Non-custodial parent phone calls to children

[hollieplus2]

I don't think the OP is saying he doesn't want the dad to call, or that he is inconvienced or anything. I think the problem here is that the dad had no relationship until a month ago. Now he calls all the time and gets demanding when they don't answer. If somone was calling your house over and over and over again until you answered you would get annoyed. It's like those people who let the phone ring 50x so you'll pick up. It has nothing to do w/ the dad and son't relationship is has everything to do w/ respect. It's rude to call 3x in 30 minutes and leave messages and then emails wondering why you didn't pick up. We were busy, we'll call you back. Just because they are father/son doesn't mean that the whole family has to be at HIS beckon call. Where was he for the last couple years. I think he can wait 30 minutes to talk to his son. I think it all boils down to respect and the only one that suffers is the kid.

 

[JadenLayne]

Doesn't sound like you even asked the EX if he would go for the cell phone idea. Sounds like it's time you stop letting your feelings about the EX impacting his relationship with your step-son. Sadly it seems that's your goal, for him to leave you ALL alone.

OMG, now see Cardaway is a name I DO KNOW and someone I have fought with online in the past but this post I agree 10000% with. It is exactly my thoughts. So you can't accuse me of just looking at a username and getting mad because Cardaway can tell ya we hardly ever see eye to eye.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I don't think the OP is saying he doesn't want the dad to call, or that he is inconvienced or anything. I think the problem here is that the dad had no relationship until a month ago. Now he calls all the time and gets demanding when they don't answer. If somone was calling your house over and over and over again until you answered you would get annoyed. It's like those people who let the phone ring 50x so you'll pick up. It has nothing to do w/ the dad and son't relationship is has everything to do w/ respect. It's rude to call 3x in 30 minutes and leave messages and then emails wondering why you didn't pick up. We were busy, we'll call you back. Just because they are father/son doesn't mean that the whole family has to be at HIS beckon call. Where was he for the last couple years. I think he can wait 30 minutes to talk to his son. I think it all boils down to respect and the only one that suffers is the kid.

But the father gets him every other weekend and for vacations, so he was not an absentee parent.

Maybe the son asked him to call him.

 

[ilovejack02]

As soon as it does get lost (none of you have ever misplaced your cellphone) or broken, uit'll have to be replaced. He won't pay for one to begin with, and he sure as hell won't pay for a replacement.

3. Then you nor your DW even have to speak to the x but his son gets to speak to him whenever he wants.

We don't speak to him anyways. He calls, we give the phone to my step-son. The initial point was, it's getting aggrivating having to explain everytime the phone isn't answered where we are. Had you that are jumping down my throat actually read my first post instead of saying "OOOOH, a post by Boomhauer - Let's tear him a new one!", you might have realized that.

Okie dokie, not sure if you are yelling at me lol, but i take it you arent.

If he doesnt pay for it then thats ok, As i said ive done this a long time and picked up a few tips along the way.
Sometimes ya just gotta get past who pays what and who replaces what etc.. its got to be about the little one . If Dad wants to be a butt and not pay for something.. yes digging your heels in to make a point sometimes feels good but TRUST ME it doesnt feel good to the kid.
Actually i havent lost a cell phone or broken one.. but those prepaid track phones are pretty cheap i think!
You are prob going to have to step away from this.
IF setting up a time to call will work for all and dad agrees then I would guess there is no need for a cell phone.

If it doesnt work and he continues to call at anytime and is allowed to by the courts then the cell phone is the way to go!

Good luck Boomer, if you ever need an oldtime step parents advice feel free to Pm me.


http://www.tracfone.com/phones.jsp?task=phones&subTask=allPhones

 

[solferino]

1) You have a teenage son? Why does he not get to go to WDW too?

2&3) Read the Mulan thread. She was required by the courts to get her 3 & 5 year old kids a cell phone. When they go to the dad the cell phone does too.

I think he was "quoting" someone without the brackets.

 

[hollieplus2]

But the father gets him every other weekend and for vacations, so he was not an absentee parent.

Maybe the son asked him to call him.

All I'm saying is just because he's the father doesn't mean he can demand the whole family to be at his beckon call. It's rude to call someone 3x in 30 minutes and demand to know why you didn't answer the phone. If it's not an emergency then he needs to realize that life doesn't stop for him. He can wait to talk to his son. Just because the son is w/ the mom doesn't mean he has free range to interfere w/ their family time. They have set times to see the child and he is interefering w/ their allotted time.

