Nervous about birthday party.

[mjkacmom]

What I mean is that I feel bad for him if nobody comes because it is at his house. Not that I feel bad because his parents can't afford anything else. I just picture this 6 year old all excited about his party and then being so sad that people did not show up.

None of the other parents know his parents either so hopefully other parents plan on staying too. I have emailed a couple of my DS's playmates moms to see if their kids are going.

I am sure that his parents are very nice, it is just something that I have never had to deal with before so I am a little nervous about it.

I've attended dozens of kindergarten parties, about a dozen at homes, and not once have I heard about anyone considering not letting their child go because of this reason. They either chose to stay, or chose to drop off. I can't imagine not sending my child just because it's a home party. I actually prefer them, since they're usually right in town.

 

[mom4graceandlogan]

DO NOT EVER ignore your gut instinct and assume you are paroniod. That does not mean you keep your kids from things but Always check out where your child would be. No neighborhood, school district etc. is immune. I was an attorney for the Department of Family and Children Services for many years and was dumfounded where people would leave their kids and assume everything would be o.k. Never checking out the house other adults in home etc. In one case I had a well respected family testify on behalf of a mother who had lost custody of her child. She had been their housekeeper for years. They had daughters the same age and they regularly let their daughter stay at this womans house because she was a "Great parent". They had never been to her house. If they had they would have met her husband, who she had previously helped escape from jail for raping and impregnating her three oldest daughters. He later got caught, served time, and immediately, moved in with her upon release, despite that it was a parole violation to be near children . And yes that mom had birthday parties at her house. SO while that is an extreme, please don't assume that your neighborhood etc. is safe. IT only takes a few minutes to meet the parents, get an idea of what they have planned and supervision and get a better gut feeling of the situation. If you are hesitant there is a reason why. As for my school district, the last few kindergarten parties I went to this year most parents stayed. Two of the parties houses had never finished construction, there were doors built that opened onto nonexistent decks or decks with no rails. One had pitbulls. And as far as gun safety. Our school had a kindergartener who died three years ago when her younger brother accidentally shot her. Everyone's idea of supervision varies. I love at home birthday parties. I think they are great. But please don't assume because it is a party nothing can happen in an hour and a half because I promise you it can. I could go on endlessly with horror stories of things that have happened to kids that you would never expect. Another mom that was at the last birthday party I went to was staying because she said her 11 year old had attended a party at the same house where they let her son and some other girls leave the party with teenagers in a camaro. Who would have ever have thought that could happen to your kid at a party. She did not want to punish her child or the birthday party girl for that error of judgment by not letting her child go so she decided her younger child could go but she was staying to supervise and the mom hosting the party was fine with that. I stayed too.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I agree with the previous poster. There are people's houses that I will not allow my kids to go to. You know why? They do not supervise very well, they have weird family members that I do not trust, they have other family members that engage in questionable activities etc. The list goes on. How do I know this? I got to know the people. I didn't just drop my kid off and wish them well. You have no idea what people are capable of. Maybe they are a lovely family but they have no fence around their built in pool? Maybe they don't think they need to supervise the kids when they are outside? Maybe they drink all day long? Maybe they think paintball is fun for 5 year olds? You never know if you never met them.
If you are a parent who does not want other adults to stay at your party then that is fine but I would decline the invite. At that age you have to expect that many if not all parents will stay. I would never drop any of my children off at some random home. To me that seems nuts.
I also don't get why some people have to be so nasty about it. That attitude would insure that I would decline as would many people I know. It would make me wonder just how charming you are as a parent when there are no other adults around.

 

[dougsmom98]

Around here, all the parents stay for the parties in kindergarten.

 

[deva]

That sounds good. My DH is actually going to bring him so he will have to hang out. My DD is getting Baptized on Sunday so I will be busy getting ready for that.

I hope the parents will be OK with parents hanging out.

Spoken from a parent who once had another parent "hang out" (when we weren't planning on parents being there), please call and talk to the other parents first. Explain the situation and make plans to either stay for a few minutes or let them know you'll be staying.

 

[tink1969]

I'm am sure if you spoke with a teacher or other neighours, someone will be able to tell you what the family of the birthday child is like.
My daughter was 4 when I brought her to her first party. I knew the parents to say 'hello' to in passing. When I brought her to the party, I stayed for a couple of minutes by the door making small talk and then gave the parents my contact information on a piece of paper. After I did that, other parents that came started writing their phone numbers down as well to give 'just in case'. But all was well in the end. She had a blast.
As for your DD staying at the party, I wouldn't just assume that you (parent)are invited to stay. Why not be upfront with party parents and ask them if they would mind if your DD stays?

 

[jessica52877]

Around here everyone stays, even in 1st grade. I would not drop off my child anywhere I wasn't comfortable (or didn't know them). You just don't know about guns now a days (and many other things but that probably worries me the most). Things do happen.

