New issue with my DD (college related)

[poohandwendy]

My DD loves college and is doing really well (she has zero complaints)....BUT, she comes home EVERY blessed weekend. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing her, but part of me thinks she needs to wean herself from the umbilical cord a wee bit.

I think the problem is that the people she is friends with are all coming home each weekend. The one friend has a job and works every weekend, the other (her roommate) is homesick and not adjusting well, IMO.

I am sort of concerned about it because I feel like she needs to broaden her horizons a bit and become more immersed in campus life.

It's not like she comes home and goes out with her friends all weekend either...last weekend she came home and stayed around us all weekend.

The problem now is that when I suggested last night that she should stay there this weekend, she told me 'all there is to do on the weekends here is drink". LOL, what am I supposed to say to that?

She says she loves it there, I honestly think that if her close friends would stay there on the weekends, she would too.

I just don't know what to think. Anyone have any experience or insight?

Also, just have to add...yesterday (after I sort of hurt her feelings by gently suggesting she stay there this weekend) there was a student MURDERED off campus. The first serious violent situation in like 20 years. So, now I really feel like a jerk. (no, she didn't know him and it seems to have been a domestic sort of situation...not a random act of violence)

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I didn't go away to college, but I moved to a different state with my now DH. I was SO homesick. We came home a lot. And some times I would stay for a week and DH would go back.

I say give her time to adjust. It's almost like a toddler who checks to see if Mom and Dad are still there as they are exploring and learning about the world with their new mobility. Eventually they gain more confidence and venture farther out and check back less often.

 

[poohandwendy]

I say give her time to adjust. It's almost like a toddler who checks to see if Mom and Dad are still there as they are exploring and learning about the world with their new mobility. Eventually they gain more confidence and venture farther out and check back less often.

I know you are right. I guess I am just worried, LOL.
I guess it could be worse, she could hate it there, but she really doesn't.

 

[LisaR]

I remember coming home almost every weekend for the first few months. Eventually, I met more people, got a part time job, and just got into campus life a little more. My parents never said anything about it but I am sure they were wondering if I would ever leave the nest for good. I was never a shy person or a homebody and I don't remember being very homesick but I do remember coming home a lot in the beginning. I guess it was just what I needed for a couple months. I remember coming home for Thanksgiving in my second year of school and my dad giving thanks during dinner that the water bill was cut in half now that I wasn't coming home all the time!

Lisa

 

[DisneyPhD]

You could have it a lot wrose. I would just enjoy her being around and the fact that she isn't interesting in drinking away her weekends.

Is there any groups on campus she might want to get involved in that might help her find some activities that don't involve bozzing? (campus life, intervarsity or something like that?)

When I went away to college I was home few times a month, but that is because my BF was at home too, he would either come out to see me, or I would come home. (not DH for 12 years . )

I am guessing your DD is right about the partying. Take the fact she doesn't want to get lost in that lifestyle a good thing.

As she finds more friends with the same interests as her she will get more involved.

 

[Keli]

My dd still lives at home and commutes to her university so we didn't have the same kinds of issues but a lot of her friends from school did. I remember well how hard she would try to get some of her friends to stay here for the weekend her freshman year so that they could all hang out and it was no-go. They were all going home every weekend. By the end of the semester that had slowed way down and by the beginning of her sophmore year they were rarely going home for the weekends and she had lots of friends to hang out with, lol.

 

[momof2inPA]

If gas prices were this high when I was in college, my mom would have seen me at Christmas and Spring Break.

No advice. Does she live with her friends from home? Will they live together next year? Maybe if she has different roommates next year she'll meet new friends and want to stick around. She's probably missing out on some social oppurtunities, but thinking back, she's probably missing out on some dangers, too. Still, you want her to become more independent. Sorry, still no advice, nothing's coming to me.

 

[ladycollector]

I wouldn't be worried. Be thankful she's not overly interested in partying and drinking all the time. Some kids are just more family oriented. IMO, it's a good thing.

 

[mtblujeans]

This is an interesting thread. We are now making plans for DS to go away to college next year. He'll only be 18! I think we are going to be so wrapped up in the planning.....we will go into shock when he finally leaves for campus! It will hit us like a ton of bricks when we don't have any more planning and checking and planning etc. etc.!! He's been such a joy in our lives that I can't imagine life without him around the house!! But, you want you kids to be successful at everything they do!! Sheesh...what an awkward time FOR PARENTS!!

 

[mickeyboat]

I agree with Jenn Lynn, give it time. It won't be long before she establishes herself in campus life and activities, and will be too busy on the weekends to go home.

I remember Thursday night was always party night when I was in college, because so many people went home every weekend. My parents didn't come and get me that often - maybe once a month, so I ended up making friends with other people who didn't leave - mostly people from out of state.

I had a great college experience, but it did take a lot of time to adjust. Your DD will be just fine.

Denae

 

[Pam]

PAW,
I was just wondering how your DD was doing.

I saw that news report about the student last night and was pretty shocked. Of course the new report had that man gunned down in Oakland, where my DD lives while she goes to Pitt.

DD is in her 2nd year of college. Last year she came home every weekend but 2. (Of course she has a BF who goes to college up here and lives at home.) This weekend is the 1st one that she will stay at school.

She says the same exact thing as your DD, "Why stay at school when all they do is get drunk all weekend?"

