Non Disney, non good neighbor hotels

[Malcon10t]

I don't want them there This trip was because my wife loves Christmas decorations, and we've been having trouble having kids and with adoptions, so this was something to look forward to to get away from stuff. We've had this all planned out, so they decided to invite themselves along.

We plan to do some nice things because we've been saving for it. It was part of the plan before they invited themselves along. They both have jobs - they like to buy a new car each year, and not spend money on much else. They keep suggesting that we buy their tickets as a Christmas gift, dinner as a Christmas gift, their plane tickets as a Christmas gift...

In this case, I suggest your wife explain this is a romantic get away for the 2 of you, and that you will be staying at XYZ and flying Jet Blue, and you have plenty of things planned. Perhaps you could arrange a trip for all at some later date.

I wish you luck. When are you looking at coming?

 

[jkh1978]

In this case, I suggest your wife explain this is a romantic get away for the 2 of you, and that you will be staying at XYZ and flying Jet Blue, and you have plenty of things planned. Perhaps you could arrange a trip for all at some later date.

I wish you luck. When are you looking at coming?

Its more complicated. The reason we are waiting until December is because that's her favorite time of year, because it was the time her family would get together when she was a kid. There's been too many discussions between her and her mother for me to go in and tell them not to go. Both her mother and father only talk to her when they want something from here, and its hard for her to deal with and hard for me to deal with too. So I'm worried that they only need to get out there and then can try to guilt us into taking care of them the rest of the trip. So even if we get away, my wife isn't going to be happy because she'll be upset how they treat her.

We did a trip to Williamsburg last fall, which is why they are so excited to do another trip.

We'll be there December 2-7

 

[ArchOwl]

I don't want them there This trip was because my wife loves Christmas decorations, and we've been having trouble having kids and with adoptions, so this was something to look forward to to get away from stuff. We've had this all planned out, so they decided to invite themselves along.

We plan to do some nice things because we've been saving for it. It was part of the plan before they invited themselves along. They both have jobs - they like to buy a new car each year, and not spend money on much else. They keep suggesting that we buy their tickets as a Christmas gift, dinner as a Christmas gift, their plane tickets as a Christmas gift...

Ah, I see. Then in that case, you or your wife or both of you together need to explain to your in-laws that this is a getaway for the two of you. Plan to get together with them at another time. Call it whatever you want, second honeymoon, etc. in order to convey the nature of the trip.

And next time, do not tell them of your travel plans unless you mean to invite them. Lesson learned!

 

[Stitch35]

Disneyland is a big place and you can always "forget" your cell phone lol

 

[jkh1978]

Ah, I see. Then in that case, you or your wife or both of you together need to explain to your in-laws that this is a getaway for the two of you. Plan to get together with them at another time. Call it whatever you want, second honeymoon, etc. in order to convey the nature of the trip.

And next time, do not tell them of your travel plans unless you mean to invite them. Lesson learned!

Apparently when we went to Busch Gardens Williamsburg last year, the mother said to my wife that they'd like to go to another park with us. So they thought that they were invited along when they heard we were going on a trip.

 

[jkh1978]

Disneyland is a big place and you can always "forget" your cell phone lol

Had to leave it in the hotel room - can't get it wet on Splash Mountain

 

[Zbugz]

Its more complicated. The reason we are waiting until December is because that's her favorite time of year, because it was the time her family would get together when she was a kid. There's been too many discussions between her and her mother for me to go in and tell them not to go. Both her mother and father only talk to her when they want something from here, and its hard for her to deal with and hard for me to deal with too. So I'm worried that they only need to get out there and then can try to guilt us into taking care of them the rest of the trip. So even if we get away, my wife isn't going to be happy because she'll be upset how they treat her.

We did a trip to Williamsburg last fall, which is why they are so excited to do another trip.

We'll be there December 2-7

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this on top of your other difficulties.

I think the best thing to do without alienating them is to be clear up front with the reason for your trip. If they still insist on going, tell them that you could meet up with them for x number of hours on specific days, but beyond that you plan to focus on being together as a couple. I also would strategically schedule appointments with them that will have a convenient ending point such as a midday break, a dinner that they don't want, or a show. Set boundaries, tell them what they are, then hold to them firmly with kindness. If they do not respect your boundaries, they are the ones with the problem.

