New Book: Moms should work

[jodifla]

I know that my husband and guy buds don't have the same problem, but the other side is they don't have the same blessings, either. That is the core issue, I believe. That there are trade-offs for the choices we make in life.

I love living in a time and place where families have choices.

Ahh, but guys do have choices and blessings. My DH was the SAHP for the first 3 years of DS's life.

He misses it....and I think he'd trade back with me if he could.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Ahh, but guys do have choices and blessings. My DH was the SAHP for the first 3 years of DS's life.

He misses it....and I think he'd trade back with me if he could.

True. Speaking in generalities, based on the post by Georgia re. men...in general!

Generally speaking...

 

[jodifla]

True. Speaking in generalities, based on the post by Georgia re. men...in general!

Generally speaking...

Sorry, missed that post!

 

[Whosemom]

Georgia, I taught in a big city school school district for awhile, and it seemed like all the lady principals were either single or got divorced in their first couple of years. Its not family friendly at all, is it? But society accepts and even expects men to give up time with their families, and women to do the nurturing. That's where the whole guilt trip comes from, don't you think?

 

[Mean Queen]

Bingo. As I said in the other thread she is either stupid or a liar. She wrote a book to make money. That was the goal, and she'll do it fueling the mommy wars.

Facts and statistics can say whatever you want them to say. This is just another book, with another opinion.

What's ironic is she probably is writing this book while staying home with her kids. An option many mothers who leave full-time would love to be able to do. I've been a WOHM, SAHM, and now I'm a WAHM. I love that I've had the choices, even though it has hurt us financially. Right now, I'm doing what works perfect for us financially and most importantly, family wise. These books should not try to fuel any fire, but make us all realize that we should support each other as mom's, not tear each other down.

 

[hildasmuriel]

Posting from the UK - do you mind if I ask a couple of questions?

I saw a newspaper article here today that was talking about a movement in the US to get better rights for working mums. It said there is no statutory right in the US for paid maternity leave and no rights for nursing mothers to ensure they can continue to breastfeed while working (by provision of rooms for expressing and a seperate fridge for storage etc)

Is this true or is it another example of the press getting things totally about face?
(A minimum of 6 months paid leave is the norm in the UK with some employers paying more)

 

[jodifla]

Posting from the UK - do you mind if I ask a couple of questions?

I saw a newspaper article here today that was talking about a movement in the US to get better rights for working mums. It said there is no statutory right in the US for paid maternity leave and no rights for nursing mothers to ensure they can continue to breastfeed while working (by provision of rooms for expressing and a seperate fridge for storage etc)

Is this true or is it another example of the press getting things totally about face?
(A minimum of 6 months paid leave is the norm in the UK with some employers paying more)

The ugly truth is, children and families aren't really valued in the US the way they are in other countries.

Pretty much, when you have a child, you are on your own. There's no paid leave, although a lot of companies do provide it through sick leave. There is unpaid leave of 12 weeks, although most can't afford to take it.

By and large, the U.S. mind-set is all about capitalism: Don't have kids unless you can afford them. And don't go crying to society or the government for help. You made the decision to procreate, so deal with it.

Work, work, work, work. That's what American society values, and it's one of the reasons so many women are torn about working. There's not much of a safety net here if something happens to your job, or you get sick.

It's very much every family for itself.

 

[Starr W.]

Ahh, but guys do have choices and blessings. My DH was the SAHP for the first 3 years of DS's life.

He misses it....and I think he'd trade back with me if he could.

My DH stayed at home with my eldest for 18 months and he missed it too, that's why he started his own consulting company and works from home now.

 

[Starr W.]

What's ironic is she probably is writing this book while staying home with her kids. An option many mothers who leave full-time would love to be able to do. I've been a WOHM, SAHM, and now I'm a WAHM. I love that I've had the choices, even though it has hurt us financially. Right now, I'm doing what works perfect for us financially and most importantly, family wise. These books should not try to fuel any fire, but make us all realize that we should support each other as mom's, not tear each other down.

