Non-Smokers Would You Date A Smoker

[beattyfamily]

I would prefer not but in my younger days I do remember dating a couple of smokers. I don't think I knew though when they asked me out. I don't think I could have stayed with a smoker for long though as I have asthma and allergies and just can't stand the smell on my clothes and in my home. I grew up with chain-smoking parents.

I'm so glad I ended up with a non-smoker.

 

[ZPT1022]

I patiently sat or waited for my husband while he would have his much needed cigarette. I did it for 17 years. One day recently I got tired of sitting or standing alone for minutes at a time and decided this was running into MY time. Now when he goes to smoke, I head in my own direction. He is doing what he wants to do and now I am doing what I want to do. If he wants to find me he can come look for me or he can call me on my cell phone.

What I am noticing is fewer people are smoking. With the exception of one person, all of our close friends are non-smokers and when we have get-togethers he is usually the only person smoking, therefore, he is isolating himself for those cigarette breaks outside. In a way he is experiencing the alone time I have experienced all these years. The restaurant situation still bothers me though. He leaves the table before I am done eating. However, since he has emphysema with no intentions of quitting I will be having alot of alone time at the table in the near future. I look at this as practice.

I'm sorry. That is really sad. Hopefully he will see the light someday. my gram smoked for over 50 years and she quit in her 70's.

Very well said!

I am so lucky to have a husband, friends and ILs who never have smoked but love me even though I do and have never been rude or mean to me for my shortcomings.

I am currently on Chantix and trying very hard to quit and hopefully will be smoke free around the New Year.

Good luck! I wish you nothing but the best with your New Years goal

Not only alive and well, but appears to be a socially acceptable sport.

I don't think people hate smokers as a general principle, they just wouldn't date them. Now I can't date anyone since I'm already married , but I can't have seen myself dating or marrying a smoker, in large part due to asthma and nausea problems related to being around smokers. That's not to say I wouldn't be friends with a smoker or I would treat them like some sort of leper, but I do choose to limit my exposure to the actual smoke. I think that's harder to do when you live with someone

 

[Crankyshank]

I dated one once, but never again. Not only was the smell a turn off, but it really gave me problems with my asthma.

ETA:
To be clear, I neither hate smokers nor think they are nasty lepers of society. Everyone has their criteria for who they will and will not date. For me, I will no longer date a smoker for health reasons.

 

[Irin997]

I don't think people hate smokers as a general principle, they just wouldn't date them.

I don't hate smokers, I just hate the smoke (this coming from a former smoker). I quit 3 years ago and haven't dated a smoker since. The only time I'm around smoke is at a bar, and not for long as MD goes smoke free (HOORAY) in Feb 01, 2008. Being around smoke does bother me, but I expect that at bars when I go out. But when I'm at work and walk through a cloud of smoke outside, it does make me sick and I hate the smell.

 

[momof2inPA]

Choosing not to date someone for smoking isn't what bothers me. Its the awful adjectives and comparisons that are thrown out there about smokers.

I think a simple "No, I could not date a smoker." would anser the OP. No need for making smokers feel like they're lepers of society.

Why aren't we allowed to express our feelings about smoking? We aren't referring to you or your loved one in particular. No one said wvjules stinks, has yellow teeth, and would be gross to kiss. We are stating facts. Smoking does smell bad to us (apparently different people have different thresholds). Smoker's breath is unpleasant to us. Does it hit too close to home? Are you afraid that maybe we are right. If you think your breath and clothes smell bad, I guess you should quit smoking, not complain when people state the obvious.

 

[ZPT1022]

I don't hate smokers, I just hate the smoke (this coming from a former smoker). I quit 3 years ago and haven't dated a smoker since. The only time I'm around smoke is at a bar, and not for long as MD goes smoke free (HOORAY) in Feb 01, 2008. Being around smoke does bother me, but I expect that at bars when I go out. But when I'm at work and walk through a cloud of smoke outside, it does make me sick and I hate the smell.

Yep, that about sums it up. I can't stand the smell. Grew up around a lot of chain smokers too. Not my parents, but all my grandparents and a few others too. I remember eating cereal at my Mema's house that tasted like smoke. Alpha Bits as a matter of fact, I've never been able to eat them since. Lucky for me CT has been smoke free in public places for a bit, although I also agree with you about the cloud of smoke just outside the door. Don't enjoy the smell and definitely don't enjoy that if there's enough of it I have to use my inhaler

All that being said I've found that most of the smokers in my personal life are usually pretty considerate.