I get frustrated like you -- but hey, it's her life and I wanted her to be an adult and make decisions, and that's what she is doing.

 

[poohandwendy]

Thanks guys, I know you are right...I need to just give it some time, LOL. I am glad that she isn't a hard core partier and wants to come home, I just worry that she is adjusting the way she should be. Hey, it's my JOB to worry!

Pam, sometimes it's better not to even watch the news, LOL. Hey, if you ever need me to check up on her or if she needs anything at all....let me know, seriously. (especially in the winter when she may have a harder time getting home on the weekends) I am all the time in and around Oakland (my DD has a friend who goes to Carlow). LOL, it's like college student central down there.

 

[supercarrie]

I am a 2nd year, and last year I did go home pretty much every weekend (UCLA-Orange County...the traffic was horrible!) There was a combination of reasons, part of it had to do with the fact that I was pretty sick all year so needed a chance to rest away from the dorms which obviously are quite loud! I still managed to make a lot of friends on campus regardless of that. I am now spending a semester living in London (not seeing my family for several months) and am doing just fine, even though I did go home last year so much. I would say just give it some time, I LOVE UCLA but I was still happy to have the time at home too.

 

[Pam]

Thanks guys, I know you are right...I need to just give it some time, LOL. I am glad that she isn't a hard core partier and wants to come home, I just worry that she is adjusting the way she should be. Hey, it's my JOB to worry!

Pam, sometimes it's better not to even watch the news, LOL. Hey, if you ever need me to check up on her or if she needs anything at all....let me know, seriously. (especially in the winter when she may have a harder time getting home on the weekends) I am all the time in and around Oakland (my DD has a friend who goes to Carlow). LOL, it's like college student central down there.

Thanks! I actually PMed you back in late August (it bounced back as your box was full!) When DH and I moved her into her off-site apartment and we saw the horrid conditions, we about died! SHe's living with 3 other girls and her share of the monthly rent, without utilities is $422.50!!

It doesn't help that she walks to all of her classes because there's such a parking shortage on campus!

I know what you mean about not watching the news - I'm shocked I've haven't had 4 phone calls and 6 emails about the shooting, usually friends and family will start calling as soon as they hear anything.

And I hate to drive down there - the kids like to play chicken by crossing the street in front of you! They don't even look, just meander out!

My daughter has quite a few friends going to the same college as your DD. One friend is also a freshman and she had the same roommate problem that your DD did in the beginning.

 

[SDFgirl]

Just to repeat what others have said...I also went home just about every weekend my freshman year. It's nice to go home to what's comfortable, and known, and easy. I remember getting back in my car on Sunday nights to drive back to college, feeling like my heart was being torn out. And I loved college! It's just that it was always something new or challenging at college. Sometimes it was nice to go back to something that WASN'T new or challenging.

One thing that I had a hard time finding were friends like me - who liked to go out and have a FEW drinks. It seemed that everyone I met was either really straight-laced (which I wasn't) or a drink-til-you-pass-out person (wasn't that, either). But eventually I settled in, found my place, and only went home about once every six weeks.

I saw enjoy the time with her while you can!

 

[chrissyk]

I did this for most of my freshman year. Apparently my mom also thought that it was strange. I did get over it after freshman year, though, if it makes you feel any better. I don't know if I was any more immersed in campus life, but I really didn't have the time to go home. My classes got a lot more intense after freshman year, and I really needed to do homework all weekend (lame, I know).

BTW, all they did at my school was drink on the weekends too. I'm not a drinker, so the social life was really not for me. I can understand where your DD is coming from in that regard.

 

[funhouse8]

I think this is normal especially if your not a drinker. My son & daughter did the same thing. But hang in there, chrissyk is right. It gets less & less as the work increases and they start jobs at school. Tell her to look into the activites at school on the weekend my daughter goes to most of them now and has a great time. Plays, ballgames, shows at school. Good luck and hung in there. I was were you are now always complaining about her running home and now I miss her, seen her once since school started. She called last night and asked if I could visit her this weekend. The reason - She wanted some warm clothes. You've got to love them!

 

[stinkerbelle]

ok I'm "the other kid" in this thread.
I stayed on campus every weekend (didn't have a car my freshman year 1st semester) and go involved with campus stuff. Like community service and stuff.
then that got boring and I started drinking. hehehe
Hey - it's college!

That year I went home at Thanksgiving, christmas, spring break, and easter. I was glad to be outta my parents house. Was not homesick at all.

when I had a car my second semester...I still didn't head home that often.

Years following that, I had a job on campus that kept me on campus during the weekends (worked at a pizza shop on campus)...so I didn't venture home too often.

All kids are different...some are more attached to "home" then others. I do love my parents, but I liked being "on my own" a lot too.

 

[Ziggy Stardust]

Our DD was like that 1st semester freshman year. Then after X-Mas break when she went back we never saw her again. She's a senior now and never comes home on the weekends. Beleive me it's just an adjustment period and the fact that she loves the college is a bonus. Give her time and don't push it, she will find her own way.

 

[Mimi Q]

I was one of those kids that came home basically every weekend. My first two years of college I was at a small college and basically everyone went home on the weekends. I think I stayed at school one weekend and was bored to death.

Then I went to the University of Georgia for two years. If you stayed there on the weekends, it was to party. I bet I can count on one hand the number of weekends I didn't come home in 4 years of college. I just missed my parents. I am very independent today. Graduated from college 19 years ago.