New TTC Thread

[si-am]

No, it never does get easier, unfortunately. I held it together all day yesterday, but last night laying in bed, I just lost it. I guess I didn't have anything to distract me. It's just so frustrating. You can do all of the procedures and tests, take all of the meds, do everything you are "supposed" to do, but still it doesn't work! I don't think I'm telling anyone IRL about this next IUI. It's just too hard to go through the 2ww with people asking me "how do you feel? do you feel pregnant?" And then, after 2 weeks, have to explain that it didn't work. Only to hear those dreaded words...It'll happen, just relax. No, it's not going to just "happen". After 3 years, it would have happened by now. Ugh!

Courtney...I hope you continue to well on your meds!

Esbrick...Great news about your insurance. One less thing to worry about while TTC never hurts!

I'll be calling my Dr tomorrow to find out the plan for this cycle. I'm thinking she may up my clomid to 100mg. Guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Ugh, it is the WORST when people try to offer you helpful but terribly misguided advice, isn't it?

I finally admitted to one of my co-workers that I am having problems conceiving (she kept nagging me about when I'm going to get pregnant ) and she INSISTED that all I needed was to borrow her Taking Charge of Your Fertility book because it had worked for her after a couple of months.

Um, yeah. I read that book 2 and a half years ago and have been through fertility treatments, so I DON'T think it's just a simple matter of getting my chart right at this point.

So frustrating!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Hi everyone. Thank you all for your kind words, it is a comfort to have you all here.

It's been a long, very depressing last few days. It's a very strange feeling to know the baby is inside but not growing. I was nauseous and sick again today, which feels like an extra insult on top of everything.

Skuttle, I am so sorry, that stinks. I'm sending you lots of babydust and good wishes for IUI #2.

Aurora, best wishes for lots of follies for your IVF.

Again, thank you to each of you. Since very few of our friends and family know, it is helpful to be able to come here, and know that you all understand.

 

[skuttle]

Ugh, it is the WORST when people try to offer you helpful but terribly misguided advice, isn't it?

I finally admitted to one of my co-workers that I am having problems conceiving (she kept nagging me about when I'm going to get pregnant ) and she INSISTED that all I needed was to borrow her Taking Charge of Your Fertility book because it had worked for her after a couple of months.

Um, yeah. I read that book 2 and a half years ago and have been through fertility treatments, so I DON'T think it's just a simple matter of getting my chart right at this point.

So frustrating!

LOL! One of my friends recently told me that one of her co-workers is going through infertility treatments and told my friend to tell me about the book. I had to laugh. I know everyone means well, and I'm sure it's awkward for them, too. But really...a book or relaxation is not going to cut it after 3 years!

Chloe... I can't even imagine what that must feel like, how hard that must be.

 

[soontobewed07]

Chloe- If you need anything please let me know. I am so sorry

I had to hear from my family all week well if you have one another one will be along. I wish I had it in me to say "Really did you become a doctor all of a sudden have you been here the last year while I have been going thru this. Um No thank you next subject please!"

My favorite is "You're just not trying hard enough" Really are you kidding me? ARGH

Sorry it's been a rough week.

We had to cancel Disney with everything going on then our Central AC broke and I got a flat on my way home from the grocery store the other day. I spent all of my Disney budget on those two things. I told DH I need a break and he said you've been on vacation for 2 weeks. Um no I've been recovering from surgery and was told I cannot go back to work.

Sorry I'm so negative girls it's just getting frustrating!

 

[KiKi Mouse]

Chloe- If you need anything please let me know. I am so sorry

I had to hear from my family all week well if you have one another one will be along. I wish I had it in me to say "Really did you become a doctor all of a sudden have you been here the last year while I have been going thru this. Um No thank you next subject please!"

My favorite is "You're just not trying hard enough" Really are you kidding me? ARGH

Sorry it's been a rough week.

We had to cancel Disney with everything going on then our Central AC broke and I got a flat on my way home from the grocery store the other day. I spent all of my Disney budget on those two things. I told DH I need a break and he said you've been on vacation for 2 weeks. Um no I've been recovering from surgery and was told I cannot go back to work.

Sorry I'm so negative girls it's just getting frustrating!

I would have been a wreck with all of that going on. It's pretty overwhelming!

I am thankful for everybody here and the understanding. It is very hard going through something like this and for the most part we do it alone because it's easier then telling people that don't understand or don't care or say stupid things. Sometimes if it weren't for online friends I think I would have lost my mind.

 

[D&DDisney]

I'm going to jump on the negative/rant bandwagon too.

