Neighborhood Outing - Unliked Neighbor???

[runwad]

I'm in a quandry and need some opinions. We are thinking about organizing a neighborhood mini spring break vacation to kalahari. We want to invite all but one neighbor :-(...noone really likes these neighbors except one other family but ALL the kids do hang together in the summer. Here's the thing...they live right next door to me. I can't stand them but we are neighborly. Their house burned down last summer and they are in the process of rebuilding so they're not actually living there but elsewhere in town. They have been coming around more to check the status of their house but since it's winter and the kids are inside we've not really socialized with them. I don't know that I can plan this and not include them, even though they're not there and I don't like them. I just feel bad excluding them but then on the other hand I don't want to go if they're included. But we have so much fun with all the other neighbors and know it will be a good time. The others don't want this family either but I feel bad organizing it and not including them. I'm so torn on what to do the kids really thought it would be fun to get their neighborhood friends to go. What do you think?

Oh one other thing...it'd be about 7 families so not really the WHOLE neighborhood just the ones who's kids hang out. We all love that this family is not here now to hang w/our kids as we don't really like them with our kids but it's kinda like you can't be mean and ignore them or not let them play together. We want to keep harmony in the neighborhood...but whats happening is we are doing less and less together because we don't want them but we don't want to out and out exclude them and be rude. Do you think since they aren't living here we could get away with this? I'm leaning towards no and i know my dh will say you know it's not the right thing. So then once again we will scrap doing something we want because of not wanting them around.

 

[stsomewhere]

I wouldn't organize anything.
Just mention to some of the families you are going to Kalahari on these dates. Tell them that it would be great if the joined you.
Let them make their own reservations, etc..

 

[runwad]

I wouldn't organize anything.
Just mention to some of the families you are going to Kalahari on these dates. Tell them that it would be great if the joined you.
Let them make their own reservations, etc..

oops left out a very important fact it is only $104/night if we go with a group vs booking on our own at 269/night.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Agree with PP, don't organize anything. Tell people when you are going and then if they want to join you they are welcome.

I suspect you will not get all the families anyway or people might have to alter dates to accommodate.

Certainly never ever reserve anything for anyone, that is just asking to create more neighbor hatred.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

oops left out a very important fact it is only $104/night if we go with a group vs booking on our own at 269/night.

OK and how is that going to get paid? That is asking for trouble right there with the people you like.

That sounds too dicey to me right there. If someone cancels then you will lose your "group rate" and then people will bail and then the fallout begins.

I probably would not go because of that.

 

[castleview]

That post makes me feel so good that I don't live in a neighborhood.

 

[runwad]

OK and how is that going to get paid? That is asking for trouble right there with the people you like.

That sounds too dicey to me right there. If someone cancels then you will lose your "group rate" and then people will bail and then the fallout begins.

I probably would not go because of that.

Everyone would pay their own but maybe you're right and I should scrap the whole thing. At first I thought we could just get day passes and whoever wanted to go could go but they arent doing day passes for the weeks of spring break. And when I saw we could get a 104 group rate, well wow that is cheaper then what it would be to get the day passes anyway.

 

[belle&sebastiansmom]

I'm in a quandry and need some opinions. We are thinking about organizing a neighborhood mini spring break vacation to kalahari. We want to invite all but one neighbor :-(...noone really likes these neighbors except one other family but ALL the kids do hang together in the summer. Here's the thing...they live right next door to me. I can't stand them but we are neighborly. Their house burned down last summer and they are in the process of rebuilding so they're not actually living there but elsewhere in town. They have been coming around more to check the status of their house but since it's winter and the kids are inside we've not really socialized with them. I don't know that I can plan this and not include them, even though they're not there and I don't like them. I just feel bad excluding them but then on the other hand I don't want to go if they're included. But we have so much fun with all the other neighbors and know it will be a good time. The others don't want this family either but I feel bad organizing it and not including them. I'm so torn on what to do the kids really thought it would be fun to get their neighborhood friends to go. What do you think?

Oh one other thing...it'd be about 7 families so not really the WHOLE neighborhood just the ones who's kids hang out. We all love that this family is not here now to hang w/our kids as we don't really like them with our kids but it's kinda like you can't be mean and ignore them or not let them play together. We want to keep harmony in the neighborhood...but whats happening is we are doing less and less together because we don't want them but we don't want to out and out exclude them and be rude. Do you think since they aren't living here we could get away with this? I'm leaning towards no and i know my dh will say you know it's not the right thing. So then once again we will scrap doing something we want because of not wanting them around.