Well there is a market for these books and segments on 60 minutes, 20/20 because let's face it, alot of woman in either camp are very critical of the other camp(trying to be nice about it). There are woman in my neighborhood that still are miffed that I worked at a very challenging job while my eldest was a baby and a toddler, plus I made cookies for the cookie exchange (didn't buy them at the store or do the cut-up Pillsbury rolls).

 

[jodifla]

What's ironic is she probably is writing this book while staying home with her kids. An option many mothers who leave full-time would love to be able to do. I've been a WOHM, SAHM, and now I'm a WAHM. I love that I've had the choices, even though it has hurt us financially. Right now, I'm doing what works perfect for us financially and most importantly, family wise. These books should not try to fuel any fire, but make us all realize that we should support each other as mom's, not tear each other down.

Actually, she was a reporter at the New York Times, then left for Vanity Fair when she had children. The Vanity Fair job does allow her to work from home, but she had a baby sitter as well to allow her to write (her kids are 15 and 18 now.)

She brings up a lot of good points, even though the title is a bit provacative.

It IS hard to get back into work after you've been out of work. It can really shift the power base in a marriage when one person makes all the money. It's also an awful lot of pressure on the sole wage earner, who now has fewer options with so much riding on one income.

And another thing I've witnessed personally several times, and we've all seen posted on these boards many times (although it's going to be seen as a wildly unpopular opinion): Successful men want their equals, and they often can't see the SAHM as their equal....so they drift to co-workers and business acquaintances.

This book is meant as a wakeup call to younger women, who haven't personally witnessed the carnage that a broken marriage can create.

 

[sk!mom]

In defense of the OP, both threads were started basically at the same time (4 minutes apart) yesterday, on different boards so its not like she 'started another thread about the same thing'.

I'll bet she didn't even know the other thread even existed.

Thank you-

I posted the same thread both places not to be controversial but because I thought it was an interesting article. I hang out more on the Budget Board but when I read the "Working Mom" thread on this board yesterday and saw so many mom's feeling bad for working I thought that they might be interested in a purely financial take on working.

DawnM- If your tired of the topic, Try not opening the thread.

 

[Mean Queen]

It IS hard to get back into work after you've been out of work. It can really shift the power base in a marriage when one person makes all the money. It's also an awful lot of pressure on the sole wage earner, who now has fewer options with so much riding on one income.

And another thing I've witnessed personally several times, and we've all seen posted on these boards many times (although it's going to be seen as a wildly unpopular opinion): Successful men want their equals, and they often can't see the SAHM as their equal....so they drift to co-workers and business acquaintances.

I am well aware of how hard it is to get back into the work force. After I became a SAHM the first time, I had to take a much lower paying part-time job just to get my foot back in the door. That's why I'm working from home now, to keep my foot in that door... and make money.

And boy am I glad my DH isn't successful or I'd be in trouble.

 

[beattyfamily]

And another thing I've witnessed personally several times, and we've all seen posted on these boards many times (although it's going to be seen as a wildly unpopular opinion): Successful men want their equals, and they often can't see the SAHM as their equal....so they drift to co-workers and business acquaintances.

I can tell this thread will now go down the drain just as the last one did.

So you are saying that SAHMs are cheated on more than working moms? That's what it sounds like to me. I find that insulting.

Do you have any evidence or percentages or links to confirm that?

I totally disagree. I'll bet you working moms are cheated on just as much and as often as non-working moms.

IF you are so secure in your decisions, why do you constantly try to tear other moms down; does it make you feel better somehow? It's very sad.

 

[Starr W.]

Actually, she was a reporter at the New York Times, then left for Vanity Fair when she had children. The Vanity Fair job does allow her to work from home, but she had a baby sitter as well to allow her to write (her kids are 15 and 18 now.)

She brings up a lot of good points, even though the title is a bit provacative.

It IS hard to get back into work after you've been out of work. It can really shift the power base in a marriage when one person makes all the money. It's also an awful lot of pressure on the sole wage earner, who now has fewer options with so much riding on one income.

