RickinNYC
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2003
- Messages
- 7,870
As I chose to ponder this roundabout way of Joes demise, I realized he was muttering in the background. Something about spiders being our friends, how they help us rid the world of mosquitoes and other such irritating creatures, yadda, yadda, yadda
I turned to him and simply said, Gimme back the ring.
With bright doe eyes, Joe replied, I didnt say anything wrong. I was merely pointing out that spiders are a necessary
Say it again and Ill sit on your chest and take that ring back. Spiders are evil, hairy things that exist to make us live in terror.
Wuss. And he was off like the wind, running the remaining few yards through The Oasis.
I gamely trotted after him but realized I had already done my morning jog, running in terror from spiderasaurus and I didnt feel like breaking another sweat. Not good for the pores unless you have a shower located close by.
I caught up with Joe as he stood at the back of a sea of people. Apparently, although they let everyone into the park, it was a big, Disney sized Sike! The park wasnt really open. They just wanted everyone to herd to one particular section where we could be officially welcomed to the Animal Kingdom by Mickey and his pals. Joe, by the way, is 58 so he simply stood patiently staring at the backs of everyones heads while he kept repeating, Whats going on now? I, on the other hand, am 64 so I had a great view of the mini show. It was Minnie, Goofy and Pluto atop a bus painted in safari colors. They did their cute welcoming chatter, hopping and bopping to and fro, while waving to the worshipping humanity at their feet. I have to admit it was pretty darn cute to see the mass of children excitedly waving back and calling out their favorite characters by name.
Mickey suddenly popped up at the base of the Tree of Life and everyone went wild, myself included. Mickey is my personal favorite and whenever I see him, I get a little thrill. I also get a little crazy with the camera, much like everyone else apparently. I got some great pictures, sadly not of my hero, but of all the cameras that suddenly popped up right in front of me. If youre interested in the makes and models, let me know.
The show was over, and the Helpful Cast Members let everyone surge ahead to satisfy their own personal agendas. Unfortunately, it seems their agenda was much like my own, to the Kilamanjaro Safaris. As you already know, I dont run, at least not towards attractions. Not that Im adverse to running in general, but I just dont like to run towards anything that isnt offering me money or gold, or running away from something that is threatening my life.
With that, we made our way to our destination, ready to face whatever line was thrown our way. For some strange reason, we beat most of the folks who ran ahead of us and only had to wait five minutes. Ive still yet to figure out why. Joe swears that one of us mastered the time and space continuum that morning or were sucked up by aliens. I have to agree. There were so many familiar harried, sweaty faces behind us as we climbed aboard our safari jeep and they too looked at us with confusion and unbridled rage. You win some, you lose some. And we won some baby!
We also lucked out with our guide, yet another Helpful Cast Member who drank the happy water before her shift. She was absolutely terrific! Apparently the animals (and Joe) arent the only creatures that wake up in better spirits. Although I had been on this particular attraction several times in the past, she was so engaging that it was a completely new experience.
I can also say that to those fellow DIS board members who recommend getting up at the crack of dawn to catch the most animals, you are right on the money. Ive never seen so many critters in one place at one time. Excellent tip. The only exceptions were, of course, the lions. Once again, they were stretched out atop their cliff, lolling about in all their sleepy splendor. The only difference between them and a Daktari rug was the occasional tail twitch. And if there is anyone out there who understands my reference to Daktari, youre my new best friend.
I was able to get some pretty fantastic pictures, some that many of you might recognize. One common element of each photo that sticks out in my mind is casual shots of the Great American Mid Western Tourist. In virtually every shot, you can see his balding pate surreptitiously poking into the frame. On a good day, you get his profile! And lest we forget another personal favorite, the Josephus Biggus Headus. I know that there are some lucky ones out there that were able to catch this elusive creature on film, but for some reason, hes in virtually every one of my shots. Admittedly, Id prefer that the upper portion of his noggin didnt obscure my originally intended subjects, whether a rhino, an elephant or giraffe. But elusive or not, he tends to pop up in the strangest places.
Nevertheless, the safari was terrific, photos notwithstanding. The only bump in the road was a flock of pelicans that decided that the spot immediately in front of our jeep was the perfect place to take a rest. So we sat and got to know our neighbors in hopes of learning something new about our country or the world. Surprise, surprise, everyone was from New Jersey or Long Island so nothing new was to be learned that day. The only new fact that I picked up was that pelicans are belligerent little snots that dont move until theyre good and ready. Looking on the bright side, we were thoroughly entertained by Helpful Cast Member while we waited for the buggers to waddle off. Plus, sitting there waiting for the pelicans to get off their duffs was by far better than sitting in the hot sun, waiting for Dennis and Vinnie to finally make their move and show up.