My neighborhood won't organize a neighborhood watch let alone a vacation together! It sounds like the family you want to exclude is having a really tough time. What a shame they don't have friendly neighbors to support them and lift them up.

 

[mjkacmom]

A mom at our school did this, and emailed it out to a lot of families, and encouraged them to email families they knew. It was great! So, instead of doing this with a few families, make it more inclusive - we just booked individually, and used to group code.

 

[DawnCt1]

Our street has never organized anything beyond a street picnic, but I would never be part of organizing anything that excluded anyone. If you don't like them now, you will like them even less when they don't like you more. Not everyone likes everyone enough to befriend them, but even those people that you would never dream of hanging out with can be nice and even interesting if you behave as if you like them. We have even invited families that don't live on our street but live close enough to our street that they may have felt left out. It was a great opportunity to get to know people that we didn't often run into. I would also go to great lengths not to discuss the fact that you don't like these people with other neighbors. It seems very much like 'middle school' to do so.

 

[castleview]

Our street has never organized anything beyond a street picnic, but I would never be part of organizing anything that excluded anyone. If you don't like them now, you will like them even less when they don't like you more. Not everyone likes everyone enough to befriend them, but even those people that you would never dream of hanging out with can be nice and even interesting if you behave as if you like them. We have even invited families that don't live on our street but live close enough to our street that they may have felt left out. It was a great opportunity to get to know people that we didn't often run into. I would also go to great lengths not to discuss the fact that you don't like these people with other neighbors. It seems very much like 'middle school' to do so.

I have to agree with this. Doing that is something my snobbish sister-in-law with too much time on her hands would do. It's not nice to the adults and the kids especially.

 

[DawnCt1]

My neighborhood won't organize a neighborhood watch let alone a vacation together! It sounds like the family you want to exclude is having a really tough time. What a shame they don't have friendly neighbors to support them and lift them up.

I agree. Perhaps their behavior and their "unlikability" has something to do with their situation. Being excluded can only make them more "unlikable". I would never allow my kids to behave that way over something as simple as birthday parties. I couldn't imagine excluding neighbors from a major event in which invitations are issued merely because they are neighbors.

 

[runwad]

I agree. Perhaps their behavior and their "unlikability" has something to do with their situation. Being excluded can only make them more "unlikable". I would never allow my kids to behave that way over something as simple as birthday parties. I couldn't imagine excluding neighbors from a major event in which invitations are issued merely because they are neighbors.

THEY ARE NEVER EXLUDED...the kids all like each other and hang out. Our kids have no idea about all this nor do the other kids. These are very unethical and unscroupulous(sp?) people. There are reasons they are not liked and I didn't come on here to air dirty laundry. I only talked to one other neighbor about this and she felt so strongly about them not coming but like I said in my OP I didn't feel comfortable. I don't want to disrupt the harmony of our neighborhood so we'll just leave well enough alone and just invite who we want instead of making it a strictly neighborhood thing. That's whats so great about the dis you get all these other opinions to help you decide to do whats right! I just can't exclude the kids and hurt their feelings I just can't. thanks

 

[belle&sebastiansmom]

THEY ARE NEVER EXLUDED...the kids all like each other and hang out. Our kids have no idea about all this nor do the other kids. These are very unethical and unscroupulous(sp?) people. There are reasons they are not liked and I didn't come on here to air dirty laundry. I only talked to one other neighbor about this and she felt so strongly about them not coming but like I said in my OP I didn't feel comfortable. I don't want to disrupt the harmony of our neighborhood so we'll just leave well enough alone and just invite who we want instead of making it a strictly neighborhood thing. That's whats so great about the dis you get all these other opinions to help you decide to do whats right! I just can't exclude the kids and hurt their feelings I just can't. thanks

You original post sure sounds like you've spoken to quite a few neighbors about this family. Your first post really sounds like a gossipy little street. I wonder who is really causing the neighborhood disharmony? If they don't live next door to you anymore, don't come around often, don't play with your kids because of the weather, then how much of a problem can they be causing?

