Not a Disney question but a family one

[lelalittlelegs]

How far away do you live from your nearest immediate family? I mean in terms of parents, grandparents and siblings (and their in-law equivalent) not aunts, uncles and cousins etc We are at a point in our lives whereby a relocation (and lifestyle change) is imminent and it'll put us aprox. 70 miles from my parents who we are all (me, DH and DD6) extremely close to. We already live 60 miles from DHs family and this will put them maybe 100 miles away. We are a little different to anyone else in either of our families and like the remote off-the-grid style of living and are not phased by the physical distance (or that my DH will have to commute 70 miles each way to work) but it had me wondering whether other people go thru the same emotions when moving further away than just the other side of town. I know we have to do what is right for our family unit and I know the world is smaller than we realise and that people can always hop in the car or on the train or bus if they want to visit but how did you adjust to not having family right around the corner? And how did you prepare your children if you have them for not seeing grandparents or cousins etc so much?

 

[happymommy]

When I got married, my DH and I moved 250 miles away from my family (sisters and parents). His family lived about 800 miles away (we were in Missouri, they were in Maryland). Then we moved to Virginia, so an hour or so from his parents, but far from mine. It didn't bother me in the least - we were off starting our new life. Then we moved to Rhode Island for just a summer, then Hawaii for 3 years, so very far from all family. Finally settled in Maryland - after moving to 5 states in 5 years! It was an adventure. We currently live about 30 minutes from my father in law and brother in law, and an hour from my sister in law. We see them maybe every two months or so. My parents still live a two hour flight away (or 14 hour drive), so I try to see them once a year, same goes for my sisters.

I don't find it difficult to live far from immediate family at all. I actually can stay out of some family drama that way. It is what you make of it. When we lived on the Marine Corps Base in Hawaii, pretty much no one I was friends with had family. We all did holidays together, and really could count on each other for anything. Family can be friends totally!

I hope you have a good move, in whatever you decide! I just find that if I look for family in friends, I often find that!

 

[Happyjen27]

We live within 20 minute drive of 75% of my immediate family. I have 3 bros and 3 sis, and one lives 70 min away, one 6 hours. My dad lives 60 min away. The other 9 members of DH and My immediate family live within 20 min. (although DH's parents are in FL 6 months/year, that's them leaving, not us)

For me, personally, I enjoy the proximity so I have an ample supply of babysitters as well as offer urgent support as needed to my family. I would be hard pressed to move away from my brothers and sisters, as we are very close family. I would sincerely struggle with losing my security blankets, like on snow days when I drop the kids off at my mom's house. Or when a kid is sick and my sister can pick them up from school and take them home.

 

[NutcrackerPrincess]

We live over 1000 miles from anyone in my family and 100-odd miles from DH's parents. DD2 is lucky to see cousins once a year. She does miss them, but this is our normal, and kids adapt.

DD2 is too young to remember anyone living closer, but your kids may benefit from additional support. There are some great technology-mediated methods of helping them stay in touch. How about a regularly scheduled Skype chat with family members on weekends? The kids can explore the wonderfully retro world of snail mail. The cousins could make it more exciting by sending secret invisible letters (lemon juice and iron trick). If the children are not allowed email or email savvy, you could augment this contact by facilitating the emailing for them. You could make scrapbooks together of the family get-togethers when they do happen. You could also get those recordable books for grandparents to be able to 'read' them a bedtime story each night.

There is still the trusty telephone, too. There are many ways of bringing the family into your home even when they are far away. Sometimes we take the fact that we can see family who live close by for granted in a way that we don't for those who live further away. The distance may end up bringing the family closer.

All of this said, every person and their needs for contact are different, and you will no doubt adapt to whatever your children need in terms of contact. Personally, I don't feel the lack, but some others in similar positions (such as one PP) would find our situation harder than I do. Different personalities respond in different ways, even one's offspring.