I know exactly what you mean about that stupid book. (For those who have used it and love it, I hope I don't offend you) Anyway, there is no way that any of us are "in charge" when it comes to fertility. It is completely out of our hands no matter what anyone says. For those for whom it works, I think it is just pure luck.
I also get mad when people start telling you "Maybe you're doing it wrong" or give you BD tips. Yeah...that's what I neeed...diagrams.

Skuttle - I agree about not telling anyone. #1 They just will never understand and #2 I would hate the constant questions or inquiries. I wish you the best this time around. They had to up my clomid to 150mg before it finally worked (or we just got lucky)

Chloe - We're here for you when you need us.

Aurora - I really hope this works on the first try for you. Keeping all those meds straight would give ME a headache. Major pixie dust your way.

All right ladies...I say we crack out the drinks and drown these sorrows. Anyone with me??

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Hi everyone. There was no heartbeat today when I went for my sonogram, as the doctor had anticipated would happen. I am not showing any signs that I will begin to miscarry naturally, and the doctor wants to do the d&c Thursday.

I have a vacation coming up and am not at all excited to be going. The only upside is that I am very relieved to have some time off of work and to get away from everything here for a little while. I figure if I am not up to doing much, I will just spend the days sitting by the pool, and go back to the room for a nap or privacy if I don't feel like being around other people. I didn't purchase trip insurance and have non-refundable plane tickets, the timing just couldn't be worse.

I have that infamous book and it got us a big fat nowhere. I actually have a bunch of different books, and don't find any of them to be very helpful. I have to lol at all the folks giving out BD advice and the ever popular, just relax and it will happen.

Hang in there everyone, there are better times ahead.

 

[D&DDisney]

Hi everyone. There was no heartbeat today when I went for my sonogram, as the doctor had anticipated would happen. I am not showing any signs that I will begin to miscarry naturally, and the doctor wants to do the d&c Thursday.

 

[skuttle]

Sometimes if it weren't for online friends I think I would have lost my mind.

I know if it weren't for online friends, I NEVER would have made it this far with TTC. No one understands unless they have been through it. They can listen, they can agree with everything you say, but deep down I still know that they don't understand. And, I'll admit, I still have some anger and bitterness re how quickly others can get pregnant.

Chloe, I am SO very sorry. I was really hoping that maybe the Dr was wrong last time. I know you don't feel like going on your trip now, but I know it will do you good to get away and occupy your mind with other things, even if it's just for 5 minutes! Go, relax, and have a Grand Marnier slushie in France for me!!

LOL! I'm laughing at all of our angry toward "the book." Sometimes it just feels good to be negative! I try so hard to be positive in front of DH and my co-workers.

D&D, I'm thinking my clomid will be increased. My Dr wanted me to reach 20mm, but I actually never did. My last scan before IUI I only had 16mm, 18mm and 19mm. The on-call Dr decided to do the IUI since I had had a positive OPK. Those follicles were about the same as what I had on my unmedicated cycle. I talked to the nurse this morning and she said she needed to check with the Dr. She never called me back , though, so I'll call again in the morning and page her. If I'm doing Clomid like last cycle, I"ll have to start on Thursday.

Courtney...Still thinking of you!!

 

[soontobewed07]

Chloe- Go on vacation and try to enjoy yourself. Go to the parks ride the rides. This WILL be the last time for you to vacation alone. I have decided positive thinking is the way to go I hope you don't mind me saying that.

As for the D&C if you have any questions feel free to PM me. I am still on the mend.


Well like I just said to Chloe I am going to try positive thinking and after I have that drink LOL. I started B'ing again and the doctor says it's from not resting that I need to take it easy or I'm not going to heal. I'm thinking it's AF but what so I know?

Skuttle- I hope they do up your dose so you can get to 20. I haven't started studying the clomid yet because I will have to meet with the counselor etc to go over meds and I have to start taking pre natals and go on a low carb diet to "shock" my body to try and prevent being on insulin this pregnancy.This is the last week for sweets then it's meat cheese and veggies.

 

[si-am]

Hi everyone. There was no heartbeat today when I went for my sonogram, as the doctor had anticipated would happen. I am not showing any signs that I will begin to miscarry naturally, and the doctor wants to do the d&c Thursday.

I have a vacation coming up and am not at all excited to be going. The only upside is that I am very relieved to have some time off of work and to get away from everything here for a little while. I figure if I am not up to doing much, I will just spend the days sitting by the pool, and go back to the room for a nap or privacy if I don't feel like being around other people. I didn't purchase trip insurance and have non-refundable plane tickets, the timing just couldn't be worse.