Once we finally rescued Little Red from those oh-so-persistent poachers, we pulled in to the station and wandered off in pursuit of more Animal Kingdom adventures. While ambling down the tree-covered path, Joes cel phone went off. In a little bit of an aside, whenever his phone rings, I have to hang my head in utter horror and embarrassment. Rather than a catchy jingle or an amusing ring tone, he has chosen the theme to Charlies Angels circa 1978 as his personal ditty. It doesnt help matters much that when he gets a call and Im around, he tends to jump around like a super spy, yelling Cover me Brie!
Anyway, it was Vinnie. They finally arrived and wanted to catch up with us, wherever we were. Through that secret language that folks who have been together for 13 years understand, I contorted my body, bugged my eyes and waved my arms in the air to relay the message through Joe. He of course, interpreted things his own way, How about hold on a sec how about if you fly like an eagle to the sea no thats not right I mean aint no mountain high enough, aint no river wide no that just doesnt make sense. Can you hold a moment? What are you trying to say? What?!
What do you mean you couldnt tell what I was saying to you? Whats wrong with you? I said to tell him to go and do the safari first so they can see all the animals. Then they can meet up with us in front of the entrance to Kali River Rapids. We can stroll and take a walk that way.
Looking at me with mild disdain and not just a little bit of confusion, Sorry but you really suck at charades. You looked like you were imitating an aging rocker in the throes of a seizure.
Just tell him!
So Joe relayed the message and they all agreed to the new plan. Through the phone, I could hear Dennis voice in the background, Hey! What kind of animal is that? Is it a monkey? It is? What kind? How big does it get? How old is it? Are they related to us? No? Why not? It looks like my mother, are you sure? Is it a boy or a girl? How can you tell? Are they monogamous? Arent dolphins monogamous? How old do dolphins get? How big do they grow? Where are they from anyway? Are they cold water or warm water fish? Theyre not fish? Theyre mammals? How so? Before I could hear whoever he was quizzing burst into tears or slip into a fit of rage, Joe clicked off. Okey doke, were good to go. Theyll meet us in front of Kali River Rapids once theyre done with the safari.
And we were off to enjoy at least 30 minutes, hopefully an hour, to ourselves. With that kind of time, Joe tends to amuse himself by chatting with every single Helpful Cast Member he can lay his hands on. This go around, however, was my turn. We were passing by a gift kiosk when we were sprayed by a tiny jet of water. Whipping around, I spied an elderly Asian woman cackling uproariously to herself while clutching a spray bottle with a fan attachment.
Joe piped up, Hey, she looks like your mom!
Sure enough, he was right. She looked like a clone of my mother, minus the stern look of admonishment. I just had to talk to her and tell her. Walking over, I noticed that her nametag identified her home as, ta da! Japan! Hey! My mom is from Kyushu, Japan!
She peered up at me from down below (she was teeny tiny, also like my mom) and thought I was off my rocker. I stand 64; have pretty broad shoulders and sport green eyes. You sure about that? You dont look Japanese.
I explained that my dad was of Scottish and Irish descent but that didnt quite seem to settle the question in her mind. You still dont look Japanese, she said with finality.
But I am. Im half.
You dont look it.
I know I dont look it but I am.
No. You dont look Japanese.
I said I was only half, not whole. And I know I dont look it.
With a suspicious glance not very well concealed by her Disney smile, I dont think you look Japanese.
With a sigh, I once again repeated, Im half, NOT whole. Im half Japanese, I swear! I cant prove it but I am. For some reason, I was feeling strangely guilty for not looking Japanese. I felt I should be shorter, with brown hair.
Standing there, clutching her spray bottle, You dont look Japanese. You speak Japanese?
Not wanting to reveal that my ability to speak the language was limited to a few curse words and asking where the bathroom was, I responded in the negative. Nope. My mom never taught me.
Youre mother is from Japan but she never taught you to speak? You should have learned it anyway.
Feeling even guiltier than before, I decided to make my exit, Well, it was nice chatting with you. Have a great day!
