Nightmares my 9 year old is having... what to do?

[Big Cuddly Bear]

For about a week my one daughter has not been falling asleep like normal. She usually fell right asleep, almost as quick as her head hit the pillow. But the last week has been rough. So, last night I asked her what the problem was and she IMMEDIATELY went into blubbering tears... Almost frantic. Needless to say, it was quite disturbing for all of us.

So the nightmare she keeps having is that someone is coming into our house overnight to kill her.

Now, we have never been robbed, nor has she ever had any type of violence in her life. We lock our doors at night, and we have some large dogs in the house.

So she said she has had this dream about 5x now.

Any thoughts on how to get her past this?

 

[xanphylus]

My DD is 9 too, but she doesn't really have nightmares anymore. She did rarely a couple of years ago and I believe, if I remember correctly it was something she watched on the news. Do you guys watch the news at all together? It quite often has some violent stuff you wouldn't really think about, and they know that's real. Or maybe someone at school she knows had a robbery occur?

I would just talk to her more. Try talking when she gets home from school, causally and not near bedtime so she doesn't have another panic attack. Try to comfort her and tell her that those things rarely happen and you will always be there for her if she needs you. Sometimes that's all you can do.

It's scary, I know- I used to have lots of nightmares as a kid, but I think that's because I watched too many scary movies! You may even want to ask her if she saw any scary movies at a friends house too- that's how mine started at about her age. I saw the freddy kreugar movies and didn't sleep for weeks. He still freaks me out actually! And I saw that at a friends house after my mother told me I was not to watch it.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

My DD 10 has been having really bad dreams too. I have tried 2 things that have helped but have not completely solved the problem.

The 1st thing we did was get a bottle of nice smelling spray and labeled it "Good Dream Spray". (I used fabreez sp?) I had my sister bring it by the house and tell her that her DD now 21 used it and it made all her dreams so nice and happy because it smelled so nice. She keeps it in her room and sprays it as needed. her room always smells great!

2nd I got a mat (like a nap mat) that I keep under my bed with a pillow and blanket. If she has a nightmare and needs to come into our room she just comes in and pulls out the little bed. It is not much disruption of everyone's sleep. I just have to remember not to step on her when I get out of bed.

 

[daisyduck123]

How about getting a security system?? I think everyone should probably have one anyway.

We've had a Brinks system for 18 years now and my family feels totally secure with it. I'm sure we all sleep better because of it.

Btw, when I was in the 6th grade, I woke up in the middle of the night to find an intruder in my room

Good luck & I hope she's over this soon.

 

[JaneBanks]

I remember my re-occuring nightmare. I was around your DD's age. I would dream that my cousins on my father's side of the family were chasing me so they could eat my ribs. I never ate ribs as a child because of those nightmares!

I hope she gets over them quickly!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

it may be unconventional--but maybe have her camp out in your room temporarily.

Irrational thoughts are still common at that age--just like the boogyman issues of the pre-schooler.

She just needs to feel secure. Sleeping bag on your bedroom floor may be the least expensive option. When she stops having the nightmares...then you can work on weaning her of being close to you buying moving the bag....each night.

If the nightmares continue while in your company, then maybe consult a therapist to see if there is an underlying issue of fear that is manifesting in those horrible dreams.

 

[kristilew]

I agree with the spray. You can also get "pixie dust" at your local high end children's store and sprinkle that on the windowsills/door jambs.

But it's also helpful to let her know you have an actualy plan to prevent something like this from happening. Start as far out from your house as is true: We live in a safer neighborhood. It would be hard for bad guys to even get to our street because... Even if a bad guy made it as far as our house, the neighbor's dog would get him....Daddy and I go around and lock the doors every night and the locks are strong. If we ever heard anything in the middle of the night, here is the plan...

If your family is religious, there are verses that you can print out and tape to your DD's bed that have to do with guarding sleep.

The key is to take it seriously enough that she knows you aren't just shining her on, but not so seriously as to make her think that there's really something to be scared of.

Oh, and like puppies, children sometimes sleep better on a tummy full of warm milk.

 

[claudia]

For about a week my one daughter has not been falling asleep like normal. She usually fell right asleep, almost as quick as her head hit the pillow. But the last week has been rough. So, last night I asked her what the problem was and she IMMEDIATELY went into blubbering tears... Almost frantic. Needless to say, it was quite disturbing for all of us.

So the nightmare she keeps having is that someone is coming into our house overnight to kill her.

Now, we have never been robbed, nor has she ever had any type of violence in her life. We lock our doors at night, and we have some large dogs in the house.

So she said she has had this dream about 5x now.

Any thoughts on how to get her past this?

