?not sure what to do, anyones advice appreciated on etiquette sit. MAGOR UPDATE YEAH!

[kidzmom3]

Actually, I am not sure if you would call it etiquette, but I would like some advice. We are planning to be in WDW over Thanksgiving. It is a trip provided by my in-laws for my family (5), sister-in-law, her friend, brother-in-law, his friend and in-laws. My in-laws will be paying for everything. They did the same 2 years ago, and it was quite expensive. Here is the dilemma:

My DH was laid off 5 weeks ago, and at that time my F-I-l commented that perhaps we should cancel the trip, in case he needs to help us financially later on. A wonderful, thoughtful thing for him to do. We had one discussion and my M-I-L stated that she did not want him to cancel the trip (neither did anyone else, we honestly feel we can make it without his financial help due to unemployement and my job) Cancelling has never been mentioned again, but when I have asked a couple of questions about the trip, I have not recieved definite answers. He did tell me what flight we were booked on, but he doesn't seem to want to talk about it. The trip is now about 5 weeks away, and I would normally begin to get things together, so I don't have to buy everything at once. My children are excited for the upcoming trip. Finally, here is the question; should I just flat out ask him? or mother-in-law? I don't want to be a pest, but I honestly would like to know, so that if the answer is no, I can prepare myself and the kids for the disappointment.

final thought; though they are well off, his stocks have taken large hits lately and when he cashes them in this month, they will be less than in previous years. He has a 24 year old son that he pays cobra insurance for, who has lyme disease and does not work. He also has a 19 year old daughter in college. Both of these younger sibs have VERY expensive lifestyles, my DH considerably older than them, did not grow up with the affluence that they have.

 

[Krisu]

I'm sure you feel up in the air about this. Why can't your DH ask them?

 

[Beauty]

I agree this is a question for you DH to ask....since hes their son I think it would be easier for him.

I know what you mean about the stocks although DH and I haven't lost that much....because we didn't have that much to begin with my mom has lost substantial amounts

I hope everything works out wonderfully for you though.

 

[kidzmom3]

Thanks guys, your probably right. I should just have him ask his parents. He's just a little, not lazy, I am not sure what word I would use, but I do most of the communicating with his parents. Perhaps in this instance I should insist that he speak up. We both just feel a little akward. We want to go, but if it turns out that the answer is no, then we are okay with that. I know my F-I-L knows that I want to go, so we don't want to pressure him. (everyone in our family knows of my disney obsession).

Thanks again, I think I will have my DH ask them tommorow, and let them know that if it needs to be cancelled that we are fine with it. sad, but certainly fine. We have many blessings and such a generous F-I-L is one of them.

 

[Krisu]

I agree it's awkward. Maybe DH can just say he hasn't heard much about the trip lately, is it still on? I think if they are having second thoughts they really should say something soon. Or they may be concerned about money and are startng to not be too excited about it.

 

[Tinkbell]

I agree with the others. Have your husband casually ask if the trip is still on because your family will be needing to get things in order. You should not be put in that awkward situation.

 

[kidzmom3]

We decided that he would give them a call today and see whats up. We both agreed that it would be unfair to the kids to keep letting them think we will be going, if we are not. I think it will work out okay, even if the answer is trip cancelled. Thanks for the advice. I guess we kept hoping if we didn't bring it up, then maybe it would just happen. It may still happen, but hopefully we will know for sure today.

 

[Krisu]

It wouldn't be so bad if it was just you and DH. But with the kids getting excited that's different. Keep us posted

 

[Kermit]

I hope everything goes well! I know just what you mean about being the communicator with your in-laws. I do the same in our family. But DH and I both agreed before we got married (at the advice of our pastor who did our premarital counceling) that we would each talk to our own parents if it was something awkward like that. DH will still occassionally try to push stuff on me, but he's good about making those calls when I tell him that I just don't feel comfortable with it.

 

[Kallison]

I would say something like everyone else said - Is the trip still on? and quickly add - If you need to cancel, we understand due to the current economic situation most of us are in. I know all our friends have taken huge hits because of the stock market, a lot of people who were retired are now talking about coming out of retirement. There may be other considerations than your Dh's unemployment, maybe they were just using that as an excuse. I hope your DH finds a job he will be happy in soon.

 

[TRAPPED-PARENT]

I think everyone has given you great advice! You are very fortunate to have such generous in-laws and I'm sure that if your DH approaches it right, they will be most appreciative of your sensitivity and willingness to be flexible in light of the current situation.

Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by kidzmom3
He did tell me what flight we were booked on, but he doesn't seem to want to talk about it. The trip is now about 5 weeks away, and I would normally begin to get things together, so I don't have to buy everything at once.

Since he told you what flight you are booked on, it appears that the trip is not cancelled.

I say just act like nothing is wrong, pick up the phone and start jabbering away like normal.

Good Luck!

 

[kidzmom3]

Update; my DH spoke with his mother today and she told him that my F-I-L has just not decided what to do. She said that he thinks that spending the money on a vacation now, when it may be needed later is probably not a good idea. She asked my DH details of our financial plans and wether or not we think we would be okay, even a year from now. We do think we will be fine, but who could ever say for sure? SHe also said that people may be disappointed but they will get over it. So when my DH finally asked point blank, are we going? She had no real answer, that it is still up in the air . She did say she planned to speak to F-I-L about the situation again, and would get back to us in a week or so. So I guess I am now going to plan on not going. I am going to start mentioning to the kids that things may not work out, and that we may not be able to go this year. I am a little sad, but okay. I completely understand where my F-I-L is coming from, so I would never fault him. I just wish I knew for sure. 100 percent. Thanks for the advice, it does help to know that the odds of us going are pretty slim to none. I am sure we will get another opportunity to go another time. I just feel disappointed because we were supposed to go in Nov, then again in January for our anniversary. The trip in Jan, was cancelled on the layoff day, and now this one too. But all things happen for a reason and I am sure it will all turn around eventually. There are certainly people a lot worse off than me. I am blessed with a very loving family, and a happy life.

 

[Buckalew]

kidzmom3,
Your attitude is a good one. I'm sure the stocks and all have your FIL a bit worried. Good luck to your DH finding a new job. We just got through all that not long ago. Not much fun!

 

[kidzmom3]

thanks Buckalew, It helps to know I am not the only one in this situation. Or who has had this situation in the past. I do hope the economy turns around soon.

 

[Krisu]

Sorry you never got a straight answer but with Thanksgiving just next month I guess I would just forget it and make some other plans for the holiday.

 

[kidzmom3]

well today is the day we find out. My in-laws invited us out to dinner and even arranged to have my sister-in-law come and babysit the kids. They want to "discuss" multiple issues with us. Why do I feel ill, like a child being called to account for transgressions. I guess its just that same gut reaction that I still get when my dad calls me by my full name. lol Well, fingers crossed. I hope to have some good news later.

 

[Serena]

Goodluck

 

[Wishing on a star]

Hey, I am confused.... This seems to have NOTHING to do with FIL 'stocks' and everything to do with your husband being layed off. So, does this mean that everyone gets to go, EXCEPT your family. That would be a major problem for me... How could they do that to their grandkids, just one month out?


Sounds like there just may be " issues "! From personal experience, my thoughts are to Let you husband handle it.

My heart goes out to you, your husbands work situation, etc...
Hope all works out!

 

[rbuzzotta]

Sounds like you have a wonderful FIL and MIL. Sounds like FIL would cancel the trip for ALL so in case you may need some financial help in the future.

Hoping it all works out for the best........