"No, Thank You" Update --Post 28

[WendyisDarling]

I am crushed.

In less than two weeks I would be leaving with my DS for his surprise BD trip.
I had to give him some advance notice (autism and needs time to prepare). I told him the big news a few days ago expecting a little excitement, instead I got "No, thank you. I don't want to go."
WHAT?
He was there this summer and loved it. Talks about it endlessly. Watches the planning DVD every day. Talks about staying at AKL.

I explained we will stay at AKL for 3 nights, go to his favorite places to eat and just do what he wants. Still, "no thank you". He says he would like to go a different time. Several of us have tried to talk to him calmly. He gets upset and more stubborn. He wants to go to the arcade for his birthday! I explained WDW has an arcade. Nope. Even told me I could take someone else.

Luckily, I have a room only ressie but will need to cancel soon. I have been delaying hoping he would change his mind. Airfare is lost. I got a better deal than what it would cost to transfer the tickets later on.

I know him, he isn't going to change his mind. Talking about it just upsets him.

Thank goodness I didn't wake him up day of with "surprise we are going to WDW!".

I'm just so sad. One, it's hard sometimes with a child with special needs esp. when you think of all the kids who would be thrilled with a surprise trip. Two, I wanted to go also.

 

[Calgary DISHeads]

I'm very sorry to hear that, I can't imagaine the disappointment. I can't even make any suggestions as I really have had no experience with autism. Puts my problems into perpective - my DS15 who is sooo typical 15, every couple of weeks says he doesn't want to go, will stay with his grandparents and it breaks my heart. From now on it will break my heart a little less.

 

[Kay1]

Is there anyone who could intervene for you? Maybe a teacher or friend who could help you sell him on the idea? Maybe you could offer to take him to the arcade next weekend and then the Disney arcade as well. Maybe he was sold on the idea of the arcade and doesn't want to let that go.

 

[WendyisDarling]

Thanks for the replies.
I guess I'm really just wanting to vent or have a pity party more than anything else. Others understand it's disappointing, but I know my Dis friends will understand just how disappointing it really is.

His teachers, aides, caregivers have all talked to him. They can't believe he doesn't want to go either. He talks about WDW all the time! I would have never made the assumption to plan something w/o checking with him first but he is so obsessed.

He does want to go in the Spring. I'm hoping for a PIN or good discount. Was using the military 40% off for this one.

Sigh, I wish I could go by myself Just no one to watch DS, then.

 

[Piglet843]

 

[Kay1]

Thanks for the replies.
I guess I'm really just wanting to vent or have a pity party more than anything else. Others understand it's disappointing, but I know my Dis friends will understand just how disappointing it really is.

His teachers, aides, caregivers have all talked to him. They can't believe he doesn't want to go either. He talks about WDW all the time! I would have never made the assumption to plan something w/o checking with him first but he is so obsessed.

He does want to go in the Spring. I'm hoping for a PIN or good discount. Was using the military 40% off for this one.

Sigh, I wish I could go by myself Just no one to watch DS, then.

Sorry, WendyisDarling. My son has autism too and gets mysterious notions in his head all the time. You may still want to try offering both arcades just to see what happens. Or, just have fun next Spring.

 

[DisneyNutMic]

What about offering to take him to the arcade he wants to go to before you leave?? I'm sorry you are having to change your plans. I would be upset too. Or maybe change the dates and he can still go to the arcade on his actual birthday.

 

[lunapnp]

Although I don't have a child with autism, I do have a child with special needs so I understand. Maybe you could "mail" him a birthday card from Mickey...saying he can't wait to see him and enclose some cash for him to spend at an arcade in Disney?? Maybe just dropping the subject for a day or two might change his perspective. Good luck!

 

[jackemail]

So sorry, I know you wanted to go. I taught special needs kids for 31 years--sometimes it's hard to figure them out..and sometimes impossible!

 

[Princess Disney Mom]

My daugher has autism and I get the "No thank you" for many things.
I realized she kept saying No to HS because she was scared of Rock and Roller coaster. If he is scared of something maybe you can figure it out and tell him he does not have to do that.

