restaurant, FPs etc, but I was always open to some spontaneity or last minute mind changing when at the park until he took over. I think what annoys ME more than anything else is that his plans are MUST-DO plans. We go to WDW so often that I do not care if we miss this or that attraction on a trip because I know we will be going back in a few months. Our trips are generally weekend trips so if we try to do everything he wants to do it leaves us no breathing room and he gets bored doing what he calls "nothing" (relaxing, people watching, etc.)

Maybe you are just experiencing planning envy...

 

[cedricandsophie]

We go to Disney a couple times a year too. And stay for a week or two. But we may go to parks one day and hit three in a day. The rest of the time we just hang out at pool and relax. If there is any planning I do it and it is mostly to get dinner reservations. You are a good wife. I have no recommendations because I'm one of those wives that would just politely say no...that doesn't work for me. It's my vacation too and we will either do what I want half the time or you have fun but I'll stay at the pool.

But I never have to worry about that because my husband is the type that has no desire to plan anything. He basically just shows up and is happy with whatever happens.

 

[Delirium]

In many ways, uber-planning is required at Disney these days. I much preferred the days when we simply arrived at MK, started out in Adventureland and worked our way around the park in a logical, relaxed manner, finishing up in Tomorrowland at night.

Unfortunately, society as a whole, just not Disney, requires you to have a 'plan'. Dining reservations, FP+, transportation schedules, show times, etc. require advance planning.

For us, it seems the only way to combat feeling chained to a schedule is to make our trip longer, which is probably what Disney wants. We're visiting Disney for 13 days in October (it's been 3 years) and I'm grateful that the number of days we're there allows us some flexibility. For example, we can combat the FP+ tiers at HS and Epcot by attending those parks on multiple days, thus not requiring us to make a mad dash to RNR at rope drop because we fast-passed Toy Story. Now, we can FP both (on different dates), allowing us the opportunity to leisurely tour the park in the morning.

It's tough, and I feel like I straddle a fine line trying to avoid over-planning. I personally dislike ADR's for that reason. They not only force me to be in a certain park at a certain time, but actually force me to be in a certain SECTION of the park. But, we nabbed free dining by checking in on October 1st this year, so table service meals are back on the agenda for us.

Bottom line is that I always enjoyed having a Disney 'plan' that helped make the vacation seem better by being more efficient, but I agree that things can get out of hand, and not having any spontaneity at all can be as bad or worse.

 

[KaSe]

Not sure if this would work.

But thank him for his plans and efforts, and how his plans have have enabled you two to go on lots of attractions in the past. Acknowledge his efforts, make him feel good and important. Guys like "tasks" and planning is a task.

Then challenge him to add "breaks" in his plans, work with him, let him talk about his plans and listen to his plans. Ask him if there could be a "rest day" built into his plans, saying that "rest days are probably not fun anyway, and probably won't work without your plans", play it down, but insist that "just wanted to give it a try"

Remember, guys like to feel smart and important, once they have that feeling, it's easier to talk to them

That's my two cents

My two cents. Tell him you are grateful for the work that he does planning. All planners want to hear that. But then tell him you would like some blocks of time just to chill and wander. In fact, ask him if that is something he could "plan" into the schedule.

Good luck, I hope you have a great trip

These are both excellent suggestions, and I agree something like this might be a way to approach him. Sorry the down-to-the-minute planning is sucking all the fun out of it for you. It does seem a bit over the top, especially considering how often you get to be at WDW. If you were only there once every 5 years or had little kids' nap schedules to work around, etc., I could more easily understand making sure you got every minute of magic out of the trip, but since you're adults & you're there a couple times a year, then it seems like it would be more fun to have a basic plan and then just enjoy whatever happens. We like to go every two years, and I plan which park we go to on each day, reserve our fast passes, and have some idea which QS restaurants we'll eat at in those parks (we have our favs we always hit), but other than that, I just kinda let it happen and know that based on possible weather issues, tired kids, etc., that we'll probably need to make changes along the way. And it's always an awesome trip. I hope things settle down for you & you're able to enjoy the process and the trip.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Help him plan.

Or demand that two hours of every day are yours to plan.

Tell him that the trips aren't fun anymore because he won't let you help or plan. Be blunt.

 

[smallworld101]

This is a great idea! Maybe not for a whole day, but at least a few hours off on our own even if we are in the same park.

I think it is a great idea too - a few hour split during the day - you could go off and do something you enjoy, shop, people watch, whatever it may be and he could go off for a few hours and do something that he really enjoys and then have a meeting point after that is fun - like meet back for dinner at your ADR. Since you guys go so much it should be ok to split off for a few hours and enjoy a little alone time magic in the park! He might enjoy figure out that new sort of plan into the schedule too. Good luck!

 

[rebelbuddhist]

My wife and I sound like you-- two more mature visitors who frequent WDW. I am the planner knowing that if you don't plan, you may miss out on a lot. We travel, just the 2 of us, at Christmas time and have a great time even with the super crowded parks. Hopefully your husband accepts that a plan is just that-- something one hopes to do-- and not a command that has to be done exactly when and how it is planned. From your pots, it sounds like your husband views plans more as commands. Talking to him might help or taking responsibility for a 50/50 split on the "planning" may give you a chance to get in what you want/need. He could plan every other day or you could divide the parks and have him plan for two and you for two......
We are going this October with a son and daughter in law with their 6 children. That sure is going to change the way we plan for the parks with a total of 10 people with five of them below the age of 8!
We have 4 days there before the family arrives so we can do Disney our way and then five days with all of us and probably a very different touring plan!
Best of luck discussing with your uber planner husband!

 

[rebelbuddhist]

My wife and I sound like you-- two more mature visitors who frequent WDW. I am the planner knowing that if you don't plan, you may miss out on a lot. We travel, just the 2 of us, at Christmas time and have a great time even with the super crowded parks. Hopefully your husband accepts that a plan is just that-- something one hopes to do-- and not a command that has to be done exactly when and how it is planned. From your pots, it sounds like your husband views plans more as commands. Talking to him might help or taking responsibility for a 50/50 split on the "planning" may give you a chance to get in what you want/need. He could plan every other day or you could divide the parks and have him plan for two and you for two......
We are going this October with a son and daughter in law with their 6 children. That sure is going to change the way we plan for the parks with a total of 10 people with five of them below the age of 8!
We have 4 days their before the family arrives so we can do Disney our way and then five days with all of us and probably a very different touring plan!
Best of luck discussing with your uber planner husband!