Nonbinary at Disney?

[princesspower278]

Hey all,

I have to admit, I'm a real Disney virgin when it comes to just about everything, and I'm also a severe lurker. I've been mentally planning a trip to WDW for almost five years now, and I'm hoping that everything will fall in place soon. One thing that has changed in those past 5 years, however, is my gender identity. I am nonbinary (genderfluid), and I tend to prefer they/them pronouns (however, due to the nature of my gender identity, my preferred pronouns can change.) I'm just wondering what the nonbinary experience is like at Disney - due to my femme appearance, I feel like I could easily be misgendered (called a princess, girl, young lady, etc.) This (hopefully understandably) would make me uncomfortable.

Is there any real solution for me? I'm sort of looking for a thread with some experiences so I know what to do and how to approach things.. Should I wear a button with my pronouns on them? Also, I'd like to get involved in the LGBTQ+ DIS community more, but I'm not sure how welcome a 16-year-old pansexual genderfluid kid would be. I'm just hoping for some general advice!!

Best,
Jess <333

 

[GaryDis]

I wish I could give you a clear answer, but I'm several generations older than you, and to be frank, I just don't have the experience to answer directly.

What I can say is that in the few weeks that I've been on the DIS boards, I've realized that this subforum is very sparsely used, compared to some of the others that get dozens of replies a day.

So please don't take the lack of responses since yesterday as a lack of interest or caring. There just aren't that many people participating here. I hope that you'll have other resources where, though not Disney-specific, you'll be able to get good answers.

 

[princesspower278]

I wish I could give you a clear answer, but I'm several generations older than you, and to be frank, I just don't have the experience to answer directly.

What I can say is that in the few weeks that I've been on the DIS boards, I've realized that this subforum is very sparsely used, compared to some of the others that get dozens of replies a day.

So please don't take the lack of responses since yesterday as a lack of interest or caring. There just aren't that many people participating here. I hope that you'll have other resources where, though not Disney-specific, you'll be able to get good answers.

Thank you so much, that's very sweet of you. I appreciate you reaching out, I was getting pretty worried no one cared.

 

[MahouShoujo]

Hi Jess!
I am a cis woman married to a cis woman, so I'm not what you are looking for-- but maybe our experiences can be helpful!

I proposed to Dahlia at CRT a few years ago. Everyone was perfect and it was lovely. The weirdness started when we wore our "Just Engaged" buttons around the park. So many friendly CMs just wanted to make polite conversation, as they desperately looked around for our male counterparts-- "Where are your fiancés?" "You both got engaged at the same time, how charming!" It was never with any malice, they were just jumping to gender-normative conclusions. We would explain (I got better at this as the trip went on) and they would apologize profusely and we got free apology cupcakes XD

My wife still doesn't like Snow White at the parks now, though. We met her twice over the course of our trip, and she NEVER GOT IT. We joke that she is still out there somewhere, staring into the distance, wondering where our husbands are.

I guess my best advice is, you may be misgendered. Disney has always been lovely and inclusive to me, so I have no reason to think anyone would disrespect you on purpose, but you will find yourself doing a lot of education. Wearing a button is a great idea-- CMs already zoom in on those, so if your button states "I am not a Prince or Princess! Please call me [term]", that seems like a good step. I hope your experience is positive, best wishes!

 

[disneyygirrl]

I think maybe you could get a free celebratory button (1st Trip, etc.), and write your preferred pronoun(s) on there, if you like. I haven't been called Princess since I was a child. I doubt that CMs would refer to you as such. If they do, you could just politely correct them. They are very understanding and very, very sensitive to the LGBT community! I'd say do your best not to stress about it - just relax, have fun, correct when necessary, and enjoy your trip!

 

[disneyygirrl]

One other note - I don't know how CMs at your hotel that you may see regularly would keep up with the changing pronouns, since you said they change. Maybe have different pins with the different pronouns?

 

[Chuck S]

I think one problem is the English language itself does not lend itself well to singular gender neutral pronouns. If there were a set of them that gains popular usage over the next few years, that would be great. But until then we're all sort of stuck with he, she. I doubt anyone wants to be call "it." They, we, us are all plural or are generally only used in the singular by ruling monarchs, as in the classic "We are not amused."