Do you have an idea of why they even want to go?

 

[Malcon10t]

So even if we get away, my wife isn't going to be happy because she'll be upset how they treat her.

Well, I will wish you luck. Are the price of the tickets about what you would spend on their Christmas gift normally? I would simply offer that, or a Disney gift card in the amount you normally would spend on their Christmas gift. Then make your reservations, and ask them "Would you like to join us? This is the approx. cost...."

I travel a lot with family. They usually tag along on my trips. My usual way of handling it is simply announce "We are doing Tortilla Jo's for dinner tonight at 6pm, if any one wants to join us. Let me know so I can get enough seats." My brother has a tendency to say "We are going to Blue Bayou for dinner, want to come along?" I will simply say "No, we are going to do XXX I think.."

And tours are fun, do you know which ones you are interested in doing?

And we will be there the 1st and 2nd for Candlelight!

 

[Sjwillia]

"If they qualify- onsite properties offer a 30% senior discount."

I did not see mention of a Senior discount on the Disney site. How do you get this? I think I qualify as a Senior

 

[jkh1978]

And tours are fun, do you know which ones you are interested in doing?

And we will be there the 1st and 2nd for Candlelight!

Our flight arrives Sunday morning, so our first day will just to get settled into the room and check out CP. We've done that at Epcot, but hear the experience is much better/different on Main Street.

I wish I could book things now and have it all planned. Definitely hope for the holiday tour, and maybe the garden tour.

 

[Mel522]

"If they qualify- onsite properties offer a 30% senior discount."

I did not see mention of a Senior discount on the Disney site. How do you get this? I think I qualify as a Senior

Disney considers a senior 60 and over. You call to get the discount, and the CM from when my mom booked said she has to bring ID with her to show she is over 60.

 

[jkh1978]

They are staying at Best Western Meridan in Orange

 

[sasywtch]

BTDT with a friend and relatives. Kind of sounds like your wife is like me, timid to say anything, afraid to hurt feelings. (ok, in real life but not so on the message boards )

You all need to have a talk before you go. If you all go to dinner, I will bet you will all be worrying who's going to pay, are they going to pay for their own, do we say something about paying dutch etc instead of enjoying your meal or the park. (saying this since you said they were hinting to pay some of their stuff for a Christmas present). Possibly giving in to doing something that you don't want to do to go along and the peace.

Since they are staying away from the park, I'd suggest going on the early entry, do the things you'd like to do, meet up for breakfast, maybe tour with them until lunch, either have lunch together or separate and suggest meeting back around 4. Maybe they will leave the parks after dinner?

The last few years since the kids are grown, I've gone with a group including my kids and their spouse and we have different wants. It does not make for a fun time. I am so looking forward to my adult trip only where I am going to do my best not to go commando and just relax. I really think that perhaps scheduling lunch and 4 hours of park time with relatives should be good and the morning and evenings should be yours alone. But, do it ahead of time.

 

[Mugglemama]

I'm sorry your trip is getting hijacked. I would be bummed about that, too. In fact, I'd be pretty uptight about it myself. We've had things like that happen before too, and it was a less than stellar time (although it usually happens with a friend's family, as opposed to the in-laws).


I've also done DLR with the in-laws. Although, they didn't invite themselves...I actually invited them. And willingly paid for it all. And actually, I planned that trip specifically FOR them....lol, so I know it's not really the same, except that I *have*, at times, been in a position where I felt the in-laws expected us to pay for things that should be their responsibility. The Disneyland trip though, that was a gift that I really *wanted* to give.

Others have given you great suggestions! Additionally, if it were me, I would *also* MAKE SURE that the in-laws COMPLETELY understand that you have a set budget for this trip, and that you will not have any extra cash for "last minute" extra expenditures (ie: paying for their meals, etc.). Make it a money thing. Just say, "This is a really expensive trip for us, too...so, we don't have extra cash to pay for things like airline tickets, etc. for others".