What has recently changed in her life or will be changing?? This kind of dream is expressing her feelings of vulnerability.
The best thing to do is discuss with her what is different now, or what new challenges she will be facing soon....if she has a tendency to internalize (which I think she might as she didn't mention the first nightmare to you), a nice calm discussion about what is going on in her, with you offering coping techniques or advice may be very helpful for her. Also gently encourage her to share her anxiety or worries about things in her life.....and share small things in your life as well and what you did to overcome them....(simple things like she would face such as work/home difficulties, friends, pets).
I love the idea of the "Good Dream" spray....it will make her feel more in control when she sprays it before she goes to sleep...

 

[KimR]

This might sound silly, but I went through this with my DD at about the same age and I was able to solve the problem by teaching her to control her dreams.

If she is able to realize she is dreaming then she can try to wake herself up. Unfortunately, that can often be difficult to do, so the next best thing is to modfiy the content of the dream. Tell her to close her eyes, think of what she would like to be dreaming about and imagine it in her mind while spinning around. When she opens her eyes, her dream should have transformed to whatever it was she was imagining. This does work, I've done it myself. The trick, though, is to recognize the dream for what it is in the first place.

My DD was bothered so badly by nightmares she was afraid to go to sleep at night. Ever since I taught her this technique about 3 years ago, she has had no problems at all with nightmares. She's a lot better at it than I am, so either it works better with children or some people are just naturally better at it than others.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

I can't remember how old I was but I had a nasty re-occurring nightmare, too. By the 4th or 5th go-around, in the middle of the dream, I was like "oh, now you're gonna do this so I'm gonna do that to stop you." Totally changed the dream. I may have had it once or twice more but I just kept changing it.

It may help for your daughter to know that this is HER dream and she does have the power to change it! She can turn herself into a superhero and defeat the attacker; she can turn your dogs into heroes who help her; she can make stuff happen (attacker loses balance and falls down the stairs). As a PP mentioned, these dreams are her insecurities manifesting - taking control in her dream will help her overcome her insecurities during the waking hours (even though we can't fly or shoot lightning bolts from our eyes in real life ). This does work. Good luck to you and DD!

 

[Juliegirl1]

My 10 year old son has been having the same nightmares! I redid his room this summer while he was on vacation with his dad and his bed was moved under the window. He said he felt like people were peeking in the blinds at him and he wouldn't sleep in his room. I rearranged the room for him and then he started in with the intruder breaking into the house dreams. I'm going to try both the spray (although he didn't believe in the monster spray when he was four so I doubt he'll go for the good dream spray) and the prayers.

 

[lovesmurfs]

This might sound silly, but I went through this with my DD at about the same age and I was able to solve the problem by teaching her to control her dreams.

If she is able to realize she is dreaming then she can try to wake herself up. Unfortunately, that can often be difficult to do, so the next best thing is to modfiy the content of the dream. Tell her to close her eyes, think of what she would like to be dreaming about and imagine it in her mind while spinning around. When she opens her eyes, her dream should have transformed to whatever it was she was imagining. This does work, I've done it myself. The trick, though, is to recognize the dream for what it is in the first place.

My DD was bothered so badly by nightmares she was afraid to go to sleep at night. Ever since I taught her this technique about 3 years ago, she has had no problems at all with nightmares. She's a lot better at it than I am, so either it works better with children or some people are just naturally better at it than others.

This is what I was going to say.

When my kids were little, they had the night terrors (they couldn't tell me why they were scared or what they were dreaming). Each went through it around the same age. I bought a dream catcher, explained what it was and what it did, and they never had another one.

Is school starting soon? Perhaps something's bothering her about that?

Best wishes.

 

[Rora]

I agree with the spray. You can also get "pixie dust" at your local high end children's store and sprinkle that on the windowsills/door jambs.

But it's also helpful to let her know you have an actualy plan to prevent something like this from happening. Start as far out from your house as is true: We live in a safer neighborhood. It would be hard for bad guys to even get to our street because... Even if a bad guy made it as far as our house, the neighbor's dog would get him....Daddy and I go around and lock the doors every night and the locks are strong. If we ever heard anything in the middle of the night, here is the plan...

If your family is religious, there are verses that you can print out and tape to your DD's bed that have to do with guarding sleep.

The key is to take it seriously enough that she knows you aren't just shining her on, but not so seriously as to make her think that there's really something to be scared of.

Oh, and like puppies, children sometimes sleep better on a tummy full of warm milk.

I think this is a great idea! I agree with this entire post. I also love the Good Dream Spray/Pixie Dust.

I had scary nightmares as a child and found that the only thing that helped with sleeping in my parents room. However, since I couldn't sleep there forever, I had to eventually just deal. No advice there-- it was tough.

Also, has she seen anything scary? I'm talking scary movies, reading any scary books? This always made things worse for me. Have any of her friends been talking about scary things to her, or have any of their homes been buglarized? That might also be something to find out. I remember little girls telling tons of ghost stories when I was little. Scared the daylight out of me!