 

[hydster]

I don't think the OP is saying he doesn't want the dad to call, or that he is inconvienced or anything. I think the problem here is that the dad had no relationship until a month ago. Now he calls all the time and gets demanding when they don't answer. If somone was calling your house over and over and over again until you answered you would get annoyed. It's like those people who let the phone ring 50x so you'll pick up. It has nothing to do w/ the dad and son't relationship is has everything to do w/ respect. It's rude to call 3x in 30 minutes and leave messages and then emails wondering why you didn't pick up. We were busy, we'll call you back. Just because they are father/son doesn't mean that the whole family has to be at HIS beckon call. Where was he for the last couple years. I think he can wait 30 minutes to talk to his son. I think it all boils down to respect and the only one that suffers is the kid.

Who cares if the dad didn't start calling until recently??? This CHILD is his SON! He has a right to talk to his son unless mandated by a court that he cannot do so. They have the right to turn the phone OFF or silent or vibrate or leave it home, in the car, smash it but that doesn't mean that the biological father doesn't have the right to call his son at an appropriate TIME on the clock......not around their schedule. The ex cannot help that they don't have a landline.......they chose to disable it. Hence it's the cell phone he has to call.

Comparing the father of the child to a stranger calling your house over and over is comparing apples to yams! The difference is he is this child's BIOLOGICAL father! He has rights until or unless the courts say differently. There are ways to deal with this but we keep getting

BUT BUT BUT it doesn't work out in OUR time frame!

I've watched my own brother struggle with this for years with his step daughters........but never once did my brother stand in the way of the biological father talking to his children no matter HOW inconvenient it was at the time! It just all seems so childish and selfish!

 

[boomhauer]

All I'm saying is just because he's the father doesn't mean he can demand the whole family to be at his beckon call. It's rude to call someone 3x in 30 minutes and demand to know why you didn't answer the phone. If it's not an emergency then he needs to realize that life doesn't stop for him. He can wait to talk to his son. Just because the son is w/ the mom doesn't mean he has free range to interfere w/ their family time. They have set times to see the child and he is interefering w/ their allotted time.

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

This is ALL I have been trying to say.

 

[JadenLayne]

But what I don't understand is, why was the phone not answered the first time and the dad told nicely.......we are busy....eating watching a movie......whatever......I'll have him call you back as soon as we get home.

The less controversy for the child the better.

 

[ilovejack02]

All I'm saying is just because he's the father doesn't mean he can demand the whole family to be at his beckon call. It's rude to call someone 3x in 30 minutes and demand to know why you didn't answer the phone. If it's not an emergency then he needs to realize that life doesn't stop for him. He can wait to talk to his son. Just because the son is w/ the mom doesn't mean he has free range to interfere w/ their family time. They have set times to see the child and he is interefering w/ their allotted time.

That is true.. Boomer I didnt see .. might have missed it but have yall tried to talk to Bio Dad about this.. nicely of course Put it as he wouldnt want you all doing that to him would he?

 

[poohandwendy]

"OOOOH, a post by Boomhauer - Let's tear him a new one!",

It's really not all about you. I would answer this thread the same way, no matter who it is. You are not looking for solutions that fit the needs of your step son first and foremost, so I will walk away.

 

[hydster]

It's really not all about you. I would answer this thread the same way, no matter who it is. You are not looking for solutions that fit the needs of your step son first and foremost, so I will walk away.

I agree too and at the risk of getting points I'm walking away too! I wish your stepson the best of luck!

 

[LadyShiva]

Seriously, Boom, get the thread closed. People have stopped taking the time to read posts carefully, and are bringing their own emotional baggage into your question. You got the information you needed, so just walk away from the people wanting to get "justice" for their old slights.

Sorry about all this.

Brandie

 

[boomhauer]

But what I don't understand is, why was the phone not answered the first time and the dad told nicely.......we are busy....eating watching a movie......whatever......I'll have him call you back as soon as we get home.

The less controversy for the child the better.

My wife was in a CPR class. She had her phone with her. Since he called Tuesday, she didn't expect him to be calling yesterday. She had her phone on vibrate. He left 3 voicemails. I was at home with my step-son. He sent an email asking why the phone wasn't answered.

It's not a big deal. I just asked a question.

