NO Christmas gifts for the kids??

[N.Bailey]

I read a thread the other day about a poster's male child getting his GF pregnant. The story went on that they wanted to charge the girl for having sexual relations with a minor (boy 15 soon to be 16 and girl 17 - though ages might be wrong).

If that was your story and I'm thinking it was, I'm not surprised to be reading this thread. Those parents don't deserve to have any child living with them. If it's your story, I was so THRILLED to read that you allowed the GF and your grandchild to move into your home (and your grandchild is beautiful btw congratulations). While I really don't like the thought of that under normal circumstance, this was one story that clearly fell outside that box, IMO.

I'm sure she enjoyed the holidays with you and your family! I feel bad for her siblings though.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

wow, how sad. And how can you give to one kid, but not the others? And in my opinion you give and have Christmas/birthdays because you love your child unconditionally, no matter what happens. Happy to hear that you were there for her and her child.

You know, I can relate to this girl. I got pregnant at 20 and my parents obviously shocked, but they were always there for me. Now, my daughter is going to be 5, me, my fiance, and our daughter live around the block from my mom and my mom is my best friend. She has such a wonderful relationship with my daughter. What I am saying is, continue to be there for them, you are such a great support system and I am sure that they are so thankful for you and your family.

 

[Minnie]

While I feel bad for the kids I'm surprised that well you are surprised this happened..... I would have been more surprised had those "parents" did anything for the kids

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I read a thread the other day about a poster's male child getting his GF pregnant. The story went on that they wanted to charge the girl for having sexual relations with a minor (boy 15 soon to be 16 and girl 17 - though ages might be wrong).

If that was your story and I'm thinking it was, I'm not surprised to be reading this thread. Those parents don't deserve to have any child living with them. If it's your story, I was so THRILLED to read that you allowed the GF and your grandchild to move into your home (and your grandchild is beautiful btw congratulations). While I really don't like the thought of that under normal circumstance, this was one story that clearly fell outside that box, IMO.

I'm sure she enjoyed the holidays with you and your family! I feel bad for her siblings though.

If this was the OP's story, the OP's child is the boy. So that would make the OP the one who wanted to charge the girl for having sexual relations with their son.

I can't imagine wanting to file charges against the girl and then allowing her to move into their house.

If the OP actually did want to press charges against the mother of their grandchild, the Girlfriend of their son who is now living with them, then I feel sorry for the GF's family (the one who is not giving gifts) for having such a vindictive grandparent of their grandchild. And IF the OP was the one who was all for pressing charges, then I can understand a post like this, ragging on the GF's family, sheer vindictiveness that would follow the type of behavior that would warrant wanting to press charges against the GF of her son.

Since I can't see the logic of the OP pressing charges and then allowing the GF to move in with them, I cannot believe the OP was that parent in that thread. The OP seems to truly care about her GF-in-law and their baby, offering her a place to live. So, pressing charges does not seem to fit the story.

If she was, then I have way more sympathy for the GF's family than I did before.

 

[N.Bailey]

If this was the OP's story, the OP's child is the boy. So that would make the OP the one who wanted to charge the girl for having sexual relations with their son.

I can't imagine wanting to file charges against the girl and then allowing her to move into their house.

If the OP actually did want to press charges against the mother of their grandchild, the Girlfriend of their son who is now living with them, then I feel sorry for the GF's family (the one who is not giving gifts) for having such a vindictive grandparent of their grandchild. And IF the OP was the one who was all for pressing charges, then I can understand a post like this, ragging on the GF's family, sheer vindictiveness that would follow the type of behavior that would warrant wanting to press charges against the GF of her son.

Since I can't see the logic of the OP pressing charges and then allowing the GF to move in with them, I cannot believe the OP was that parent in that thread.

If she was, then I have way more sympathy for the GF's family than I did before.

Well, I can see how you might deduce this, but there is no truth to it. The police wanted to charge the girl and the OP and her son both repeatedly told police they did not want the girl charged. I'm not sure how it all played out, but I assume it worked out just fine. I recall the OP mentioning that she'd put in writing that she allowed her son to have relations with this young girl, thus giving parental consent.