I have that infamous book and it got us a big fat nowhere. I actually have a bunch of different books, and don't find any of them to be very helpful. I have to lol at all the folks giving out BD advice and the ever popular, just relax and it will happen.

Hang in there everyone, there are better times ahead.

Awww I'm so sorry to hear that. I was hoping for better news for you.

I know you can't possibly imagine yourself having any fun (or even wanting to) right now, but probably a vacation will be just the thing you need. Just getting away for a while will be nice. Mentally and physically, you deserve a break!

 

[WDWAurora]

Ugh, what a day! I went in for an estrogen check this morning. They didn't do an ultrasound, told me they'd say when they called whether to come in tomorrow or just to wait until Thursday. Well, I carried that phone around all day, in the bathroom and everything. Wouldn't you know I'm on a call with a parent and can't get off quick enough when they call? I tried to call back, but couldn't get through. I didn't get a message, so I left one saying I was carrying the phone, sorry I missed them.

An hour later, a message comes through. My estrogen was low and I need to increase my dose (6 vials of Bravelle, from 3! It was craziness mixing 8 vials-1 saline, 1 luveris, and 6 bravelle-took forever!) and they'll see me tomorrow.

I call back to get dosage instructions, i.e. do I need to increase my saline. This girl calls back while I'm in a meeting. Keep in mind, I've been available literally all day except for a 2 minute phone call and a 30 minute meeting. She was so snotty! She was like, next time, leave a phone number where we can actually reach you instead of playing phone tag with your voice mail. I'm trying! The way my life works is that people call me when I'm unavailable! Ya know?

So she doesn't answer my question about the mixing at all, and tells me I can either come in tomorrow or wait until Thursday. Ok...which should I do? I'm not a doctor. I was in tears because I was so upset at being scolded when I had carried my phone in my dress pocket (it's an awesome dress and it has pockets) ALL DAY and worried about dropping it in the toilet. Then I just didn't know what to do about when to go in.

Soo...I decided I'm just going in tomorrow. If I see the girl who called the second time, I'm going to let her know I was upset, and that I definitely understand her frustration, but sometimes you just can't get the phone. It's frustrating to call your doctor's office and never get a human, it's frustrating to try for 2.5 years to have a baby with no results, it's frustrating to pay a ton of money to a doctor's office and have to wait a month to get in, after paying the money. Don't take it out on your patients. We're trying. Honest.

Sorry that was so long. Add to all this that our boss passed out new job descriptions that ticked off the entire department and it's been an amazing day.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

chloelovesdisney,

*hugs* I was hoping the doctor was wrong the first time too.
I have had a D&C and this may sound odd but it was "easy" physically, difficult emotionally. I bawled when I got to the hospital and bawled even more when I had to get prepped. I think they must have wrote "neurotic" in big red letters on my chart because they let my husband stay with me all morning until I was wheeled into the operating room. I was given something that totally knocked me out and woke up in recovery. That was the best thing because I didn't want to hear or see anything. It was traumatic enough. I felt like a double failure because not only could I not stay pregnant I couldn't even miscarry on my own. That began a long separation of mind and body for me that continues til this day but not as bad.

As for being negative and feeling anger. I have had some very nasty feelings towards some people. I even hated Angelina Jolie at the time because she was pregnant with her twins. I could have punched her. I wanted to run up to pregnant women in the grocery store and tell them how lucky they were. I wanted others to feel my pain. That took a long time to go away. I isolated myself from a lot of people and insulated myself with understanding friends and family. People and places were divided into "safe" and "not safe". eg. it took me a long time to be able to go into Toys R Us because there was baby stuff there. It wasn't "safe".

Thankfully time does heal wounds and the pain is not as raw. I don't think it ever goes away but it takes on a form that I can accept (most of the time). I still am detached from my body and hopefully that will ease up even more as time goes by. This isn't something that you get over in a week or month or year etc. Grief is a personal thing and you need to take the time you need and allow yourself to grieve and anger is part of that.

As for the vacation. I think you can use it. If you can get away from the other everyday stresses then it may be a good thing.

Feel free to talk about it...or not talk about. Whatever is better for you. We are here to listen and to lean on.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Thanks Kiki, Siam, D&D, Skuttle, Soontobe, and all TTC friends. Again, I just want to thank everyone for being such a great support for me during all of this. I have tremendous difficulty speaking about it, and just don't want to talk to the few friends and family that know what is going on. Being able to write instead of talk, and having everyone be so thoughtful and understanding is a big help for me right now.