Since you are already showing a keen awareness of the potential for separation pains in your children, I am sure you will do admirably however they react. I hope you find something in the above that is helpful. Good luck!

 

[msmama]

We are about 100 miles (plus through NYC) form my son's grandparents. 600 miles from anyone in my family. He has 2 baby cousins that are about 1000 miles away each (in different directions).

My son has never known any different so I can't say anything about changes - plus, his cousins are babies so no real playmates anyway. Personally, I don't think I could handle living within "drop in" range. The hardest part is I have no build in babysitter. If I get sick, a family member can't step in and take care of my son for me. No nights out unless I pay for (and find) a babysitter.

 

[Gillyrose779]

I think everyone's family dynamic is different so you are going to get different opinions based on that.

Honestly I don't think that is that far away from family. I understand it is far enough that you are not going to have a spur of the moment get together but definitely close enough that weekends together are easy.

We just recently moved back to DH's hometown and I hate it. Not just b/c I do not like the Midwest but b/c we do get swept up in the family drama- that is just us though as DH has always had issues with his sister and his mom does not help with the situation.

I also really thrive on being as independent as possible with taking care of my home and kids. With the Mother in Law around it makes it too easy to lean on her for things and I don't like getting used to that- that is just me though.

If you are very close to your family I could see how it could be hard. My kids were only 1 and 3 the last time we moved but we just tried to keep them in the loop and made things as seamless for them as possible. Switching day cares was the hardest so we made sure to get to know the other parents and kids and set up play dates early on-that really helped.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

Both me and my husband are from NJ and have been living in California for 14 years. At first, it was an adventure. We were newly engaged and making our own way. The move to California was supposed to be 3 to 5 years top. Didn't work out that way. Living so far apart wasn't "too hard" at the beginning. It was just us out here with all family in NJ but being just us, we would visit frequently. When our daughter was born, of course things changed. My daughter was born extremely premature, weighing 1 pound at birth. I'm happy to report everything turned out just fine. During that time when she was first born, it would of been a big help to have family closer. Not just the physical help but emotional help as well. As both our parents have gotten older, it has been difficult to be so far away. And now with daughter in school, we can only travel during school breaks/vacations. It's just me and my husband and we rely only on each other. We don't have a sister, brother or mother we can count on and it does make things difficult at times. I see my neighbors being picked up by siblings and grandparents to help with getting back and forth to school and help during vacations and I think to myself, "oh, that would be great." Not just for the help, but just to be near family.

 

[olwyngdh]

We are in MA, our daughter and son in law are near Philadelphia PA, DHs parents are near OC,MD, his brother is in Atlanta, and his sister is in Hilton Head. All I have left in my family is cousins, and we are scattered from Key West to Detroit.

We will be moving next summer, so we have no idea how far we will be from anyone then. Those are the joys of being a military family!

 

[MommyMK]

We are 3-4 hours away from all of our family and have been for the last 7 years. At first it was fun and exciting, but as time has passed, the health of relatives has declined and friends have settled down and had their own kids it has made visiting harder and harder. We've spent the last 3 years trying to move back, but haven't been successful as of yet.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

I live in the same city as my parents and my sister's family. My brother lives across the country. My husband's family is further away - his parents are the closest of them, 350 miles but we only see them once a year or so.

I love being near my family. We see each other often. My sister and I have lunch together at least once during the week, we are together at church 3 times/week, we have family meals together at least once/week. My mom or my sister (or my nephew) can watch my kids if I need to go to an appointment. My kids have grown up around their cousins, who are quite a bit older, but they are still very good friends.

It would be very hard for me to live away from my family.

Gotta run.... my sister and BIL are coming for dinner...

 

[sunflowerfields]

We live across the highway from my husbands mother and have for 42 yrs. When I married I moved 15 miles from my parents. For two yrs. my parents moved to the city which made them 150 miles from us. When they retired they moved to the town we live and stayed here until they passed away.

Our 4 children and their families all live within a mile and 1/2 of us. I cannot imagine living away from any of my family.