New Book: Moms should work

[sk!mom]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070406/ap_on_re_us/mommy_wars

Sounds interesting-I was reading the "Working Moms" thread on this board and thought that this article might make some of you feel a little better about working. It is a wise financial decision.

 

[Whosemom]

from the article...

...she argues that many young mothers have forgotten Friedan's message, embracing a 21st-century version of the 1950s stay-at-home ideal that could imperil their economic future as well as their happiness....

Bennetts says she never intended to issue the latest salvo in the "Mommy Wars" — that long-running, angst- and guilt-ridden debate over whether mothers should stay home with their children. And she says she's surprised by the reaction.

LIAR! Regardless of your take on the issue, I'm fairly sure she was hoping to make money on her book, and the best way to sell a book is to generate controversy.

 

[KirstenB]

I think anyone who sees such an important decision in such black and white terms is naive and/or over simplifying. I'm not talking about a single mom who has no choice but to work, btw.

For those of us who are fortunate enough to have a choice:

It's always wise to have a back up plan. Ie, if you're a SAHM, keep current with your education and skills. Throw money into savings. If you're a WOHM, throw money into savings, in case you need to leave the workforce, and need a cushion.

Either way, there are ways to plan for different contingencies, and it makes sense to do that.

I've never understood how folks could be so adamant about one way or the other. For us, I've been a WOHM and a SAHM. I'm sure I'll be back to work at some point in the future. It's a blessing to be able to choose.

 

[Whosemom]

I think anyone who sees such an important decision in such black and white terms is naive and/or over simplifying. I'm not talking about a single mom who has no choice but to work, btw.

... It's a blessing to be able to choose.

Amen to that Kirsten!! Since having kids, I have been employed part time, earned an income from home and been a non-wage-earner all at different times (hate to say work vs not work, because I think the definition of "work" is what causes the arguements). And I know I have the skills to be employeed outside the home fulltime, should I choose (or need) to do that. God has blessed me with many options. And different choices have worked best for my family at different times.

And different choices work best for other families.

And sometimes its about money, and sometimes it isn't.

And for someone to be making big bucks from writing a book that says, you'll make more money if you have a job (Ok I'm oversimplifying now, too) makes me go "DUH"

 

[write2caro]

I think anyone who sees such an important decision in such black and white terms is naive and/or over simplifying. I'm not talking about a single mom who has no choice but to work, btw.
...
For us, I've been a WOHM and a SAHM. I'm sure I'll be back to work at some point in the future. It's a blessing to be able to choose.

Totally agree!! I have worked outside the home, been a SAHM, and now I'm going to go back to school to finish up my MBA. Not only does one thing not work for everyone, but it doesn't even necessarily work for each person forever! I feel so lucky to even have a choice, and I think it's basically insulting to women to suggest that this issue is so black & white.

LIAR! Regardless of your take on the issue, I'm fairly sure she was hoping to make money on her book, and the best way to sell a book is to generate controversy.

Absolutely!! I have to add - I got an email from NOW about what they are calling the "Opt-Out Myth" - saying (in part) that women don't choose to stay at home, they are forced out of their jobs. Almost like no one in their right mind would actually CHOOSE to stay at home for any length of time. All of these statements in such conclusive, overly-generalized terms make me mad. I wrote them back saying that NOW fought for women to have CHOICES, and that they should respect ALL those choices even if they don't always further their agenda. I was so annoyed!!

 

[jodifla]

Totally agree!! I have worked outside the home, been a SAHM, and now I'm going to go back to school to finish up my MBA. Not only does one thing not work for everyone, but it doesn't even necessarily work for each person forever! I feel so lucky to even have a choice, and I think it's basically insulting to women to suggest that this issue is so black & white.

Absolutely!! I have to add - I got an email from NOW about what they are calling the "Opt-Out Myth" - saying (in part) that women don't choose to stay at home, they are forced out of their jobs. Almost like no one in their right mind would actually CHOOSE to stay at home for any length of time. All of these statements in such conclusive, overly-generalized terms make me mad. I wrote them back saying that NOW fought for women to have CHOICES, and that they should respect ALL those choices even if they don't always further their agenda. I was so annoyed!!

But part of the opt-out thing is that a lot of woman DO quit because there isn't enough flexibility in their jobs.

For many women, a flexible schedule makes all the difference regarding whether it is worth it or not to work.

In my last job, I worked a good 50 hours or more a week. But I had a lot of flexibility setting those hours, so I could get off when I needed for special events at my son's preschool, for example.