I am definitely getting knocked out in the OR. I fully expect to be crying in the waiting room and when being taken into the OR. There is no possible way I could deal with the procedure while being awake, even if I was numb from the waist down and physically didn't feel anything. The doctor would not be able to work through my forseeable hysterics, being asleep is the only way I can have it done. I expect the recovery to be similar to when I had the hysteroscopy last year.

I don't really understand the reason that I am not miscarrying on my own at this point. This part is a mystery to me. I was willing to wait it out longer, but my doctor insists that it will be better for me like this. At one point tonight I thought it may be starting and I felt absolutely petrified, so I think he may be right.

I can definitely use the time away from work and everything right now. I just know that DW is going to be so, so tough, with all the babies and kids that will be around. Of course I always expect there to be lots of kids in DW. It's just right now I know it will be especially difficult, as I am really looking forward to the day when we can bring our own baby to DW and had already started thinking about a trip next fall.

Soontobe, a positive attitude never hurts.

Aurora, good luck at the office tomorrow. Whoever called you was way out of line. They should not be expecting anyone to be able to answer the phone every single minute of the day, that's just not reasonable. They have a lot of nerve, when they don't answer the phone themselves, to complain about their patients not doing so. I can't stand calling a place of business and getting voicemail.

 

[skuttle]

Courtney, the person you spoke to was way out of line!! I hope things go well for you today.

Kiki, thanks so much for sharing all of that.

Chloe, I'm glad we can at least give you some comfort. Writing has always helped me cope. I kept a journal throughout high school that I used to "talk through" my issues.

I talked to the nurse today. Dr wants me to stay on 50 mg because she feels that I o'd on it. I start it tomorrow, and my first scan will be next Friday.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

chloelovesdisney,

My second miscarriage started in WDW last December. I bawled during the Wishes parade. We have hardly any pictures of our trip.
I will say that I put on my happy face and still enjoyed my trip as much as possible.

 

[barrett7890]

hi all

i poped in here a few weeks ago, but haven't posted since.

still no luck for us, various reasons mean that it's unlikely to happen this month either, the fun stuff just hasn't happened at the right time .

chloe, i had an ERPC in march this year and will be thinking of you. Like someone else said the physical side of it was actually fine. I also had a GA for the operation. My hubbie stayed with me the entire time apart from the 30 minutes I was away from the ward for my surgery and recovery. Emotionally I was fine until it was just the nice nurse and me at one point, and she was so sweet and sympathetic that it made me break down. (i actually strated the process of miscarrying naturally the night before, but the surgeon thought it best to just go ahead, rather than me have to face coming in for a scan a few weeks later just to check nature had completed everything)

One thing I will say is rest as much as possible afterwards, even though i felt ok, if i did too much in the couple fo weeks after i felt completely worn out!

as for lasting emotions, i thougth i was doing really well until my best friend had her baby last week. The day after I had tears, thinking that i should have been 6 months pregnant, but instead no baby and no pregnancy.

cami
x

 

[vettechick99]

chloe and cami Chloe, I had a D&C after my c-section with DD and thought it was a fairly easy surgery (I've had 5 different surgeries in the last 2 years, so the OR is my second home ). I was also asleep and that was a-ok with me. Anyway, take care of yourself and spend lots of time with your friends and family.

I ordered some OPKs from saveontests.com and started using them last week. They worked! Here is a picture in case anyone is interested in what the progression looks like. The right line is the control line, the left one measures the LH. But I'm sure you all knew that.

You'll notice that on CD16 I took one at 3 pm and hardly a line. But look at the one at 8 pm that night. WOW! Also, they did not get progressively darker. In fact, they got lighter til I got a positive result.

 

[Kurby]

i'm not sure but i think i had a miscarrage

i did an hpt which was neg but the last week it's been pretty painful and well what looks like very very large clots.

i had a m/c about 7 years ago but was 8 or 9 weeks along.

if this was a m/c the test came back neg only 3 weeks ago so i couldnt' have been that far along.

i'm confused

 

[vettechick99]

i'm not sure but i think i had a miscarrage

i did an hpt which was neg but the last week it's been pretty painful and well what looks like very very large clots.

i had a m/c about 7 years ago but was 8 or 9 weeks along.

if this was a m/c the test came back neg only 3 weeks ago so i couldnt' have been that far along.

i'm confused

I had a chemical pregnancy. I found out I was pg on a Tuesday and on Friday I started cramping, and basically had the worst period of my life. On Monday I tested again and it was negative. Could this have happened to you?