 

[actionvaughn]

It's a deal breaker for me. The only exception I'll make is if he happens to be prince charming, perfect.... and willing to quit.

 

[poohandwendy]

It would be a deal breaker for me. Not because I have anything against smokers. But because I was a smoker (for many years) and it was a very, very hard habit for me to break. Honestly, it would feel like going backwards to me so I wouldn't choose someone who smoked. I don't think I could handle being exposed to it in an intimate relationship. Wouldn't want the temptation (even though I have zero interest in ever smoking again, there is no need to expose myself to something that was horribly difficult for me to quit), wouldn't want to worry about the health effects it was having on that person, wouldn't want to deal with constantly hoping they will finally quit and watching the failed 'quits'...just not something I would sign up for. And yes, it isn't an odor I want to smell all of the time. One of the nice things about quitting was not having to smell like smoke any more. (but I am not bothered by smelling it on someone casually)

I really, really feel for people who struggle with a smoking addiction. It's something that usually was started before you were old enough to fully understand the repercussions and it is literally almost impossible for some people to give up. (think of the people who are on oxygen and still lighting up, or sneaking cigarettes in their hospital room bathroom...that tells you something) If it wasn't, I bet 95% of smokers would not be smoking. It's a horrible, horrible addiction.

I just couldn't go there again...definitely a deal breaker for me.

 

[Irin997]

....I don't think I could handle being exposed to it in an intimate relationship. Wouldn't want the temptation (even though I have zero interest in ever smoking again, there is no need to expose myself to something that was horribly difficult for me to quit).....

This summed it up perfectly for me. Although I really do NOT have an interest in ever smoking again, I don't want to risk the chance of starting again because of a man. I mean, I get tempted when I go out, will take a drag and think egh, what did I do that for?? I don't want to smoke! But why risk temptation when I don't have to.

 

[DLBDS]

This thread was inspired by the smoking or non-smoking restaurants. I am a non-smoker and I prefer non-smoking restaurants. However, I am head over heels in love with a smoker. It wasn't even an issue in my decision on whether to date him or not. So, would it be an issue for you and is it a deal breaker if it's an issue?

I'm married (to a non-smoker) but if I weren't, there's no way I would date a smoker. I can't stand it. Can't breathe and my eyes water. Not to mention the stink of it. Yuck.

 

[MouseLover]

Let your heart decide where it belongs. Listen to it. If you are in love with the guy, there is nothing wrong with dating him. If you are on the 1st date with him, It is a chance to get to know him.If he likes you, he might consider to stop smoking for you. Just remember to take my advice.


Mouselover's Daughter

 

[sweetandsassyfl]

Thank you, mouselover's daughter....in my case, we went from being good friends to being good "friends" and falling in love as I got to know him. So, since it wasn't an issue before we became friends and I got to know him that way, it wasn't something that I thought about as far as dating him either.

 

[PrincessTiff]

Well MY personal experience kissing a smoker, was not nearly as pleasant as the previous two posters. It was indeed like licking an ashtray.

The question posed was not "should anybody who is a non-smoker ever date a smoke?". It was "would you as a non-smoker, date a smoker". It is very much an opinion. Everybody has one and is entitled to one.

Excellent point. Obviously some people can't handle that.

 

[bigbabyblues]

No, I would not date a smoker.

 

[Sleepy]

wouldn't want to worry about the health effects it was having on that person, wouldn't want to deal with constantly hoping they will finally quit and watching the failed 'quits'...just not something I would sign up for.

That is the worst part of being in a relationship with a smoker. I can deal with the smell, etc. I don't prefer it, but I love my husband and I dealt with it. I don't like being lied to and this is what he has done for the last year. He lied to me about trying to quit when he really wasn't. He lied to me about having emphysema- not because he wanted to spare me the worry, but because he had no intentions of quitting his habit. How he could feel this way is beyond me. His father died as a result of smoking and suffocated himself to death. It crushed my husband to lose his father, but now if I mention what he is doing to his own son, he gets angry.