 

[Aust]

Hi,

My eldest child (14) also identifies as gender fluid and prefers the 'they' pronoun, I have to say even I struggle with getting it right at times and without thinking fall back into 'she'. They don't expect others outside the family or friends to get the pronoun correct but it does get a bit uncomfortable if someone uses something specifically feminine (they look feminine) and they shoot back with 'I'm not a girl!' It's a difficult concept for people to get their minds around. So I'm not sure if I have any good advice..but just wanted to let you know you're not alone. And my child likes Pepe too so would love your avatar.

 

[BostonDisneyCrazed]

Hey Jess!

My name is Jose and I read your post and wanted to share what little I know in hopes that you find it helpful. I am not gender fluid but I am gender non-conforming, meaning I just don't care for the whole concept of gender period. I am who I am meant to be and that's that. I have been going to Disney since 1995 (so that's 20 years now) and have witnessed CM's mistaken girls for boys and vice-versa many times. When this happens it is usually the parents who gently correct the cast member and all becomes well afterwards. My point is when you go it might be a good idea to have allies with you, just in case this type of situation should arise and it makes you feel uncomfortable. That way they can help advocate for you should you want the help or need help clarifying anything.

I am studying to become a clinical psychologist and work with transgender and gender non-conforming youth in the future and even I make mistakes when it comes to pronoun use. In my personal opinion the best thing anyone can do is to correct the other person when it happens in a gentle manner. I suggest this although the suggestion to use buttons with your preferred pronouns is also a good idea. However, I caution that if you were to use buttons, you would be sharing a very personal bit of information with the entire world and I am not sure how comfortable you are doing that. If you are then by all means go for it and use the buttons. If you are still trying to learn how to navigate the world then surrounding yourself with allies can be a bit more comfortable.

Ultimately you are going to find what works best for you when you are actually there experiencing it. I know that might not be entirely helpful but experiences at Disney tend to be unique to each individual. SO what may work for me or someone else may or may not work for you. I hope what I wrote is not entirely confusing and somewhat helpful. Even at 28 I am still trying to figure out how to navigate the world when it comes to gender identity so the fact that you are actively thinking about it now puts you in a much better place than most people who choose to not deal with it at all.

I wish you well and hope you enjoy your Disney vacation.

 

[TurnedToStoneGirl]

Definitely ask around. Good ideas.

 

[Alice K]

I'm nonbinary and I've spent the past three days visiting Disneyland. Only once did I see somebody on the gates greeting people as princess or prince, and only once did somebody do a double take on seeing the name on my ticket. Which is better than the world outside of Disney.

There's been parents telling kids they're choosing clothes or toys for the wrong gender. And there's this really weird poster on the buses about how they want to hear if you think you've been discriminated against on race grounds, but which uses binary language.

If Disney World is anything like Disneyland then you've little to worry about, and I'll be over there myself in January. You should totally get that trip booked.

 

[growly beast]

I'm a transgender guy who has not yet transitioned, so it's pretty normal for me to be incorrectly called she. During my trip last week, I was most definitely called lady, princess, ma'am, etc. a lot. It's pretty dysphoric but I kind of just deal with it--I don't think my solution is the best, though. Definitely wear a badge with your preferred pronouns if you think there will be confusion.

 

[Alice K]

All the "ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls" announcements have got a bit annoying while I'm here this week. I get that it's a decent-length intro to get everyone's attention before giving the actual announcement, but there has to be a better way.

My interactions with CMs this week have been mostly around them loving my retro gaming hoodies. I've only seen people actually dressed as princesses being called princess.

 

[OKW Lover]

One other note - I don't know how CMs at your hotel that you may see regularly would keep up with the changing pronouns, since you said they change. Maybe have different pins with the different pronouns?

I can't think of a situation where the guest would see a particular CM regularly enough for the CM to notice out of the hundreds they see every day. Especially in the case of a gender fluid guest who's appearance is likely to be different from one day to the next.

 

[jenniy122]

I can't think of a situation where the guest would see a particular CM regularly enough for the CM to notice out of the hundreds they see every day. Especially in the case of a gender fluid guest who's appearance is likely to be different from one day to the next.

Maybe I just have a memorable face, or because I'm an adult traveling solo, but the CMs at POP's food court have remembered me from day to day on my trips.

OP, I don't have advice to give you, but just want to say that while a number of CMs are very open-minded, and I even know a few that are trans very happy with the company, they are trained call people "princess/prince", etc; beyond the scope of non-Disney society.