 

[Allison]

Our street has never organized anything beyond a street picnic, but I would never be part of organizing anything that excluded anyone. If you don't like them now, you will like them even less when they don't like you more. Not everyone likes everyone enough to befriend them, but even those people that you would never dream of hanging out with can be nice and even interesting if you behave as if you like them. We have even invited families that don't live on our street but live close enough to our street that they may have felt left out. It was a great opportunity to get to know people that we didn't often run into. I would also go to great lengths not to discuss the fact that you don't like these people with other neighbors. It seems very much like 'middle school' to do so.

completely agree

 

[DawnCt1]

THEY ARE NEVER EXLUDED...the kids all like each other and hang out. Our kids have no idea about all this nor do the other kids. These are very unethical and unscroupulous(sp?) people. There are reasons they are not liked and I didn't come on here to air dirty laundry. I only talked to one other neighbor about this and she felt so strongly about them not coming but like I said in my OP I didn't feel comfortable. I don't want to disrupt the harmony of our neighborhood so we'll just leave well enough alone and just invite who we want instead of making it a strictly neighborhood thing. That's whats so great about the dis you get all these other opinions to help you decide to do whats right! I just can't exclude the kids and hurt their feelings I just can't. thanks

"They are never excluded" but you are trying to figure out a way to exclude them now. The best way to handle this, if you really want it to be a neighborhood thing, which isn't a bad idea, is to send an invitation/solicitation to everyone. They may be so busy or so tied up with their rebuilding, that they won't go, then problem solved. I don't doubt you that they are unethical or even "bad" people, but not inviting them is just not conducive to neighborhood harmony.

 

[asta]

I don't want to gang up on the OP but I think it sounds like a horrible thing to do. It is never kind to exclude or shun someone.

 

[Nancyg56]

Our street has never organized anything beyond a street picnic, but I would never be part of organizing anything that excluded anyone. If you don't like them now, you will like them even less when they don't like you more. Not everyone likes everyone enough to befriend them, but even those people that you would never dream of hanging out with can be nice and even interesting if you behave as if you like them. We have even invited families that don't live on our street but live close enough to our street that they may have felt left out. It was a great opportunity to get to know people that we didn't often run into. I would also go to great lengths not to discuss the fact that you don't like these people with other neighbors. It seems very much like 'middle school' to do so.

I agree with this. I understand that you do not feel you exclude them or that you do not discuss how you feel with the other neighbors but I would bet you a buck that your feelings are well known. I would be very careful about organizing anything taht includes a majority of the families the kids all play with but leaving this family out. Once teh kids find out about vacation that they are not going to have the opportunity to join........ and they will find out........... then the neighborhood divide will begin

 

[wdwmom0f3]

That post makes me feel so good that I don't live in a neighborhood.

Me too!

 

[Mommee]

I'm in a quandry and need some opinions. We are thinking about organizing a neighborhood mini spring break vacation to kalahari. We want to invite all but one neighbor :-(...noone really likes these neighbors except one other family but ALL the kids do hang together in the summer. Here's the thing...they live right next door to me. I can't stand them but we are neighborly. Their house burned down last summer and they are in the process of rebuilding so they're not actually living there but elsewhere in town. They have been coming around more to check the status of their house but since it's winter and the kids are inside we've not really socialized with them. I don't know that I can plan this and not include them, even though they're not there and I don't like them. I just feel bad excluding them but then on the other hand I don't want to go if they're included. But we have so much fun with all the other neighbors and know it will be a good time. The others don't want this family either but I feel bad organizing it and not including them. I'm so torn on what to do the kids really thought it would be fun to get their neighborhood friends to go. What do you think?

Oh one other thing...it'd be about 7 families so not really the WHOLE neighborhood just the ones who's kids hang out. We all love that this family is not here now to hang w/our kids as we don't really like them with our kids but it's kinda like you can't be mean and ignore them or not let them play together. We want to keep harmony in the neighborhood...but whats happening is we are doing less and less together because we don't want them but we don't want to out and out exclude them and be rude. Do you think since they aren't living here we could get away with this? I'm leaning towards no and i know my dh will say you know it's not the right thing. So then once again we will scrap doing something we want because of not wanting them around.

You have kids? Ask the teacher if it's okay if your child invites the whole class (well, except for little Billy, because we don't like him) to his birthday party. I think you'll have your answer.