 

[Freyja]

A gift is jus that - a gift. Freely given. It is not an obligation. Sounds like these parents had some real reasons to not reward these particular children this year.

OP, I totally see why you don´t like these people. What a horrible thing to do to your children at Christmas.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

From what you've posted previously about these people, my biggest shock is that you're surprised.

These people have serious issues.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

If this was the OP's story, the OP's child is the boy. So that would make the OP the one who wanted to charge the girl for having sexual relations with their son.

I can't imagine wanting to file charges against the girl and then allowing her to move into their house.

If the OP actually did want to press charges against the mother of their grandchild, the Girlfriend of their son who is now living with them, then I feel sorry for the GF's family (the one who is not giving gifts) for having such a vindictive grandparent of their grandchild. And IF the OP was the one who was all for pressing charges, then I can understand a post like this, ragging on the GF's family, sheer vindictiveness that would follow the type of behavior that would warrant wanting to press charges against the GF of her son.

Since I can't see the logic of the OP pressing charges and then allowing the GF to move in with them, I cannot believe the OP was that parent in that thread. The OP seems to truly care about her GF-in-law and their baby, offering her a place to live. So, pressing charges does not seem to fit the story.

If she was, then I have way more sympathy for the GF's family than I did before.

Same thread, wrong conclusions. The OP didn't want to do any such thing.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I read a thread the other day about a poster's male child getting his GF pregnant. The story went on that they wanted to charge the girl for having sexual relations with a minor (boy 15 soon to be 16 and girl 17 - though ages might be wrong).

If that was your story and I'm thinking it was, I'm not surprised to be reading this thread. Those parents don't deserve to have any child living with them. If it's your story, I was so THRILLED to read that you allowed the GF and your grandchild to move into your home (and your grandchild is beautiful btw congratulations). While I really don't like the thought of that under normal circumstance, this was one story that clearly fell outside that box, IMO.

I'm sure she enjoyed the holidays with you and your family! I feel bad for her siblings though.

Well, I can see how you might deduce this, but there is no truth to it. The police wanted to charge the girl and the OP and her son both repeatedly told police they did not want the girl charged. I'm not sure how it all played out, but I assume it worked out just fine. I recall the OP mentioning that she'd put in writing that she allowed her son to have relations with this young girl, thus giving parental consent.

I didn't read the post in question, so when I read the first two lines of your original post, the "they" in the second line seems to have been in reference to the OP in the first sentence. Since there was no mention of the police, I did not know that the "they" was actually referencing that the police wanted to charge the girl.

That makes much more sense as I did state that the OP seemed to truly care about the GF.

 

[Mom21]

Wow. A gift clearly is voluntary, but so are hugs, praise, encouragement - the things a good parent gives willingly to a child, to tell them they are valued, and loved. Just because you are not required to give them, doesn't mean you don't damage children by withholding them. A gift to your child is just a physical expression of these things, imo.

 

[N.Bailey]

I didn't read the post in question, so when I read the first two lines of your original post, the "they" in the second line seems to have been in reference to the OP in the first sentence. Since there was no mention of the police, I did not know that the "they" was actually referencing that the police wanted to charge the girl.

That makes much more sense as I did state that the OP seemed to truly care about the GF.

I can understand how you drew the conclusion you did. My initial post here wasn't really to address that issue, but rather to ask the OP if that was her family I'd been remembering. I didn't elaborate and I do apologize for the way I posted it on this thread.

When I was initially reading it on the other thread, I was really taken aback at the fact that LE wanted to charge the girl but it didn't appear that anyone was pushing for that. I've honestly never even heard of a similar situation where police were pushing this issue of their own accord.

The laws in that state however are not the same laws in my home state of Pennsylvania. For something like this to be considered rape in my state, there has to be more than a 3 year age difference. The OP's home state of Florida had no such laws and I did check that out upon reading that in the other thread.

 

[minkydog]

It's really sad. And the problem is, while they're trying to prove some weird point by doing that, what they're actually doing is causing serious damage in their relationship with their children. They might not realize it yet, but the parents have lost out big time by their doing this.