With a sniff, looking me up and down, You dont look Japanese. And then she merrily turned around and squirted another guest square in the chest and pointed at me as if I were the culprit.
Walking away, I muttered, I feel so guilty. Why do I feel so guilty? I should look more Japanese, shouldnt I?
With a consoling pat on the back, Joe said, She was channeling your mother, hence the quilt factor. Wanna get a soda?
Not long afterwards, Joes cel phone rang once again, blaring the Charlies Angels theme for everyone to hear. It was Vinnie. Theyd finished the safari and were walking over to Kali River Rapids. We were just a few short steps away from the entrance to the queue so decided to do some monkey watching to while away some time. If you have the time, you should try it. Those monkeys and their crazy antics are pretty amusing, especially when they start screeching at one another like sibling rivals duking it out on Jerry Springer.
Once Vinnie and Dennis arrived and good mornings were wished by all, we started our way through the queue. Once again, there wasnt a soul to be found on line. We walked straight through the winding pathway, admiring the theming and décor when it began. So is this a water rapids ride? Is that why they named it Kali River Rapids? Isnt Kali the Indian goddess of death or war or something? Why would they name something like that when its so extreme? Dont you think Death River Rapids is pushing it? How long is the ride? Will we get wet? How wet will we get? Shouldnt we have worn bathing suits? Why cant we go shirtless if were going to get wet? And on and on and on Dennis rambled. He never fails to make me think Im on a game show, playing the fastest finger round and I cant seem to catch up with the questions.
Joe must have heard my teeth grinding, the muscles in my jaws flexing or the joints of my knuckles popping because he whispered, Be nice. To which I simply cleared my throat as loudly as possible and moved on through the queue. The boy was driving me to the edge of madness and I could see the pit of despair beckoning. He had to be stopped. I just figured out how it could be done with some modicum of propriety.
We dutifully climbed aboard our assigned raft as instructed by the gaggle of Helpful Cast Members. A young family with little boys jumped in after us and we did the mad get the driest seat scramble. I lost. One of the little boys decided to plop himself right next to me and immediately launched into Have you been on this? Have you been on this? Have you been on this? His excitement was infectious and I couldnt help but answer with a loud yes! at each and every inquiry. I turned to Joe and started the mantra as well, Have you been on this? Have you been on this? Have you been on this? Try it sometime. It makes the attraction even more fun and the repetition makes you forget your butt is already wet and youve barely begun.
As we climbed and plunged (Have you been on this? YES! Have you been on this? YES!), tossed and turned (Have you been on this? YES!), weaved and waved (Have you been on this? YES! Have you been on this? YES!), every single one of us didnt just get wet. We got soaked. To the bone I might add. Right through our personal undergarments. And I was right in not putting any hair junk in my do. Thank God for baseball caps!
We politely waited for the young family to climb out ahead of us, when I noticed my very excited riding partner amble off on his own, still muttering Have you been on this? to himself in a bizarrely pleased tone of voice. Weird kid but fun.
As we walked down the pathway, Joe noticed the young mom that had ridden with us had been wearing white shorts. Pssst! Look! Her shorts are all wet and you can see her granny panties! Look! Look! And he kept nudging me and pointing with his chin. And sure enough, the poor ladys shorts were now quite see-through and you could see her polka dotted granny panties as clear as day. This put us in quite a quandary. How does one approach a total stranger and let her know that her business was open for all to peruse? I can only imagine, Excuse me maam, but your shorts are now as see through as Saran Wrap and we can see that you chose to wear the practical granny type panty and not the more stylish thong. Thatd be a slap heard round the world if you ask me. We figured it was up to her husband to see and tell, not us. I didnt want her to get the wrong idea and go backyard-smackdown on me.
The rest of the afternoon was rather uneventful at the park. We enjoyed the walk-through exhibits and Dinosaur was a hoot as usual. Is it just me or does that attraction seem a bit darker, a little faster and a tad scarier? I am not one to jump in the middle of rides, but this one makes me fly out of my skivvies. In this case, my very wet skivvies. They had yet to dry from our adventure down the Indian Goddess of Death River Rapids.