One thing I do when my daughter says no is I will mention an aspect she will like such as: We will go shopping at Downtown Disney and you can pick a stuffed animal. We will get ice-cream on main street. We will ride the boat.

I feel your pain. It's tough.

 

[BYC]

I don't know a lot about autism, but is he very aware of dates and times? Couldn't you take him to the arcade that he wants to go to locally. Then tell him now that he's done that, it's time to plan the Disney trip. Will he understand if it is or is not spring yet? Could you write it on your calendar, and show him how many days away it is...counting 1,2,3? I feel your disappointment. Especially since you know he would have a great time if you could just get him there!

 

[WendyisDarling]

So sorry, I know you wanted to go. I taught special needs kids for 31 years--sometimes it's hard to figure them out..and sometimes impossible!

Bless you for working with "our" kids for so many years.

Thanks for all the great ideas. I'm not going to even mention it to him today and then try some of the others.

When do I need to cancel a room only reservation for a full refund? I know I can look it up, but I also know someone here knows off the top of their head.

 

[snookiedoodles]

I am crushed.

In less than two weeks I would be leaving with my DS for his surprise BD trip.
I had to give him some advance notice (autism and needs time to prepare). I told him the big news a few days ago expecting a little excitement, instead I got "No, thank you. I don't want to go."
WHAT?
He was there this summer and loved it. Talks about it endlessly. Watches the planning DVD every day. Talks about staying at AKL.

I explained we will stay at AKL for 3 nights, go to his favorite places to eat and just do what he wants. Still, "no thank you". He says he would like to go a different time. Several of us have tried to talk to him calmly. He gets upset and more stubborn. He wants to go to the arcade for his birthday! I explained WDW has an arcade. Nope. Even told me I could take someone else.

Luckily, I have a room only ressie but will need to cancel soon. I have been delaying hoping he would change his mind. Airfare is lost. I got a better deal than what it would cost to transfer the tickets later on.

I know him, he isn't going to change his mind. Talking about it just upsets him.

Thank goodness I didn't wake him up day of with "surprise we are going to WDW!".

I'm just so sad. One, it's hard sometimes with a child with special needs esp. when you think of all the kids who would be thrilled with a surprise trip. Two, I wanted to go also.

I feel your pain, my husband is not a Disney fan!

 

[wdwluver]

My son is 15 and has autism, though it's high functioning. He also has a problem with surprises or change. He has to have his routine.

Before I understood how he functioned or what he was going through, I planned a spur of the moment trip to Disney World. We didn't tell him until we were packing and heading for the airport. My son screamed and yelled at me all the way there.

I couldn't understand what was wrong with him. What kid wouldn't want to go to Disney World? But because he went to Grandma's house every Friday, he wanted to be there instead of Disney World.

When he was diagnosed with Autism, it was a relief. Then we learned how to handle things, somewhat.

I still plan surprise trips for the family but he is always the first to know, months in advance so he can prepare. I also have to keep him in mind when choosing the hotel. He doesn't like strong smells - so no AKL. We stayed there once, and he was miserable. Some rides themeing or attractions in the parks have to be explained to him - like Mama Melrose - he thought the place should be condemed.

I hope you can replan your trip and just involve him in making his own "surprise".

 

[ckdsnynt]

I know nothing about autism other than what I have read or heard, but is there a chance he will change his mind before you cancellation deadline?

 

[chrisw127]

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say I'm sorry and that it's possible to see this as a good thing. While I know it hurts, here's your son making a huge, grown-up decision: I don't want to go to Disney; I want to go to the arcade. This is a big step for any kid, stating what they want and asserting their independence from mom and dad.

Is it possible for you to take a trip on your own or with a friend? I love going with my kids, but it's also great to have some adult time at Disney.

Good luck. I hope it all works out for you and your son.