And another thing I've witnessed personally several times, and we've all seen posted on these boards many times (although it's going to be seen as a wildly unpopular opinion): Successful men want their equals, and they often can't see the SAHM as their equal....so they drift to co-workers and business acquaintances.

This book is meant as a wakeup call to younger women, who haven't personally witnessed the carnage that a broken marriage can create.

Now I am an SAHM, former business owner, and I basically work full time managing my portfolio and the trusts that were left to my sister and I by our parents. I threw myself into this as I was on a 3yr non-compete clause from the sale of my business(would lose the monthly $$ if I got a paying job).

I find myself banging my head after chatting with some of the other moms while my youngest takes swimming and tumbling classes. All they want to talk about is neighborhood gossip, how mean teachers and principals are and other yuck stuff. They barely know that the school district is trying to pass a levy, so don't ask about any world view stuff. Don't get me started on parents' club at school, bascially set up to protect the SAHM status(meetings at 9am)

Personally I think "being an equal" means not letting your brain go to mush when you stay at home, not if you make the same amount of money.

 

[jodifla]

I can tell this thread will now go down the drain just as the last one did.

So you are saying that SAHMs are cheated on more than working moms? That's what it sounds like to me. I find that insulting.

Do you have any evidence or percentages or links to confirm that?

I totally disagree. I'll bet you working moms are cheated on just as much and as often as non-working moms.

IF you are so secure in your decisions, why do you constantly try to tear other moms down; does it make you feel better somehow? It's very sad.

I'm not clear on why you take these discussions so personally.....

 

[jodifla]

Now I am an SAHM, former business owner, and I basically work full time managing my portfolio and the trusts that were left to my sister and I by our parents. I threw myself into this as I was on a 3yr non-compete clause from the sale of my business(would lose the monthly $$ if I got a paying job).

I find myself banging my head after chatting with some of the other moms while my youngest takes swimming and tumbling classes. All they want to talk about is neighborhood gossip, how mean teachers and principals are and other yuck stuff. They barely know that the school district is trying to pass a levy, so don't ask about any world view stuff. Don't get me started on parents' club at school, bascially set up to protect the SAHM status(meetings at 9am)

Personally I think "being an equal" means not letting your brain go to mush when you stay at home, not if you make the same amount of money.

Very true!

 

[disykat]

. Don't get me started on parents' club at school, bascially set up to protect the SAHM status(meetings at 9am)
.

This one drives me crazy so I have to comment - sorry to hijack. When I was PTA president I took this complaint very seriously and we moved meetings to the evening from right after school because of a few vocal people hoping to accomodate more of the people who worked during the day. Do you know how many more people came? One. While we were pleased to have her, it wasn't worth losing all those who no longer came because it was in the evening. We lost most of the teachers, many of the SAHMs, and it was less convenient for most of us. Fortunately this mom saw the problem and continued to actively volunteer despite the fact we had to move the meetings back after several tries. It was a simple case of doing what WORKED. It was especially disappointing that the ones who complained never showed up despite repeated friendly invitations. Not everything is a conspiracy.

 

[disykat]

Back on topic now, I'll insert a little sarcasm because I think it's sort of a no brainer. Imagine the surprise when all the SAHM's flock to buy this book and discover that staying home will stress their finances and hinder their careers! Kind of a "no duh" moment if you ask me.

Despite people disagreeing with me on the other thread, I still maintain that many smart women do take finances into consideration when making their decision - and that those who don't probably won't be buying this book.

 

[beattyfamily]

I'm not clear on why you take these discussions so personally.....

As do you. You take them just as personally.

I knew you wouldn't have any real data for your rediculous claims earlier.

 

[Camping Griswalds]

Hence my post from before, why can't women just be supportive of other women? These last several post seem to have gotton snarky. If you really want to say something snarky, PM the person directly. Let the rest of us debate, and discuss in a mature and helpful direction.

I am glad to see that at least the one principals community tried to change the meeting hours to the evening. since it didn't work out, that is okay, at least it was attempted.