I'm sorry, but he is not the only one this is hurting. At his age and the rate of his condition, if he lives another 15 years it will be a miracle. He has chosen to die and leave me alone. I thought when I got married that I would be old, sitting beside my husband in rocking chairs watching the birds. Instead I should have thought I would be sitting in a rocking chair either alone or with husband #2 (definitely will be a non-smoker) at an old age. I can't even begin to tell you the stress of the diagnosis coming a month after he retired from the military....just as we were shopping for post retirement life insurance. Now, we are stuck looking for outside insurance for a 44 year old smoker with second stage emphysema. Know what it is like to sit in a livingroom and hear your spouse breathing from across the room? The breathing is so loud you hear it over the tv?
I can't count the number of times that when we were really struggling to pay bills and buy food, my son and I had to sacrifice so my husband could buy his cigarettes. Think he could cut back from his almost 2 packs a day? Nope not a chance. He still got what he wanted.

In my case I might as well have chosen a non-smoker. I will be choosing another spouse in the future, because the one I have now will be dead before I am ready to be alone. There is a difference in dying because you can't control it and dying because you are helping it along. I'd rather be supporting ailing health as a result of prostate cancer.

I really, really feel for people who struggle with a smoking addiction.

I do too. It is an evil addiction that makes the one addicted not consider the sacrifices it will force the smoker and their loved ones to suffer through. I also really really feel for the person who goes into a long term relationship with a smoker. They don't have a clue as to what life will be like when things take a turn for the worst. Honestly, I don't have a clue as to what life will be like when my husbsand is in his final days. One thing is guaranteed...it will not be easy to watch.

 

[Launchpad11B]

No chance of dating a smoker. It stinks terribly. To each his own I suppose.

 

[taylor1293]

I'm so sorry Sleepy that your husbands addiction is causing you and your family so much pain.

That is the worst part of being in a relationship with a smoker. I can deal with the smell, etc. I don't prefer it, but I love my husband and I dealt with it. I don't like being lied to and this is what he has done for the last year. He lied to me about trying to quit when he really wasn't. He lied to me about having emphysema- not because he wanted to spare me the worry, but because he had no intentions of quitting his habit. How he could feel this way is beyond me. His father died as a result of smoking and suffocated himself to death. It crushed my husband to lose his father, but now if I mention what he is doing to his own son, he gets angry.

I'm sorry, but he is not the only one this is hurting. At his age and the rate of his condition, if he lives another 15 years it will be a miracle. He has chosen to die and leave me alone. I thought when I got married that I would be old, sitting beside my husband in rocking chairs watching the birds. Instead I should have thought I would be sitting in a rocking chair either alone or with husband #2 (definitely will be a non-smoker) at an old age. I can't even begin to tell you the stress of the diagnosis coming a month after he retired from the military....just as we were shopping for post retirement life insurance. Now, we are stuck looking for outside insurance for a 44 year old smoker with second stage emphysema. Know what it is like to sit in a livingroom and hear your spouse breathing from across the room? The breathing is so loud you hear it over the tv?
I can't count the number of times that when we were really struggling to pay bills and buy food, my son and I had to sacrifice so my husband could buy his cigarettes. Think he could cut back from his almost 2 packs a day? Nope not a chance. He still got what he wanted.

In my case I might as well have chosen a non-smoker. I will be choosing another spouse in the future, because the one I have now will be dead before I am ready to be alone. There is a difference in dying because you can't control it and dying because you are helping it along. I'd rather be supporting ailing health as a result of prostate cancer.



I do too. It is an evil addiction that makes the one addicted not consider the sacrifices it will force the smoker and their loved ones to suffer through. I also really really feel for the person who goes into a long term relationship with a smoker. They don't have a clue as to what life will be like when things take a turn for the worst. Honestly, I don't have a clue as to what life will be like when my husbsand is in his final days. One thing is guaranteed...it will not be easy to watch.

 

["Got Disney"]

I am a reformed smoker so yes it would bother me...cant stand the smell of smoke and it looks nasty with that cigarette hanging out of someones mouth.

Funny I smoked for years and years and never dated a smoker yet they had no trouble dating me....I even married a non smoker ....go figure...but I am 50 and back than seems everyone was smoking something or other. Today is a different time and seems so many less smokers than smokers.