Anyway, lines everywhere were nonexistent so we finished checking out all the sites and riding all the attractions well before we thought possible. It was time for lunch so we all agreed that we should grab a bit before we went our separate ways. Flame Tree Barbecue it was! As always, the food was great by theme park standards and we didnt have to wait long. Nor did we have any trouble at all getting a table. In my opinion, slow day at the park or not, it was starting to get pretty creepy if you ask me. Things were going a tad too smoothly. Something just had to go wrong and it did
Charlie was once again calling for his Angels and I ducked my head under the table until Joe answered his ridiculous phone. It was a friend of ours calling from New York. Apparently our security system had gone off the night before, rather late, and because he was on our emergency list with ADP, they called him. This immediately made Joe slip into panic mode, thus turning his face red, his voice jittery and his hands fluttering about like a butterfly on speed. Weve been robbed! Somebody broke into the apartment! Billy is hurt! We have to go home!
I told him to calm down, took his phone and got the situation from our friend. After hanging up, I handed the phone back to Joe and told him to calm down and to call our landlord who had been taking care of Billy that weekend. After he relaxed and made the call, I saw his demeanor change from one of tightly wound nerves to calm, cool and collected. It turns out that our landlord had taken Billy up to her apartment for the evening, but had neglected to enter the security code after opening our front door. No big whoop, it was a true false alarm.
After all was calm and we could enjoy our lunch, I looked over at Joe and said, Three things. Number one, change the ring tone on your phone. Number two, no more caffeine and sugar for you, Panic Boy. And number three, my underwear is still soaked and Im getting a rash. And that was that. I felt the first two directives were necessary, but the third item was simply stated to insure that I was basing my thoughts in reality.
After lunch, Vinnie and Dennis had decided to head back to their resort while Joe and I wanted to hop over to Its Tough To Be A Bug. We made plans to meet that evening at 7pm during Mickeys Not So Scary Halloween Party. This would give us all plenty of time to do our own thing, take naps, swim, shop, whatever. As they wandered off, I could hear Dennis yammering on, Where to now? Want to swim? Whats your best stroke? Do you like the beach or a pool better? Why the beach? Dont you hate the sand? How many . And off into the distance they went, Dennis voice disappearing quietly into a soft but irritating hum.
Taking this time to enjoy each others company, Joe and I casually and slowly walked over to the Tree of Life, once again admiring the carvings that wound throughout the trunk. As a park icon, they could not have chosen a better symbol for the Animal Kingdom. I could stare at it for hours. We circled about towards the entrance to the theater and were immediately ushered in. Once again, not a line to be a found. Where the heck is everybody? I felt compelled to whisper to Joe, while picking my still soaked unmentionables out of my unmentionables.
Flick was up to his old shenanigans. We got blasted by the stinkbug, dodged the termite acid, and shrieked and cowered at the giant spiders overhead. Well, I shrieked. But I didnt cower, I just squished my head closer to my shoulders a bit. Stupid spiders. Anyway, Hopper made his appearance, which never ceases to amaze me. The animatronics are incredible as Im sure many of you already know! His fluid motions and perfectly synchronized movement to the onscreen action are a thrill to behold. Amid the squeals and screams, the show was hysterical. I can understand why some little ones might be a bit afraid, but overall, its a great interactive show.
As we entered back into daylight, we decided to do some quick shopping and call it a day. The temperature was perfect and not a cloud in the sky. The quiet pool at the Boardwalk was beckoning and I was dying to change out of my very wet well, you get the picture. So it was back to the Boardwalk we go! As we strolled up to the bus stop, the shuttle was pulling in so once again, no lines, no waiting.
Arriving back at the Boardwalk, we rushed up to our room to check out the amazing towel critters that mouse keeping might have left as a surprise. We pushed our way through the door and we found squat. So much for the bright smiles and happy good mornings. I have personally never been the recipient of this particular Disney magic so you cant really miss something that youve never had, right? So with a shrug of the shoulders and a quick change into our suits, we made our way down to the quiet pool.
And quiet pool it was indeed. There were a handful of folks lounging about, and a couple of kids that frolicked without a word. It was like Children of the Damned with mouse ears. Creepy. But I cant complain because quiet was what I wanted and I found it in spades. We took a quick dip and prepared our lounge chairs. We both whipped out our reading material and lied down to enjoy a relaxing afternoon of . Actually, I fell right to sleep without a word. Id have dreamt the afternoon away if Joe hadnt periodically nudged me to make me turn over like a chicken at Boston Market. The only thing missing was the creamed spinach.
The sun was slowly setting a little later on and it was time to get back and change. We were going to Mickeys Not So Scary Halloween Party later in the evening and we needed to shower and get our costumes ready. I had places to go and DIS members to meet!