 

[DISNEYFOS]

But part of the opt-out thing is that a lot of woman DO quit because there isn't enough flexibility in their jobs.

For many women, a flexible schedule makes all the difference regarding whether it is worth it or not to work.

I totally agree...I'm lucky enough to work for a company that allows me to not only work from home, but utilize flex hours and is completely flexible about needing time for family obligations during the day. I'm also utilizing a leave of absence-part time schedule for three additional months (in addition to the paid maternity leave for 3 months) when my daughter is born so I keep full benefits even with a parttime schedule.

In speaking with other moms who left a full-time positions, lots of them would love continue their careers that would allow them to work at home, or a job that would accomodate their schedules to be with their kids but still allow for income either full or part-time.

I wish the onus wasn't so much on moms to decide to work or not..but more on companies to provide more options and flexiblity...to acknowledge that woman are valuable members of the workforce and they do actually give birth and those children need to be cared for. Most companies just seem to turn a blind eye and say thats your problem...six weeks unpaid maternity leave..Its pathetic!!! ok..off soapbox

 

[mom2aandj]

from the article...



LIAR! Regardless of your take on the issue, I'm fairly sure she was hoping to make money on her book, and the best way to sell a book is to generate controversy.

ITA, a book that doesn't generate controversy is not going to sell as well!

Leaving that aside, if the author really does think that women who leave the work force to be SAHMs are committing financial suicide, why doesn't she advocate policy changes so that it ISN'T?

 

[write2caro]

But part of the opt-out thing is that a lot of woman DO quit because there isn't enough flexibility in their jobs.

For many women, a flexible schedule makes all the difference regarding whether it is worth it or not to work.

In my last job, I worked a good 50 hours or more a week. But I had a lot of flexibility setting those hours, so I could get off when I needed for special events at my son's preschool, for example.

I guess what bothered me about NOW's email was almost an undercurrent of "they MUST have been forced out because who in their right mind really would CHOOSE to leave a high-powered job to be at home with kids". I'm exaggerating, but that's the feel it had, IMO. It annoyed me because NOW is the same organization that helped to spread the myth that women can "have it all", which I just don't think is true, and that I think actually makes things harder for women in some ways. It's almost like we feel as though we should be able to do it all. Every choice has its trade-offs, by definition. I agree that there should be more flexibility in schedules where possible, but the fact is that it isn't possible in every job all the time.

Don't get me wrong - I don't disagree with everything they stand for and I think their role in history and in the future is critical - I am on the email list for a reason! I think there should be more pressure on employers to lessen the impact on families where possible. Hey, I'm from Canada where women commonly get ONE YEAR of paid maternity leave!! However, not every woman chooses to be a SAHM because she feels forced out. Some do it because they think it is the best thing for their families and really prefer being home with their children, at least for a period, to working (when they can). I worked a 50+hr/wk job with a VERY flexible company at one time, and I had coworkers (with VERY flexible schedules) still tell me they would LOVE to stay home but they couldn't financially. There is no single "working woman profile", which I guess is my point.

IMO, the "Opt-Out" thing (as presentaed by NOW) somewhat devalues women who really consider all their options (when lucky enough to have them) and really choose to stay home. I don't think that approach is necessary for NOW to still make its basic assertions about employer responsibility, etc. We all strive for some sort of balance, and I guess I think that NOW should strive to represent all women, not just working women, which is how they sometimes come across.

Whew... feels good to get this out!! Time for me to get off my soapbox now! I never thought I'd be exchanging opinions on such topics on a Disney board! Thanks all for sharing views.

 

[meandtheguys2]

LIAR! Regardless of your take on the issue, I'm fairly sure she was hoping to make money on her book, and the best way to sell a book is to generate controversy.

Bingo. As I said in the other thread she is either stupid or a liar. She wrote a book to make money. That was the goal, and she'll do it fueling the mommy wars.

Facts and statistics can say whatever you want them to say. This is just another book, with another opinion.

 

[momto2girls]

I agree that the author was far from naive when she wrote this book. She knew it would cause controversy.

And I find the email that the PP received to be insulting. *I* chose to leave the workforce. I have an MBA and had a great job, but I always planned to stay home with my children. No amount of job flexibility would have changed my mind.

My husband and I waited almost 7 years after we were married to have a child. We wanted to save and create a nest egg so that my staying home with the children would not be a hardship. We planned very carefully and made sure that there was plenty of life insurance (for both of us), disability insurance, college savings, retirement savings, etc.