 

[cardaway]

OMG, now see Cardaway is a name I DO KNOW and someone I have fought with online in the past but this post I agree 10000% with. It is exactly my thoughts. So you can't accuse me of just looking at a username and getting mad because Cardaway can tell ya we hardly ever see eye to eye.

I also think it's clear the OP knew exactly what he would get and is just looking for a fight. I doubt he is even reading the advice very closely. Just looking for those that disagree. Same way he doesn't listen to the CM's when he isn't happy.

Anyway, I'm done with this thread. When the two of us agree its a sign to get out before things get ugly again.

 

[JadenLayne]

People have stopped taking the time to read posts carefully, and are bringing their own emotional bggage into your question

Where do you see this? I see people asking very educated questions. Personally I've been married for 16 years and with DH since Jr. High. We've never even broken up much less thought of divorce, HOWEVER my son has 2 friends who have had to deal with parents fighting each other and it's PURE AND TOTAL HELL for those kids. The original post and the posts following by the OP sounded just like the kind of things these parents/step parents do. Thats why it struck such a cord with me.

People don't realize the DAMAGE they do to these kids who asked for NONE of it.

 

[hollieplus2]

Who cares if the dad didn't start calling until recently??? This CHILD is his SON! He has a right to talk to his son unless mandated by a court that he cannot do so. They have the right to turn the phone OFF or silent or vibrate or leave it home, in the car, smash it but that doesn't mean that the biological father doesn't have the right to call his son at an appropriate TIME on the clock......not around their schedule. The ex cannot help that they don't have a landline.......they chose to disable it. Hence it's the cell phone he has to call.

Comparing the father of the child to a stranger calling your house over and over is comparing apples to yams! The difference is he is this child's BIOLOGICAL father! He has rights until or unless the courts say differently. There are ways to deal with this but we keep getting

BUT BUT BUT it doesn't work out in OUR time frame!

I've watched my own brother struggle with this for years with his step daughters........but never once did my brother stand in the way of the biological father talking to his children no matter HOW inconvenient it was at the time! It just all seems so childish and selfish!

I'm not saying he doesn't have the right to call, he does and should. He doesn't have the right to harrass the family for not picking up the phone everytime. He does not have the right to interrogate the mom during her time w/ him. If it was his weekend and the mom called every 5 minutes then the dad's allotted time wouldn't be very productive and that's their special time. I'm not saying they shouldn't call each other but there comes a point when he's harrassing the whole family. Calling 5-6 times a day just to say hi is a bit excessive when the family that has the child needs some time w/ him too. The op knows that he will be in the son's life forever and he will always be a part of the equation but the dad needs to realize that they are a family also (op included) and they need their time w/ the child also.

 

[boomhauer]

I also think it's clear the OP knew exactly what he would get and is just looking for a fight. I doubt he is even reading the advice very closely. Just looking for those that disagree. Same way hedoesn't listen to the CM's when he isn't happy.

Completely wrong, but I'm used to that from your posts.

As for that last part, what in the world are you talking about?

 

[Kath2003]

Boom, I think the problem is that you've posted multiple threads about your step son's biological father and it's been very clear in all of them that you cannot stand the guy.

Yes, it's wrong what he is doing by calling multiple times and then getting angry when he cannot reach his son whenever and wherever he feels like it.

But, he may have his reasons for suddenly taking such an interest in his son's whereabouts.

Rather that asking a message board about something which you know is blatantly wrong, and then getting annoyed when people make judgements about you (based on the fact that they already know you cannot stand this guy), why doesn't your wife (as his son's mother) and her ex (as her son's father) sit down over a coffee and have an adult discussion about why they are both getting frustrated with the situation, and come to an agreement about what they can both do to make the situation less frustrating for them both, whilst allowing their son contact with both his parents.

You knew this was the answer before you even posted the thread, though.

 

[JadenLayne]

Rather that asking a message board about something which you know is blatantly wrong, and then getting annoyed when people make judgements about you (based on the fact that they already know you cannot stand this guy), why doesn't your wife (as her son's mother) and her ex (as her son's father) sit down over a coffee and have an adult discussion about why they are both getting frustrated with the situation, and come to an agreement about what they can both do to make the situation less frustrating for them both, whilst allowing their son contact with both his parents.

Such an awesome post! If divorcess would act like rational adults FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILD things would be so much better. I just honestly hope you don't talk badly about the child's dad in front of him. I'm not saying you do because I don't know you but please please don't do that. I've seen the damage it does to children.

Now I'm through too and I will wish you good luck.