We had a home party and that is what DS has asked for for his next birthday already. We can more then afford a party somewhere else, but I have no interest and he doesn't either. Just because you have a home party doesn't mean you can't afford anything else.

 

[roadtrippin2wdw]

I am in the same boat w/ a kindegartener and lots of parties popping up. I think it is outrageous that anyone would think you are being overprotective of your 5/6 year old. Strangers are strangers regardless of a party being thrown. I put on our invitations that parents are welcome to stay and have personally stayed at parties w/ dd. There is nothing strange or overstepping when you are protecting your kid's safety and no parent should feel offended or weird by that.

 

[ShannonMB]

I always stayed at parties with DD at that age, it never even occurred to me to just drop off. In fact, I was always surprised when parents just "dropped off", more or less implying that "hey, here's my kid, you invited her, here's your $15 gift, now she's your responsibility for the next 2 hrs!" This went for Pump it Up or home parties. After a few bday parties, I realized that's just what a lot of parents do, and everything always turned out fine. I just didn't realize that was acceptable 5yo party etiquette and was surprised. I personally would never trust the attendants at Pump It Up to keep my DD safe there -- those things are HIGH! If I showed up with DD at a home party and the parents made me feel that it wasn't okay for me to stay (which NEVER happened), DD would have been leaving with me.

As for home parties, I don't think having one in lieu of a Pump It Up party is necessarily an admission of poverty. I think Pump It Up is actually the easier alternative to having everyone in your home, providing decorations, games, snacks, etc. And home parties usually have more of a personal touch. I don't feel sorry for the bday boy -- I'm sure his party will be just as much fun (and just as attended) as the last Pump It Up party.

 

[Swimalie]

That sounds good. My DH is actually going to bring him so he will have to hang out. My DD is getting Baptized on Sunday so I will be busy getting ready for that.

I hope the parents will be OK with parents hanging out.

We have always had at home parties (my son's 5th party will be in a few weeks). We don't do them for monetary reasons by any means,we do them because I do themed parties and they are easier to do at home. With that said, I expect the parents to stay. Even at 6, I expect the parents to stay and have fun as well. Or at least 1 parent. I tell them that I hope they will stay as well. I buy pizza and cake for them. So I would love it, in my case, if your son came and your husband (or you) stayed as well.

Just to add, though. I do have one friend whose son can't come this year unless he's dropped off. This is a kid who I know well and I know the parents well and they know me well. I told them they could drop him off and go home to get ready for their 1 year old twins party. I'd rather have him dropped off and me watch him (my husband will be at the party as well) then not have him there at all.

 

[GMS]

I would definitely stay till you feel comfortable, use the excuse that your ds is a bit hesitant about staying, etc., and then ask what needs to be done! DON'T feel pressured by anyone to drop and leave. You are the only one who can make that call and it's one you want to get right! Bad things do happen...sometimes... and I wouldn't take the chance of it being my child! My kids don't go anywhere with out me knowing the parents/household or feeling really good about the situation. Call me paranoid or overprotective but with all the crazy things that happen in today's world...tell anyone that tells you different to take a hike!

 

[littlbugmom]

Nobody drops off a 4yr old around here. Parents stay for a child that young. I'd say the parties are 50/50 in home and outside of the home. I don't remember ever talking to a parent about staying and none of them ever talked to me about staying.....everyone just stayed.


To the OP---I remember the first time I dropped DD off at a birthday party for a girl whose parents I didn't know very well. I stayed and chatted with the mother until the guests had arrived. On the way home, I had to call my sister to talk me through the panicky feeling I was experiencing. And she was in 3rd grade!

 

[mjkacmom]

We have always had at home parties (my son's 5th party will be in a few weeks). We don't do them for monetary reasons by any means,we do them because I do themed parties and they are easier to do at home. With that said, I expect the parents to stay. Even at 6, I expect the parents to stay and have fun as well. Or at least 1 parent. I tell them that I hope they will stay as well. I buy pizza and cake for them. So I would love it, in my case, if your son came and your husband (or you) stayed as well.

Just to add, though. I do have one friend whose son can't come this year unless he's dropped off. This is a kid who I know well and I know the parents well and they know me well. I told them they could drop him off and go home to get ready for their 1 year old twins party. I'd rather have him dropped off and me watch him (my husband will be at the party as well) then not have him there at all.

As much as I think it's wrong to tell a parent she can't stay, it's equally as wrong to tell a parent she has to stay. Unless you only have one child, weekends are BUSY, and to have to spend 2 hours at a classmate's birthday party is torture. Last Saturday one of my first graders attended a home party, and no parents stayed. My 2 oldest had play practice, dd11 had a basketball game, dd9 had a dance competition, ds7 had tae kwon do - it was hard enough coordinating the drop-off and pick-up! And don't even get me started on the parents who come together to a kid's party - do you really have that much free time that both of you need to show up?!

