New to this particular board - I hope I fit in

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by anewvance, Feb 1, 2007.

  1. anewvance

    anewvance <font color=red>Who needs a birthday for birthday

    Feb 8, 2001
    The ladies on the Community board led me over to you. 2 days ago I lost one of the most important people in the world, my grandfather, my Poppy. He raised my twin sister and I from birth. He was the most giving, caring man you'd ever met. He did so much in his life, he had so many friends not to mention our very close tight knit family.

    We were all there by his bed when he passed away. It was a surprise, earlier that day they were talking about getting him back on his feet. But between his lung cancer and the chemo, congenitive heart failure, diabetes, broncialitis, it was all to much for him and he had to let go.

    I was so glad to be there when he took his last breath, he knew we were all around him... the only way he'd want it. But at the same time, that moment in time will be etched in my mind, and heart forever. It's a scene I keep going over and over and it's not the part of Poppy I want to remember the most.

    My girls were his best friends, they are having a tough time but have lots of questions. Thank heavens for the internet, finding out the correct way to answer them. But they are ok.

    The memorial is on Saturday. My grandfather is being cremated and I found out that he won't be ready for the memorial which kinda of leaves a bad taste in my mouth. He had so many friends and business colgueges, we are expecting quite a crowd. We will be serving food and drink there so we don't have to go back to the house after... a God send for my grandmother.

    Anyway, I hope I fit in on this board. I go from good to bad in seconds. But for the most part, I wonder what is going to happen to all of us once the memorial is done... life is supposed to go back to normal, whatever that will be now.
  2. safetymom

    safetymom Super Moderator

    Aug 13, 2001
    Welcome. Please feel free to post your feelings here. It really does help. We are here to listen and help.

    Just take care of yourself. It is a shock to the system when a loved one dies. If your kids have questions take the time to answer them. Kids really do understand in their own way.

    When my husband died my kids were 15. 12, 9. We did a lot of talking, it was tough on all of us but we made it through.

    Sometimes it will feel like you take two steps forward, then 3 steps back. As someone told me the days will get softer but there will still be those moments when you hear a song, remember a memory where it will hurt.

    Sending prayers for all of you.
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    DISNEYLOVER70 <font color=blue>Speaks softly but carries a big s

    Mar 5, 2003
    I know exactly what you are going through, because I am in the same situation. My father passed away on Nov.4 and it feels like it was yesterday. I too was by his side holding his hand when he took his last breath. A moment I too will never ever be able to wipe from my mind. I was his "baby girl" and my children 13, 9 were his "buddies". The past year he lived with us so we were able to spend so much quality time with him which I will be forever grateful for.

    I can't tell you that it will get better. I don't feel that life will ever be the same without my Dad, my friend, my protector, my hero. But I can tell you that somehow life does go on, and somehow you find a way to smile again, and to go forward. Your children and family will be your motivation. Mine is. My son cried for two days and we were so concerned for him because it was his first experience with death and he was so very close to my father. And unfortunately, I was little help to him those first few days. But I realized that I needed to show him that the world is still a good place, and that although things happen that make us sad, we will be happy again. I am a christian and I explained where Grandpa is now and how much happier and better he feels with no pain. He is doing good now. He still wakes up in the middle of the night once in a while and comes in my room to wake me to tell me he misses Grandpa. :sad1: I want him to always remember him, so we have lots of pictures, and we talk about him. I think that is so important to savor the memories and keep them fresh in your mind forever.

    The ashes not being at the service wouldn't bother me I don't think. I see why you are uncomfortable with that though. My father was cremated also. As much as I didn't want to deal with it, my mother was in position to do it either. The funeral director delivered my fathers ashes to my house the evening of the service. (his policy he said). I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle it. But you know, it didn't bother me. That may have been my fathers ashes, but I knew my Dad was in the house with us before the funeral director arrived. It was just a shell. Nothing more. My children don't know that my fathers ashes are in the house. I just don't think that they (at least my son 9) is ready to comprehend/understand that. Your grandfather may not be at the service physically, but he WILL be with you. I truly believe that.

    I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I don't know you, but I feel so deeply for what you are going through. Life will never be the same, but it will get better... :grouphug:

    Whenever I am having a bad day, I just remind myself how lucky I am to have had a father as wonderful as him for as many years as I did. My husband put it in perspective for me one night that I really needed to stop feeling sorry for myself. He said "Would you rather have had a wonderful father for say 10 years, or just an average father for 70? It isn't how much time with have with them, it is how we spend that time that really matters." He was so right. I couldn't have loved my father any more than I did, and he knew that. I wasn't unlucky to have him pass away, I was lucky to have had him at all.

    I will be praying for you and your family today. And tomorrow.

    Anytime you need to talk, please PM me. Your disboard friends are only a few keys away.:grouphug:
  5. TruBlu

    TruBlu DIS Veteran

    Mar 21, 2006
    Oh sweetie, you'll fit right in...:grouphug: There are some wonderful people here. You'll be glad you came!

    I lost my grandfather to lung cancer also. I was hugging him when he took his last breath. That was 17 years ago. The pain does eventually go away and you are left only with your beautiful memories. Try your best to focus on them. With each passing day the ache will grow smaller. Just stay strong - especially for your children.

    And always know that you have a big bunch of DISers waiting to give you a :grouphug: !!!
  6. luvsmickeymouse

    luvsmickeymouse Opt to Adopt!

    Jul 31, 2005
    Welcome Aboard! You can talk about lots of things here. It feels good, just to log on and write what you are feeling. I do that. No one judges you, everyone listens. It doesn't matter whether you have alot going on or just a little going on at any given time. Everyone is here to offer hugs and prayers and support.
  7. jann1033

    jann1033 <font color=darkcoral>Right now I'm an inch of nat

    Aug 16, 2003
    sorry you are in this's good you were able to be with your grandfather and show him love and support...and hopefully some time you will be able to just think of the good times.

    not to be morbid but i have always hated the graveside part the most anyway but i thought with my dad being cremated it would be better/easier but i think it might have been harder for me to think that was all that was just gave me a weird feeling, very not having the ashes there would not be a bad thing to me.

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