I know it can be veerrrrrry difficult to put your foot down with people who would be so bold as to suggest you purchase their airline tickets (seriously, what is THAT about?!!). But believe me, after spending most of my life NOT putting my foot down in situations like that...I finally discovered that the few moments of anxiety connected to actually doing it is SOOOOOO much LESS stressful than the days/weeks of feeling like this ----> . The earlier in life you learn that, the better off you are going to be.

And seriously....MEMORIZE the exact wording Malcon10's daughter used when politely, but firmly, letting their family members know what they were going to do. It's perfect! And then every time you feel like things are getting "weird" at the park, you can simply use that phrase with your own plans substituted for "space mt".

I hope you all manage to have a really good time! (And if it gets too awful...you can always toss them out of the boat in Pirates! ) Ok, not really.

 

[Malcon10t]

They are staying at Best Western Meridan in Orange

It is on ART route 16, it runs every hour to the park and back. The rooms look nice, they are about $65 a night. I believe my cousins have stayed there and did like it.

You don't have to stay with them, make your plans, and if they show up, let them know your plans, and let them figure their plans around yours.

 

[jkh1978]

Now that I know that it uses ART and read about that I feel better about their plans.

But think you all for the advice given here about what I should do.

 

[larina]

Sometimes you do what you can afford. That may mean staying farther away and having cheaper meals. I can't see how their budget is really any of your business Seems like you just don't want them there...

They made it his business when they invited themselves on his vacation.

...You don't have to stay with them, make your plans, and if they show up, let them know your plans, and let them figure their plans around yours.

I'm sorry this is stressing out your vacation. Makes me really appreciate my own family. We travel together all the time and it is always so mellow and relaxing with all of us knowing our must dos, but no expecting anyone else to feel the same. We do most things together, but we can also pair off, or go off alone, if desired. I hope this whole trip works out better than you think. You never know, maybe it will all just work itself out!

 

[chrissiecutie]

OP- I know things are never really as cut & dry as they may seem to others...but I'm wondering why you didn't just tell the in-laws "no" when they initially invited themselves along?

With family especially- you have to have clear boundries. When they overstep, it's really ok to politely & firmly re-establish those boundries.

I think you've rec'd some great advice here & what you do with it is of course entirely up to you. But for me- if I didn't want someone to infringe on my vacay, I would have made that very clear from the beginning. Now of course you're stuck with them. So you'll need to just make the best of the situation & don't let their presence stress you out. I know, I know...easier said then done, right?

I would seriously have a "sit down" before you all go so that you can make your expectations clear. On both sides. Perhaps this might help to get rid of some of your stress. If your wife wants to spend time with them- make this clear. Say we have reservations at Carnation Cafe (or insert some other more affordable option instead of BB) for this date at this time. We really would like to have you there. Or, we will be starting our 1st day in DL and be there for rope drop at 8AM- or whatever....you get the idea. Discuss all this ahead of time, that way if they have a problem with anything, you can change it before you go. Then provide them with a written itnerary that lists ONLY the things you will be doing together. Make the rest of it free time. This is what I've done when travelling with family & it works great....and believe me, my family is NO picnic!

 

[rmom]

They said that for $800 they can get their flight, hotel, and transfer. That's less than what the flight is that we plan to take (we'll go jetblue to go direct). QUOTE]

You posted "they CAN", does this mean they have not booked or bought the airline tickets? If they haven't put out any money, have you thought about telling them you have to cancel the trip? Since you said they only call when they want something, the chance of them finding out would be small plus you could say that things changed at the last minute so you decided to go.

Adoption is so stressful and it is a major adjustment when they come home. You need to take time to do the things you love to do before the adoption takes place - you will find you have little time for a lot of the things you like to do. I adopted 3, my youngest came home a years ago at the age of 14 from Russia. While it is so worth all the stress and issues, it sucks - all the paperwork, time lines, $$$, jumping when they tell you to, the paperwork. It sounds like you both need a break to relax and have some fun. I would find some way to back out so the 2 of you can have a nice, guilt free trip.

Good luck. I hope you can go without them. Best wishes on your adoption!!!!