That said, although I drop off at home parties, I'd never drop off at a Pump It Up party, or any type of party where there is a risk of injury (skating, rollerblading...), unless I had a close friend who was staying.

 

[connorlevismom]

We have always had at home parties (my son's 5th party will be in a few weeks). We don't do them for monetary reasons by any means,we do them because I do themed parties and they are easier to do at home. With that said, I expect the parents to stay. Even at 6, I expect the parents to stay and have fun as well. Or at least 1 parent. I tell them that I hope they will stay as well. I buy pizza and cake for them. So I would love it, in my case, if your son came and your husband (or you) stayed as well.

Just to add, though. I do have one friend whose son can't come this year unless he's dropped off. This is a kid who I know well and I know the parents well and they know me well. I told them they could drop him off and go home to get ready for their 1 year old twins party. I'd rather have him dropped off and me watch him (my husband will be at the party as well) then not have him there at all.

Wow - you have way more energy than I do! My son wanted his at pump-it-up and I was so happy because I know how much harder an at home party is. And frankly, it probably would cost just as much to have an at home party.

There are definately two camps here. Ones who think it is crazy to be paranoid and one who thinks it is crazy to not be paranoid. We all live in different places so maybe surroundings has something to do with it. This child does not live in our neighborhood so I have not gotten a chance to get to know his parents. His dad did come and pick him up at our sons party and my DH said that he seemed nice. Just really quiet and not very talkative.

I must not be the only one who feels this way because I got two emails last night from two moms of kids in the class worried about the same thing. Nobody really knows these parents. So, the parents are doing the drop off, hang around thing. At least until they feel comfortable.

It is funny because my son have been to several pump-it-up parties and about one parent out of every group stays, the rest leave. At my sons, one parent stayed and the rest left. Must just be different where we live.

Kristine

 

[Mkrop]

I stay at parties regardles of home or at an outside place. Both of my kids until about 2nd grade did not feel comfortable with me leaving so I told the parents when I RSVPed and all were cool with it.

So I would tell them and send your DH to stay.

I just dont understand the difference of being ok to drop off at an outside place than someone's home. The outside place is full of strangers, and most are very chaotic.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

As much as I think it's wrong to tell a parent she can't stay, it's equally as wrong to tell a parent she has to stay. Unless you only have one child, weekends are BUSY, and to have to spend 2 hours at a classmate's birthday party is torture. Last Saturday one of my first graders attended a home party, and no parents stayed. My 2 oldest had play practice, dd11 had a basketball game, dd9 had a dance competition, ds7 had tae kwon do - it was hard enough coordinating the drop-off and pick-up! And don't even get me started on the parents who come together to a kid's party - do you really have that much free time that both of you need to show up?!

That said, although I drop off at home parties, I'd never drop off at a Pump It Up party, or any type of party where there is a risk of injury (skating, rollerblading...), unless I had a close friend who was staying.

Well I have more than one child and I disagree here. Yes, my weekends are busy. Heck everyday is busy here! When we get a party invitation we look and see if we can fit it into our schedule. If we cannot then we decline. We are usually able to work it out somehow.
I am not being rude or anything but it works for you and it probably is very common in your area. I think that might be the difference. It is not like that at all here. Parents stay all the time. There are times when a parent will drop off but that is usually when they know the hosts very well. There are homes that I would have no problem dropping off and there are homes that I wouldn't simply because I don't really know the family. As for parties in public places I do not leave my kids. The only way that I would leave would be if one of my good friends were there to watch and I had something that I could not reschedule. Our friends are the same way.
I think it depends on the area.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well I have more than one child and I disagree here. Yes, my weekends are busy. Heck everyday is busy here! When we get a party invitation we look and see if we can fit it into our schedule. If we cannot then we decline. We are usually able to work it out somehow.
I am not being rude or anything but it works for you and it probably is very common in your area. I think that might be the difference. It is not like that at all here. Parents stay all the time. There are times when a parent will drop off but that is usually when they know the hosts very well. There are homes that I would have no problem dropping off and there are homes that I wouldn't simply because I don't really know the family. As for parties in public places I do not leave my kids. The only way that I would leave would be if one of my good friends were there to watch and I had something that I could not reschedule. Our friends are the same way.
I think it depends on the area.

Yes, parents rarely stay for home parties, but if they want to, they are usually more than welcome. Parents rarely drop off for parties out when the kids are in 3rd or under, but might drop off at older kids' parties, depending upon the venue (private vs. public). No one is dropping off at CEC! As for activities, I'm guessing my kids are older - ds11 is on 3 teams this spring, down 1 from the 4 he's on in the fall. Dd9 dances 4 times a week, and competes about once a month. DH coaches ds11's travel soccer team, plus dd7 and ds7's soccer team. He also teaches a college course part-time. Between soccer, baseball, softball, basketball, dance, gymnastics, voice, theater, scouting, and tae-kwon-do, we really don't have time to spend 2 hours at a classmates home on the weekend.