With bright doe eyes, Joe replied, I didnt say anything wrong. I was merely pointing out that spiders are a necessary
Say it again and Ill sit on your chest and take that ring back. Spiders are evil, hairy things that exist to make us live in terror.
Wuss. And he was off like the wind, running the remaining few yards through The Oasis.
I gamely trotted after him but realized I had already done my morning jog, running in terror from spiderasaurus and I didnt feel like breaking another sweat. Not good for the pores unless you have a shower located close by.
I caught up with Joe as he stood at the back of a sea of people. Apparently, although they let everyone into the park, it was a big, Disney sized Sike! The park wasnt really open. They just wanted everyone to herd to one particular section where we could be officially welcomed to the Animal Kingdom by Mickey and his pals. Joe, by the way, is 58 so he simply stood patiently staring at the backs of everyones heads while he kept repeating, Whats going on now? I, on the other hand, am 64 so I had a great view of the mini show. It was Minnie, Goofy and Pluto atop a bus painted in safari colors. They did their cute welcoming chatter, hopping and bopping to and fro, while waving to the worshipping humanity at their feet. I have to admit it was pretty darn cute to see the mass of children excitedly waving back and calling out their favorite characters by name.
Mickey suddenly popped up at the base of the Tree of Life and everyone went wild, myself included. Mickey is my personal favorite and whenever I see him, I get a little thrill. I also get a little crazy with the camera, much like everyone else apparently. I got some great pictures, sadly not of my hero, but of all the cameras that suddenly popped up right in front of me. If youre interested in the makes and models, let me know.
The show was over, and the Helpful Cast Members let everyone surge ahead to satisfy their own personal agendas. Unfortunately, it seems their agenda was much like my own, to the Kilamanjaro Safaris. As you already know, I dont run, at least not towards attractions. Not that Im adverse to running in general, but I just dont like to run towards anything that isnt offering me money or gold, or running away from something that is threatening my life.
With that, we made our way to our destination, ready to face whatever line was thrown our way. For some strange reason, we beat most of the folks who ran ahead of us and only had to wait five minutes. Ive still yet to figure out why. Joe swears that one of us mastered the time and space continuum that morning or were sucked up by aliens. I have to agree. There were so many familiar harried, sweaty faces behind us as we climbed aboard our safari jeep and they too looked at us with confusion and unbridled rage. You win some, you lose some. And we won some baby!
We also lucked out with our guide, yet another Helpful Cast Member who drank the happy water before her shift. She was absolutely terrific! Apparently the animals (and Joe) arent the only creatures that wake up in better spirits. Although I had been on this particular attraction several times in the past, she was so engaging that it was a completely new experience.
I can also say that to those fellow DIS board members who recommend getting up at the crack of dawn to catch the most animals, you are right on the money. Ive never seen so many critters in one place at one time. Excellent tip. The only exceptions were, of course, the lions. Once again, they were stretched out atop their cliff, lolling about in all their sleepy splendor. The only difference between them and a Daktari rug was the occasional tail twitch. And if there is anyone out there who understands my reference to Daktari, youre my new best friend.
I was able to get some pretty fantastic pictures, some that many of you might recognize. One common element of each photo that sticks out in my mind is casual shots of the Great American Mid Western Tourist. In virtually every shot, you can see his balding pate surreptitiously poking into the frame. On a good day, you get his profile! And lest we forget another personal favorite, the Josephus Biggus Headus. I know that there are some lucky ones out there that were able to catch this elusive creature on film, but for some reason, hes in virtually every one of my shots. Admittedly, Id prefer that the upper portion of his noggin didnt obscure my originally intended subjects, whether a rhino, an elephant or giraffe. But elusive or not, he tends to pop up in the strangest places.
Nevertheless, the safari was terrific, photos notwithstanding. The only bump in the road was a flock of pelicans that decided that the spot immediately in front of our jeep was the perfect place to take a rest. So we sat and got to know our neighbors in hopes of learning something new about our country or the world. Surprise, surprise, everyone was from New Jersey or Long Island so nothing new was to be learned that day. The only new fact that I picked up was that pelicans are belligerent little snots that dont move until theyre good and ready. Looking on the bright side, we were thoroughly entertained by Helpful Cast Member while we waited for the buggers to waddle off. Plus, sitting there waiting for the pelicans to get off their duffs was by far better than sitting in the hot sun, waiting for Dennis and Vinnie to finally make their move and show up.
