No Win Situation

[JLTraveling]

OP, has your dad had a physical recently? Reading your account of your father's various attempts to socialize with women, it just sounds as though he might be a bit down and lonely. A physical could rule out any illness.

Yep, he actually just saw his regular doctor a couple of weeks ago. He's in great shape for someone with as many chronic illnesses as he has

Again, I'm fully supportive of his socializing/dating/friendships/whatever. Always have been. I just don't want to be in the middle of it. I don't invite him on my dates, and I don't feel comfortable doing the same. I AM willing to meet up with the woman and the daughter for a short, controlled period, but not to dedicate the next 23 nights of my life to them. Not at this point, and not when my stated role is "babysitter."

 

[Gigi22]

Well, could you take a date to this event and invite your father and this woman to the event? That way, two sets of adults on a date, and the woman will have to make arrangements for her daughter, who is her responsibility anyway.

 

[cm8]

So I'm in this totally bizarre situation, and I have no idea how to go about coping with it. My father and I are very close, and Halloween Horror Nights happens to be something that we've done together for 20 years now.

This year, there's a new woman involved. Let me preface this by saying that they had a single five-minute conversation at HHN last year, and they've emailed back and forth a handful of times throughout the year. So they're not dating or anything. But Dad's decided he's head over heels for her. Nonstop talking about how wonderful she is, inserting her name into every single conversation, blah blah blah. Yet he keeps telling me that he just wants her as a "friend."

Okay, no problem. Do whatever you like. Pursue this chick, don't pursue her, I don't care. BUT, he's decided that we're going to spend every single moment of every single HHN with her and her teenage daughter (we all have Frequent Fear passes). She apparently thinks this is a fine idea.

I don't particularly like or dislike either her or the daughter. I don't KNOW her or the daughter. But I do know based on tons of past experience that my personal tolerance for new people at a theme park is a few hours now and then. I've found that things don't really mesh well enough as far as schedules, interests and desires to spend every moment at a theme park with anyone.

So I tell Dad all of this. I tell him I'm willing to start by maybe meeting up for dinner and a couple of houses, and then go from there. That's not good enough. So I try suggesting that I stay home tonight and he go meet up with her and see how it goes, and then I'll join in next week. That's not good enough either. If I "love him," I will make a solid, hard and fast commitment to spend every moment of every HHN with this woman. Apparently that's so I can entertain the teenager while he puts the moves on the woman.

Am I wrong to be a little squicked out by this whole situation? We've been arguing about this for days, and I'm tired of the whole mess. I'm ready to just not go to HHN at all this year, which really kind of sucks since I've always enjoyed it so much. But forcing this person down my throat is getting old fast, and it's making me already dislike her.

WWYD?

be as supportive as you can and make friends with them. That will show your father that you are trying and you may get to meet some new friends!

 

[JLTraveling]

Thank you all so very much! You've helped me to see where Dad's coming from, and you've also helped me to focus my own thoughts and reactions in order to more clearly and calmly share them with him. We have finally reached a compromise we can both live with.

1) I agreed to give them a chance tomorrow night. We're going to start with dinner and a couple of haunted houses and then go from there.

2) We're going to calmly revisit the issue after tomorrow night. We'll discuss how we're both feeling about the situation and how to proceed. Dad swears that if he wants to continue spending his time at the event with them and I don't, he won't force me to.

3) There's a show I really want to see in New Orleans (where we're from) in November. In exchange for me legitimately giving her a chance, he'll go to the show with me (of course, it's a show he really wants to see too, but we'll pretend it's just for me )

All in all, it seems like a pretty fair solution. And I honestly don't think we could have gotten past the impasse without objective feedback and opinions. I love my DIS family

 

[LuvOrlando]

I'm happy to read you are working this out, not getting along with someone in such a cramped space must be awful so its best that you are ok. But, if you don't mind a recommendation, once this particular mess is behind you your dad and you need to set up some ground rules for your love lives. I think the first thing you should cover is the fact you are NOT FRIENDS. You are father and daughter and should therefore have absolutely nothing to do with each others dating situations. I get that boundaries can be blurred in a situation like yours but it's just not healthy for you to blend into your Dad's life this way. The fact you don't feel right about the situation tells me you KNOW it's not right for you so you really do have to demand you both put yourself first with this. dating and children do not mix no matter how old you are.


Good Luck, I hope you have a nice time.

 

[SandrA9810]

Well if you do get stuck walking 10 steps behind with the daughter, maybe you could find she's in the same boat as you. Then you can devise a plan to sabotage their "dating" for the rest of the HHN.

At 15 yrs old, I highly doubt she wants to be a tag along on her mother's dates. She probably doesn't want to be outcasted by her mother's love interest, but doesn't want to see it in progress. And maybe between the two of you, get them to see each other outside of the HHN, so that way not every HHN is spent with them two together.

 

[Mermaid02]

Well if you do get stuck walking 10 steps behind with the daughter, maybe you could find she's in the same boat as you. Then you can devise a plan to sabotage their "dating" for the rest of the HHN.

At 15 yrs old, I highly doubt she wants to be a tag along on her mother's dates. She probably doesn't want to be outcasted by her mother's love interest, but doesn't want to see it in progress. And maybe between the two of you, get them to see each other outside of the HHN, so that way not every HHN is spent with them two together.

You can't be serious- this isn't "The Parent Trap" the OP is a grown woman.