 

[Disney4nonah]

I'm so sorry, my brother and sister have autism (we're all adpoted).
I know how that stubborn thing can be. I'd say if you can to give it time...maybe as he calms down and gets his trip to the arcade before you go....he'll soften to the idea and have a great time when he gets to WDW?
*hugs*

 

[brergnat]

I totally sympathize with you! My son is the same way. It's a mystery for sure. We have AP's to Disneyland, and live about 15 min away. We have gone there his whole life, very regularly. He's 5 now. Recently, he's become VERY upset when I ask him if he wants to go (he has a younger bro who LOVES D-land) and has panic attacks about it. BUT, when I finally get him there, he has a great time. But still, he NEVER wants to go. I don't get it.

We are planning our first family trip to WDW, and that was supposed to happen THIS past spring. It will happen NEXT spring, because my DS absolutely REFUSED to even hear about going to WDW. He had never been on a plane and was terrified of it. So, we took him on a short getaway to San Francisco, so he could get his first plane ride out of the way (we did this over easter weekend). He actually LOVED the plane trip, and he always loves staying in hotels.

What sold him on WDW, though, was going to a "local" waterpark this summer. He had SUCH a great time on the waterslides, and he's been talking about going to a "water slide park" ever since. When we go to WDW, we'll probably be at the water parks EVERY morning. When I showed him that WDW had BB and TL, and showed him pictures of it, and asked him if he wanted to go, he said YES, but not until April. They know what they want, when they want it. They formulate an idea in their heads about what *should* happen, in what order, and on what terms. There's not much you can do about it. I've already told him we are going in April. I've showed him pictures of where we will stay (BLT) and explained that we would ride another airplane. I asked him how many nights we should stay at the hotel (I gave him the choice between 7 or 8) and he said "seven", so that is what we are doing. He pretty much runs our lives, in that we can't do stuff as a family unless HE is on board, so we try to let him have as much of a say in the matter as possibly, because that way, it is easiest on us ALL.

You say your son is okay with going in April, so just start making those plans now. I know it's pricey, but hopefully some offers will come along (we're keeping our fingers crossed!). We are going right before DH deploys to Afghanistan, so we are hoping they renew the Military offer next year! Would help us out quite a lot!

You didn't mention how old your son is, but what we discovered was happening with our son and his Disneyland issue was basic anxiety, and going to such a busy place without knowing EXACTLY what we would do that day, in what order, etc. Once I figured that out, I began making "Our Disneyland Steps" for each day we decide to go there. On it is a list of items (usually 12..seems to be his magic number for Disneyland) that we will be doing that day, in THAT order. Most things are rides, but I also include "lunch" on there as well as some fun or relaxing things, like "Get a Mickey Ice Cream Bar", or "Make a pressed penny" or "Watch the ducks in the River". He helps me make the list before we leave the house, and I take input from his little brother also about what he wants to do (I let my older DS pick 3 rides, I let the little one pick 3 rides, and then I put the rest of the stuff in...my autistic son decides the ORDER. Ever since I started doing this, he is MUCH more easy going, and when I say "We are going to Disneyland today", the first thing he says to me is "Let's make the list".

I know when we go to WDW next year, we will be making a list every morning, and sticking to it! Most of our time will be spent at the water parks or the resort, as we are trying for a RELAXING vacation, and since they go to DL all the time, no need to hit the MK like a bunch of crazy people. We will go to Epcot, DHS, and AK, since they are new places for them, but we will make a list for those too!

 

[CrystalCastle]

Oh I am so sorry he doesn't want to go. My sons both have autism and are on the severe end of the spectrum so I understand how it can be sometimes. We have APs to Disneyland and my youngest (he's 7) recently started this thing where he won't ride most of the rides. He just wants to go and see things but not do them. Thankfully one of us takes him around while the other rides with my oldest son (he's 9). We'll likely never go to WDW as a family unless we can drive there cross country. Neither of them can handle flying.

I hope he changes his mind and you can go!!!

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

OP, I'm sorry your hopes were dashed. I would let it drop for a few days and hope he softens to the idea. You can cancel your room-only reservatoin 5 days in advance with no penalty.