Once we finally rescued Little Red from those oh-so-persistent poachers, we pulled in to the station and wandered off in pursuit of more Animal Kingdom adventures. While ambling down the tree-covered path, Joes cel phone went off. In a little bit of an aside, whenever his phone rings, I have to hang my head in utter horror and embarrassment. Rather than a catchy jingle or an amusing ring tone, he has chosen the theme to Charlies Angels circa 1978 as his personal ditty. It doesnt help matters much that when he gets a call and Im around, he tends to jump around like a super spy, yelling Cover me Brie!
Anyway, it was Vinnie. They finally arrived and wanted to catch up with us, wherever we were. Through that secret language that folks who have been together for 13 years understand, I contorted my body, bugged my eyes and waved my arms in the air to relay the message through Joe. He of course, interpreted things his own way, How about hold on a sec how about if you fly like an eagle to the sea no thats not right I mean aint no mountain high enough, aint no river wide no that just doesnt make sense. Can you hold a moment? What are you trying to say? What?!
What do you mean you couldnt tell what I was saying to you? Whats wrong with you? I said to tell him to go and do the safari first so they can see all the animals. Then they can meet up with us in front of the entrance to Kali River Rapids. We can stroll and take a walk that way.
Looking at me with mild disdain and not just a little bit of confusion, Sorry but you really suck at charades. You looked like you were imitating an aging rocker in the throes of a seizure.
Just tell him!
So Joe relayed the message and they all agreed to the new plan. Through the phone, I could hear Dennis voice in the background, Hey! What kind of animal is that? Is it a monkey? It is? What kind? How big does it get? How old is it? Are they related to us? No? Why not? It looks like my mother, are you sure? Is it a boy or a girl? How can you tell? Are they monogamous? Arent dolphins monogamous? How old do dolphins get? How big do they grow? Where are they from anyway? Are they cold water or warm water fish? Theyre not fish? Theyre mammals? How so? Before I could hear whoever he was quizzing burst into tears or slip into a fit of rage, Joe clicked off. Okey doke, were good to go. Theyll meet us in front of Kali River Rapids once theyre done with the safari.
And we were off to enjoy at least 30 minutes, hopefully an hour, to ourselves. With that kind of time, Joe tends to amuse himself by chatting with every single Helpful Cast Member he can lay his hands on. This go around, however, was my turn. We were passing by a gift kiosk when we were sprayed by a tiny jet of water. Whipping around, I spied an elderly Asian woman cackling uproariously to herself while clutching a spray bottle with a fan attachment.
Joe piped up, Hey, she looks like your mom!
Sure enough, he was right. She looked like a clone of my mother, minus the stern look of admonishment. I just had to talk to her and tell her. Walking over, I noticed that her nametag identified her home as, ta da! Japan! Hey! My mom is from Kyushu, Japan!
She peered up at me from down below (she was teeny tiny, also like my mom) and thought I was off my rocker. I stand 64; have pretty broad shoulders and sport green eyes. You sure about that? You dont look Japanese.
I explained that my dad was of Scottish and Irish descent but that didnt quite seem to settle the question in her mind. You still dont look Japanese, she said with finality.
But I am. Im half.
You dont look it.
I know I dont look it but I am.
No. You dont look Japanese.
I said I was only half, not whole. And I know I dont look it.
With a suspicious glance not very well concealed by her Disney smile, I dont think you look Japanese.
With a sigh, I once again repeated, Im half, NOT whole. Im half Japanese, I swear! I cant prove it but I am. For some reason, I was feeling strangely guilty for not looking Japanese. I felt I should be shorter, with brown hair.
Standing there, clutching her spray bottle, You dont look Japanese. You speak Japanese?
Not wanting to reveal that my ability to speak the language was limited to a few curse words and asking where the bathroom was, I responded in the negative. Nope. My mom never taught me.
Youre mother is from Japan but she never taught you to speak? You should have learned it anyway.
Feeling even guiltier than before, I decided to make my exit, Well, it was nice chatting with you. Have a great day!
With a sniff, looking me up and down, You dont look Japanese. And then she merrily turned around and squirted another guest square in the chest and pointed at me as if I were the culprit.
Walking away, I muttered, I feel so guilty. Why do I feel so guilty? I should look more Japanese, shouldnt I?