If all goes according to plan, I will never return to the workforce. I get absolutely no fulfillment from working. There isn't anything that I'd rather do than raise my children. I feel very blessed that I have this choice. My husband makes an excellent living and we don't need any additional income to achieve all of our goals. I feel like we've planned for all of the "what ifs" as well as we can. For me, working would make me miserable and a miserable mom is not good for the family.

 

[DawnM]

This very same thread was CLOSED on the budget board because it got ugly. This same topic was hashed to death last month.

Do we really NEED to start another thread about the same thing?

Dawn

 

[beattyfamily]

This very same thread was CLOSED on the budget board because it got ugly. This same topic was hashed to death last month.

Do we really NEED to start another thread about the same thing?

Dawn

In defense of the OP, both threads were started basically at the same time (4 minutes apart) yesterday, on different boards so its not like she 'started another thread about the same thing'.

I'll bet she didn't even know the other thread even existed.

 

[DawnM]

Ah, ok. I stand corrected.

Dawn

In defense of the OP, both threads were started basically at the same time (4 minutes apart) yesterday, on different boards so its not like she 'started another thread about the same thing'.

I'll bet she didn't even know the other thread even existed.

 

[write2caro]

This very same thread was CLOSED on the budget board because it got ugly. This same topic was hashed to death last month.

Do we really NEED to start another thread about the same thing?

Dawn

I never saw the other thread. I don't think this has gotten "ugly" - just people expressing their points of view and sharing experiences. And like with anything else on DIS, it you don't like a thread, move along. Really. Some of us might have gotten something positive out of this.

 

[Georgia]

I'm going to chime in...I rarely get into a working vs. stay at home discussion because I think people on both sides are right. Also, I find that SOME stay at home moms are very smug about "other people raising their kids" and "doing whatever it takes" to stay home. Another reason I rarely get into this discussion is because I'm lucky enough to have the best of both worlds. I teach school so I'm spending a week home (unpaid, okay) with my kids. This summer I'll have more time at home.

If nothing else this book brings to light a really good point...the decision to stay at home isn't all about salary. You have to consider other things like retirement, job position and promotion. When my dd was born I was department chair and taught 2 AP courses. I had a very sought after position. At best, I figured I would gain 2 school years (approx. 20 months) before dd would need some sort of preschool for pre-reading, development, socialization etc...

I like to see someone write a book about women giving up the idea of "having it all" and settling for some of both worlds. My goal in college was to be a high school principal. Although working still fits in my plan, 12-hour a day administration positions don't But my male friends with kids don't have the same problem!

 

[meandtheguys2]

But my male friends with kids don't have the same problem!

I know that my husband and guy buds don't have the same problem, but the other side is they don't have the same blessings, either. That is the core issue, I believe. That there are trade-offs for the choices we make in life.

I love living in a time and place where families have choices.

 

[momto2girls]

In defense of the OP, both threads were started basically at the same time (4 minutes apart) yesterday, on different boards so its not like she 'started another thread about the same thing'.

I'll bet she didn't even know the other thread even existed.

Exactly. Plus, I know that I don't visit every forum on this site. I check a couple and that's it. I'm sure that other people are the same way.

 

[Camping Griswalds]

I just hate that women bash other women. Really if we could just support one another, we could rule the world!

Why do stay at home moms blast working moms making them feel guilty?

Why do working moms blast stay at home moms making them feel guilty?

Truth of the matter is , we All do what we have to do at different times in our lives! don't be so smug and bash or threaten or cheapen any other woman! We have such a wondrful gift to be intelligent and sensitive and caring and the ability to be moms. Whether birth moms or adopted moms or step-moms or working moms or stay at home moms, or the moms who do a little of everything. It does take all of us to create and make society better, for all of our kids.

I think women can be our own worst enemy. It just never seems like you see men sitting around and debating this issue, or if you do, they don't get so accusatory if someone is doing, or choosing to do, or having to do, something that the men are not.

BE NICE!!

 

[write2caro]

I just hate that women bash other women. Really if we could just support one another, we could rule the world!

Why do stay at home moms blast working moms making them feel guilty?

Why do working moms blast stay at home moms making them feel guilty?

Truth of the matter is , we All do what we have to do at different times in our lives! don't be so smug and bash or threaten or cheapen any other woman! We have such a wondrful gift to be intelligent and sensitive and caring and the ability to be moms. Whether birth moms or adopted moms or step-moms or working moms or stay at home moms, or the moms who do a little of everything. It does take all of us to create and make society better, for all of our kids.

I think women can be our own worst enemy. It just never seems like you see men sitting around and debating this issue, or if you do, they don't get so accusatory if someone is doing, or choosing to do, or having to do, something that the men are not.

BE NICE!!