I agree. I think those parents have set a very bad precedent. They apparently were fine with the kids *being there* for the gift opening, just not giving them anything. How is that nice? Would any of you want to be in THAT room? I wouldn't. I cannot fathom just ignoring one of my kids because I was mad at some of their choices. Even though my son John has been a PITA this year, I wouldn't have dreamed of not getting him *something* for Christmas.

We have a 23yo foster son living in our basement. Why you ask? Because his father and the new trophy wife won't let him live in their $ .5million mansion and I cannot bear to let him live on the street(which was where he was until we took him in last July). On Christmas Eve they hosted a family gathering--and didn't invite him. HIs brother called and told him about it. Eric showered, dressed up, and raced to go over there. He was largely ignored. It makes me so mad and so sad for him. THe things his dad is doing(and not doing!) are making a terrible mark on this young man. (Incidentally, we fixed him a stocking and got him a few small things. I just couldn't bear to think that NO ONE would recognise this guy on Christmas.)

 

[Holly]

If you have to punish three of your four children on Christmas by withholding gifts, you may want to take a good look at your own parenting.


And what did the grandchild do that was so wrong? Have the audacity to be born?

I realize that Christmas isn't about getting gifts, but it shouldn't be about withholding gifts to teach lessons, either.


You are right to be disgusted with this family, OP.

 

[Inigo]

Well, I can see how you might deduce this, but there is no truth to it. The police wanted to charge the girl and the OP and her son both repeatedly told police they did not want the girl charged. I'm not sure how it all played out, but I assume it worked out just fine. I recall the OP mentioning that she'd put in writing that she allowed her son to have relations with this young girl, thus giving parental consent.

A parent cannot give permission for their child to be raped, which is the equivalent of being the victim of sexual misconduct of a minor or statutory rape. If the parent did this, the parent could be charged with Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

If you have to punish three of your four children on Christmas by withholding gifts, you may want to take a good look at your own parenting.


And what did the grandchild do that was so wrong? Have the audacity to be born?

I realize that Christmas isn't about getting gifts, but it shouldn't be about withholding gifts to teach lessons, either.


You are right to be disgusted with this family, OP.

 

[C.Ann]

If you have to punish three of your four children on Christmas by withholding gifts, you may want to take a good look at your own parenting.


And what did the grandchild do that was so wrong? Have the audacity to be born?

I realize that Christmas isn't about getting gifts, but it shouldn't be about withholding gifts to teach lessons, either.


You are right to be disgusted with this family, OP.

Not to mention pathetic and cruel to force everyone else to sit and watch ONE child open gifts.. I guarantee you - that is "one" Christmas that those other children will NEVER forget - EVER..

 

[Robindianne]

What you would do, is you would love them. EVERY child goes through difficult periods. They are people, not robots you can program to be perfect. But you still love them. They're your kids, how can you not love them? A few problems at school, doesn't make them "bad" teenagers - it makes them teenagers. People who are learning to spread their wings and will make mistakes in the process. That doesn't mean you ignore the mistakes, but you do keep them in perspective. Mistakes doesn't mean you withhold your love or cancel Christmas. Because your Children don't live their lives exactly as you want them to, doesn't make them bad people. It's OK to accept people for who they are - warts and all.

You sound like the best kind of parent in the world. As a teacher, I can say with conviction that we need more parents who believe like you. Thank you for being in the world.

 

[Robindianne]

A gift is jus that - a gift. Freely given. It is not an obligation. Sounds like these parents had some real reasons to not reward these particular children this year.

Wow. Just wow that someone could respond this way to the OP.

 

[N.Bailey]

A parent cannot give permission for their child to be raped, which is the equivalent of being the victim of sexual misconduct of a minor or statutory rape. If the parent did this, the parent could be charged with Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor.

I do not believe there is a state in the country that allows a parent to give parental consent for sexual relations with a minor, but a DA would strongly consider it when deciding whether or not to file charges. Remember, to be found guilty, you must have a unanimous verdict. It's a waste of tax payer money to try cases when there isn't really a likelihood that a jury would convict.

If charged however, I'd bet my last dollar that the parents would be charged with child abuse rather than contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

 

[Acklander]

You sound like the best kind of parent in the world. As a teacher, I can say with conviction that we need more parents who believe like you. Thank you for being in the world.

Thank you, that's so sweet of you to say that.