With a consoling pat on the back, Joe said, She was channeling your mother, hence the quilt factor. Wanna get a soda?
Not long afterwards, Joes cel phone rang once again, blaring the Charlies Angels theme for everyone to hear. It was Vinnie. Theyd finished the safari and were walking over to Kali River Rapids. We were just a few short steps away from the entrance to the queue so decided to do some monkey watching to while away some time. If you have the time, you should try it. Those monkeys and their crazy antics are pretty amusing, especially when they start screeching at one another like sibling rivals duking it out on Jerry Springer.
Once Vinnie and Dennis arrived and good mornings were wished by all, we started our way through the queue. Once again, there wasnt a soul to be found on line. We walked straight through the winding pathway, admiring the theming and décor when it began. So is this a water rapids ride? Is that why they named it Kali River Rapids? Isnt Kali the Indian goddess of death or war or something? Why would they name something like that when its so extreme? Dont you think Death River Rapids is pushing it? How long is the ride? Will we get wet? How wet will we get? Shouldnt we have worn bathing suits? Why cant we go shirtless if were going to get wet? And on and on and on Dennis rambled. He never fails to make me think Im on a game show, playing the fastest finger round and I cant seem to catch up with the questions.
Joe must have heard my teeth grinding, the muscles in my jaws flexing or the joints of my knuckles popping because he whispered, Be nice. To which I simply cleared my throat as loudly as possible and moved on through the queue. The boy was driving me to the edge of madness and I could see the pit of despair beckoning. He had to be stopped. I just figured out how it could be done with some modicum of propriety.
We dutifully climbed aboard our assigned raft as instructed by the gaggle of Helpful Cast Members. A young family with little boys jumped in after us and we did the mad get the driest seat scramble. I lost. One of the little boys decided to plop himself right next to me and immediately launched into Have you been on this? Have you been on this? Have you been on this? His excitement was infectious and I couldnt help but answer with a loud yes! at each and every inquiry. I turned to Joe and started the mantra as well, Have you been on this? Have you been on this? Have you been on this? Try it sometime. It makes the attraction even more fun and the repetition makes you forget your butt is already wet and youve barely begun.
As we climbed and plunged (Have you been on this? YES! Have you been on this? YES!), tossed and turned (Have you been on this? YES!), weaved and waved (Have you been on this? YES! Have you been on this? YES!), every single one of us didnt just get wet. We got soaked. To the bone I might add. Right through our personal undergarments. And I was right in not putting any hair junk in my do. Thank God for baseball caps!
We politely waited for the young family to climb out ahead of us, when I noticed my very excited riding partner amble off on his own, still muttering Have you been on this? to himself in a bizarrely pleased tone of voice. Weird kid but fun.
As we walked down the pathway, Joe noticed the young mom that had ridden with us had been wearing white shorts. Pssst! Look! Her shorts are all wet and you can see her granny panties! Look! Look! And he kept nudging me and pointing with his chin. And sure enough, the poor ladys shorts were now quite see-through and you could see her polka dotted granny panties as clear as day. This put us in quite a quandary. How does one approach a total stranger and let her know that her business was open for all to peruse? I can only imagine, Excuse me maam, but your shorts are now as see through as Saran Wrap and we can see that you chose to wear the practical granny type panty and not the more stylish thong. Thatd be a slap heard round the world if you ask me. We figured it was up to her husband to see and tell, not us. I didnt want her to get the wrong idea and go backyard-smackdown on me.
The rest of the afternoon was rather uneventful at the park. We enjoyed the walk-through exhibits and Dinosaur was a hoot as usual. Is it just me or does that attraction seem a bit darker, a little faster and a tad scarier? I am not one to jump in the middle of rides, but this one makes me fly out of my skivvies. In this case, my very wet skivvies. They had yet to dry from our adventure down the Indian Goddess of Death River Rapids.
Anyway, lines everywhere were nonexistent so we finished checking out all the sites and riding all the attractions well before we thought possible. It was time for lunch so we all agreed that we should grab a bit before we went our separate ways. Flame Tree Barbecue it was! As always, the food was great by theme park standards and we didnt have to wait long. Nor did we have any trouble at all getting a table. In my opinion, slow day at the park or not, it was starting to get pretty creepy if you ask me. Things were going a tad too smoothly. Something just had to go wrong and it did
Charlie was once again calling for his Angels and I ducked my head under the table until Joe answered his ridiculous phone. It was a friend of ours calling from New York. Apparently our security system had gone off the night before, rather late, and because he was on our emergency list with ADP, they called him. This immediately made Joe slip into panic mode, thus turning his face red, his voice jittery and his hands fluttering about like a butterfly on speed. Weve been robbed! Somebody broke into the apartment! Billy is hurt! We have to go home!