Good luck OP. This is a tough situation.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This might sound silly, but I went through this with my DD at about the same age and I was able to solve the problem by teaching her to control her dreams.

If she is able to realize she is dreaming then she can try to wake herself up. Unfortunately, that can often be difficult to do, so the next best thing is to modfiy the content of the dream. Tell her to close her eyes, think of what she would like to be dreaming about and imagine it in her mind while spinning around. When she opens her eyes, her dream should have transformed to whatever it was she was imagining. This does work, I've done it myself. The trick, though, is to recognize the dream for what it is in the first place.

My DD was bothered so badly by nightmares she was afraid to go to sleep at night. Ever since I taught her this technique about 3 years ago, she has had no problems at all with nightmares. She's a lot better at it than I am, so either it works better with children or some people are just naturally better at it than others.

Not silly at all. That is our remedy as well.

My dd's come from me, which come from my mother and so on. We DREAM vividly nightly. I guess it is genetic.

The downside is that I have to listen to the dreams. It gets old.

 

[mom2cookies]

when i was small about your daughters age, i had really long hair and i would dream / think someone was under my bed and would reach up and stab me through the mattress and cut off my braids. Irrational i know. I never told my mom or siblings ( i'm the 2nd youngest of 11 ). What i did though ( besides laying very very still and on my side - smaller area to hit-) was figure out a defense plan.

Besides reassuring your daughter your house is mostly safe ( nothing is ever 100%) help her or teach her a routine of self defense. Have a routine in place so that is someone ever did break into your home, she would know what to do. Practice it just like you would if there was a fire. I think this would help. With my kids it just isn't enough for them to say You are safe, i will protect you. They are thinking what if they hurt you first.

 

[RadioNate]

I agree with the spray. You can also get "pixie dust" at your local high end children's store and sprinkle that on the windowsills/door jambs.

But it's also helpful to let her know you have an actualy plan to prevent something like this from happening. Start as far out from your house as is true: We live in a safer neighborhood. It would be hard for bad guys to even get to our street because... Even if a bad guy made it as far as our house, the neighbor's dog would get him....Daddy and I go around and lock the doors every night and the locks are strong. If we ever heard anything in the middle of the night, here is the plan...

If your family is religious, there are verses that you can print out and tape to your DD's bed that have to do with guarding sleep.

The key is to take it seriously enough that she knows you aren't just shining her on, but not so seriously as to make her think that there's really something to be scared of.

Oh, and like puppies, children sometimes sleep better on a tummy full of warm milk.

As someone who suffers from anxiety, I agree with this. The worst thing for me to hear is "your fine." My DH is HORRIBLE about dealing with my anxiety. He thinks pooh-poohing my concerns and not discussing it will help. It doesn't.

What does help is knowing the plan and facing it head on. Coming up with a solution about what to do IF my fears actually come true calms the fears. It helps me regain a sense of control.

Simply saying "no one is coming to get you" feels like a blow-off. The solution kristilew presented is a good one. Here's all the reasons why that is unlikely to happen but on the off off teeny tiny chance it does here's how we are going to protect you and how you can protect yourself.

The fear is real...address it.

 

[Minnie824]

So I don't really have any advice but my DD is almost 9 and has been having sleeping issues as well lately. She says shes not scared, no dreams, etc, but I think she's just not saying still. She calls us constantly and wants to know what we're doing, and when we're going to sleep. The one thing she has said is she doesn't want to be the last one awake. It's difficult though, because she'll stay up for hours and I can't keep going in her room every 10 min until midnight. Sounds like this is a little common at this age though.

 

[danielephant]

i remember my bad dreams around that age too, there was a tornado that when it sucked people into it, you could pull them out but whatever body part went in didn't come out, it came out as a stump.
SOOOOO weird i know but i had that dream OVER and OVER.

Also I still do not watch sleeping beauty cause malificent scared the CRAP out of me! lol Loved the little fairies though, but that lady with horns was more than i could handle! lol

I had Ursula issues as well, but got over those quickly

 

[Jill in Chicago]

In our old house I had this dream all the time, that someone would sneak into the house and try to kill me. Finally I told myself before I went to bed,"When he comes in tonight you are going to attack him, and tell him to get out."

It worked! The guy came in and I picked up my hand mirror and smashed him in the head. He left and never came back! I woke right up and thought done, and it was.

 

[DSNY4ever]

I had nightmares all the time as a kid and I still do. It wasn't so much that I really thought any of those things would happen- If I get hot in my sleep I have nightmares. That's the bottom line. I would maybe make sure that's not the problem. Try a fan, lighter pajamas, not pulling the covers up etc. This might not be her problem, but I would check her sleeping conditions and see if there is a pattern. Good luck, she will eventually get past being afraid of the nightmares, but I am sure that can be rough for a mom.