I told him to calm down, took his phone and got the situation from our friend. After hanging up, I handed the phone back to Joe and told him to calm down and to call our landlord who had been taking care of Billy that weekend. After he relaxed and made the call, I saw his demeanor change from one of tightly wound nerves to calm, cool and collected. It turns out that our landlord had taken Billy up to her apartment for the evening, but had neglected to enter the security code after opening our front door. No big whoop, it was a true false alarm.
After all was calm and we could enjoy our lunch, I looked over at Joe and said, Three things. Number one, change the ring tone on your phone. Number two, no more caffeine and sugar for you, Panic Boy. And number three, my underwear is still soaked and Im getting a rash. And that was that. I felt the first two directives were necessary, but the third item was simply stated to insure that I was basing my thoughts in reality.
After lunch, Vinnie and Dennis had decided to head back to their resort while Joe and I wanted to hop over to Its Tough To Be A Bug. We made plans to meet that evening at 7pm during Mickeys Not So Scary Halloween Party. This would give us all plenty of time to do our own thing, take naps, swim, shop, whatever. As they wandered off, I could hear Dennis yammering on, Where to now? Want to swim? Whats your best stroke? Do you like the beach or a pool better? Why the beach? Dont you hate the sand? How many . And off into the distance they went, Dennis voice disappearing quietly into a soft but irritating hum.
Taking this time to enjoy each others company, Joe and I casually and slowly walked over to the Tree of Life, once again admiring the carvings that wound throughout the trunk. As a park icon, they could not have chosen a better symbol for the Animal Kingdom. I could stare at it for hours. We circled about towards the entrance to the theater and were immediately ushered in. Once again, not a line to be a found. Where the heck is everybody? I felt compelled to whisper to Joe, while picking my still soaked unmentionables out of my unmentionables.
Flick was up to his old shenanigans. We got blasted by the stinkbug, dodged the termite acid, and shrieked and cowered at the giant spiders overhead. Well, I shrieked. But I didnt cower, I just squished my head closer to my shoulders a bit. Stupid spiders. Anyway, Hopper made his appearance, which never ceases to amaze me. The animatronics are incredible as Im sure many of you already know! His fluid motions and perfectly synchronized movement to the onscreen action are a thrill to behold. Amid the squeals and screams, the show was hysterical. I can understand why some little ones might be a bit afraid, but overall, its a great interactive show.
As we entered back into daylight, we decided to do some quick shopping and call it a day. The temperature was perfect and not a cloud in the sky. The quiet pool at the Boardwalk was beckoning and I was dying to change out of my very wet well, you get the picture. So it was back to the Boardwalk we go! As we strolled up to the bus stop, the shuttle was pulling in so once again, no lines, no waiting.
Arriving back at the Boardwalk, we rushed up to our room to check out the amazing towel critters that mouse keeping might have left as a surprise. We pushed our way through the door and we found squat. So much for the bright smiles and happy good mornings. I have personally never been the recipient of this particular Disney magic so you cant really miss something that youve never had, right? So with a shrug of the shoulders and a quick change into our suits, we made our way down to the quiet pool.
And quiet pool it was indeed. There were a handful of folks lounging about, and a couple of kids that frolicked without a word. It was like Children of the Damned with mouse ears. Creepy. But I cant complain because quiet was what I wanted and I found it in spades. We took a quick dip and prepared our lounge chairs. We both whipped out our reading material and lied down to enjoy a relaxing afternoon of . Actually, I fell right to sleep without a word. Id have dreamt the afternoon away if Joe hadnt periodically nudged me to make me turn over like a chicken at Boston Market. The only thing missing was the creamed spinach.
The sun was slowly setting a little later on and it was time to get back and change. We were going to Mickeys Not So Scary Halloween Party later in the evening and we needed to shower and get our costumes ready. I had places to go and DIS members to meet!
(as if I'm actually crazy or something !!
)
My friends call me that when I start going on and on about some totally inane topic that most people don't, let alone should, know anything about. Too funny!
